Garchomp

Warning! Article contains severe amounts of butthurt. Viewer discretion is advised.

Man the fucking harpoons!!

Lord of all cunts and personal pet of JAWSUS, Garchomp is the epitome of rage amongst Pokéfags. It is quite possibly the single most rage-inducing motherfucker in the metagame, among other things. Known for its extremely overpowered Attack stat and near lack of weaknesses, Garchomp is quite possibly the most overused of all Dragon-types.

Haters gonna hate!

The Shitstorm Appears

Hailing from a land of desolate terrain and poverty, Garchomp was the hell-wrought omen of destruction for all. It was said to bring with it death and destruction (complete with a sandstorm for some reason). Garchomp's rise to popularity began with its introduction by the pedophile blonde bimbo champ of the Sinnoh Region, and continued with introductions of stats and strategies by the fags on Smogon. Needless to say, its addition was a heralding of butthurt and clusterfucks of newfags wanting to finally break off that losing streak that had been haunting them since they descended into the faggotry that was Pokémon.

Note: Because Smogfags hate Garchomp with a passion, the best way to troll Smogfags is to use Garchomp in a Pokémon battle

Digging In Deep

Chronicling the buttfuckery of Garchomp would be a daunting task, with no visible end to the long lists of extreme fail.

So here are the condensed versions.

Introduction

Garchomp was brought in when the Pokémon: Diamond and Pearl games hit the shelves of game stores around the world. This fucker wasn't seen at any point before the champion battle; where you face your fate against pedo-MILF Cynthia.

Garchomp was notable for its possession of all-around great attacks and an ungodly amount of Speed, capable of raping entire teams faster than a sysop's deletion of an ED article. Nothing but Level 100's could ever hope to destroy this unstoppable force; though, even this was a slim chance. Here's the thing:

This fucker, along with all the other overpowered party members on the champion's team, has an IV of 31. In non-Pokéfag, it means that all of your possible tricks to beat this motherfucker were null. Even with your best Ice-type, by which the nigger would be left rolling on the floor in ass-bleeding agony, it still outsped all of your shit and claimed its territory for the good of the lulz.

Quite frankly, there was almost no way to stop this unless the inevitable Dragon Rush missed; allowing you your Ice Beam critical for great justice.

After Smogonfags were tired of always being raped in the ass by Garchomp in every wifi battle, they moved Garchomp to the Uber tier due to baw.

Post-Sinnoh

"A Challenger Has Appea- wait..."

After the release of the post-Sinnoh Gen IV games, Garchomp began an overused metagame meme; "Once you go Garchomp, you never come back". Then, all hell broke loose over the arguments between the two factions:

"LOLOL!!1 N0Ez SALLERMENSE K1CKS GAYCH0MPS F@GG0T ASS!" "LOL N0, GARCHOMP R@PES UR MOMZ!"

Quite the contrary, both are wrong; as both Salamence and Garchomp fucking suck against the extremely agile Froslass.

Afterwards, the bullshit spread to Smogon; who had long since established "Tiers" and shit for Pokémon. Seriously, who cares about this shit anyways?

Black/White and Beyond

Once Black and White came into play, the once revered Dragon-type fell from grace by the introduction of two even MORE lethal Dragons: Hax0rus and Hydreigon.

The first of which sports an even more fuck awesome Attack than the Godzilla-Jaws abomination, and didn't puss out when hit by Ice moves. Plus, along with its ability to defy all fucking logic and hit you with all of its excessive might with its ability Mold Breaker, it sported two axes on its fucking JAWS. I think all non-furfaggots will agree: Axes > Shark Teeth.

The second of which spurred an even larget shitstorm, the likes of which never seen before in Pokémon games. This stemmed from the final battle of Black and White; where you are pitted against Plasma's leader Ghetsis. No, it wasn't the rape of your team; as Drei covered all of its weaknesses with its arsenal of powerhouse techniques. No, it wasn't its extremely high Speed, allowing it to rain down hell upon your party like Pedobear to loli ass. No... It was because of its fucking underlevelled state of 54!!11!1oneone

Garchomp could never compare to the epitome of jizz-inducing lulz these two excreted upon release. Trust me, it can't.

The Return

Garchomp made its great comeback in the Black and White post-game challenge with, GASP, the same blonde bitch from the previous generation! The horror! And, surprisingly, the battle was marginally harder; with the addition of the Pokémon Eelektross to her team of overpowered drones. Quite frankly, the eel posed more of a threat than the old chap. Getting soft are we, Garchomp? Shame.

As if that weren't enough, Giovanni was given one to freely abuse in Black 2 and White 2's World Tournament...

Out of the Ashes

Last Thursday, Pokemon XY were released, introducing a new type to pwn dragons: fairies, which were fully prepared to take none of the dragons' shit. Garchomp entered this generation prepared for war, armed with a new Mega Evolution to fight the new Jigglypuff, cotton candy, and jingling key menaces. Despite the obvious efforts to nerf dragons, Game Freak smiled upon Garchomp and basically made it what Mewtwo was in Red and Blue, but slower and harder hitting. Our scaly friend will need all of the help he can get to punish the Clefairy heathens. Godspeed, Garchomp. Godspeed.

Rule 34

You fap to this.

Your Choice: Fap or Leave

Quite possibly the most horrific display of immorality ever to grace this earth. This is posted by one of two people; the daring lulz warrior, searching the webz for these pics to surprise some unsuspecting newfag with; or the basement-dwelling sickfucks who wank their shit to it.

The Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

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  You like it
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  Sinnoh Threesome
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  There is no god...

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Round 2
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  Behind closed doors
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  You see, isn't that a great compromise?

See Also

• Smogon University - Main source of Garchomp hatred
• FYIAD
• Cynthia
• Singing Shark
• Sharking

Garchomp is part of a series on Pokémon [Gotta catch ’em all!Who’s that Pokémon?]
A FUCKING POKEMON Abra	Aggron Aggron	Alakazam Alakazam	Bidoof Bidoof	Blastoise Blastoise
Braixen Braixen	Charizard Charizard	Cloyster Cloyster	Ditto Ditto	Empoleon Empoleon
Empoleon Espeon	Garchomp Garchomp	Gardevoir Gardevoir	Hypno Hypno	Jynx Jynx
Jigglypuff Jigglypuff	Kadabra Kadabra	It's a Kirby, retard Kirby	Koffing Koffing	Lanturn Lanturn
Cunnilingus Lickitung	Lopunny Lopunny	Lucario Lucario	Lugia Lugia	Metapod Metapod
Mewtwo Mewtwo	Mistystuffer Misty	Mudkip Mudkip	Twitch Plays Pokemon Omanyte	Pikaman Pikaman
Pokemon Go Pokémon Go	Swirlface Poliwhirl	Porygon Porygon	Primeape Primeape	Probopass Probopass
JustinRPG Reshiram	Riolu Riolu	FUCK_YEAH_SEAKING Seaking	Shaymin Shaymin	Shiny Pidgey Shiny Pidgey
Slowpoke Slowpoke	Smugleaf Smugleaf	Snorlax Snorlax	Snover Snover	Squirtle Squirtle
Suicune Suicune	Vileplume Vileplume	Xatu Xatu	Zoroark Zoroark

Garchomp is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Garchomp is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.