YouTube

BREAKING NEWS!! JEWTUBE IS GOING TO BECOME A EVEN BIGGER SAFE SPACE FOR SNOWFLAKES

Google is simply far too busy making money off of others work to care about any supposed YouTube "Community". Shekels and sense baby.

KikeTube is a bootleg operation run by a second generation Jewish immigrant, Sergey Brin^✡. It is a site which illegally spreads copyrighted material through a so called streaming service, wherein the users upload video content (user generated content) that directly can be watched in any browser. Its modus operandi is to create a quasi-community. Thousands of mentally challenged vloggers are hired among the userbase to uphold this facade in a so called partner program. The videos of partners are unduly featured when first entering the website, giving the false impression that those are the most popular. Furthermore, they are also given undue weight in the "similar videos"-section which shows ups in a list besides a video.

The slogan of YouTube is "Broadcast yourself", but approximately 95% of the videos heavily infringes copyrighted content. The YouTube leadership also generated buzzwords such as "vlogging" "viral video", "video reply" and "community feedback" to enhance the feeling that anyone who criticizes YouTube's practices is old, unhip and antiquated.

History

YouTube was founded in 2005 by a Chink, a Kike, and some guy called Chad who nobody cares about. The very first video, "Me at the zoo" was uploaded on April 23rd, 2005. And starting with the fourth video, BootieChrist dance, the website went to shit. As of 2012, YouTube consists primarily of fags, bronies, You, pedophiles, and AMVfags.

2005: Someone uploaded a video of some oriental gentleman at the zoo. It sparked of a lollercoaster.

2006: Jewgle bought YouTube, and made everything better worse. The Kike and Google-co founder Sergey Brin^✡ became the new leader of the Youtube enterprise. He continued bootleging copyrighted material and promote incidental videos which actually were produced by YouTubers.

2007: OMG MYSPACE!!1 FUNNY COMMERCIALMUSIC VIDEOS OF GWENSTEFANI STOLEN SWFS FROM NEWGROUNDSnigahigaFUNNY!!!!!<3AMVfags

2008: ytp all around

2009: moar ytp and amvfags. Computer tutorials FTW

2010: 13 year old girls, fags and you.

2011: a bunch of an hero uplaod suicide vidyas. moar retarded shit no one cares about

2012: Hi there!!1 i was chekin' out ur channel and I loved ur new vid. hey if you have the time check out my bands new shitty song "Down The Anus" and remember to like and share it'd help alot!! also go to my gamign chanel and watch my HILAROS minecratf lets play!!!

2013: u're right. i really got shocked when i receive my ipad3 without any dime @ my home yesterday. Listen, you just need to give email addrss and tell them where you want to send. i got it from here. you can also try it --> bit.ly/XUbWmV?=mtecm

2014: "IT'S A PRANK BRO, IT'S A PRANK!"

2015: Over 9000 LPs of video games for autistic furfags, Vine compilations, and niggers (ie WATCH ME WHIP).

2016: ZOMG DRAMATUBE, MAH NIGGA YOU JUST GOT EXPOSED!!!!!!!11

2017: Hey guies, support me on Patron. All my videos keep getting demonetized so gimmie money.

2018: MAKE SURE TO SUBSCRIBE IN ORDER TO ENTER DA FREE V-BUCKS GIVAWIE!

Collective

Youtube is a crappy site, which is just as bad as Break.com in all manners of fugly girls posing, noobs, drag queens posing, fantards, clips from faggy animes, old memes, and goth/emo videos. Practically everything is either softcore porn, clips from shit tv shows or sporting events, YouTube Poop, weeaboo faggotry, politically incendiary crap, horny azns, stupid pet tricks, monkeys jacking off, "You Laugh You Lose", Soulja Boy, men measuring their manboobs (HOT!), and let us not forget loli girls shaking their asses on camera, and everything else. YouTube is pure drama, the entire user base being full of emofags retards who will BAWWWWW, bitch, and moan at the slightest provocation. So much as a drawn mspaint picture of another user with the words "poopy head" on it will instantly cause a shit storm. YouTube's most loyal viewers include Juggalos, emos, and Kikes. It is also wise to note that the KikeTube fags find sarcasm to be scary and difficult for their underdeveloped brains to understand, so it is generally advisable (unless you are trolling the fucktards) not to use sarcasm as, like irony, it will cause a shitstorm within their mentally retarded heads.

It is important to note that YouTube was named by Time Magazine to be the best invention of 2006. Coming in second was a formula to prevent cunt cancer (No, srsly).

