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FemaleGoodra
Sometimes all it takes is one 'sperg with an obsession (and too much time on his hands) to bring a 4Chan board to its knees.
Take user FemaleGoodra (aka Slugfucker). Like so many other 'sperged out Pokétards, he had a stupid opinion and an Internet connection. So everyone was forced to put up with it. When it became obvious that nobody gave a shit, he became more insistent, until eventually his shitposting turned /vp/ into the all-FemaleGoodra all the time channel.
Seriously, this guy pissed so much piss into 4Chan's ocean of piss it flooded the world so bad Noah had to build another ark.
FemaleGoodra's manifesto
Slugfucker was obsessed with something dumb; he's a Pokémon fan'tard....okay, maybe I sound like I'm being redundant. His Asperger syndrome had led him to the Pokémon franchise and to Numelgon (aka Goodra) in particular. He became obsessed with Goodra. No, really obsessed. I'm talking reaallly, reeeeaaallly obsessed. No, more obsessed than that!
Let me put it this way: He loves Goodra more than Chris-Chan loves Sonichu.
Which is weird, considering Goodra is lamer than most Pokémon. Its essentially a penis-shaped glob of congealed mucous. Not only did Slugfucker think this irrelevant 3rd rate fringe-player was not lame....he thought it was Irresistibly Sexy.
So, yeah. Slugfucker loved a Pokémon. Loved it a lot. Loved it so much he wanted everyone to know how obsessed he was. Obsessed over one very important detail: He wanted everyone to know that, in his mind, all Goodras are female.
At first it started with a kind of manifesto.
When it became obvious nobody cared what he thought. He began shitposting until he clogged all of /vp/ with endless copypasta.
Phase 1: In /vp/, war was beginning
The vp'tards got fed up with the shitposting pretty damned quick and it became a battle of wills: FemaleGoodra vs the entire /vp/ hivemind.
Phase 2: Rule 63 is invoked
Since part of FemaleGoodras issue was that Goodra looks 'feminine' to him and therefore there are no Male Goodra, /vp/ had a brainwave: Show him he was wrong . Soon /vp/ counter-flooded with Rule 63 images proving that Goodra was a manly as Clint Eastwood arm-wrestling Chuck Norris in Charles Bronson's hunting lodge with the ghosts of John Wayne and Toshiro Mifune looking on approvingly in the background.
Phase 3: Banhammer of the gods
Eventually, the mods woke up from their Hot Pockets-induced stupor and banned FemaleGoodra.
Did this stop the stupid? No, of course not. FemaleGoodra started spending between $500-$1000 of real-world non-monopoly cash to build a series of microservers, VPNs and proxies....to evade a 4Chan ban....so he could keep posting arrant nonsense....about the gender of a Pokémon....that nobody gave a shit about....except him.
His insane shitposting cancer metastasized to the point that he began spending several hours a day reposting this madness outside of /vp/. So that even Neopets sites were polluted by it. Eventually, he build a vast fortress inside tumblr to wage his war against sanity.
FemaleGoodra's psychopathology
The more he posted, the more obvious it became that Slugfucker was very, very mentally ill. One day, some poor soul asked Slugfucker why he needed Goodra to be female....and the result was like discovering that underneath that thin layer of pond-scum was a septic pit five miles deep.
Slugfucker needed Goodra -- who he called his Goddess -- to, in his own words, "stick her motherly antenna into his rectum."
Because it reminds me of his mother. Who he wants to be fucked by...in his ass.
No. I'm serious.
Its worse than when some no-hoper perma-virgin beats his micropenis to thoughts
of Gardevoir. Its worse than Pokémon masturbation
....its sadomasochistic
bicurious-bestiality-tinged
oedipal complex
self-inflicted
goo-encrusted
anal intruding
groovy hate fuck
....with a Pokémon.
Because he wants it to be a mommy who will buttfuck him.
David Cronenberg could not have thought up something this fucked up even if he were on 12 different psycho-pharmaceuticals and collaborating with Max Hardcore.
Sometimes, Slugfucker even refers to this imaginary She-Goodra as his Goddess, Imaginary girlfriend ....and Fursona.
FemaleGoodra and the Kiwi Farms
Slugfucker's stench eventually caught the attention of the Kiwi Farms, who were glad to replace their worn out speed bag with a new one.
Boy Howdy did Slugfucker rise to the challenge. By which, I mean, he avoided engaging with the Farms directly, but instead Sniped and bitched and complained endlessly about individual members in the most surreal and psychotic fashion imaginable from several different tumblr accounts, all of them retina-singing shades of snot green. All the while revealing a plethora of new, up til then unknown, character flaws. From the nearly endless sea of screenshots the Kiwi famrers collected, a newer, even uglier picture emerged.
The Mollusc-Molestor wasn't just a sick fuck with a hard-on for a puddle of lime Jell-O from a kiddie cartoon. He was also an insane admixture of every annoying SJW smugsicle trait AND homophobic MRA racist douchebag trait simultaneously.
Weirdest of all, The Kiwi farmer who found him -- a girl named Cosmos -- was declared, by him, to be a cute shota boy who he planned on having underaged boy-on-boy shota sex with....in between frothing fits of raging at her and hurling death threats at her.
