Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Apology: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older edit
imported>Gray
Redirected page to Troll's Remorse
imported>4ourty
Merging Sorry
 
(5 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
#REDIRECT [[Troll's Remorse]]
''See also [[Trolls remorse]], [[Drama remorse]], or [[Remorse Dog]].''
 
[[File:We apologize 11.jpg|250px|right]]
[[Image:Randy_Duke_Cunningham.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Republican]] embezzler 'Duke' Cunningham, in a rare public '''"I'm sorry."''' His tears were more for the anticipated 8 years of prison buttsecks he was in for than actual remorse.]]
 
'''Apologies''' or '''Sorry''' is used to show remorse or shame for a deed you have done, however disgusting it may be, it is a phrase you will never hear nor read from this site unless it is used with a [[irony|sarcastic]] tone; for instance ''"We apologize that [[you]] are a faggot"''. In this context it should never be confused with actual [[butthurt|sorrow]] nor is it an actual [[true|heartfelt]] apology, but is usually a [[the End|last-ditch]] attempt by the troll to save his or her job – especially when the trolled [[black]]s, [[Al Sharpton]] or [[Jesse Jackson]] are calling for [[unemployed|your head]].
 
We don't desire your forgiveness, that is, if you deserve an article on this site - for you are truly at the shortest of the [[internets]] straws and deserve everything coming to you in conjunction with your article. With such a [[psychochondria|spaz]] to have been noticed by this face of the internet is a fuckup in epic proportions, such that you deserved an article here chronicling your [[retard|stupidity]] over a series of weeks, months, years, to your grave and beyond.
 
The best thing you can do if you find yourself on an article in this site is to apologize to everyone you know around you for being such a pile of [[shit]], drama ridden [[pedo]], or all around [[psycho]].
 
 
== Things We Won't Apologize For ==
 
[[File:Shirley it's all your fault.jpeg|right|250px]]
 
* You're an [[Ugly]] [[Troll]]: That's something you should take up with your [[Parents]] because it was their faulty DNA that produced [[you]].
 
* You're [[Fat]]: Again that's all your fault because you have no [[Troll|self control]] and have to eat everything in site.
 
* You're a [[Pedophile]]: You're a [[Sick Fuck]] and should [[An hero|kill yourself]] after reading this.
 
* You're a [[Doopie Doodles|High School Drop Out]]: You're most likely a [[Too lazy|lazy]] waste of flesh that begs for [[Money]] on [[Twatter]] while telling everyone on the site how you are days away from becoming an [[Animu]] artist and going to [[Japan]]
 
* You have a [[My Tiny Dick|tiny dick]]: This is the fault of your [[parents]] inferior DNA and you should [[Suicide|Kill Yourself]] immediately or walk around as a joke.
 
* You were born [[nigger|black]]: This is a punishment from [[God]] for your sins in a past [[life]] and you should live your life in penance so you can be reborn white.
 
* You don't have a [[girlfriend]]: This is a failure on your part because [[loli|girls]] find you repulsive. Get used to this because you will never find [[love]].
 
* You were born [[Money|Poor]]: Blame your parents for [[fuck]]ing up in [[education|high school]] and not being able to make it into college so all they can do is work at [[Food|Fast food]] restaurants.
 
* You were molested: Think of it this way, you were so hot as a child that an adult couldn't control themselves, sexually, around you.
 
* You're a [[Porn]]ographer: Whether it be drawing it, writing it, or taking and collecting photos - you should die a horrible [[Dead|Death]] where your innards are pulled out and shown to you before you pass.
 
* You don't believe in [[God]]:  This is totally your choice if you want to believe in him or not but it won't be our fault when you're burning in [[Hell]].
 
* You're a [[Almost raped|rapist]]: There is no such thing as [[rape]] but if you need to utilize [[Surprise Sex]] as a technique for getting the [[pussy| puss puss]] you are a waste of flesh that probably can't talk to girls or get a [[Erection|Hard On]] when talking to them.
 
* You're in [[Prison]]: The answer is simple, you shouldn't have done what you did.
 
