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Younow, also known as Jewnow✡, is a gay website/app created last Thursday to replace BlogTV's outdated ass as the world's premiere live matchmaking service for pedophiles and jailbait under the age of consent, just beating NAMBLA by a touch. Since camwhores under 13 are typically B& by Nazi mods after at least 100 seconds of streaming, Jewnow is primarily a site for creepy old perverts to tell 13-year-old boys and 16-year-old girls what to do on cam ever since Subservient Chicken was eaten alive on camera by niggers. Some argue that space-Jew Jabba the Hutt and Slave Leia with a collar around her neck were the inspiration for all this faggotry. Jewnow has long been at the forefront of online karaoke hazing.

PROTIP: Younow threads are not allowed on the asshole of the Internets.

Jewnow's primary function is an in-home sousveillance system developed by the Israeli military as a supplement to public CCTV surveillance systems, but is promoted as a fun and exciting way to "build your fanbase." It began when a yid employed to watch surveillance footage of cars in Zion wondered what it would be like to see inside the car. And inside the bedroom. And inside the tub. And inside the colon. Advancements in miniaturization technology will allow Jewnow to branch into medical imaging applications suggested by kike Ray Kurzweil✡ to enable broadcasts directly from a user's ear nose and throat, beating heart, eyeballs, brain, uterus, schlong, balls, and urethra. Most broadcasts on the site already stream directly from assholes. Jewnow delivers over 9000 piping hot streams per day.

   
“ 		 
Fellow Israelis breeze in and out of a far door. "Captain," Adi says, nodding seriously at one. "The Unit," he says of another, referring to an Israeli secret service. A third was in naval intelligence. Adi himself had been an Army special-forces paratrooper.
  		„
  		 

—New York magazine

The face of Jewnow

The spokesperson for Jewnow is a spooky skeleton known as Ms. Skeltal (aka Skeleton Queen aka Ms. Bones aka The Screaming Skull) who wears a long black wig that snaps onto her parietal bone. Discovered on the TV series Bones, she resides in Castle Greyskull and her catchphrase is "Rattle me bones!" As we speak she is amassing an unholy dark army with her bony laughter spells which echo in a listener's skull and exert spooky control over a person's skeleton so they become her minions and bow to kiss her alabaster metatarsals. Mr. Skeltal is also the final boss of Jewnow, because she survived Auschwitz. Her dream husbando is a lump of clay known as Jack Skellington (otherwise known as Slenderman 1.0.) Since skeletons lack bodily fluids, there is nowhere to deposit a free-floating Jewnow mini-cam, so Ms. Skeltal will be impervious to future efforts to miniaturize cameras, although gnat drones could fly freely in and out of her ribcage, much like the autumn wind.

Background

The CEO of Jewnow is kike former paratrooper and NAMBLA boylover documentarian Adi Sideman✡, who suffers from Yellow fever and therefore loves karaoke. He previously collected photos of young boys with his Elf Yourself app for OfficeMax, who he partnered with because the name reminded him of Officer Max Hershlag back in the IDF. OfficeMax later went belly up due to think of the children and merged with Home Depot forming the mega-conglomerate Pop Copy for all your print and copy needs. The technical brain behind Jewnow is a hebe named Jon✡ (although a hebe named Erez✡ takes all the credit). Whether Jon was also in the IDF or merely a film student Mr. Wisemanstein met at NYU while filming enthusiastic boylovers is unknown. Rabbi Schleidelman still has close ties with the Israeli military and likes to hang out with them shirtless while smoking cigarettes in Iraq. Contrary to rumors, Jewnow has nothing to do with Poland or Pollacks. But most of the Polaroids taken on the site are in fact a sausage fest, demonstrating that 16-year-old girls are even bigger creeps than men (or in fucktardspeak, "thirsty"). Some argue most of the snapshots of faggots and shirtless twinks could have been taken by homogays, but shitdicks already have matchmaking apps.