Last Thursday, Google bought out YouTube and renamed it GooTube beta, shortly thereafter the era of The Promised Land began. And on March 31st, the year of Our Lord 2010, they have made their beta the inescapable face of the site, completely sealing their content in a vast cavern of fail. Nice job shitting where you eat, faggots. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, THEY CHANGED IT BACK.

Unless you're hurting their crybaby e-feelings, YouTube users adore absolutely any wretched shit uploaded to their site at all. Many people like to upload hilarious videos of themselves and their friends doing something absolutely crazy like a silly dance, putting on a stupid hat, performing some asinine stunt or prank, or making a movie made of sheer faggotry for the internet to enjoy. YouTube is a website which enables every lonely and desperate basement dweller to spend endless amounts of time pursuing some shred of E-fame while providing a home for all others to troll them. It really allows us all to grasp the power of online video communication.

YouTube is almost as shitty as Yahoo Answers in terms of faggotry. However, there is just a little more freedom to flame niggers due to the fact that Hitler doesn't absolutely own the site. On YouTube there are the typical emo faggots who QQ about their lives...( click here for example "This channel is no longer available because the user closed their account."). These fags often end up on forums such as /B/ on 4chan. They are crap.

Things First Time Browsers Should Know

• Within ten minutes of first clicking that link that brings you to YouTube, you will inevitably find someone whom you instantly hate with a burning passion. As a speciality: Goronchev lol account banhammered. There are no exceptions to this rule.

• If you like something, there is a strong possibility that someone is going to call you out on it and call you a _____ american. Every video that has comments has a comment which contains this "insult", guaranteed.

• If the above rule takes effect and the object of loathing is not a Truther, you are probably not on YouTube. Tell them it was done by pissed off Kikes no matter what you think for lulz.

• Yes, they have Mystery Science Theater 3000 clips. Lots of them. F-YEAH.

• YouTube Users are known to retardedly bitch about false copyright claims against them so they can get their shit videos and accounts back up so YouTube can feel sorry for them and to poke fun at the "haters" and/or act like a total faggot for at least 100 videos to get the point across.

• You will always need to make backup accounts to avoid flagging users just in case you're a troll.

• YouTube is an endless video war to see who can stroke their e-peen even higher and act like a victim most of the time.

• YouTube is Kike owned Site.

• It is mandatory for all fagtube videos to have a shitty intro made with Microshit movie maker, (Queer ass music included) that is longer than the video itself.

• Subscribers don't mean a damn thing. See figure 2 to the right.

• By all means do not post that comment about Family Guy!!!

• No matter what video you post in, there's always going be someone debating an unrelated video about retarded shit no one gives a single fuck about.

• Videos where women cunts who think they're superior, saying why wahmen are better, and men are worst. Twist the word women around to men, the same deal. Because oh noes we are "equal". Good to troll the profoundly retarded feminazi's to get lulzy results. Or if you're girl, then piss all the men how you're better to cause their ego to drop . Never mind that statement for the very simple and true fact of life: that girls don't go on the interwebs

• Go all the way to YouTube's HQ to complain about an account being banned, we're looking at you, LifeInATent and Kevin Martin.

It isn't that hard to become a prominent YouTube user.

Every Video Ever Made

Need hits for your YouTube account? Now you have the power!

1. Grab a video of dogs looking sad
2. ???? = Set it to "Had a Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
3. PROFIT!! AND FUCK YEA!!!

Good alternatives to sad dogs are:

• Pokemon Battles
• Rickrolls
• Cats falling over (steal from America's Funniest Home Videos)
• Mudkipz or other anime
• Totally random clip art
• AMVs

• Morbidly obese women dancing
• Linkin Park AMVs
• Maple Story MMV
• Linkin Park period.
• Halo games you lost
• People getting hit by trains
• Club Penguin for 3.3 million hits
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jEGAiu4
• http://www.youtube.com/confectionarybandit
• Disco songs that no one has heard before and/or gives a flying fuck about.
• Be like FRED and make a video of yourself being as irritating as fuck and/or make it high-pitched
• Five year old kid playing (song) on (instrument)
• Pictures of your girlfriend/ex
• Naruto AMV
• Craig Ferguson fan videos that n00bs think are visionary because they're set to Fall Out Boy songs and have actual footage of the band instead of nothing but clips.
• ANYTHING having to do with babies (which is an obvious hint)
• X SPED UP (also known as X SUNG BY CHIPMUNKS)
• X SLOWED DOWN
• X PLAYED BACKWARDS (with the claim of there being some hidden satanic message)
• Video containing *SPOILERS* of anything which turns out to be a rickroll
• YouTube Poop
• Someone doing something for five minutes.
• Vocaloid
• Sparta remix
• Any video that has "NOT A COMEDY" in the title
• Chris Crocker
• One or two second videos wasting our time with YouTube_Nobodies screaming or yelling at the camera believing they are celebrities.
• Call of Duty, Gears of War or Minecraft gameplay videos so you can get on the front page
• Even more Call of Duty 4 videos showing how to get into a 15th prestige lobby posted over 9000 times a minute.
• Gmod

Faggot Content

The YouTubes is serious business!

