Monica Lewinsky

Monica Jewinsky is a fat Jewish prostitute best known for having had buttsecks and oral sex with President Bill Clinton.

Childhood

Monica was born in 1973 in San Francisco, California, to parents Mel Gibson and Barbara Streisand. After sucking off her entire high school football team (because who wants to fuck a fatty, right?), Monica moved to Washington, DC to fulfil her life's ambition- become an unpaid intern. Note: Being an unpaid intern in Washington isn't so bad. There's no paycheck but you do get lots of experience. Plus, it's all you can drink when your boss's wife is out of town.

Monica Lewinsky

Scandal

Republicans had hoped to catch Bill Clinton in an extramarital affair in order to impeach him. After Clinton spurned Ann Coulter, they realized that he was not interested in anorexic transsexuals. Figuring Bill liked the power a guy gets in impressing a chunky, awkward chick, they hired Monica for the job instead. Monica had a White House job arranged as a janitor, but her extensive experience with the wet/dry vac made her a natural choice.

Both sides of the political aisle were outraged. Democrats were upset that their hero Bill Clinton couldn't score any better tail; and Republicans were upset they weren't getting lunchtime BJs from their interns.

Clinton was quickly charged with a variety of crimes- from perjury, to obstruction of justice; to "dude, you fucked that?". The charges were eventually dropped, however, when President Clinton threatened to have Hillary testify on his behalf, and prosecutors decided they didn't want to be reminded of just how lousy this guy's taste in women is.

Current Wherabouts

After the Clinton scandal, Lewinsky used the political connections she earned to get hired on as some fag marketer for a designer purse company; and to create her own line of designer purses, bags, and knee pads.

Despite the obvious saleability of a product line created by a fatty who's only claim to fame is that she was a convenient cum dumpster to a horny old politician; the product line failed, big. After sitting on the racks for years collecting dust, they were given to the homeless; partly out of sympathy, partly to inspire those homeless women to make something of themselves. If an overweight and unpopular girl from the Midwest can suck her way to success, so can you!

As an attempt to atone, Lewinsky now refuses to suck off anyone.

See Also

• Bill Clinton
• Hillary Clinton

External Links

•  Monica's Twitter You can't be an attention whore without one

Monica Lewinsky is part of a series on Politics.

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