Rainbow Road

It's the road you go when you die

Appearing quickly in a pseudo-meme near you, Rainbow Road is a song that will quickly bring you to tears. Sung in tune to the music of Mario Kart's track of the same name on Gamecube/Wii/Nintendo64 (not the SNES version. They changed it, fag), the music video features a ~~hip young singer~~ Jew speaking the truth about this awesome track. Clearly, this song will go down as one of the greatest lyrical achievements of the 21st century. NOTE: This song is not to be confused with a Royal Rainbow, an ultimate fail of a classic meme.

Origins of Rainbow Road

Ever since the first Mario Kart game came out on the SNES console, children and adults who live in their parents basements playing nothing but video games every day have come to discover Rainbow Road as the hardest track in the entire game. The SNES version featured a pixilated track of many colors with thwomps, jump pads, and no rails, meaning you could fall of the track if your careless or an newb. To make matters worse, the coins blended in with the yellow spots on the track and computer drivers would blow you away if they so much as touched you during your tenure on this track. It should also be noted that coupled with lightning bolts and the heart-attack-like music, this track has been known to cause seizures to 13-year old boys.

File:Supermariokart1.png

Where it all started

The Nintendo 64 version was much easier to handle, making it complete with a more rainbow-like track coloring and rails. It included neon signs that flickered images of Toad, Mario, Yoshi, and the rest of the shitty Nintenny created by Shigeru Miyamoto. This track featured a more comfortable music score, not as psychotic as the SNES track, but still. It is also the longest track on Mario Kart 64.

Gamecube programmers was slow to release Mario Kart Double Dash, but when they did, butthurt Nintenfags were not disappointed. Returning to roughly the same music as the Nintendo 64 version, the track was a combination of rails and no rails, one big boost jump, and lots of chain champs sounding like dogs and wanting to rape you just before the finish line. Unlike the 64 track, however, there aren't a lot of cheat-worthy shortcuts to be had, so you have to beat the track legitimately, fag.

Nintendo decided the previous Rainbow Road tracks were just not good enough for the Wii version. So, in their infinite wisdom, game developers decided to make the track gayer than ever - adding hundreds of stars and asteroids in the background in addition to making little star tunnels and various obstacles. Because of the transparent nature of the track, players can easily lose their cars and drive off the edge. Coupled with poor music that has nothing to do with the previous tracks, and sounding more like the beginning of Knight Rider if it featured Heath Ledger and the setting was in California or Hawaii.

Behind the Music

The actual song to go along with the track was done in tune to the Gamecube version of the track. Performed by the band Rhymes With Stomach out of Madison, Wisconsin, the video has slowly become a hit among some of the *chan boards. Rhymes with Stomach is a two-member team which includes Mark Kump (the bearded singer featured on the video) and Chris Waelti (some other guy who apparently had nothing to do with the Rainbow Road video). The band initially tried to perform some crappy Christmas tunes, but failed when they realized none of them knew how to play a musical instrument. So, full of vigor, in February of 2008, the "band" created a tribute to Rainbow Road, which is actually partially a tribute to Mark's uncle Walter, who is not yet dead. The band is currently unaware of the song's popularity, as displayed by their MySpace page.

Warning: Listening to this song more than ten times a day may cause AIDS and heart atta-HNNNNNNGGGGG.

Rainbow Road and The *Chans

What could happen after visiting 7chan's /b/

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Rainbow Road is currently a section on 7chan as of July 2008. Click on the page and you will enter a world of hell featuring flashing texts and background featuring the hit song atop the board in loop mode. For the most part, no one really cared about the recent change on 7chan, but when 4chan was stricken with a serious bout of cancer, 4chaners had no choice but to settle for less than greatness. Hence, Rainbow Road has quickly gained popularity, because no one goes to 7chan unless 4chan is down anyway.

PROTIP: To stop the flashing background and text, simply hit escape.

Copypasta

It's called a road it's called a Rainbow Road. It is a road that you go. It's called a road it's called a Rainbow Road. And you will know when you get there! It's called a road it's called a Rainbow Road. It is a road that you go. It's a road that you go when you die! It's a road called Rainbow Road. It's a road we're all gonna go. It's a road called Rainbow Road. It's got Princess Peach, Mario, and the Toad. It's a road called Rainbow Road. It's a road we're all gonna go. We'll gooooooOOOO! It's Rainbow Road it's where you go when you die! It's Rainbow Road! I'll miss you again, uncle. It's Rainbow Road it's where you go when you die! It's Rainbow Road! I'll miss you again... ooooon Rainbow Road! It's called a road it's called a Rainbow Road. It is a road that you go.