Pyro

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Masturbation injuries are common among pyros.

OH NO! NOW ILL BE GROUNDED FROM THE INTERNETS FOR WEEKS!!

Pyros killed Ty Longley and Half of Rhode Island's Population.

A pyro (short for pyromaniac) is a common type of outcast teenager that has about as much angst as a goth kid, but instead of writing stupid poetry or cutting themselves, they take their pain out by blowing shit up, as in a pyro's motto: "ROFL SAWCIETEE SUX0RZ SO LETS BLO SHIT UP".

Typical pyros are mostly basement dwelling losers who want to get back at their classmates or the police for actually having a life. Pyros will gain most of their knowledge by reading 20 year old text files and by surfing around Geocities pages with plenty of flame gifs and spinning skulls. Their Bible is the famous Anarchists Cookbook which has plenty of awesome "recipes" for "social change" (i.e. a shitty excuse for random vandalism). They believe that this knowledge gives them some sort of power, in spite of the fact that 90% of text files will do nothing or just kill you.

Politically just like anarchists, pyros are violent anti-authority freaks who believe that W is the source of all of their problems. These problems range from how they can't get laid to why did the hardware store clerk reported them for buying five boxes of stump remover.

	“	I hope you enjoyed this little file. Use this bomb! Destroy the US Government, once and for all! Then we will go out and free our Leader, Charles Manson. Manson is God. Hail Anarchy.	„
	—SysOp of Starbase 2000

When talking on the internets about making explosives, they will try to trick the police by saying they "dreamed" about making a bomb. You are not fooling anyone. If a pyro lives up to the age of 19, he will definitely turn into a survivalist.

Pyrotechnic Facts

You can identify genuine pyro sites by the abundance of animated flame gifs and spinning skulls. The more the better.

Fact: An M-80 has the power of a quarterstick of dynamite.
Fact: A compacted Roman candle has enough explosive power to flip a car over.
Fact: CO₂ bombs can be used in place of blasting caps to set off high explosives.
Fact: A Black Cat firecracker can take your hand off. This means that a pack of firecrackers has the explosive power of a military satchel charge.
Fact: Hitting a flaming melon full of gasoline with a baseball bat = instant lulz