Beyond finding unfunny crap to watch and interesting news clips of |internet dramaz, YouTube can also be used as a tool for degenerate abomination queers to shove their faggotry down the throats of our great nation. Now remember... YouTube is basically just a free porn site for people (such as CommandoTheLion) with odd fetishes. Searching for "gay kiss" turns up more videos than you can shake a cock at. The ultimate pwnage for gheys is when a gay kiss video is taken down, since it gives them the opportunity to flare up and bitch about homophobia on the internets.

If you find yourself on a gay blog or MySpace and don't see any embedded gay kiss videos, you may rightfully claim 2 free internets from the site's owner. Don't hold out though, you're much more likely to find a straight furry or a diabetic who doesn't remind you of a rhinoceros. It's also used for religious arguments as well as political arguments between stupid people and stupid people. 13-year-old boys also search the site for porn, not realizing it's not allowed because it's run by Kikes.

Comments

Typical discussion.

An average comment you'll find on a YouTube vid.

The "comments" section on every video was created with the intention of viewers to post their thoughts and opinions about any given video. Sadly, this section will ALWAYS invariably lead to a rant about race, politics, religion, or other anti-lulz shit by some fag claiming to be an exec of a large corporate business, who somehow manages to find some time in their busy schedule to bitch, moan, autistically screech and argue on the internet with other retards, converting a comments section of a video site into a makeshift forum. These "comments" are always responded to by similar basement dwellers and 13 year old boys, sparking a great debate, one which is seemingly decided by the vocabulary and amount of technical terminology used by either party, otherwise known as intellectual checkmate.

This was by no accident, but by YouTube's design. YouTube has secret random nonsensical wordfilters (the help pages just say to try rewording your comment) that just make comments not show up and give no error message or explanation and one's well though-out comment text is then intentionally, forcibly lost through YouTube's Javascript forms so that after losing a long, thought-out comment that took 30 minutes to make, and several times in a row, people eventually just write, "YOUR A FAGGIT".

In Spring 2010, YouTube decided to troll its members further by improving the video page and comments section. This has lead to a nearly unprecedented amount of NERDRAGE and butthurt with over 9000 users threatening to leave Kiketube forever. Google YouTube has yet to offer a satisfactory reason behind this change but we shall keep you posted as this shit storm develops.

How To Score Cheap Lulz

YouTube = fail

If you're in for some lulz, you've come to the right site. Usually go to any video which has a lot of views (suggestions would be a religious JewTubeer or some shit band videos) and just say something completely against the tide. Then a bunch of 13 year old boys will type furiously about how the internets is serious business. They'll probably send you a PM with some long bullshit about how you are wrong. Here is a generic statement for you to use:

"This is a total rip-off of ______________ (insert old band or movie name)"

Better yet, if the original poster of the video is the type to actually respond to each and every comment he gets with a long argument which fills the text limit, well you can say the most racist, sexist, bigoted comments imaginable and they will respond with accusations of trolling while also flaming you back as if they think you typed those comments in the height of serious-ity. Find a user like this and you will find yourself uttering the phrase "He's responding, he's responding, I cant believe he's responding."

The first step in getting any lulz in the above fashion first centers upon finding a tuber you don't like. But don't worry... you will. (In fact, it's damn near impossible not to.)

Most YouTube users will get butthurt over just about anything, which makes them perfect troll targets. Here are some examples of YouTube butthurt and what usually happens as a result of it:

• Someone leaves a negative comment on one of their videos (which usually results in an endless series of video responses in which they try to "destroy" each other.)
• They get their videos removed or their account suspended (which usually results in a major boycott plan to not log onto YouTube for an ENTIRE DAY!!!11!)

List

Moar info: Tvtropes.