* You're a [[Leftard|Democrat]]: There is no cure for [[Retard]]edness.
 
* You're [[Florida]] Trailer Trash: Again, blame your parents because they chose to smoke Meth rather than go to school and all they can afford is a trailer park to raise you in.
 
* You're a [[Woman]]: Blame [[God]] for your being born without a [[penis]].
 
* You're a teenager with [[Cancer]]:  Hey, what can we say, [[God]] hates you.
 
* You're the school bike: [[Amanda Todd|Drink bleach]] then kill yourself.
 
* You're  the [[prison]] bike: Tighten up your sphincter because you're going to be prison gay until your release.  If you can't live with it, you could always [[Suicide|kill yourself]].
 
* You're [[Chris Chan]]: You're [[God]]'s practical joke and it is your mom's fault for not aborting you at the moment of your conception.
 
== Elements Of An Apology ==
 
[[File:How-to-Apologize-in-5-simple-steps.png|right|250px]]
 
When apologizing to the world for your fuck up of being born it really helps that you show sincere remorse.  We should be able to feel the regret of your mistake of being born and choosing to do the actions that led you to be noticed.
 
Second: You must take responsibility for the choices you have made on the [[Internets]] even if it is one that is not in your control such as being born ugly as there are many options that can be taken such as plastic surgery to improve upon this mistake.
 
Third: You must make amends for all the harms you have caused such as spreading stupidity across the [[internets]].  For most this might be rather [[Occam's Razor|difficult]] because their stupidity was contagious and led to others following in the tracks of their ineptitude.  The only real solution and sincere apology is to leave the [[internets]] completely and never come back.
 
Fourth: If leaving the [[internets]] is not something you are willing to do then you must admit to your mistakes and promise never to make them again.  An example would be you saying you [[Doopie Doodles|Support Hitler]] and after being chastised by the [[internets]] for it make a sincere apology admitting that what you said was wrong and won't be repeated again.
 
=== The Six Stages ===
 
This form of 'apology' is usually accompanied by:
 
# An immediate [[bullshit|hyperbolic]] press release spewing [[lulz|remorse]] issued through a [[liar|PR person]].
# An appearance on The Larry King show.
# Turning your life over to [[God]].
# Entering [[rehab]] of some sort (from [[Alcoholics Anonymous]] to [[pot|Anger Management]]).
# Meeting with the [[offended]] group in question.
# Suicide secondary to crippling guilt.
# [[????]]
# [[PROFIT]]!
 
 
It is extremely rare, however, for the offender to get beyond Stage 2.
 
== Sincerity ==
 
[[File:Sincere apology how to.png|right|250px]]
 
If you are [[Sorry|apologizing]] for something you did on the internet to get you chastised enmasse it is likely that you will most likely be [[Bullshit|insincere]] because you are only making the apology because that is what people are demanding.
 
The fact is, apologies are a sign of weakness because you are letting [[Crybaby|people]] decide your actions and you are selling out your beliefs by saying that what you said is a mistake and should never had been uttered.
 
Apologize, don't apologize it's up to you but one thing you shouldn't do is [[Pewdiepie|play it off as a joke]] because this is an insult to everyone's [[intelligence]] and only succeeds in pissing people off because you are taking a serious subject like [[Fags]] dying from AIDS and reducing it to a punchline
 
== [[Lies|Saying Sorry]] on the Internet ==
 
[[Image:Formal_Apology.jpg|thumb|300px|How to express your remorse on the interbutts.]]
 
Given that the internet has made IRL contact redundant, much to the pleasure of all [[basement dwelling]] [[virgin]]s who sit on their computers 24/7, new methods of apology have evolved.
 
Since no [[serious]] ED user has ever been observed apologizing for anything, completing this section is currently [[Obama|beyond our pay grade]].
 