After smiling merchant Dave Attell✡'s failed attempt to reboot The Gong Show, merchant Mysidesman had the original idea to bring The Gong Show to the Interbutts three years later. Jewnow is a revolution in "social television", and we all know who controls television. After Youtube's success delivering Russian lolis via a series of tubes, merchant Wiseman had the completely original idea of delivering them to you now. Some argue the Gong aspect of the site made too many camwhores butthurt so they removed the dislike button and replaced it with gifts such as smiling piles of shit. Some argue the Gong gimmick was dropped after market research found that the camwhores and twinks on the site had never even heard of The Gong Show, in addition to millenials' angst over feeling that everyone should be a winner. Now the only way to express your contempt for a cammer or drive them off is in the chat window, where you will meet the banhammer. If any cammer is criticized for any reason they will always respond "If you don't like what I'm doing, then don't watch me." This includes informing stupid naked whores that mods are coming, because they don't comprehend that the site has moderators that enforce rules. When a naked whore gets banned, it will inevitably be while she is saying "if you don't like it then leave."

Regarding Sideman's NAMBLA documentary Chicken Hawk (described as "one of the sickest documentaries you'll probably never see"), Spiderman's NYU film professor said "Almost from the beginning, I said: 'You have to be careful you aren't making an apology for the NAMBLA people.'" Sideman said "I never meant to dictate my point of view. I want the audience to judge for themselves." If it wasn't clear before, the Younow app is Sideman's apology to the NAMBLA people. From Jewnow's point of view, any child with a smartphone has the technological right to broadcast from their bathtub webcam to everyone on Earth who doesn't live in a cave, at least until the moderators stop having buttsecks with each other and notice.

Existing in irrelevance since June 2011 forever, Younow is a website that nobody cared about until April 2014 when the floodgates were opened and anyone with a camera was allowed to go live immediately under their own hashtag. Before then there were certain "channels" (like Faggots, Giant Faggots, Mega Faggots, Turbo Faggots, VIP Faggots) and there were channel managers (who are now fucking useless) and people had to wait in line to go live until the live camwhore got too many Gongs or downvotes. In March 2013 Jewnow absorbed Israeli camwhore site BlogTV✡ and acquired their users and vidya and 4 employees and yet another guy named Oren✡ (bringing the number to 12).

Once the floodgates were opened and Younow became just another live camwhore site, the most popular hashtag quickly became #twerk because young girls are all secret sluts. The #twerk hashtag is now banned and was retired some time in October 2014 after Younow devs realized the monster they had unleashed onto the world in the form of the uncontrollable sexual libido/exhibitionism of the American female tween.

Camwhore demographics

In addition to prostitots, 16-year-old girls, and 13-year-old boys, Jewnow is populated by various people suffering from one or more forms of mental illness:

The Jewnow Arabs

Jewnow is based in Jew York but also happens to be the most popular app among sandniggers and dune coons in Sandland because it is the only app available in durkadurka. This is so merchants can monitor anti-Zionist activity in the Middle East and pipe raghead videofeeds directly to kike synagogues for monitoring, and send facial recognition data to Zion airports, in addition to collecting video of minors masturbating on camera to be traded among the Jewish media elite. In essence, Jewnow acts as an early warning system on par with the kike messaging system Odigo which informed merchant banksters to not show up to work on 9/11 so Mossad could do WTC.

On the Arrakis version of Jewnow, all sand people can be classified into the following categories:

  • Arab guy driving away from sandworms
  • Arab guy flying to avoid sandworms altogether
  • car interiors
  • total blackness and praying (presumably to avoid sandworms)
  • total blackness and women talking
  • guy playing durka music
  • ceilings and ceiling fans
  • sand eaters in white sitting against a wall on Tatooine
  • goat jockeys smoking hookahs
  • spinning disco lights
  • naked giggling whores who successfully hide from mods for 30 minutes or more

Some argue that there are so many Fremen on Jewnow due to a cultural interest in child marriage.

