Honey Boo Boo

Warning! HONEY BOO BOO IS COMING! ALL HANDS ON DECK! MAN THE HARPOONS!!!! BRING OUT THE VEGGIE DISH!!!!!!

Just...why...

Delicious cake

Honey Boo Boo (Alana Thompson; Runny Poo Poo; Money woo hoo) is a redneck, obese little girl with trisomy who stars in her own reality show called "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". She's also a beauty pageant participant in her home state of Georgia. That fact alone explains why everything about and in Alana’s life can be described in one word: Fail.

Boo Boo’s personality is like a thirteen year old boy’s when playing Call of Duty, where she acts like a supercilious cunt because she has moar achievements than you or she is famous while you dwell in your mom’s basement, only to get pwnt five seconds later.

Show

Honey boo boo by age 30.

The “show”, if you could even call it that, revolves around the fucktarded life of a 7 year old redneck fat girl who happens to compete in beauty pageants. She is a “beauty queen”, because apparently overweight saggy undeveloped little girls are considered attractive in Georgia. So, as you can guess, all we watch is the typical drama that ensues around the household of the beauty bitch. The first episode sums it all up: “This is my crazy family”. Oh, and the writers are geniuses when it comes to naming the episodes, particularly the holiday themed ones (A very boo Halloween; A very boo Christmas).

The episode names make no fucking sense. The majority of them use slang which is incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't contracted an STD from a retarded barnyard animal. Just look at these fucking titles (use scroll bar):

Season 1

• "This Is My Crazy Family"
• "Gonna Be a Sassy Girl"
• "She Oooo'd Herself"
• "I'm Sassified!"
• "What Is a Door Nut?"
• "A Bunch of Wedgies"
• "Shh! It's a Wig"
• "Time for a Sketti!"
• "Ah-choo!"
• "It Is What It Is"

Season 2

• "Mo' Butter, Mo' Better"
• "Turn This Big Mama On"
• "It's Always Something With Pumpkin"
• "The 'M' Word"
• "Chubby Chaser"
• "Safety!"
• "Runaway Bride!"
• "Big Girls Wear Lace-Ups"
• "Get Her Chins Vacuumed"
• "Lift and Scoop"
• "Stress Poops"
• "Happily Ever After?"

Season 3

• "The Manper"
• "The Birds and The Boos"
• "Familymoon"
• "Hubba Bubba!"
• "Get a Job"
• "Funk Shway"
• "Monkeys Make Very Good Brothers"
• "Stand Peein' Up"
• "Can I Say *****?"
• "You Need Your Thumb to Vacuum Clean"
• "Sherlock Poop"
• "You're Be Nineteen"

Season 4

• "3 Generations & 1 Pork Rind"
• "Yodega"
• "Bingo Face"
• "Top 10 Summer Moments"
• "Forced Family Fun!"
• "Civil War"
• "Vowel of Silence"
• "Brain Rest"
• "This Couch is on Fire"
• "Spring Broken"
• "Girl Power"
• "Trouble in Paradise"
• "Ain't Gonna Leave Me"
• "Annabama"

Specials

• "A Very Boo Halloween To Be..."
• "A Very Boo Thanksgiving"
• "You Don't Know Boo!"
• "A Very Boo Christmas"
• "Halloween Too"
• "Never Boo-fore Seen"
• "New Years Revolutions"

The only fans of this show are rednecks who admire their family values, fags and their hags (ZOMG HONIE BOO BOO IZ SOOO CUUTTEE!!!!!:D), and old pedophiles who don't know how to Internet, so they are forced to resort to child pageant shows for their fap material.

Canceled due to Pedophilia

Mama June clearly not having any contact with McDaniel.

Although TLC is happy to run a show catering almost entirely to pedophiles, after an accusation that Mama June was dating Mark McDaniel, a child molester who was just released from prison after serving 10 years for forcing oral sex on an 8 year old relative of Mama June, TLC decided to pull the plug on the show. This may just be an excuse to cancel the show, considering its ratings were dropping and TLC wouldn't have aired the show in the first place if it didn't want to help pedophiles get off.

Honey Boo Boo will likely still have many film appearances in the future.

Mama June claims that she broke up with McDaniel 10 years ago and has not had any contact with him since. She claims all of the pictures of her with McDaniel are edited, although this is clearly untrue because she's so fat any photoediting software will crash if you try to paste in a picture of her. She claims she would never put her children in danger, despite that she doesn't deny dating McDaniel 10 years ago when he was actively abusing children and despite that her living for the past few years has come from exploiting her daughter on TV as pedo bait.

Family

June Shannon

Sure, keep telling yourself that

June “Mamma” Shannon is the retarded fat douchette responsible for all this atrocious faggotry. She is the mastermind behind all of this child exploitation taking place. Also, she is a former “beauty queen” herself. She supports her inbred family by, you guessed it, abusing the alimony system. She had four children with four different people. June invented “Go Go Juice”, which is shoved down Boo Boo’s throat to get her focused during pageants. It consists a mixture of Red Bull and Mountain Dew. This has caused much drama, to which June replies “I could be givin ma daughtar worse things, like drugs or alcohol”. She also claims not to hate gays.

Mike Thompson

Mike “Sugar Bear” Thompson is June’s current husband (but not her last). Nobody gives a shit about him, so he can go fuck himself…

Sisters

Good god there’s more? Well, at least they aren’t as butt ugly as their little sis. Again, no one gives a fuck. They are all teenagers, so there you have their personalities. They seem to conclude the family evolution process of the Thompson/Shannon family: Ugly to meh to fugly.

Glitzy the Pig

Like all hillbillies, they have to have at least one livestock take the place of the family dog. Glitzy is just another gimmick to get retarded bitches into the show (OMG SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUTE!1!1!1!1XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD).

Memorable Quotes

“   My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12 to 15 times a day you can lose a lot of weight, so I think I'm gonna lose a lot of weight because I'm gonna fart a lot.   „     —Jessica     “   My mama weighs the most in my family because she's fat. True.   „     —Honey Boo Boo     “   Our hair has always been washed in the kitchen sink.   „     —June     “   We're gonna make it a girl pig, so he's gonna be a little gay.   „     —Honey Boo Boo describes their tranny pig.     “   There ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a little gay.   „     —June, talking about her faggy brother in law     “   It's so hot out here, I'm sweatin' like a whore in church. I mean it's like.. Man, I'm takin' a bath in my own sweat.   „     —June Previous Quote | Next Quote

Honey Boo Boo's Mother Drawn on a Potato.

See also

• Paula Deen - another chicken fried fattie with a TV show
• United States of America - The local wildlife aren't much ahead of the curve than Honey Boo Boo.
• Jerry Springer - another shitty show pandering to Redneck idiots.
• The South - Where these degenerate wastes of life hail from. Most southerners behave exactly the same way as these jackasses.
• Fat
• Incest

Honey Boo Boo is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.