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Tabula Rasa
Tabula Rasa (Which translates to "Blank Slate". Fitting, since all the fags who bought this game are going to have to start over on something new.) was another shitty game created by Richard Garriott which had a storyline that made no sense at all. Unlike other MMORPGs, this one had real-time action enabling the player to move around and go batshit insane on the enemies that he or she was attacking. This super, awesome, action-packed experience made the player annoyed after a while due to the confusion of what was actually happening around them. Throughout the game, the only ways to level were to either collect logos (which was boring as hell), do instances that no one ever did, or play with yourself in bases in order to stop the evil tentacle monsters from taking them over. The sad part is that after the player leveled past level 30, there was no point in playing the game at all. Why would someone play this game in the first place, though?
These activities were repetitive and made the player want to become an hero after a while. Many believed that the new playstyle of Tabula Rasa would influence other MMORPGs, but they do not give a shit. Just like every MMORPG, it was full of retards and basement dwellers who did absolutely nothing with their lives.
Collector's Edition
Some people were fucktarded enough to actually buy the "collector's edition" of Tabula Rasa. In the Collector's Edition of the game, the buyer received:
- A serial code for unlocking bonus in-game content. In other words, nothing.
- An exclusive Shell Bot or Pine-Ock pet which just sat right beside the player's character. It contributed nothing to the game at all except making the player look like a complete idiot for buying the Collector's Edition.
- Two exclusive character emotes which no one cared about.
Three day head-start on the live serversThat's a big, fat, Jew lie.- A colorful game manual containing concept art which no one ever looked at. The concept art was basically just scribbles.
- A letter briefing from General British (Richard Garriot has such an inflated ego that he changed his nickname to "General British").
- A map pack displaying the various game regions.
- An AFS piece of Jew gold and set of Tabula Rasa dog tags.
- A fold-out "black person Ops" poster. Too bad it wasn't a picture of a naked woman.
- The "Making of" Tabula Rasa DVD. Yeah, they show you how the creators failed at creating an MMORPG.
- Three exclusive in-game items granted by the collector's edition key only. This probably made the buyer feel "shhpesial".
Storyline
Tabula Rasa basically focused around humans fighting hordes of tentacle monsters called "The Bane". The "story" took place in the near future on two planets, Arieki and Foreas, where the A.F.S. (Allied Free Sentients) and The Bane had ridiculous fights over nothing. The term tabula rasa means scraped tablet or clean slate in Latin, referring to a fresh start, or starting over. Which is true because everyone who played it now has to start over on another MMO. LOL
That's all it is. That was the "story". The End.
Character Creation
The character creation revolved around the looks of the player's character and character classes called "tiers".
When the player started creating their character, he or she had to choose the sex and appearance of the character. There was not a variety of appearances that the player could set for their character. It has been said by some that sick fucks may have masturbated to the female characters. All characters practically looked the same. This may have been due to the gook company, NCSoft, where everyone looks the same (all Asians look the same). This had little or no effect on the gameplay, though, because no one saw the character's fugly face.
After the player shat out their character into the game, they had to plan out their "tiers" (which was a complete pain in the ass). These tiers became available to the player later on in Tabula Rasa as they leveled up. Players had the option to either become a complete douchebag who thinks they can kill anything in their way, or a lazy piece of shit who sits back and watches everyone else take it in the ass.
Creating and leveling a character was a complete waste of time.
Combat, Leveling, and Logos
Gameplay like this is fun for about 30 minutes, and then fails.
The combat in Tabula Rasa was so repetitive that it might have made the person that was playing shoot himself or herself THERE ARE NO WOMEN ON THE INTERNET and become an hero. All the player had to do was make as many explosions around the enemies as possible and shoot everything that moves like Rambo did. This entertained the retards that liked this game and kept them occupied with shiny things and flashing lights on the screen.
One of the main events that the game focused upon was CP. Now, you might be thinking, "WOW, CP is in the game? Perverts must play this game!" Don't get your panties all messed up in a knot, though, because it's not what you think. In this game, CP was an abbreviation of "Capture Points". Richard Garriot just wanted loads of sick fucks to play the game in order to make it more popular. "Capture Points" were simply places where a player could grind the shit out of their character until their head exploded from total boredom.