Using the site

Login

How to bypass login

Jewnow itself has no login system but users can login in via merchant Zuckerberg✡'s Stalkbook or Instagram or merchant Page✡ and Brin✡'s Doxxle or Jewish-media-promotion site Twitter (whose IPO was underwritten by merchant Sacks Goldman). Live video on Jewnow is archived forever a month 7 days for 3 days on the Amazon "cloud", unbeknownst to most dumb as hell attention whores, but a camwhore's last broadcast is saved for much longer, and some special snowflake camwhores (like Mr. Skeltal) have full or longer retention because they suck cocks. Some argue that Younow's retention for nobodies was lowered because their archival system led to Amazon's worst quarterly loss in 14 years when it was discovered that Amazon was the world's largest cheese pizza provider.


Get banned

People who type any badword into the chat window will be autobanned by the Hebrew robot called Bot Mitzvah. Or a user may be banned by one of over 9000 two dozen mods on the site. Any whore who even shows her bellybutton will be banned by electronic police. Male cammers are never banned, except for chatting, or when they show videos of sluts twerking, or the rare swarthy naked foreigner laying in bed who posts pictures of his car on camwhore's profiles. If a whore shows as much as ankle on camera she will be flagged by fat ugly bitter jealous SJWs and B& by lackey mods and all their archived streams will be lost in time like tears in the rain, unless dedicated digital preservationists collect, catalog, and manage such collections so that future generations can see what attention whores looked like before the Statue of Liberty was submerged and bands of marauders rape and kill people for french fry oil to power their jetskis.


Evade ban

Mobile users are device-banned based on UDID or IMEI or IMSI or MEID or some shit which can be altered by deleting System32 then doing computer and changing its wifi MAC address or asking your mom to buy you a new phone.

Desktop users are banned based on canvas fingerprinting which uses the HTML5 canvas element to "draw" an invisible picture on a computer which is converted into a digital token and stored as cookies and necromancer Flash files which will resurrect cookies from the dead. Data brokers then trade these worthless tokens to the NSA for shekels and the benefits of HTML5 are used to track people across the Internet. A different User Agent field will produce a different fingerprint, exactly like Agent J in Men In Black.

Ban evasion follows the formula:

  1. eat cookies
  2. become secret agent
  3. sign up for temporary email
  4. make new twitter with email
  5. make new jewnow account
  6. ???
  7. kill yourself

So you want to record some whores

In the extremely rare event that win is observed, an intrepid viewer may want to record it. Users were able to record 6 second clips called "moments" but nobody cares because it's basically an even shittier version of Vine. Younow uses Flash video and the RTMP protocol for livestreams and past videos, although some old videos are turned into short "flashback" MP4 clips so people who damaged their brains with acid can enjoy the site too.

Popular programs used to cap a whore's ass include:

  • Jeff Bezos
  • Internet Download Manager
  • VSO Downloader
  • rtmpdump (and optionally rtmpdumphelper)
  • curl
  • screenrecorders
  • VHS camcorders for that good old grimy adult videostore feel
  • phonographs
  • Fucking Magnets

PROTIP: A smartphone and the Younow app itself GET REAL SCREENCASTING SOFTWARE YOU FAGGOT is a simple way to restream live streams and past streams, but that implies any videos are worth repeating.


Ethnographic vocabulary

Nearly all of the language encountered on Jewnow consists of variations of lyrics from the song "Booty Had Me Like" (featuring M.T.D.) by the venerable New Kids On The Block cover-band wiggerfaggot threesome Round2Crew. This is likely due to Jewnow developers embedding subliminal references to the song in "gifts" you can give camwhores.

Terms from the song include:

  • you gotta bae?
  • or nah?
  • booty droppin' down low
  • damn
  • baby
  • imma
  • hold up let me do that nae nae
  • turnt up
  • booty
  • like
  • woah
  • yeah

Viewers will also hear the terms "doe", "on fleek", "like", "oh my gawwwwd", "I'm so ratchet right now", "I'm borrrrrred", and white people on their new iPhones casually doing Sheneequa impressions. Girls on the site typically accuse viewers of being "thirsty" even though they are the ones thirsty for attention, and will even create elaborate whiteboard signs to say what they will do for worthless Internet points. When a cammer uses the phone-sex app Parlor and inevitably pretends to be a little girl, viewers will hear towelheads whose English consists entirely of "NO FUCK YOU." Nobody is ever banned for using Parlor. Ever.

