- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Lyndon Johnson
Lyndon Johnson (or LBJ by newfags) was a Texan politician and closet Jew who rose to power by appealing to zombies, many of whom had previously felt disenfranchised. Upon killing John F. Kennedy with his own two hands in order to obtain yet another potential zombie voter, Johnson became president of the United States in 1963. He was re-elected in 1964 after portraying Republican opponent Barry Goldwater as a war-monger. Then he hired mobsters to blow up Vietnam, a task in which they were only partially successful, having been forced to rely on union labor.
OMGWTFLBJ
His first and only instance of win ... But what a win it was.
Long story short, LBJ had a friend who was an experienced rifleman/murderer, name of Malcolm (Mac) Wallace, who left his fingerprints on the sniper's nest whence Oswald was meant to have fired at JFK.
This 100 per cent copper-bottom FACT is
1) Guaranteed to explode the heads of conspiracy theorists and Warren Commission apologists alike, since it both confirms and denies both POVs at the same time: Yes, there was a conspiracy and yes, the shots came from the Texas School Book Depository, thus confirming the rear-entry theory. Everyone's a winner!
2) 1,000,000 per cent simpler than either camp's theories, since it pins the blame firmly on the one person who profited most from the assassination, who was then immediately catapulted into a position of power from which he could cover up his wrong-doing.
Simply throw the above fact into any forum discussion about the JFK assassination and watch all interested parties get more and more wound up until they go absolutely spastic trying to argue their way past it. Refuse to expand on the basic assertion of LBJ's guilt in any way whatsoever, and in particular refuse to explain precisely how this conspiracy is meant to have worked in practice ...
Intellectual checkmate: Someone bothers to google the LBJ dunnit theory and finds out that the FBI said the fingerprints didn't match.
Your rebuttal: Mandy Rice-Davies applies: "The FBI is implicated in the cover-up, due to LBJ's close friend J Edgar Hoover playing an instrumental role in framing Oswald."
Intellectual checkmate II: Someone googles and points out that the History Channel broadcast a programme about LBJ's guilt and got told to broadcast an apology for libelling this god-like giant among presidents.
Your rebuttal: Mandy Rice Davies applies: The History Channel caved in after former president and renowned flid Gerald Ford objected. "Ford is implicated in the JFK cover-up because he was on the god-damned Warren Commission in the first place." (As well as being a freemason, tool of the NWO, member of the Teamsters, Cuban exile, CIA agent, whatever)
Intellectual checkmate III: Somebody googles and ...
... well, you get the idea.
His epic failures
- Enacted the US Civil Rights Act 1964 (TL;DR), abolishing segregation and racial discrimination and thus beginning the steady descent into now-normal niggerish chaos 24/7 with riots, looting, raping, etc, and no damn normal person able to say anything against the situation. The passage of the Act was the last thing anyone expected from LBJ, since he was a southern Democrat. When asked why he'd done it, guess what he replied?
- Besides killing half of America in 'nam, LBJ decided not to run again for a second term because he knew he was completely fail. Even Bush was better than this faggot. It was also found that, like Mark Foley, Johnson enjoyed shota and would search for them hungrily in the slums of Chicago, while JFK just fucked Maryln Monroe's embalmed pussy that he had had pickled in a jar after her autopsy.
- The reason for LBJ's behaviour was kept quiet while he was in office, but it is now known that LBJ was out of his mind half the time while he was in office, giving rise to such lulzy acts as:
- Ranting and raving about imaginary enemies, scaring his staff witless
- Fearing that JFK's brother and US Attorney General Robert F Kennedy was out to get him -- see here for White House audio recording in which RFK challenges LBJ over LBJ's paranoid delusion that RFK was going to overthrow the US Government -- oddly enough, RFK was later assassinated in the run-up to the 1968 election. Coincidence, of course.
- Drinking vast amounts of booze during working hours until he was completely out of his tree and didn't know what he was doing
- Frenziedly masturbating over the JFK autopsy photographs that the CIA had forged for him
- Getting up on a restaurant table and dancing the flamenco like a demented faggot
- Lying in bed for days and growling like an animal at anyone who came into the room
- Forcing staff to hold meetings with him while he took a dump, then drying his balls on the bathroom roller-towel while they watched aghast
- Showing off his penis (which he proudly nicknamed "Jumbo") to the White House press corps, US Senators, WH secretaries ... anyone who happened to be around at the time, really.
Trooooo confessions
- Before he died, LBJ associate (and convicted fraudster) Billie Sol Estes confessed that LBJ and Mac Wallace were behind the assassination. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
- LBJ's alleged mistress Madeleine Brown claims that the night before JFK got whacked, LBJ promised that "those damn Kennedys will never embarrass me again." Madeleine Brown may have been a lying whore on some matters, but she did name Mac Wallace as the hitman years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then she was shot by Jack Ruby. So who knows?
- Barr McClellan, former partner in LBJ's retained legal firm, claimed that LBJ and long-time crony Ed Clark planned the assassination and cover-up together. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
- Watergate burglar and longtime CIA agent E. Howard Hunt confessed shortly before his death that LBJ dunnit with the help of the CIA. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
Did you know?
- JFK was planning to ditch LBJ as vice-president for the 1964 election, and RFK was working with Time Magazine on an exposé of LBJ's corruption, scheduled for publication the week after JFK got shot. Srsly.
- Even though there was no need, LBJ arranged to take the oath of office while JFK's meatsack was still warm. JFK aide Ken O'Donnell later said: "There's no question in [my] mind, that Lyndon Johnson wanted to be sworn in by Judge Sarah T. Hughes, an old family friend, and he was afraid somebody was going to take the thing away from him if he didn't get it quick."
- RFK and Jackie O privately told the Soviet Union that they believed JFK had been rubbed 'by domestic opponents'...
- ... which is possibly one reason why the KGB believed that LBJ dunnit.
- Nixon knew, according to one of his aides.
- Speaking at an off-the-record meeting, RFK told a questioner that he would re-open the JFK investigation were he to become president. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
Did You Know?
- ... that Lady Bird Johnson used to be a whore?
- ... that Lady Bird Johnson dislikes having her honor and that of her family tarnished in any way?
- ... that Lady Bird Johnson was still a whore at the time of her death?
- ... that Lady Bird Johnson died from viewing The Pain Series?
- ... that Lyndon Johnson still has no internets?