Another event was the instances in the game (which no one ever did). Due to the lack of players in Tabula Rasa, no group activities could be done. Therefore, the instances were considered worthless pieces of crap which should just be blammed off the the game.
To make the game even more fucktarded than it was already, the creators of the game added worthless jobs in order to make the player work to get their mystical powers. The jobs were to get spells called "Logos" which were aspects of the powers that the player's character used. These powers did absolutely nothing and just made the player's life even more of a pain in the ass.
Overall, combat, leveling, and running around to get Logos were completely retarded and failed miserably. It was basically Tribes if Tribes was a shitty MMORPG that nobody cared about with absolutely no replay value whatsoever past the first five minutes.
Richard Garriott
The game's creator is pretty much a nutcase. Not only is he the son of an astronaut, he is also the creator of the Ultima series, and he calls himself "Lord British". Garriott just seems a little out there. One of the lulziest things he has ever done was allow TR players to send their DNA into space - and dubbed the mission "Operation Immortality". Along with TR players' DNA, he has also decided to shoot Colbert's DNA into space. One may wonder if Garriott is really an IRL troll and just doing things for the lulz. Then, on November 12, he announced that he was leaving Tabula Rasa to pursue other unknown interests (and to launch shit into space.) Many MMORPG fans guessed that he knew where the game was headed, and knew that the upcoming expansions of Wrath of the Lich King, The Shadow Odyssey, Mines of Moria, and Quantum Rise would annihilate the shit out of it.
LAWLSUIT
Richard Garriott decided to best Smedley in MMO lulz factor, and in May 2009, went to sue NCSoft (the developers of this game, and who also brought you great products such as Guild Wars and City of Heroes.) For $27 million. Apparently he is suing them for fraud, but the exact reason why he considers it fraud is currently unknown. Maybe it's because after he left NCSoft, ten days later the developers announced the shutdown? Lulz shall unfold, however.
Over a year later, on July 30, 2010, Richard Garriot won the lawlsuit. He won $28 million USD, but NCSoft isn't done yet.
Space Conference
The Shutdown
Inevitably, with the lack of content above level 20, and the abysmal player populations, the game's developers announced that it would shut down on February 28, 2009, along with multiple layoffs. Fanboys wailed while other MMO players pointed and laughed.
The game ended with every single player and NPC fighting against the aliens until a doomsday device would be activated, thus killing fucking everyone in the process. And nothing of value was lost.
Trolling
There are hardly any ways to troll people in this game since the game's shut down.
- Say that WoW is way better than Tabula Rasa.
- Rub it in a fan's face that the game was shut down while all of the other MMORPGs never had to shut down. Shit, there are still people playing fucking Ultima Online, Ultima fucking Online, and Tabula Rasa had to shut down. (Let's pretend HGL, Fury, and Auto Assault didn't exist for that one, which shouldn't be too hard, as they were horrendous fucking abysmal games that nobody ever played.)
- Tell the fans that only retarded people played the game because of the flashing lights and shiny things.
- Mention that not even SOE wanted to nab it from NCSoft and fix it.
Ratings and Reviews
— Gamespot was right on with that. | ||
—Blixxard's review summarized into six words. | ||
—Emily Balistrieri from IGN. Too bad you do not have any friends. | ||
—Gamespy - Showing how fun it is to redo quests over and over and over and over and over...... | ||
Other Videos
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Related Links
- MMORPG
- Tentacle rape
- Insane
- Boring
- Fail
- Gamer
- Women
- KILL IT WITH FIRE
- DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING
- Rape
- Pwnt
- Some argue
External Links
- Official Website
- Yeah, there's a made up language in the game. Believe it.
- Shut down on February 28, 2009.
- Failure is imminent.
- Wired writes about the shutdown.
- The game is $1.
- Dick Faggot goes on The Colbert Report.
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Tabula Rasa is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |
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Tabula Rasa is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article March 2, 2009 | ||
| Preceded by Mitchell Henderson |
Tabula Rasa | Succeeded by Perfection Girl |