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Charizard
If you are a 90's kid, you know about Pokemon, you grew up with them, you forced your parents to though money on the latest pokecrap like pokecards, poke-underware, pokegames, poke-sex devices. You were once probably one of little faggots who begged their parents to go see Pokemon The First Movie. Hell, I'll go as far to say you probably a part of the group at your elementary school who picked on that one kid who was into Digimon. Face it, Pokemon defined your childhood. If you remember the hype that was the Pokemania in 1998, you will remember the head motherfucker fire-flying type in charge, Charizard. Charizard is the reward you earn when you choose Charmander to be your first. At level 16, Charmader will evolve in too Charmeleon. After many hours of training, when all is said and done, Charmeleon will evolve at level 36 to the main event that is Charizard.
Who's that Pokemon?
One of the last things you will see before you are violently killed (Immolated and disemboweled at the same time, not in that order). No, not the Grim Reaper, he only shows up to claim the remains of your spirit much like a cuckold husband licks away the sperm out of his wife's vagoo after she has sex with a strong black man. Death comes right after Charizard (in that order) in mere few minutes when Charizard is finished with you. As it was told by the Greek Philosopher, Socrates, before he drank some hemlock and became an hero in prison,
—Socrates' last words | ||
- Don't let any scientist or Christfags tell you otherwise. God didn't unleash his wrath on Adam and Eve neither did a pussy comet wipe out the dinos. It was all done by Charizard.
- As for his pre-evolved forms Charmander and Charmeleon, they are just in there for teh lulz to prepare you for the bad-assery that you will earn once your Charmeleon reaches level 36, assuming you don't puss out from training this enigma of win or choose a Bulbasaur.
- Anyone one who tells you that it was Magmar who was born from the volcano first instead of Charizard, is a fucking mongoloid who needs to have their ass handed to them. The origin of Magmar happened when Charizard threw a platypus in said volcano after getting frustrated with God for creating yet another lulzy creature, unsure if it was an beaver or duck.
- Charizard's burning tail is actually the souls of those who tried and failed to fuck with it.
- The Pyro in Team Fortress 2 was inspired by Charizard as a child. He/She has a flamethrower called the Backburner which the nozzle looks like a Charizard. It is super effective when an enemy has their back turned because of Charizard's reputation of ass raping the shit out of those who stand in it's way.
- The song goes "I want to be the very best/ but no one ever was..", the only way to become the best is to successfully train a Charizard.
- Sadly, Charizard wasn't created as a fire - dragon type, that dubious honor was given to Reshiram, from the dated newfag 5th gen Pokemon, otherwise, as soon as your Charmeleon evolves, Charizard would have divided by zero and caused your poor gameboy to overclock and spontaneously combust. To avaoid this, measures had to be taken so Charizard could have a weakness to his main element of fire. However, in today's technological advanced world, one can edit the stats of any Pokemon to their liking.
- Seriously, unless you have the badges and balls, DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to train a Charizard or you'll end up like this faggot (see pic below)..
In Game Stats
In Pokemon Red/Blue (Green for you Japanophiles) /Fire Red/Leaf Green, Charmander is one of the 3 starters you can choose. Choosing the others is ok as Squirtle's last form, Blastoise, is full of win and Bulbasaur's last form, Venusaur, is pwnage. Choosing Charmader means you will be up for a challenge in the beginning. The first two gyms, Brock and Misty, are rock and water type pokemon, Charmader's weakness. It all prepares you for the level of awesome that is in stored. In the anime, Charizard could use attacks like fly. This proved to be bullshit in the 1996 first gen games as he couldn't learn the move Fly until the second gen when teh creator decide to making it a flying type as well. With Charizard on your team, there's no need for any pussy bird pokemon. Charizard can also learn Solarbeam that will make it able to own water Pokemon and Dragon Rage that will fuck up a Dragonites shit or anyother dragon type for that matter.
The Anime
Charmader was cheery and greatful to Ash, like most of his Pokemon, after Ash rescued it from it's neglectful abusive trainer. This trainer got his ass charred to the third degree in the end of the episode and joined up Ash's team. Once it evolved to a Charmeleon, it became a jerk. It became a complete asshole when it evolved into Charizard. Unlike Ash's other Pokemon who evolved, Charizard refused to suck Ash's balls after realizing Ash is just a faggy kid who hasn't gone through puberty and hasn't had enough badges. Charizard refused to take orders from Ash and would often burn him to a crisp if Ash kept bitching.
Giving her the Charizard
Charizard's awesomeness is so great, a sex move was christened after it.
See also
 Charizard is part of a series on Pokémon [Who’s that Pokémon?] | |||||||
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