Sam DeathWalker

In July 2008, on the Fires of Heaven forums, a courageous guy called Sam DeathWalker decided would create 26 accounts in World of Warcraft and play them all at the same time (this is called "boxing.") Apparently, he did the same thing in EverQuest. The FoH posters both cheered him on, lol'd at the fact that it would cost more than $700 a month to do this, or posted sayings such as "OK" and "yeah whatever." The thread turned into a heap of arguing over classes in WoW, people still calling him insane, etc.

Uh, you go, girlfriend.

Oh WoW!

Way to go, Jew.

lol

You see, Padawan, something was just not right about this guy. Aside from the fact that he not only plays MMORPGs, nor not only does he play over 20 characters at the same time... it turned out that he has been FUCKING ARRESTED FOR ORAL COPULATION WITH UNDERAGE GIRLS. And boy was he proud of it!

	“	YOu are the one labeling a 15 year old as a child to make me sound bad. Your chart says addolecent and not child. Or just say it with better presiion. "You had sex with a 15 year old". We agree that her cognative abilites are not equvallent to that of someone in their mid 20's or my age at the time of 30. But mine were. And thats why she suffered no long term disadvantage, while she gained short term advantage as the "dopimine made her do it".	„
	—Sam, on page 150 of his FoH thread

Erronius, the guy who found out his pedo-adventures, mentioned that trying to get DeathWalker to admit he was a fuckup "[was] like squeezing blood from a stone." Well, okay. A neckbeard pedo loser guy from WoW. you ask. So what the fuck does this have to to with EQ2Flames, a site based on EQ2?

Oh, it does, and how!

The thread closed after a year of 159 pages, and about a week later, it made its way to EQ2Flames, in the Everything Else section. The users of EQ2Flames, especially LFG, found this guy so fucked up, they transferred it to the Rate-a-Retard section of the forums. The people of EQ2Flames taunted Sam, asking him to come out and play with them. And he arrived on the fourteenth page!

The EQ2Flames users treated Sam the same way the Fires of Heaven ones did. Except Gage. Yes, the Gage that flamed that fat whale Esachasa. The same Gage who was getting a little too close to Aeralik. See a pattern here?

Gage white knighted Sam or something. People called him out on that, except maybe Kriptini, some 15 year-old boy who got into bitchfights with some Nagafen player. This went on for OVER TWO-HUNDRED FUCKING PAGES. Eventually, Gage, fed up with people calling him out on morals (for example, mentioning that he would fuck a 15 year-old girl, while he himself is 32 and lives with his parents,) played the "why are you picking on someone with Asperger's when you guys are trying to be all moral" card. Oh no, they were playing America's favorite game, Kick the Autistic!

As of now, the thread is still going. So is Gage OK for liking hawt 16 year-old girls? Is Oizen in the right for his fatherly instincts and telling Gage off? Who cares? Enjoy the lulz.

Screencaps

• 
  Gage admits he'd fuck a 15 year-old girl if it was OK.
• 
  Asking for it.
• 
  An actual father gets pissed at people in the thread.
• 
  KICK THE AUTISTIC!
• 
  Really now?
• 
  Even she doesn't let that slip by.

Fun Quotes

SAM DA MAN

CAUSE HE black person

Sam seriously compares himself to this guy.

	“	Who da Man? Sam da Man! Ho Hoppen! Non Stoppen! Cause he Can! He's Sam da MAN!	„
	—Sam; on being batshit insane

	“	I won EQ when I quit (strongest level caped controled and owned by one person accounts total in the game about this time last year). I am the strongest under level 65 player in WoW. So overall I am the top MMO player in history.	„
	—Sam; on being the very best that no one ever was

	“	Today I went to the Lowes in San Jose to buy an area rug, since they had the one I wanted. I asked the flooring associate for a discount, and he responded that he couldn't give me a discount unless there was something wrong with the rug I wanted. I then asked him if the rug was made by God. He looked surprised and said "no, that rug's made by Shaw." I then educated the young man that since only God is perfect, only God can make things perfectly, and because this rug was made by a carpet company, it could not be perfect, so as a matter of logical deduction it was flawed in some way. The associate then manually marked down my rug by 20%, and I took it to the register and joyfully and with praise received my $90 discount. Sam, the moral of this story, if there is one, is that until you can see past your own penis, you will never be more significant than a leach on the ass of a water buffalo, and you will definitely never know Glory.	„
	—LFG; on God...? What?

	“	Would I fuck a 15 year old if the aoc was 15? Probably. Some of them are hot and slutty. Would I fuck a 13 year old if the aoc was 13? No. That is too young for my tastes, they look like kids. No amount of dressing up is going to turn 13 into anything other than a kid that looks ridiculous.	„
	—Gage; on 15 year-old girls.

Samdeathwalker.com

Sam DeathWalker even has his own site! You can pay forty-nine cents every six months to view super top-quality threads! I bet you're getting your credit card right now!

Sam DeathWalker is part of a series on EQ2Flames [Douse!Flame on!]

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