Every comment ever made by YouTubers include:

• "First [comment]." (As well as "Second", "Third", etc.).
• "I want (exact length of video) of my life back!"
• "GB2 KITCHEN!"
• "SUB 4 SUB?"
• "COOL STORY, BRO!".
• "FAIL"
• "PWNED"
• "HISSSSSSSS"

• "The X amount of people who disliked this are ______."
• Something slagging off Justin Bieber.
• <transcribe the punchline of the joke in the video here>
• "Advertisements suck" (regardless of what it is)
• "I find this difficult to masturbate to."
• "YHUR JUST JELOUS OV (Name of Person your making fun of, ex. Justin Bieber) BCUZ HE HAZ MOAR SUBZ/ALL THE GURLS LUV HEIM]!!!!!1!"
• "YOUR GRAMMAR SUCKS! GO BACK TO SCHOOL!"
• "This song is so much better than Justin Bieber's shit."
• "I want this played at my funeral!"
• "I only came here because it was just on (name TV program the YouTube video was just referenced on, especially RayWilliamJohnson). lulz"
• "FUCK WMG"
• "HAHA nice video man, I laughed hard, check out mine and make sure to subscribe"
• I miss the old youtube.
• "YOU HATE FEMINISTS? YOU MUST BE AN INCEL!"
• "And I jizzed in my pants."
• "FIND HAWT GIRLS AT (insert porn site here)!"
• "9/11 TRUTH OMGZ BUSH DID IT! RON PAUL REVOLUTION!
• "Thumbs up if..." (insert one of the following):

u love this video!

ur watching this in (current year)

u hate this video!

u think (person in video) should run 4 president!

this person changed ur life!

this video made u laugh!

u agree that (completely unrelated topic) sux!

• "GET A LIFE AND A GIRLFRIEND A HUR HUR HURRR"
• "YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!"
• "Jews did WTC"
• "LAWL PAUSE AT 00:26"
• "THAT'S RACIST!"
• "OMG SO HILARIOUS! LOL!"
• "FAKE AND GAY"
• "PLZ DON'T READ One day a young girl was killed in a car crash. If you do not post this comment 20 times in the next 10 seconds she will kill you when you go to sleep"
• "WHAT SONG IS THIS?"
• "lol so cute xD" (for videos of cats and babies)
• "If u don't like (Topic) then y r u watching / listening to it?
• "The middle finger copy/paste that people do just because the autistic kids want to fit in with everyone else who dislikes the movie."

Youtube videos are Renown for their high production value

• "OMG U R SUCH A(N)" (insert one of the following):

NIGGER

CRACKER

VIRGIN

RACIST

NERD

JEW

REDNECK

WIGGER

EMO

CUNT / ASSHOLE / DOUCHEBAG / DICK / PIECE OF SHIT

NAZI / FASCIST (for Conservatives)

COMMUNIST / STALINIST (for Liberals)

IDIOT / DUMBASS / MORON / RETARD

PUSSY

FAGGOT

N00B

LUNATIC (for conspiracy theorists and Christians)

SHEEP (for non-conspiracy theorists and non-Christians)

SICKO / PERVERT

GENIUS (for people more intelligent or creative than the commenter)

• "You can't play the song right. You're one 36th of a beat off which is very obvious to musical gods like me. LEARN SOME TEMPO N0OB!!!!"
• "COME TO (insert country or city name here) AND SAY THAT SHYT TO MAH FACE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS BYOTCH!"
• "OMG RICK ROLL'D XD"
• Chuck Norris can do (impossible task) in two seconds with his feet and his eyes closed!
• "Go fuck ur brother u dum motherfucker and eat ur muther's yogurt with turkay meat u dirty white nygga wit no like that lives in tha basement wit a mouse stuck up that ass and burger grease leakin from your cunt you fukin transsexual."
• "(Topic1) sux lololol (Topic2) iz wayyyy better!!1!!!1"
• "Did he/she/it die?" (in every video which involves someone / something getting hurt)
• "This looks shopped, I can tell by the pixels"
• "KILUMANATI"
• "I HOPE (insert fatality description here) HAPPENNS TO YOU"
• "I miss the 90's because (shit that the person did)"
• ":O :O :O :O :O :O :O....No fucking comment."
• "lol so randum xd"
• I'm in the weird part of youtube again.
• My reaction to the Arrow To The Knee jokes. (Often seen on vids such as this and this)
• "How does this video have 1000 likes but only 300 views?"
• "240p, we meet again."
• "OPEN GAM GAM STYLE!"
• "Still better than the original" (When everytime there's a parody of a song) Mostly BLR.
• "X is the best [My Little] pony!!!!!"
• if u dont like minecraft u r a call of duty fanboy
• "LOL I'm from X(example of country)and I find it funny" Whenever someone on video makes fun of their shit country.
• "So thats what the fox says."

  ░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄           Bob is building an army.
  ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂      ☻/︻╦╤─    This tank & Bob are against Google+
l███████████████████]. /▌          Copy and Paste this all over
   ◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..   /\           YouTube if you are with us!"

Responses (sometimes smug pricks will try to point out why YouTube commenters are stupid):

No, I don't give a shit about the problem of (insert number of dislikes) people.

No, I don't care how can the dislike bar be similar to haters penis.

Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny anymore so stop posting them.

No, I really don't care about how much you hate VEVO.

