Skateboarding
DISCLAIMER: The original author of the following article may or may not have been cucked by Daewon Song, and his unusually large Asian penis. - The Management
Skate boarding (also known as Edgy Stoner Plank and the skateboarders being known as "Neo Nazi Fucktards, Rollerboys or to the Layman, Faggots,) is a unique activity because no one does it because they actually enjoy skateboarding, they're really only skating in order to be absorbed into the pathetic, douche skater sub-culture and because they don’t have enough money for a car or a girlfriend.
While swimmers may swim just to enjoy swimming, skaters are always there because being a wigger/emo/hipster just fell out of style in their middle-class, white suburbs. Having such a diverse pool of applicants is partially the reason, the other being ugliness, for the fail cocktail that is the skater’s appearance. Just add the dirty, long hair of the emo with the style of the hipster and top it off with demeanor of the wigger, and you now have the animated pro-abortion poster that is the skater. Also it is important to take note that the above average mortality rate associated with skateboarding does not mean the activity is unsafe, merely that people love hitting skaters with their car because the skateboarders are often too stupid to get out of the way and if the do have the necessary 3 brain cells needed to move their legs out of the way, they are often stoned to the point that they think they are philosophers and start questioning the cosmos as to why an SUV suddenly appeared in the Skatepark and is running down everyone it sees.
How to ride a skateboard
How Skaters See The World
It is well known that skaters perceive the world differently from non-sick people, because unlike you and me, skaters along with their Faggoty cousins the Rollerbladers and snowboarders, see the world as a giant playground for their faggotry.
This is how you should see the world.
Quotes
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US Skateboarding Medal Winners 2012
| Recipient | Details | Manner of Pwnage | |||
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 Zachery Taylor Lindley |
Date: 12/06/2011 Location: White City, UT Died: 09/12/2012 Age: Seventeen (17) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating through a crosswalk. Zachery was riding a longboard. 150 points awarded for efficiency.
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 Gerardo Garcia |
Date: 12/31/2011 Location: Lake Elsinore, CA Died: 01/01/2012 Age: Nineteen (19) |
Struck by a hit and run driver. 1200 points for style and for killing a spic.
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 Landen Swanson |
Date: 01/09/2012 Location: San Marcos, CA Died: 01/13/2012 Age: Twenty (20) |
Struck by a hit and run driver. 550 points. Repeat trick. No spic killing bonus.
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 Justin Stone |
Date: 01/18/2012 Location: San Francisco, CA Age: Thirty-four (34) |
Struck by a vehicle by while skating through a crosswalk. 150 points for finally getting him.
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 Tucker Hacking |
Date: 01/27/2012 Location: Lafayette, CA Died: 01/29/2012 Age: Twenty (20) |
Fell while skating down a hill. 600 points for efficiency.
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 Caleb Daniel Simpson |
Date: 01/28/2012 Location: San Pedro, CA Age: Fifteen (15) |
Collided with another skateboarder while skating down a hill. 400 points awarded for failed attempt.
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 Tyler DeMartini |
Date: 01/30/2012 Location: North Berkley, CA Died: 02/01/2012 Age: Eighteen (18) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street. 300 points for getting that shit off the road.
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 Steven Fisher |
Date: 02/15/2012 Location: Denton, TX Age: Sixteen (16) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating alongside a rural road at night. 1200 points rewarded for search & destroy.
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 Da’ Jion Sha-King Blie |
Date: 03/08/2012 Location: Bloomington, CA Age: Fourteen (14) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street. 600 points, x2 bonus for under 15.
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 Brandon Campbell |
Date: 03/17/2012 Location: Tamarac, FL Age: Fourteen (14) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating through a crosswalk. 200 points. Repeat trick, x2 bonus for age.
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 Noah Austill |
Date: 03/27/2012 Location: Temecula, CA Age: Fourteen (14) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating through an intersection at night. 800 points. Night and under 15 bonus.
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 Jusheem Thorne |
Date: 03/28/2013 Location: New York, NY Age: Twenty-five (25) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street during early morning hours. 1600 points. Nigger killing bonus.
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 Nathan Strube |
Date: 05/08/2012 Location: Livermore, CA Age: Thirteen (13) |
Struck by a vehicle while riding a longboard. Nathan was wearing a helmet during the accident. 1200 points. Crash helmet & under 15 bonus.
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 Jonah Kelley King |
Date: 06/11/2012 Location: Raleigh, NC Age: Sixteen (16) |
Fell riding a long board while skating down a hill. 250 points. Repeat trick.
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 Andrew Dudley Uhlman |
Date: 07/06/2012 Location: North Carolina Age: Fourteen (14) |
Fell while bombing a street. 1000 points. Artistic impression bonus.
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 Maxime Benoit |
Date: 07/27/2012 Location: Meadows of Dan, VA Age: Twenty-six (26) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating down a hill. Maxime was wearing a helmet when the accident happened. 950 points. One less Canadian bonus.
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 Jacob Van Staaveren |
Date: 08/28/2012 Location: San Luis Obispo, CA Age: Twenty-two (22) |
Struck by a vehicle at an intersection. 200 points. Repeat trick.