A German version of the site serves neo-Nazis. Another version of the site serves beaners. There is also a Turkish version of the site that nobody but your mom uses.

Monetization

In order to amass user-generated content (read: amateur porn) for free and profit off it, Jewnow preys on the natural instincts of attention whores, who have an insatiable urge to become the #1 most viewed attention whore on the site at any given time, known as "trending." To reach such a lofty "goal" they may:

  • be a young male
  • twerk to niggermusic
  • stare at their phone for 3 hours
  • whine about being bored
  • call up random strangers and insult them
  • prank underpaid fast-food drive-thru employees like some rich douchebag
  • catfish innocent people for the lulz and make fun of domestic violence until devs sweep it under the rug
  • say things on camera that would get chatters instabanned
  • say they will do shit for a certain number of likes but never put out and keep moving the goalposts like the fucking lying bitches they are
  • do things that make Baby Jesus cry
  • demand to be asked questions about their life so they can pretend anyone cares what they think
  • sing badly
  • put shoe on head
  • take their clothes off for worthless imaginary "likes"
  • show vagoo (extremely rare in the wild)
  • sharpie in the pooper

These are all perfectly sane things to do for the entire world when asked to by total strangers, with a video record of it saved in perpetuity. Some girls will remove their clothes without being asked when they start broadcasting, because it's the only way they know how to get their father to pay attention to them. It's all part of their short-term plan to become an e-celebrity akin to Kim Kardashian and be famous for doing nothing except coalburning on video that one time. Jewnow is an insidious degenerative brain disease which reaches its endstage when a camwhore begins exhibiting delusional symptoms such as talking about "merch" (named after merchant Sideman) and talking about going on tour, where tweenage girls can scream at them like The Beatles and sing along badly to Justin Bieber cover songs.

Jewnow was designed as a pay-to-win MMORPG that makes its money when sick fuck voyeurs and idiots purchase Jewnow Jewgold bars and store them in an ever-expanding basement dungeon and "give" them to camwhores which helps them level up and become more popular. Although camwhores don't actually get to keep the bars and it only makes them temporarily popular before they log off or their unlimited mobile data plan paid for by daddy shits out. When cammers level up they "unlock" new "perks" like on Xbox Live but Jewnow "perks" consist entirely of shitty icons. Jewnow gold bars are a virtual currency backed by real Jewgoldbars that survived 9/11 in the basement of Silverstein✡'s WTC7, but only kikes can redeem them. While it is still possible for attention whores to play Jewnow without receiving Jewgold, it takes much longer to grind, so many players have resorted to going AFK and sleeping on camera while their webcam mines Jewcoins in the background.

In October 2014 Jewnow introduced the Jewnow Partner Program in order to be less Jew-y and exploitative, and also to begin turning out all the hos and twinks. Before then, Jewnow had been hoarding all the money that morons spent on Jewgoldbars, because apart from selling user-tracking info to the NSA and facial recognition data to Zion, that's their only business model to fuel IDF Captain Dovi✡'s yacht and appease Jewish venture capitalists like Israeli Oren Dweeb✡ until some bigger Jewish tech company buys out their in-home sousveillance/jailbait delivery service for billions of dollars and subsequently releases the CyberLink Jewcam VR Headset and Jewnow Holographic.

At least 100 online whores, known as "partners" to appease the butthurt LGBT mafia, get paid to act fake and love their fans because they get paid to. Prior to that, starving iPhone camwhores with cable internet began spending money on PO Boxes to beg for clothes and anthrax. After becoming partner their e-begging intensifies, like a methwhore's hunger for semen.

