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Tease Pics
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Tease Pics (Also known as, Tease Pix, ur boobs, or Nude's Little Brother) are pictures 16 year old boys convince 15 year old girls to send to them whenever these boys are feeling lonely. The Tease Pic is the ultimate goal for all males on the internet, and many go to great lengths to obtain them. For the good of the colony, after a picture grows old, it is considered common courtesy to upload the Tease Pic to one or more image hosting websites, for all to enjoy.
Nudes v. Tease Pix
The Tease Pic is not a Nude. Some people claim that Tease Pics are better, or more fap-worthy, than Nudes. This is a lie, propagated by people too inept to receive nudes, to make themselves feel better. However, chances of getting full nudes from strangers are usually fairly low, and chances of getting them more than once are basically zero. With the Tease Pic, the sender does not feel totally exposed and is more likely to send more pictures, which equals more masturbation to fresher pictures. In addition, asking for the Tease Pic makes you seem like less of a horny loser than somebody who only wants nudes, also increasing the chances of receiving said pictures.
An Open letter to Women
Dear Women,
You may think that you have found a man who just wants to be your friend, who you can tell all your secrets to. You may believe that because said man lives far away, is attractive, and is kind, that it is safe to befriend him, but it is not. Men do not care about you or your feelings. When he stays up reading that seven paragraph message you poured your emotions out into, gives you a digital shoulder to cry on, and says witty things to cheer you up, he is expecting something in return. He does not want to make you feel better. He wants the payment for his efforts. He wants the Tease Pic.
Sincerely,
Men
The Tease Pic: A Walkthrough
Are you ready for a life of hollow sexual gratification, filled with unlubricated masturbation sessions, at the expense of the emotions of girls who live thousands of miles away? If you answered YES, then you are ready for the adventure of a life time: the Tease Pic Safari. If you answered NO, you want to use the internet legitimately, then go here. There are several steps to completing the Safari, which are outlined below. It may seem like a lot of work, but the payout is usually higher if you stick to them. And besides, we all know none of you are going to be with a real women, so you might as well put some effort into the next best thing.
Wanna Trade Pix ;)
Before we even begin to scope out ho's, we need to do some gettin' ready. First things first, you need to have a social networking account that is approachable and you need to be attractive. The nice thing about never meeting these women is that you can really make yourself a much better person than you are in real life. There is a very high chance you are a complete douchebag faggot, and-sorry to rain your parade-you are not as good looking as you think you are. If you have reasonable looks, take some self portraits and dial them in. The most important thing to remember is, you are not trying to be tough. Jenny Fitzpatrick is not going to care that you can bench 8,999 pounds. Meatheads online will always fail to impress. The winners online are cute, innocent, slightly dorky boys. If your douchery is beyond repair, just go on MakeoutClub or Facebook and steal some kid's photos. It usually helps if you can get one with a sign, which you can edit your own words into, making your new self seem more realistic. If you are going to fake photos, pick a person with lots of them, who is not already an Internet celebrity, and who has the emo swoop haircut. This is the trend. This is who you will become. Edit your profile to match other Scene Kids. Paste images of Pokemon liberally.
I dare you to send me a pic of ur butt lol ;)
Selection of your new best friend is the most important step of getting the Tease Pic. Find a woman who is not overly popular. Read her picture comments. If she has four thousand faggots telling her her tits are banging, move on. You will be white noise. Look for a girl who seems depressed or is ugly. These have the quickest turn around. When you find one, begin by complimenting something about her other than eyes or tits. If she responds, you may proceed. Ask her about her life. After a few messages, ask if she wants to text. This can take over a week. Do not rush it. Desperate people do not get the Tease Pic.
U w4nn4 s33 my dick? ;-) lol
When you begin, text sparingly, but do not be a dick to her. Use proper English. Remember, you are playing up your sensitive side. You are being her girlfriend. You are giving her somebody to tell her secrets to. You have to pretend to care. Do not scold her and always take her side when she bitches about her friends. Very slyly, throw in a, "You should send me a picture of you :)," every now and then. Not more than once a day, and that's pushing it, creep. Eventually, you will come to a time where you will ask her to play the question game. Don't immediately request her to talk dirty to you. Build up with dumb things, and eventually suggest, "I dare you to send me a tease pic ;)" Two things can happen here. Either you will be denied, or you will be sent a picture. If you are denied, play it off. Don't beg. Just wait a few more days.
haha jk ;-)
When you receive the Tease Pic, do not make a huge deal out of it. Play it cool. DO NOT SEND HER TEASE PICTURES OF YOURSELF. This is crucial. How the fuck are you going to run for President with that kind of shit floating around? Fap, Fap, Fap, and save the photo somewhere secretive. Now only one step remains.
TinyPic DOES NOT host sexually explicit content.
The final step is very important. After your well of pics has dried up, make sure you upload any Tease Pic sent to you to the Internet. Don't forget to add Tags. Post it on as many websites as possible, and include as much information about her as possible. If she finds the image, you get Bonus Points. If she reacts, you automatically are champion. Men: 1 Feminists: 0. Remember that.
Proper ettiquette is this: Begin to call her fat. E-mail all photos to her parents, school administrators, and friends. Message them to everybody on her Facebook Friends List. Ruin her life. Never talk to her again. Open up a bag of Cheetos and laugh as her life falls apart around her. She will realize you were playing her the whole entire time, and that you never really cared about her. Print out her picture, spit on it, and then move on to the next girl.
Now, you may ask, why should I do that? This girl is my friend. I actually kinda like this girl. I don't want to hurt her feelings. If you said any of the former, take a gun and blow out your fucking brains. The male population needs to stick together. Not uploading is like saying, "I like tasty, veiny, 12 inch cocks in my loose anus," and letting women win.
WARNING
While on your escapade for the tease pic, you may get requests. Say "no". Remember, do not cave. Do not send her any pictures of yourself. Even if she makes it seem like you won't get the Tease Pic without sending first. It may seem like a good or acceptable idea in the heat of passion, but you will regret it. It will end up on the internet. You will look like a douche. Everybody will laugh at your attempt at appearing appealing. Your mother will be very disappointed.
The tease pic is a method of subjugating females, not rewarding them.
Signs
Often you will be confronted with a request for a sign, to verify your existence. Anybody can tell when you use MS Paint to try to rewrite signs. To get around this, use photoshop to blank out the words on your stolen sign photo. Print out the picture, and write the request in the blank space by hand. Take a picture of your creation, and send your new sign. You can safely deny any sign requests after this, as she knows you are real.
Tl; Dr
See Also
External Links
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Tease Pics is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |
| Tease Pics is part of a series on Language & Communication | |
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Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry •
The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand |
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