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Battle of Sedan
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WARNING:
With the French,
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Once upon a time, in 1870, the French Empire, led by the walking L Napoleon himself, decided they could totally swing their baguettes at Prussia and not get annihilated. This was the Battle of Sedan, otherwise known as the historical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel and breaking your spine.
In the beginning
The French thought they'd flex on Prussia, but forgot that their army was basically a cosplay convention compared to the Prussian Doom Machine. They wandered into Sedan like idiots and thought "Oui, zis is strategic!" Meanwhile, the Prussians surrounded them like a middle school dodgeball team targeting the weak kid.
By September 1st, 1870, Napoleon III was asking how to spell "surrender" in German. The French army got their asses kicked so hard that the soundwaves caused every wine bottle in France to shatter.
French Copium and Anon
French officers bravely attempted to retreat into rivers, forests, and their own asses. Anonymous historians agree: no amount of baguette-chucking or existential whining was saving them. Napoleon III personally surrendered like a true sigma male (on his knees, crying, and hoping Bismarck wouldn't take his wallet too).
Meanwhile, in Berlin, the Prussians were too busy victory dancing and updating their wiki pages to even bother mocking them properly.
The AIDs Spreads to Paris
Word of the catastrophic L reached Paris and, like true Frenchmen, they immediately staged a revolution. "You surrendered? TIME FOR A NEW GOVERNMENT!" became the national slogan.
They threw out Napoleon III and accidentally speedran France into the Third Republic and, eventually, their favorite pastimes: arguing, drinking wine, and LARPing about freedom.
Quotes of Absolute Humiliation
—- Every German war historian ever | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
The Fallout
After Sedan, the Prussians pretty much Thanos-snapped the Second French Empire out of existence. Napoleon III became a full-time unemployed sad boy, Paris was about to have the Communard Furry Convention (also known as the Paris Commune), and Germany was basically founded in the Hall of Mirrors because why not humiliate France a little more.
—Everyone with a functioning brain | ||
External Links
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Le français en ED Oh là là |
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| Oui Oui | Dominique Strauss-Kahn 🐸 Éric Borel 🐸 Joseph Ducreux 🐸 Louis Michel Rieul Billon 🐸 Zinedine Zidane |
| Non Non | David Bret 🐸 Olivier Hadzovic 🐸 William Malet 🐸 Xavier Dupont de Ligonnès |
| Plus de sujets sur la France | ALYS 🐸 Andouillette 🐸 Battle of Sedan 🐸 Charlie Hebdo 🐸 Dailymotion 🐸 France 🐸 Franco-Prussian War 🐸 French Presidential Election, 2017 🐸 French Revolution 🐸 Frog 🐸 Haiti 🐸 Iowa 🐸 ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 🐸 Le Sigh 🐸 Louisiana 🐸 Nice Truck Attack 2016 🐸 Orangina 🐸 Strasbourg Christmas Market Shooting 🐸 Quebec 🐸 Vietnam |