Jewgoldbars are what partners crave. And Jewnow is their pimp. Calling them "partners" is like a pimp calling his hos "team members." Jewgoldbars are an innovative digital semen that partners want all over their face, and the site happily obliges by superimposing it over their face with Jewnow's patent-pending virtual semen augmented reality overlays. Partners get paid real money based on a fraction of how many virtual Jewgoldbars that idiot viewers buy and tip them, because they've never heard of other forms of online begging. Only partners have "tip jars." Since retards spend real money on partners, partners almost always broadcast with impunity, rarely getting suspended. Partners get away with murder, like police officers, OJ, and America's most prolific serial killer, card-carrying NRA member and ginger Chris Kyle.

PROTIP: The fastest way for a regular user to get banned in chat is to talk like a partner.

Partners typically have longer retention of their past broadcasts in order to encourage crazy stalkers and degenerate regulars who are willing to buy Jewgoldbars. But a few partners make most or many of their past broadcasts private, either because they are the one millenial who has actually read 1984 and they don't think "memory hole" is a Taylor Swift song, or they believe in "privacy" which Mark Zuckerberg✡ is trying to phase out, or they believe in the right to be forgotten (like Anonymous, who do not forget others but want everyone else to forget who they are).

Requirements

The basic requirements to become a partner are:

  1. have a penis
  2. look like a fag
  3. have ADD or ADHD
  4. have an average of 450 viewers
  5. broadcast twice a week

But exceptions are made in certain cases.

The Jewnow Partner Program was later renamed the Jewnow Penis Program when it was determined that 90% of "partners" have a penis. Some ugly SJW is probably writing about this oppressive disparity on Jezebel right now, blaming cis white male privilege, and failing to realize that females are their own worst enemy. The fact is that the majority of Jewnow viewers are stupid teen girls on smartphones, and by slobbering over cock 24/7 and jealously attacking any popular female, they have themselves created a glass ceiling on Jewnow, an unseen and unbreachable barrier that keeps cunts from rising to the upper rungs of the Jewnow ladder. Mr. Skeltal's success in becoming the final boss of Jewnow can be explained by the fact that she has only a bony pelvis where her genitals should be. The partner gender disparity might also be explained by the fact that male cammers are never banned because only females are dumb enough to buy them Jewgoldbars, and any female that males actually want to watch is usually banned within minutes of her first broadcast, so cocks rise to the top.

Lulz: Ask paid camwhores "How much are you getting paid for this?" in every broadcast and see how long it takes for you to get banned.

Tagteaming

In an attempt to obtain more money from the Jewnow Jews, some partners have unionized. Many partners tagteam with each other, meaning they won't compete with each other for viewers but will refrain from broadcasting when another partner is streaming, and before one partner logs off they will direct all of their viewers to another partner, passing on viewers like gonorrhea. They basically coordinate with each other so they're not both working the same corner at the same time. Many partners dream of leaving their pimp Jewnow for the pimp Jewtube.

A recent trend is partners flying to meet other partners and broadcasting together like faggots while being objectified by rabid teenage whores. The progenitor of tagteaming was, of course, boy bands, followed by ersatz groups of young males with no discernible talent whatsoever, like Magcon. Another trend is partners moving in with each other to create faggot "power couples" in order to combine their faggoty gravitational pull to amass more Jewgoldbars, like a supermassive black fag hole singularity at the center of the galaxy where no teen girl can escape because they're all slipping on the juices gushing from their vaginas like waterfalls, creating a kind of slick gravitational Slip 'N Slide which also splashes in their eyes resulting in a debilitating medical condition known as Grool Blindness which makes homos appear to be interested in girls for any reason besides pegging.

The logical conclusion to the tagteaming trend will be a huge partner orgy where retarded teen girls will pay real money to watch a room full of nobodies being faggots. Later the paid camwhores will argue over how to split their Jewgold, and complain about being Jewed by Jewnow and realize that the check was "lost in the mail" and not enough to cover their lease anyway, which will nevertheless be paid for by their parents because every camwhore on Jewnow is a spoiled cunt who has never worked manual labor or been disciplined by their parents.

