Hate mail

Mail being delivered

An example of IRL hate mail.

Most fat scene girls will act tough when sent hate mail resulting in momentary lulz.

Angry emails sent by fucktards shortly after being offended by something they've seen on the Informationweb Supernetwork, having figured out how to work their magical porn-dispensing box not five minutes ago.

Hate mail may also refer to IRL letters on real paper, but anyone who sends a real hate mail is probably old or retarded and has yet to realize that it is now possible to instantly register one's unwittingly hilarious feelings of entitlement and anger with whichever department store chain or home enema kit manufacturer they feel wronged by.

The ideal hate mail

Hate mail is a difficult thing to write, as it is no easy task to convey one's quivering, impotent rage over a text-based medium such as the email, but here are some helpful pointers:

1. It is essential to intimidate your opponent by making liberal (if not exclusive) use of upper case letters. Make no mistake; the person you are corresponding with is now your opponent. They stand for everything you don't, and would gladly kill your family and destroy all you hold dear if the opportunity arose. Do not let them. Show them you mean business. Which leads on to the next point...
2. Correct spelling, grammar and formatting of your complaints are all irrelevant. In fact, they should be deliberately avoided if possible. This serves a dual purpose: Firstly, you're not here to make life easy for whatever Satan-worshiping reprobate has elected to single you out and attack your values. Secondly, a tenuous grasp of the English language will illustrate just how pissed you are, striking fear into the hearts of anyone who would be foolish enough to refute your well-thought-out non sequitur arguments.
3. Most importantly of all, always use ad hominem attacks. Insult your correspondent's mother, sister, grandmother, dog, cat, etc. A minimal amount of space should be allocated to whatever it is you actually have an issue with, if you even decide to mention it at all, and it should go without saying that you don't actually need to know anything whatsoever about their personal life to insult them over it.
4. (Optional) Include some form of improvised threat that you'll take legal action unless whoever it is you're sending the hate mail to stops (or, failing that, apologies for) whatever it was they were doing that got your ass all achey. Obviously it doesn't matter in the least whether or not they're liable.
5. ????
6. PROFIT!!!

Adhere to this guide and you'll never again go wrong in your efforts to make an idiot of yourself.

List of people who get a lot of hate mail

In many circles, the volume of hate mail one receives is considered to be an effective measure of the length of one's e-penis. A partial list of the most likely targets for hate mail follows:

• TheAmazingAtheist
• TheSpoonyOne
• Maddox
• Lowtax "Richard" Kyanka
• Anyone who says anything disparaging about any of the following subjects:
  • Animu
  • Furries
  • Megatokyo
  • Otherkin
  • Shit bands
  • Shit movies
  • Shit TV shows
  • Shit video games
  • Anything regarding Final Fantasy series will result massive butthurt
  • Shit anything else
  • Tom From MySpace

Hate mail is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.