So, the Kiwi Farms gangbang squad took turns mocking his dumbass shtick, pointing to official sources proving he was wrong, and tricking him into contradicting himself. He responded by password protecting his tumblr so no Kiwis could read it (which some scamp circumvented with the magic of Google Cache), yelling unfunny memes at them and even having at least one genuinely weird meltdown. A meltdown so epic that some suspected he was actually a malfunctioning weather satellite.
Kiwi Farms quotes
— -- CatNamedDog, Feb 21, 2015 | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
His reaction to the Kiwi Farms fiasco
Of course his reaction to being proven wrong was the same as any tumblrite.
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He bellowed IMMA GUNNA KEEEEEEL MUHSELF!!! .
So, after softhearted Kiwis talked him off the notional ledge, Slugfucker promised that he would seek professional help, and he closed all his puke-green tumblr pages and left the Internet... for six hours.
Then, mysteriously, a "new" twoll appeared, declaring that Slugfucker had an heroed himself, and this new Slugfucker 2.0 will now continue Slugfucker's crusade, posting very similar copypasta and using the same lameass style of argumentation.
Needless to say, the Kiwis were very unamused, and swore jihad.
Is he for reals?
Nobody is 100% sure, but in a world post-ParkourDude91/Jan Rankowski, folks have to look at their lolcows with suspicion. FemaleGoodra is just so lolcowish that it can raise doubts.
His persona is too carefully calibrated to annoy every possible faction of Internet asshattery:
- Constantly trying to feminize Goodra/exterminate males works the MRA assholes into a lather.
- Constantly calling everyone a fag/"misgendering" people and hating on the trans triggers the SJW whingebags.
- Constantly contradicting the canon of Pokémon "lore" aggravates the brony-esque Pokéspergs who take this stuff seriously.
- Constantly emulating the worst traits of OPL and Ahuviya Harel (and other lolcows) gets the weens jimmies all rustled.
- Constantly fantasizing in public about gay bestiality anal sex upsets the kind of fundie douches that get upset by those kinda things.
See... it's all too well choreographed.
On the other hand, humans suck and he's probably for reals.
Final proof that he's full of shit
Slugfuckers insists that all Goodras are female because they have the following traits:
- Wide Childbearing Hips.
- Very Girly and effeminate.
- Loves to give hugs.
- Big gooey cartoon eyes.
- Its Purple, and purple is too gay a color for it too be a guy
- Feminine mouth (no sharp teeth).
- Feminine face expressions.
Let me introduce you to someone who has all those traits
'Barney the Purple Dinosaur' has all the traits he attributes to females. Without being female.<br> You have Lost. Good DAY, Sir.
How to troll
Oh, Jesus. Slugfucker is the easiest mark on the Internet. "Hitting a nerve" is so easy, you'd be doing by accident without even trying. Doing anything even remotely close to any of these things will set him off:
- Say that Goodra looks butch to you.
- Say that you have a male Goodra.
- Remind him that your male Goodra exists, despite all his protests that male Goodra don't exist. (Yes, seriously.)
- Claim you prefer male Goodra or aren't happy with female Goodra.
- Draw a male Goodra.
- Insist that he beats off to pics of male Goodra.
- Say that you don't use Goodra at all.
- Say that you don't play Pokémon games at all.
- Remind him that Pokémon is for babies and 'tards.
- Say that Goodra is disgusting and unsexy.
- Remind him that slugs and snails are all hermaphrodites.
- Say that you think he's gay for wanting to be sodomized by a Goodra.
- Inquire about how this desire doesn't make him either/both a zoophile and a fag.
- Tell him to get a human girlfriend.
- Tell him to get a job.
- Tell him to get a life.
- Claim that he is Male. He'll angrily deny it.
- Claim that he is female. He'll angrily deny it.
- Remind him that the according to official canon, Goodra's gender ratio is 50%/50%.
- Show him the official lists of female Pokémon. Point out that Goodra is not listed.
- Then remind him that his headcanon is irrelevant.
- Remind him that Goodras are imaginary and Pokémon aren't real.
- Remind him that nobody sane over the age of 12 gives a fuck about Pokémon.
- Then remind him that 'Feminine' and 'Female' aren't the same thing. Bring up Boy George or any overly kawaii or androgynous Bishonen anime character.
- Show him a picture of a man blushing.
- Show him a picture of a man wearing something purple.
- Show him a picture of a man with wide 'childbearing' hips.
- Bring up the Oedipus Complex.
- Mention his mother. (Unlike most folks, instead of being offended that you might be insulting his mother....he's more insulted if you defend her. Yes, he has serious mommy issues.)
- Mention "Barney the Purple Dinosaur".
- Imply he was molested by a hobo in a Barney Costume, who kept saying "Call Me Mommy" the whole time.
- Say that you are male. He will insist you are female.
- Say that you are female. He will insist you are a cute, fuckable shota.
- Call him out on his lust for cute, fuckable shotas.
- Bring up any SJW-ish rhetoric about "genderfluidity", he froths at the mouth when you do that.
- Remind him that you can't "unzip" a Katana.
- Say you like Digimon better.
See also
External links
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FemaleGoodra is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
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FemaleGoodra is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| FemaleGoodra is part of a Series on Cyberpets |
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 FemaleGoodra is part of a series on Pokémon [Who’s that Pokémon?] | |||||||
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