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 Peter Cernansky |
Date: 08/28/2012 Location: Burlington, VT Died: 08/30/2012 Age: Eighteen (18) |
Fell while skating down a hill. 150 points. Repeat trick.
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 Carlos Salas |
Date: 09/07/2012 Location: Laguna Niguel, CA Age: Twenty (20) |
Struck by a hit and run driver. 750 points. Spic and style bonus.
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 Charles Delgado |
Date: 09/11/2012 Location: Anchorage, AK Died: 09/12/2012 Age: Twenty-two (22) |
Struck by a motorcycle while riding a longboard at night. 1200 points. Night bonus. Variation bonus.
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 Jarod Alan Maxwell |
Date: 09/14/2012 Location: Oak Hills, CA Age: Fourteen (14) |
Struck by a vehicle while skateboarding to school. 750 points. Before school bonus.
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 Stefvin Caswell |
Date: 09/20/2012 Location: Seattle, WA Age: Twenty-nine (29) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating in the street. 200 points. Repeat trick.
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 Patrick Gurschke |
Date: 10/12/2012 Location: Brookfield, IL Age: Seventeen (17) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating through an intersection. 150 points. Repeat trick.
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 Reginald “Reggie” Destin |
Date: 10/19/2012 Location: Chicago, IL Died: 10/27/2012 Age: Forty-two (42) |
Struck by a vehicle while skating to his car. Longtime skateboarder and skateboarding advocate. 700 points. Nigger and advocate bonus.
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 Justin Hertzberg |
Date: 10/24/2012 Location: Chula Vista, CA Age: Fourteen (14) |
Fell while skating down a hill. He had just formed a skateboarding group in his neighborhood to promote skateboarding. 200 points. Repeat trick.
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 Ryan Earl Esslinger |
Date: 11/05/2012 Location: Shoreview, MN Age: Twenty-four (24) |
Struck by a vehicle at night. 350 points. Night bonus. Repeat trick.
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 Michael Gradzki |
Date: 11/15/2012 Location: Farmingdale, NY Age: Twenty-eight (28) |
Struck by a drunk driver as he was skating across the street. 1100 points. Drunk driver bonus.
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 Kyle Larson |
Date: 11/20/2012 Location: New York City Age: Twenty (20) |
Struck by vehicle while trying to avoid an oncoming cyclist. 50 points. Missed the cyclist completely.
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Elijah Crayton |
Date: 12/02/2012 Location: Largo, FL Age: Eight (8) |
Struck by a vehicle when butt-boarding into oncoming traffic. 1400 points. Super age bonus.
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 Scott Hickerson |
Date: 12/07/2012 Location: Concord, CA Age: Twenty-one (21) |
Struck by a vehicle skating through a crosswalk. 150 points. Repeat trick.
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Skateboard Chicks
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Ariel Rebel -
Rosie Jones -
Vicky Virgin -
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Elisabeth The Russian Drunk Whore Quadrology Part 1 -
Elisabeth The Russian Drunk Whore Quadrology Part 2 -
Elisabeth The Russian Drunk Whore Quadrology Part 3 -
Elisabeth The Russian Drunk Whore Quadrology Part 4 -
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Misty Gates -
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Melissa Clarke -
Maya -
Maya -
Maya -
Lupe Fuentes -
Lucy Logan -
Leticia Bufoni -
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Kate Hudson -
Hattie Watson -
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Corinne -
Alanna -
Elisabeth The Russian Drunk Whore -
Why women shouldn't skate ever -
Corinne -
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Vicky Virgin -
Vicky Virgin -
Ariel Rebel -
Arabella -
Aiden -
Aiden -
Aiden -
Aiden -
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Emma Mae -
Amaliu -
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Skateboard Dicks
Skateboard Depicts
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Skateboarding will turn you gay -
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What happens if you land on the ground after failing a trick -
Skateboards will make you very fond of yourself -
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Courtesy of PZ Myers -
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The longboard isn't the only thing that is long -
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This looks so wrong, it could be inverted. -
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Bart Simpson. -
HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!!!!11!! -
The genitals are melted together. LULZ. -
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Getting the full pipe at the half-pipe -
Skateboard Inflicts
Skateboard Predicts
Skateboard Tricks
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360 flip -
Switch ollie -
Backflip -
You press X to ollie -
The opposite ollie knowns as a nollie
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How to grind. -
Fruity loops -
The kickflip (pictured) is the most secondmost common trick, the first one is stealing from old women -
Judo -
Perfect example of a hippy jump -
Heelflip -
Hardflip -
Frontside indy popularized by Tony Hawk -
Double heelfip -
Boardslide or nutcracker -
Revert -
Back lip execution -
360 shove-it -
360 Ollie -
How to successfully do a wallride
How to troll skaters
- Say there just as gay as surfers, their mortal enemies
- Put grindblockers on everything
- Spray sand on the pavement
- Become a security guard
- Become a security guard at a skatepark
- Replace their skateboard with a waveboard
- Insist that Tony Hawk invented the ollie
- Mow them down with your car
- Make them explain the physics behind an ollie
- Ask why they don't double flip down El Toro
See also
| Featured article August 15 & 16, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Phil Fish |
Skateboarding | Succeeded by Bahrain |