 
== Notable People Who Are "Sorry" ==
{{Finalsolutions}}{{clear}}
 
*[[Mary Bale]]
*[[Rick Sanchez]]
*[[Helen Thomas]]
*[[BP]]
*[[Tiger Woods]]
*[[Jesse James]]
*[[Michael Vick]]
*[[Don Imus]]
*[[Kramer]]
*[[Mel Gibson]]
*[[Kevin Rudd]]
*[[TV|Isaiah Washington]]
*[[sport|Tim Hardaway]]
*[[Rush Limbaugh]]
*[[England|The English]]
*[[Ted Haggard]]
*[[George Allen]]
*[[Paris Hilton]]
*[[Lindsay Lohan]]
*[[Nicole Richie]]
*[[Eliot Spitzer]]
*[[Beastie Boys]]
*[[Toyota]] [http://topnews.com.sg/content/2914-toyota-sorry-product-recall]
*[http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2999217 Mike Nifong]
*[http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/threatlevel/2010/02/vision_letter.pdf Max Vision] [http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/02/max-vision-sentencing/ brb, jail]
*[[Judge William Adams]]
 
== Notable [[troll|People]] Who Are Never "Sorry" ==
=== [[OTI]] ===
* [[ED]]
** ajt
** [[BURK]]
** [[eppigy]]
** [[ODB]]
** [[Sheneequa]]
* [[Anonymous]]
 
=== [[IRL]] ===
[[Image:Sorry_guys.jpg|thumb|300px|The list to the [[wrong|left]] was clearly made by a Jew. [[truth|Hitler has nothing to be sorry for.]]]]
* [[Adolf Hitler]]
* [[Alberto Gonzales]]
* [[Andy Kaufman]]
* [[Ann Coulter]]
* [[Bernie Madoff]]
* [[Bill O'Reilly]]
* [[Borat]]
* [[Fred Phelps]]
* [[Geoffrey Leonard]]
* [[George Bush]]
* [[John Howard]]
* [[John Mark Karr]]
* [[Michael Phelps]]
* [[Nancy Pelosi]]
* [[Osama bin Laden]]
* [[OJ Simpson]]
* [[R. Lee Ermey]]
* [[Rod Blagojevich]]
* [[Sarah Palin]]
* [[White people]]
* [[Me]]
* [[I did it for the lulz|People who did it for the lulz]]
 
== See Also ==
 
* [[Confession]]
* [[Troll's Remorse]]
* [[Rehab]]
* [[You]]
* [[Sorrow]]
 
<center>'''Sorrrry'''<br><youtube>15HTd4Um1m4</youtube><br></center>
 
{{Language}}
{{Trolls}}
 
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
 
{{timeline|Featured article August 4 through August 5, 2020|[[Fat]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[George Floyd]]}}

Latest revision as of 13:14, 8 May 2023

See also Trolls remorse, Drama remorse, or Remorse Dog.

Republican embezzler 'Duke' Cunningham, in a rare public "I'm sorry." His tears were more for the anticipated 8 years of prison buttsecks he was in for than actual remorse.

Apologies or Sorry is used to show remorse or shame for a deed you have done, however disgusting it may be, it is a phrase you will never hear nor read from this site unless it is used with a sarcastic tone; for instance "We apologize that you are a faggot". In this context it should never be confused with actual sorrow nor is it an actual heartfelt apology, but is usually a last-ditch attempt by the troll to save his or her job – especially when the trolled blacks, Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson are calling for your head.

We don't desire your forgiveness, that is, if you deserve an article on this site - for you are truly at the shortest of the internets straws and deserve everything coming to you in conjunction with your article. With such a spaz to have been noticed by this face of the internet is a fuckup in epic proportions, such that you deserved an article here chronicling your stupidity over a series of weeks, months, years, to your grave and beyond.

The best thing you can do if you find yourself on an article in this site is to apologize to everyone you know around you for being such a pile of shit, drama ridden pedo, or all around psycho.