No, I really don't care if you got the first comment.

No, I don't care if Im the (insert number of views) viewer or whatever may that number be.

We all know how much Justin Bieber sucks so stop reminding us.

No, I will not thumbs up.

Guaranteed top rated comments on certain videos

• On love song music/lyric videos will be some pathetic faggot saying they'll ask out their crush if they get X amount of thumbs up or generally gushing about their current/former boyfriend or girlfriend as if a bunch of Anonymous strangers on the internet could give a flying fuck.

• On videos of military combat or war movies (Iraq combat footage, Saving Private Ryan, etc) will be some 13 year old, oversensitive, call of duty prick just itching for someone to say something that could remotely be construed to be mildly critical of the military going "OMG FUK U YOU DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLE MY DAD WAS AT NORMANDY THOSE TROPS ARE FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM!!1!!1!!!one.

• On hunting videos will be some Peta lunatic talking shit about how hunters are "murderers" and how they are going to kidnap, torture, rape and murder a hunter and their family for daring to legally and humanly kill a pest animal/animal they are going to eat or otherwise use.

• On any video where someone is showcasing a pet, some 13 year old girl will accuse the owner of somehow abusing said pet. This 'abuse' could include touching, petting, picking up, looking at, etc.

• On an American election related video will be a Ron Paul fanboy spamming "Ron Paul 2012" or "Ron Paul is the only candidate who talks sense", etc, etc. Or even if it's a popular foreign politician there will be Americunts saying "He/She is <insert country here>'s Ron Paul”.

UPDATE: On July 8th, 2009, YouTube admins decided to share some lulz by CENSORING ANY YOUTUBE COMMENT containing any profanity. The result included a shitstorm of hate and immediate bypass of the filter to vent their frustration (FU-CK YOU YOUTUBE N_IGGERS BLOCKING OUR F-UCKING USELESS AND IDIOTIC POSTS, ***-GOTS, I'LL SODOMIZE YOUR CHILDREN WITH A BASEBALL BAT). After a few hours, the ability to troll the comments in a regular fashion was re-instated, with censored material immediately becoming visible once again. Much confusion will ensue as people wonder wtf just happened and why their FUCKs' and SHITs' were covered in **** for a few hours.

YouTube Ancient

Here is everything you need to know about YouTube if you are an archeologist, and wants to know about the past.

Moar info: YouTube Ancient.

Closed Captions

Layout 2012 - present

You'll be begging in pain to get the 2009 design back when this shit rolls out.

You thought after the massive fuck up of 2009 it would've been all over? You're wrong. Being forced upon everyone on the 7th March 2012, the Cosmic Panda layout is ready to eat your cock. Why is it bad in every way possible compared to the old design? Just look at the freakin' screenshot on the right.
If you think to yourself "It isn't that bad" then you're first mentally retarded and second Google's new live entertainment source by still using your shitty Google Chrome, GMail, Youtube and every other fucked up spy software of Google after the 1st March when Google updates its TOS to make it more spy friendly.
Some argue that ZippCast, some crappy YouTube 2008 clone, is much better than today's YouTube. However, none of these statements seem to be true as the site's extremely slow, dead and boring.

Get more out of YouTube

In 1 March 2013 the new spyware software rolled in. The old web community look is vanished. Instead you have a cold clinical design consisting of white, black and grey. The startpage is now exclusively filled with a clusterfuck of recommendations and friend activity which either consists of shit nobody cares about or videos you watched a year ago. It is created in mind of someone using a flat screen. Why is this? They say that we interact in Cyberspace as we do in the real world. In theory this means we could get a lot of cool stuff from the Internet without having to look into the abysmal shattered souls of our fellow human beings. In practice, however, everyone raises to their level of incompetence. Those who would have made a decent forum poster become bloggers. Those who had made decent bloggers become shitty vlogger. Those who had made decent vloggers become shitty IRL celebrities. Those who had made a decent media persona become a person writing an epos, and then dying of a heart attack when they tie up all its loose ends. In YouTube the startpage functions as a lobby, like the spot we hang out when we are away from keyboard. The supposed web community Killer app Google+ failed with its task. Therefore the Internets is now like high school. The super cool kids hang out at Instagram, the cool kids in Facebook, the kids trying to hard in Twitter and the worthless dorks at YouTube.

The DMCA

It's fucking real.

YouTube is likely the biggest worldwide hub for DMCA abuse on the entire internet, as well as home to the endless debate that has resulted from it. Since the site's inception there have been endless diatribes concerning DMCA abuse by individuals who are clearly oblivious as to the actual legislation. This is usually because most people on YouTube who fancy themselves "vloggers" are fugly self-involved highschool dropouts who would rather whine about The Man than face the reality of their own ignorance.

