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National Security Agency
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Lavrentiy Beria (Jr) at 22:50, 3 December 2015. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
The National Faggot Agency is like a giant tapeworm up the ass of your privacy. Since 1952 this seekkret agency, so seekkret its giant headquarters at Fort Meade wasn't even listed on road maps (until Bamford's book The Puzzle Palace came out in 1982, maps called it the "Bureau Of Public Roads", totally not kidding), has been gnawing on your manjunks and raeping your hot biatches while tapping your phones and watching your internet gay porn habits. Becuz SECURITY. Becuz YOU ARE SECURE NOW CUNTFACE. FEEL SECURE, CITIZEN.
No one gives a shit about the NSA's history, except paranoiacs and muffdivers. It's at least as insane as the CIA's history, and a lot gayer.
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The NSA headquarters was built at a cost of $30,000,000 and was opened in 1957. It contains a complete hospital, with operating rooms and dental offices. It also houses eight snack bars, a cafeteria, an auditorium and a bank. All of the building's windows are sealed and none can be opened.
Comparable precautions have been taken with NSA employees. They are subject to lie-detector tests on application and intensive security indoctrination on acceptance. Periodically, the indoctrination briefing is repeated and employees are required to sign statements that they have reread pertinent secrecy regulations. Even so, the NSA has had more than its share of trouble with security violations. In 1960 two young mathematicians, William H. Martin and Bernon F. Mitchell, defected to Russia. They held a news conference in Moscow, describing in detail the inner workings of the NSA. They were soon discovered to be homosexuals, a fact which led indirectly to the resignation of the NSA's personnel director, and the firing of twenty-six other employees for sexual deviation.
They sell rubber pussies to pussies like you. They run more faggy supercomputers than all the universities on earth, to crack encrypted messages (which usually fails). They suck down $60 billion a year of YOUR TAX MONEY and make it simply disappear. FEEL SECURE, CITIZEN. You ungrateful dickslime.
Snowden is teh ghey
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They really hate Snowden. The NSA is clearly, madly, deeply furious at the man whose actions triggered the biggest crisis in its history. Even while contending they welcome the debate that now engages the nation, they say that they hate the way it was triggered. The NSA has an admittedly insular culture — the officials described it as almost like a family.... NSA officials are infuriated that all this havoc was caused by some random contractor. They suggest that had Snowden been familiar with the culture and the ethos of the agency, understood the level of training undergone by its employees, seen the level of regulations and oversight, he would have been less likely to abscond with all those documents. (Snowden’s interviews indicate otherwise.) Still, they are stunned that someone “inside the fence” would do what Snowden did. Even if Snowden is eventually pardoned, he’d do well to steer clear of Fort Meade.