Things We Won't Apologize For

  • You're an Ugly Troll: That's something you should take up with your Parents because it was their faulty DNA that produced you.
  • You're Fat: Again that's all your fault because you have no self control and have to eat everything in site.
  • You were born black: This is a punishment from God for your sins in a past life and you should live your life in penance so you can be reborn white.
  • You don't have a girlfriend: This is a failure on your part because girls find you repulsive. Get used to this because you will never find love.
  • You were born Poor: Blame your parents for fucking up in high school and not being able to make it into college so all they can do is work at Fast food restaurants.
  • You were molested: Think of it this way, you were so hot as a child that an adult couldn't control themselves, sexually, around you.
  • You're a Pornographer: Whether it be drawing it, writing it, or taking and collecting photos - you should die a horrible Death where your innards are pulled out and shown to you before you pass.
  • You don't believe in God: This is totally your choice if you want to believe in him or not but it won't be our fault when you're burning in Hell.
  • You're a rapist: There is no such thing as rape but if you need to utilize Surprise Sex as a technique for getting the puss puss you are a waste of flesh that probably can't talk to girls or get a Hard On when talking to them.
  • You're in Prison: The answer is simple, you shouldn't have done what you did.
  • You're Florida Trailer Trash: Again, blame your parents because they chose to smoke Meth rather than go to school and all they can afford is a trailer park to raise you in.
  • You're a teenager with Cancer: Hey, what can we say, God hates you.
  • You're the prison bike: Tighten up your sphincter because you're going to be prison gay until your release. If you can't live with it, you could always kill yourself.
  • You're Chris Chan: You're God's practical joke and it is your mom's fault for not aborting you at the moment of your conception.

Elements Of An Apology

When apologizing to the world for your fuck up of being born it really helps that you show sincere remorse. We should be able to feel the regret of your mistake of being born and choosing to do the actions that led you to be noticed.

Second: You must take responsibility for the choices you have made on the Internets even if it is one that is not in your control such as being born ugly as there are many options that can be taken such as plastic surgery to improve upon this mistake.

Third: You must make amends for all the harms you have caused such as spreading stupidity across the internets. For most this might be rather difficult because their stupidity was contagious and led to others following in the tracks of their ineptitude. The only real solution and sincere apology is to leave the internets completely and never come back.

Fourth: If leaving the internets is not something you are willing to do then you must admit to your mistakes and promise never to make them again. An example would be you saying you Support Hitler and after being chastised by the internets for it make a sincere apology admitting that what you said was wrong and won't be repeated again.

The Six Stages

This form of 'apology' is usually accompanied by:

  1. An immediate hyperbolic press release spewing remorse issued through a PR person.
  2. An appearance on The Larry King show.
  3. Turning your life over to God.
  4. Entering rehab of some sort (from Alcoholics Anonymous to Anger Management).
  5. Meeting with the offended group in question.
  6. Suicide secondary to crippling guilt.
  7. ????
  8. PROFIT!


It is extremely rare, however, for the offender to get beyond Stage 2.

Sincerity

If you are apologizing for something you did on the internet to get you chastised enmasse it is likely that you will most likely be insincere because you are only making the apology because that is what people are demanding.

The fact is, apologies are a sign of weakness because you are letting people decide your actions and you are selling out your beliefs by saying that what you said is a mistake and should never had been uttered.

Apologize, don't apologize it's up to you but one thing you shouldn't do is play it off as a joke because this is an insult to everyone's intelligence and only succeeds in pissing people off because you are taking a serious subject like Fags dying from AIDS and reducing it to a punchline

Saying Sorry on the Internet

How to express your remorse on the interbutts.

Given that the internet has made IRL contact redundant, much to the pleasure of all basement dwelling virgins who sit on their computers 24/7, new methods of apology have evolved.

Since no serious ED user has ever been observed apologizing for anything, completing this section is currently beyond our pay grade.


Notable People Who Are "Sorry"


Apology is part of a series on final solutions.


[crackersGas the...]

Notable People Who Are Never "Sorry"

OTI

IRL

The list to the left was clearly made by a Jew. Hitler has nothing to be sorry for.

See Also

Sorrrry


Apology is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry • The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand

Apology is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article August 4 through August 5, 2020
Preceded by
Fat 		Apology Succeeded by
George Floyd
Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Apology&oldid=1385682"