File:YouTube's intimidating massive lie that you'll get terminated for making false copyright claims trololololololololloolololooollol.png

This funny piece of lulzz is in their serious-sounding "constitution", if you will, for submitting takedown notices. It's completely false and the consequences and ramifications are wholly made up.

If you get a video removed or you get banned by someone filing a false DMCA, here's some clarification for complete and utter retards:

• Instead of making a take down notice, the claimant can take your ad golds, which is not only illegal, but completely unpunished if the claim is false, so you can go ahead and file false copyright claims on anyone you want and steal their jew golds.
• Upon receiving a properly formatted take-down notice YouTube will remove content regardless. Despite common misconceptions of complete idiots, YouTube does not check your content to verify whether it is infringing of others' copyrights, nor does the site make value judgments on content or whether it is infringing. If YouTube did this they would themselves become liable. If you have something removed you must either:

1. Drop your own dox in a properly formatted DMCA counter-notice to prove you were right and restore the content. It's pretty fucking easy if you're not a complete retard, just click on copyright at the bottom of YouTube and follow the steps.
2. Provide a fake DMCA counter-notice anyway. It doesn't matter how much you bullshit, as long as you file any kind of counter-claim then YouTube HAS to put your content back up within two weeks. At that point the only way another party can then have your content removed legally is to pursue their interests in a court of IRL law in the US or through the international courts. PROTIP - you are not testifying in court at this point so there's no risk facing perjury charges, you pansy.

• The DMCA is intended to protect intellectual property - not to remove objectionable content. This is perhaps the most fundamental misunderstanding of the DMCA - this and complete ignorance of applicability the "Fair Use" clause of The Act. But because YouTube is, and always will be, inhabited by clueless low-lifes who would rather the site remain a hugbox, there are always those who will be willing to perjure themselves to save their fragile psyche the torment of criticism.
• Putting something stupid like "NOTICE I DO NOT OWN NICKELODEON STUDIOS" on your uploads of Spongebob episodes does not give you the legal right to upload them. Pointing out the fact that you don't have the intellectual property rights to the content that you uploaded without permission is like a black person riding around town holding up a sign that says "I DO NOT OWN THIS BIKE" and thinking that makes stealing it legal.
• No one made you upload anything in the first place, dumbfuck. If your shitty vlog got taken down by some butthurt aspie or batshit furfag then fucking cry moar faggot.

People that bitch about Fair Use & DMCA in their video descriptions as a preemptive strike against takedown are hilariously easy to troll. The best part is that their belief in themselves as experts in the legal system means they will keep responding with long-winded ragefits about how they have the constitutional right to upload pirate copies of TV shows and movies. When you get tired of making them dance like an e-puppet for your amusement, simply email a link to the copyright owner (most studios have a link on their website for legal notices) - be polite and brief, you're not doing it for their sake but for lulz. Within a day or so the videos will be taken off YouTube, and your victim will spend the next week crying under their bed because they not only lost their precious view count, but they were proven utterly wrong on the internet.

One week ultimatum

File:YouTube copyright takedown notice 'serious business'.png

The one week ultimatum warning of consequences that don't actually occur because they're stupid to check back, given only when you send copyright claims about footage that's only a frame or a few frames or seconds stolen and not a large enough and rather meager or insignificant portion

If you're an idiot and you file an unconvincing copyright claim, the Jew-operated video platform currently gives you a one week ultimatum to swear on hilarious legal oath or to give up on your attempt to make false, or in their words, "fraudulent", claims by retracting it and spreading your crocodile tears everywhere. Of course, they don't check after one week anyway and if you avoid responding altogether, your account will remain active contrary to what they say about the idea that under their broken system, if you make false claims, they'll give your channel a termination ass-whoopin'! In other words, you may only submit copyright claims against something that's stolen for 5 seconds or longer, legit or fake, or they get serious and you'll get threatened with this email.

JewTubeTV

JewTube HQ got desperate for your Sheckles and thought "hmm, my wife has been watching netflix with another dude, that could make us some money!" Now we have a failing platform whoring out to another failed platform

The Banhammer

Every troll should feel the long hard shaft of the banhammer at least once.

YouTube punishment is usually a form of ban from the service by deleting the guilty party's account. However, it remains unclear how long the suspension lasts since YouTube doesn't know how to use email unless it deals with an idle DMCA threat. Some suggest a YouTuber's IP address may be blocked from the server to prevent them from creating another account, sometimes indefinitely. These actions are thought to be invoked for such offenses as violating YouTube's Terms of Service, trolling Renetto, jerking off on cam while smoking a Cuban cigar, disrespecting Mia, or promoting illegal acts. If you have been IP banned for TOS violations you will get the following message if you try and register an account:

This ban is purely for the creation of accounts - if you create a new account via proxy, YouTube does not re-ban you if you go back to the regular one.