FUN FACT: Every Jewnow partner is also a hand model. Garbage people who have never had a "mani" need not apply.

Multi-level marketing

In early Younow history, cammers were given worthless crap to "recruit" people to the site. So for example with 200,000 tickets they could trade them in for a Younow baseball cap made by children in a sweatshop in Malaysia. Younow dangles the carrot of getting paid to "lifecast" in front of camwhores's faces when Voyeurhouse was doing it 13 years ago, before Big Brother ripped them off. But tiny in-app-purchases have made viewers spending $60 for the possibility of seeing a girl take a bath much easier to stomach, just like nickel slots slowly suck all the retirement money out of aging baby boomers. Younow recruits locals in Jew York to become broadcasters so that the site will become as viral as Ebola. Younow is basically digital Ebola, but instead of shitting blood, "Younowers" are just shit.

White Power Update

In late February 2014, Younow updated their website that only oldfags use to Version 3.19 Now With More Scrollbars. The update made it possible for computer users to see unicode emojis like smiling piles of shit with the help of Twitter Emoji for Everyone, which can display 872 emojis in .png or .svg format, but not the Diversity emojis because who gives a shit.

They also made everything whiter because White Power, added a new video loading SWF, made it so people could scroll back further in the chat window and easily miss new comments, included a side scrolling thing that shows multiple top fans, the viewers tab now includes how many fans each viewer has because how else are you supposed to run a popularity contest, the area where you can stalk people you've fanned was moved to the left side of the screen because lefties, formerly square profile pictures now appear like circles so millenials don't cut themselves on those edges, and things in general were made to look more like some ancient Greek Temple of Apollo Apple.

Lack of content

Some argue that Jewnow content fails in comparison to other services such as Omegle or Stickam or Chaturbate or Chateen or Skype, but Jewnow's market penetration among normalfags makes some camwhores on Jewnow of a higher grade than Eastern European crackwhores and daytime strippers. The ease of downloading the app and showing the house where you sleep at night to the entire world is as trivial as a child racking up $200,000 on virtual donuts on their mom's credit card. Pedobears typically lure targets to other video applications to avoid the Nazi mods of Jewnow, so Jewnow fundamentally acts as a mobile jailbait discovery engine.

Jewnow lolsuits ED

YouNow users are very dedicated to their streams. So dedicated that anything negative about their stream must be eliminated. In the following log, after blanking this article, a dedicated YouNow advocate who is in love with a shitty network soap opera about zombies pretends to be the YouNow administrator and sends ED a legal notice. As a general rule, legal notices written by teenagers are promptly disregarded. 

Sunday, 28 December 2014

Encyclopediadramatica Younow page (https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Younow) Attn: Encyclopediadramatica


Re: False and defamatory statements made by encyclopediadramatica to Younow regarding Younow Page

Dear Encyclopediadramatica:

We represent Younow in connection with the above-referenced matter. Encyclopediadramatica, its directors, officers, agents, employees and assigns (collectively, “Encyclopediadramatica”) are hereby warned and notified to CEASE AND DESIST making false and defamatory statements regarding Younow and its ongoing matters with Encyclopediadramatica.

It has come to our attention that false statements were made by Encyclopediadramatica.

The statements made by Encyclopediadramatica regarding Younow are false, defamatory, constitute tortious interference with business, and as such, are actionable under New York State Law.

If our client is forced to commence a lawsuit against Encyclopediadramatica in order to stop continued false and defamatory statements, be advised that we will seek recovery of all attorneys’ fees and costs incurred herein as a result. While we certainly hope this is not necessary, we are prepared to pursue whatever avenues are necessary on behalf of our client to stop the continued false and defamatory statements made against Younow by Encyclopediadramatica.

Sincerely,


Younow Administrator.

sat·ire

n.

Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.


ED IS SATIRICAL, DUMBASS!!!

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