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Murder

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What? This article needs moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
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For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.

Not such a bad a way to go

The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and the third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.

Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats

Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.

Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up. 

PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable.  Try it.

"Premeditated"

 
Premeditated.

There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.

Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity, because you can't reproduce that way, it's called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...

Not to be confused with premedicated.

How to off your family

Pool Party

  1. Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
  2. Put roofies in the drinks
  3. Wait for the family to fall asleep
  4. Duct tape them to Pool chairs
  5. Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
  6. ????
  7. GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!

Ergotism

  1. Plant wheat or rye.
  2. Infect plants with ergot fungus
  3. Harvest plants
  4. Mill wheat or rye into a flour
  5. Bake into bread
  6. Feed bread to family
  7. If best results happen, laugh your ass off as your morbidly obese family drops dead from heart attacks and strokes as they dance themselves to death
  8. ? ? ?
  9. Get the loot and scoot you sick fuck.

Note: This only is known to work if the victims belong to a crazy Christfag cult.

BBQ

  1. Drug family
  2. Tie them up.
  3. Put them in a vehicle.
  4. Chain doors shut
  5. Apply gasoline to vehicle.
  6. Wait for them to wake up.
  7. Set car on Fire
  8. Videotape and livestream it.
  9. Go to the masturbasement later on so you can jack off to your masterpiece.

Note: If you have a cute sister, step 3 should be your videotaping her rape which is followed by step 4, you're uploading it to youtube to show everyone how hardcore and metal you are. Remember to dedicate your video to someone like Ozzy Osbourne for max media awareness.

Dubai Style

  1. Crush sleeping pills. Real ones like Ambien or temazopam. You may substitute ketamine or actual flunitrazepam.
  2. Process chunks into powder.
  3. Begin preparing dinner, heat up to 43C max in oil, add tomato sauce. Mix.
  4. Serve food.
  5. Act like nothing is happening while avoiding eating.
  6. Listen to your son saying "This is the best dinner with my parents that I love."
  7. Say in your mind "Everything is for Freemasonry."
  8. Your son falls asleep suddenly slamming his head to the table - Just like how it happened to his older sister ~18 years ago.
  9. Ask butlers to take him to his room as he's tired.
  10. Bribe coroner telling him "I am Dubai Sheikh, wanna die? Write down it was from a heart attack" and dumping bag containing an ounce of coke on his desk.
  11. Fill Application Form of Personal Army request so you could spread fake news of cocaine overdose.
  12. Write poetry on how saddened you are about your son's death to make things look fine.
  13. One less supporter of Anonymous is dead.
  14. CongratuFuckingLations you are officially known as The Murderer.

Japanese Style

  1. Get appointed Prime Minister or some other high-ranking government position.
  2. Spectacularly fuck up
  3. Kill a family with a shotgun.
  4. Write an apology to Japanese people
  5. Take a knife, cut open your stomach and pull out your innards.
  6. ? ? ?
  7. You're dead but at least your family isn't dishonored.

Sleepy Time

  1. Wait until family falls asleep
  2. Get your knife
  3. Stab them
  4. ????
  5. Cut yourself

Lawn Work

  1. Knock Family out
  2. Tie them up
  3. put them on the front yard
  4. Turn on lawnmower
  5. run heads over
  6. ?????

Hanging out

  1. Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
  2. tie up the family
  3. hang them from tree nooses(just like Christmas)
  4. snuff it

House Painting

  1. Reveal father of the family that he's next
  2. Knock him out
  3. family wakes up all tied up
  4. murder family with ax
  5. paint wall with their blood
  6. ???

Hate-Based

 
Most of our adorable pets are considering it

Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.

Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:

PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.

Famous Murderers

  Moar info: Template:High Scores.

  Moar info: Template:Psychopaths.

 
Murder is best when done for the lulz.
 
Idea for a song: Murder. A guy... A guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all-you-can-eat buffet. Uhhhhh... Oh! And that happens forever. Yeah.

Individuals

 
Mary Bell at 16, You'd fuck her.

Groups

Entities

Victims of Murder

Those scene kid fucktards.

People who deserve to be murdered

See Also

 
Best. Defence. Ever.


[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Murder is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

 
Murder
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]
 
Featured article September 23 & 24, 2018
Preceded by
Mitchell Henderson 		Murder Succeeded by
Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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