The truth is that unless you do anything that would attract the attention of law enforcement, most trolls can return immediately after they've been suspended and (most of the time) aren't even IP banned. That is, of course, unless you were stupid enough to put your face on cam. YouTube has demonstrated thus far that their policies towards banning users has been, and continues to be, arbitrary at best over the last 4 years. This is because certain users/vloggers have demonstrably been given the dreaded perma-ban and are never allowed to return, while others are banned yet are allowed to return without hindrance (i.e. Theboringdispatcher, Warren25smash, etc.) This means there is an arbitrary discrepancy between a perma-ban and a regular ban and you'll never know which the mongoloids on the YouTube Staff have arbitrarily decided to give you.

For DMCA violations there is a 3-strike rule in place, but the details surrounding this policy are still sketchy. For example, some people have had 3 videos removed in one instance but are not banned, others have been banned for 3 separate occasions. YouTube's employment of this "policy" has been about as straightforward as their arbitrary TOS bans mentioned above.

Some countries like Turkey, however, banned YouTube to show them who the real boss is.

Update

YouTube has made policy changes regarding bannings. Accounts can now be "muted" for certain periods of time for TOS violations or breaches of "Community Guidelines". Being "muted" doesn't mean your account is banned, it means that you may or may not be able to upload content, post comments, or interact with your account during your mute period. As a result of the changes they have somewhat relaxed their policy towards breaches of "Community Guidelines" and TOS, but not for DMCA violations - you're shit out of luck if you were banned for those.

• Read more on the YT Blog.

YouTube Heroes

As if YouTube wasn't already a cesspool of self-important, flag-happy, newspeak-obsessed special snowflakes, YouTube's 2016 idea was to give these people even more power. If you help by reporting videos you don't like you can earn privileges to mass flag videos. Seriously.

YouTube Hero Perks:

• Level 1 (0-9 points): Flag videos you don't like. Or write shitty subtitles, because we know that YouTube commenters are literary scholars. You also get a shitty dashboard.
  
• Level 2 (10-99 points): Join exclusive workshop AND google+ hangouts. You only have to pay admission and transport.
  
• Level 3 (100-399 points): You get to mass flag videos you don't like and delete comments that disagree with you. Not at all abusable.
  
• Level 4 (400-999 points): See what shit YouTube will try to enforce before anyone else. You also get to exclusively tell YouTube staff directly that they are fucking useless at their jobs and they should kill themselves.
  
• Level 5 (1000+ points): Test what level 4 only get to see. Also you can apply for the "Heroes Summit" but no one has any idea what the fuck that is.
  

How do you get higher in these levels of autism? They give you meaningless points. How do you waste your life earning them? This is what Google thinks they're worth.

YouTube Hero Points System:

• Accurate reports of videos that violate community guidelines (read: snitching on other people to take their shit down) = 1 point
• Contributing a sentence that gets published as a subtitle (read: our auto-caption software is shite and video makers are too lazy to add a transcription, please do both our jobs for us) = 1 point
• Answering a user question on the YouTube forum with the best answer (read: we don't want to hire actual support professionals to solve the logisitical problems of our broken website, we will get amateurs to make vague guesses as to why shit doesn't work) = 10 points

Congratulations, you have now done YouTube's work for them. FOR FREE. Seriously when are you going to stop taking on a multi-billon dollar multinational conglomerates responsibilities? You fucking retards.

In summary:

YouTube Heroes Gallery

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The Adpocolypse

In 2017 Tumblr and Twitter SJWs stumbled on over into the JewTubes to find them largely overrun with conservative related content... by which, from their perspective, I mean "literal Nazis"... this resulted in the hypersensitive snits pitching a giant fucking fit and inflicting advertisers with the paranoid assumption that they too would be labeled as "literal Nazis" if they didn't roll over on command and do as the insane SJWs demanded.

In the wake of this imaginary clusterfuck of transparent proportions YouTube began using new algorithms supposedly designed to prevent ads from showing up on all these "literally Hitler" YouTube channels and effectively demonetizing them... instead, because there was no actual Boogeyman to ban from ads in the first place, because SJWs are irrationally insane nutballs, their algorithms simply fucked everyone over, including independent content creators, the advertisers and even YouTube themselves!

At present, their algorithms are so astoundingly fucked on every level imaginable that THIS...

...THAT is flagged as "not suitable for most advertisers". Just, just really drink that in for a moment. Just savor the taste of YouTube's self-destructive stupidity.

