Paul Franke

If only there a witty epithet which could be applied to someone who was both a Pedo and a Bear IRL. sigh No, it simply escapes me.

OHAI GUYS

"No Paul Franke they are mine!" Pedobear doesn't share.

Sure, everyone on the internet likes to joke about child porn - but have you ever wondered how easy it is to actually GET CP, should you desire to do so? Paul Franke (moar like FAIL PRANK, amirite?), upstanding resident of traitor-land and loving father, found himself with just this question in mind. How easy, he wondered, would it be for his eleven-year-old son to get online and find child porn? Let's find out!

Paul fought the Lawl (and, uh, the Lawl Won)

Why don't you have a seat over there?

Paul fired up Bearshare and set to work, successfully completing his query in a few seconds. He downloaded the file to verify that it was, in fact, CP. Confirmed, but maybe this was just a fluke - thought Paul - so he set out on another search, and yet again met with favorable results. Paul, responsible citizen that is he, knew that the law of averages never lies and repeated the process 198 more times, scientifically downloading, analyzing and verifying each questionable image file.

It was at this time that the district attorney's office, already involved in another investigation, noticed a great deal of suspicious looking searches and file transfers showing up on the ultra-peer with a single destination. The investigators navigated to Paul's computer and discovered that the fruits of his research were being stored in the shared files folder, like a true retard.

A day of techno-wizardry later, and the party van pulled up to Paul's house. He greeted them eagerly, assuming correctly that they had taken an interest in his research, yet was shocked when they presented a slightly different interpretation of the events. After the initial hearing, Paul stated that "he understands why police thought what he was doing was wrong, but insists he was just trying to find out how to protect children."

Judge Lollington's Summary aka The Internet is Serious Business

Ed Lollington is shocked by this judicial faggotry.

Paul is a classic example of a legal gambit which is enjoying increasing use in today's courtroom. It is called the NO SRSLY GAIZ U GOT IT ALL RONG defense, and it has come about as a result of the internet encouraging the kind of people who use the internet to do the kind of things you see on the internet.

The NO SRSLY GAIZ U GOT IT ALL RONG defense (henceforth known as the GUGIARD) was recently seen in the case of Russel James Framton, who in April 2008 used "An internet message board" to communicate his intention to relocate two Cleveland schools about 200 meters into the air. He argued that the stories and information posted there were artistic works of fiction and falsehood, and that only a fool would take anything posted there as fact. The objection raised by the lady prosecutor was - verbatim - as follows:

	“	Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there is no "It was a joke" defense.	„
	—Franziska Von Karma

GUGIARDs are thought to be the natural descendant of defenses such as the BUT I NEEDED THE MONEY and the IT'S NOT STEALING IF YOU'RE HUNGRY. It is also believed to be the illegitimate child of real life compensation culture and online hivemind stupidity, the disowned grandchild of "Boys Will Be Boys" and the long-lost evil twin of "Kids Being Kids."

PROTIP: Unless your name is Pete Townshend, do not attempt the GUGIARD. You will Fail.

Quotes

	“	I don't know how a site that you have to pay for can have this stuff so easy to get. All you have to do is log on and it is there. It's that simple. It was more out of curiosity.	„
	—Franke explaining how children are easy

	“	It was very easy, only a couple of clicks. It was nothing. A child could have found it. A kid my son's age ((11 freaking years old) could find it!	„
	—'Cause we all know 11 year old boys are ALWAYS looking for pics of 5 year old girls taking it in the ass! I know I was!

	“	No one asked my side of the story.	„
	—Franke believing there's a justifiable excuse to d/l CP

Owing mainly to the fact that you can't break into your neighbor's house and then claim you just wanted to see how at risk they were from burglary, Franke was charged with six counts of possession of child pornography, three counts of possession of obscene matter, possession and distribution of an image or video of a child performing a sexual act and distribution of an image or video of a nude child. Result: Sick Fuck gets owned.

See Also

• Sick Fuck

External Links

• Child porn suspect says it was very easy to get.
• DA's press release
• Where Franke lives as of July 1st. It's public domain, y'all

Featured article July 20, 2008
Preceded by Daniele Fiorenza	Paul Franke	Succeeded by Oniontown