Adpocolypse 2.0 Scare/YoutubeWakeUp

Two years later, Youtube was hit with another whining panic whenever the new algorithm helped pedophiles find fapbait more easily. The epidemic was chronicled by Pyrocynical and a bunch of moral guardians before, and a Frenchfag, so nobody cared, but then one expert clickbait ""comedian"" took a few notes from the best president ever and released a video Sunday night to blindside Youtube with a viral trend the next morning. Companies pulled out of Youtube faster than Keemstar pulling out of a 6 year old, speed tested by the bearded gnome himself taking a few seconds to stop beating his daughter and arguing with literal 14 year olds to make a half-assed "exposed" video on the OP from before so that he could have more 9 year olds in bare feet to masturbate to. Ultimately, the hashtag was known as YoutubeWakeUp, but has since simmered down since, once Youtube started having their bottom lined threatened, they actually got off their asses and started to half-fix the problem.

YouTube Impersonators

• Kissyoutube – Type in "kiss" before a YouTube video, and you can download it.
• Dailymotion – Dailymotion will one day replace YouTube for all your internets blogging needs. God Bless those Gay Frenchfags!
• VidLii – Experience 2008 YouTube with the censors that would have been even worse than those of the CURRENT YEAR until all the mods were kicked out leaving the site to be nothing more than an anarchy with a declining userbase filled with autistic younglings.
• Bitchute – Sick of getting censored over political views. Come to Bitchute to avoid persecution from the tolerance police.
• Vloggerheads – Renetto's answer to YouTube. Predicted to die before next Thursday. See the article for moar details.
• Verond – An even crappier version of Vidme. The website and site administration are so generic that this website is not recommending to anyone.
• Youporn – This site is for horny 13 year old boys with no life and an obvious addiction to cumming on their computer screens.
• Xtube – Xtube is a copycat of YouTube, but instead of regular shitty webcam videos, this has regular shitty webcam porno videos. The only thing that would make this less shitty is if it had less than 9,000 videos of your mom being blasted by some fag.
• Pornotube – If you don't like jacking off to emo videos and camwhores then Pornotube is for you! Just make sure to click on Straight Content before browsing, else you come upon an absolutely gay video of three guys jacking off on each other. Due to Pornotube's sorting algorithm you will probably be overwhelmed with cocks in the "straight" section as well. This is not a bug, you are a closet homosexual and they know.
• Shockingtube – A wannabe YouPorn site hosting a wide range of fucked-up shit of highly questionable legality and fagality in video format. Ex. Meatspin, BME Pain Olympics, Fred.
• Beast Tube – Do you even need to fucking ask?
• Yiffytube – The furries got tired of websites with no furry porn so they made their own YouTube clone dedicated to only furry videos.
• Godtube – Well it's not for atheists so just take a guess.
• JewTube – A website comprised of Jewish-oriented user-generated content. JewTube was founded by Jeremy Kossen, a Los Angeles-based Jew that was afraid the domain would be used for lulz. Jewtube is also a great place to buy and sell blue-eyed gentile babies so you can crucify them for unknown Kabbalah rituals... Oddly enough, Google is trying to out-jew the New York City based company NetParty for the use of the name "JewTube", on trademark grounds. Ironically, Google is headed by a trio of Nazis.
• Vanillo – Yet another YouTube clone with a shitty design. It will probably go bankrupt and be forgotten in less than a year.

Mass Shooting

Last Thursday, some triggered woman decided to go postal at YouTube HQ. No one died and she committed suicide. No one would've gave a shit had it not happened at fucking YouTube.

YouTube Tampers with the Like/Dislike System

Proof that the like/dislike system is rigged

After so many years of people getting outraged over corporate bullshit, YouTube has decided to mess with the Like/Dislike system by hiding dislikes due to the negative backlash that people gave in bad video game trailers like Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare or the Diablo Immortal trailer or the fact that YouTube themselves released the worst video on YouTube this has promoted YouTube to change the system in order to further turn YouTube into a social conditioning platform. Eventually there will be a point where you can't dislike any videos since certain dislikes are hidden.

Gallery

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• The complete YouTube Portal
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External Links

• Cracked – The 5 Most Popular YouTube Pages (Are All Retarded)
• Moving Image Archive – a subsidiary of Internet Archive Probably the best site on the internets if you want to archive videos digitally. It is not confirmed how much of an ally this site is to the lulz.
• Wayback Machine – Internet Archive Good for preventing YouTube link rot.

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Featured article May 3 & 4, 2013
Preceded by Frat boy	YouTube	Succeeded by Radiohead

Featured article January 19 & 20, 2018
Preceded by Doki Doki Literature Club	YouTube	Succeeded by The Great ED Civil War of 2018