Avoiding Unwanted Attention
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In this day and age where a woman walking into a room unannounced and overhearing a dirty joke constitutes their Almost being raped, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica felt that it's time for women to start taking some responsibility for themselves and quit playing the victim in a day and age when they claim that they are an equal to a man in every and any way—but feel the need to run straight to an attorney for a big payday every time that someone that was stuck at the back of a full elevator accidentally touched their ass when he was trying to slither through ten of the rudest and socially retarded people who don't have a clue that the people near the elevator's door are supposed to step outside when the elevator stops to let the people in the back enough room for an egress.
At The Bar Or Nightclub
So you're an attractive woman or, at least, a moderately attractive one that gets really good looking when someone has gotten a couple of drinks in them and you want to avoid attracting unwanted attention. Here is a list of some advice for you to follow so you may achieve that goal.
- Don't Dress Like A Fucking Whore: We know what you're thinking. "It's wrong to place expectations on people by how they dress." Ok. Here's what we're thinking, "There's a reason why it's illegal to dress up like a legitimate cop." No one ever dresses up like a legitimate cop just for shits and giggles and when an old lady comes up to them crying that her purse was stolen say, "You misogynistic whore. This is just how I dress. Shame on you for putting your unwanted expectations on me." When you go to a bar with your tits hanging out, no panties and a skirt so short everyone can tell that you're bleeding because they can see the string, you pretty much told everyone there what you are.
- Don't Be That Girl That Only Wants To Drink For Free: OK, you're hot. We don't have a problem with that. Where the problem starts to surface is with women like this who will let a man buy them a drink but then thinks that No Means No over rides all social rules and expectations giving them an excuse to not talk to the drink buyer. You accept a drink from someone, you Have To Talk To Them.
- Go There Just To Drink And Not To Get Laid Or Find Your Kids A New Daddy: Pretty much self explanatory but when you go to a bar looking for a dick to ride men can sense this and you are obligated to put up with every frog until you find that prince whose dick you are looking to bounce on like a springy horse and/or trick into marriage by telling him that the baby arrived early 7 and a half months later.
- Don't Get Drunk: If you want to get drunk, do it at home. If you go out and get shit-faced, don't cry rape because you don't remember how you ended up waking up with a moose in your bed. Our advice to anyone who wakes up to find a moose in their bed, "Buy them breakfast and put them in a cab," because if you were drunk off your ass, odds are that he was too.
- Go There With Friends: It's simple, you have friends with you then you are there to have fun with them. You go there by yourself, you are there to meet someone. There's no rule that says you have to take someone home but if you're there by yourself, you do have to put up with talking to people.
- Learn To Fucking Say NO: If you don't like someone tell them to fuck off, don't keep talking to them because you feel the need to be polite. If they walk off and call you a whore, leave it at that. Don't go chasing them crying the wounded princess cry of "What did you call me?" that demands that strange men stand up to defend your honor. That shit only works at home with your brother in earshot. If he won't leave you alone, tell the bartender because Romeo's probably drunk. This is why bars and nightclubs have bouncers and waking up in a dumpster after a good ass-kicking might be just what he needs.
- Lose The Antiquated Ideas About Chivalry: You're a modern woman that doesn't fear or need men to protect you in the workplace so get rid of any ideas you might have about someone riding in to rescue you. You cried for your equal rights, Congratulations you're on your own now. Also, in this day and age where anyone can be carrying a gun because it makes them feel big, even if someone might have stood up for you, they probably won't.
- Leave Before Midnight: As Police and other experts will tell you, nothing good ever happens in a bar after midnight - especially in the parking lot. If you want to avoid getting roofied, raped, killed, killed and then raped - get out of there before midnight.
In The Office
So you got yourself a decent job but you don't seem to understand why all the women, where you work, start whispering when you walk by or why your boss always calls you in to take a memo but never dictates a letter after asking you to sit on his lap to start rocking his hips and breathing heavy until he finally screams out his youngest daughter's name.
- If You're Going To Wear A Short Skirt, Wear Shorts: Every 16-year-old girl that was in High School when the internet was invented and didn't want to end up on some Dirty old man's Upskirt website to have Basement Dwelling Teenage Boys jerking it to them knows this rule. You don't need to go Catholic School and wear a skirt that touches the floor when you're kneeling on your knees. A good rule of thumb is to wear a skirt that is long enough that it will reach the tips of your fingers when you have your arms down at your sides because if you're wearing anything shorter and open your legs, even the least bit to reposition yourself for the sake of comfort, anyone looking will see what you are wearing or not wearing under your skirt. Leave the sexy underwear at home or for the hotel room when you are trying to impress someone because all it takes is one accidental view and depending on what you are wearing or not wearing, you will earn a name for yourself and surprisingly, it will be other women that give it to you - after which, men thinking or realizing that you are easy, will come in droves. The best advice we can offer when it comes to short skirts, or any skirt for that matter is "Dancer Shorts". They don't have the excitability of panties when viewed by an Autistic man-child throwing change on the floor and are usually ignored when it comes to upskirts because, as they are seen as a piece of clothing, they can be worn as is under certain situations, like as a swimsuit bottom or exercise wear. Some people actually see "Dancer Shorts" as a Lady-Like alternative to panties because you are taking into account possible situations that you can't control, for instance the stairs, where others might be able to look up your skirt either accidently or intentionally. Oh, and for the Dumb Ass Bitches out there - you don't need to wear panties when you wear "Dancer Shorts". So don't go wearing both and come back to tell us that we're Fucked in our collective heads because the combo of panties and "Dancer Shorts" made your pussy sweat and stink like a bakery.
- Don't Be The Big Titted Whore: We know what you're thinking, "How come it's never the small busted whore or the flat chested whore?" For starters, it almost always the Double D, jiggling Juggernaut that feels the need to wear a plunging V-neck that goes all the way down to their navel. Most large busted women, from the time they were 10 and started having something to show realized that the more that they showed the twins off, the more attention they got. If you're going to work and don't want men talking to your tits or staring at them lovingly while drooling then don't dress like you're 14 and going to your unmarried uncle's house by yourself.
- Band-Aids Can Be A Girl's Best Friend: It's understandable, you might not want to wear a sweater or a Blazer to maintain comfort while you're working but you need to remember that if you walk into an air conditioned building on a hot day or come in from the cold - your turkey thermometers will be popping up. If you want to maintain comfort without having to wear heat stroke inducing outerwear then invest in two Band-Aids that cost about a nickel each. In a lot of work environments, nipping is becoming an offense worthy of being written up for because it means you are not dressed properly. Heck, scarves can be that magical accessory for girls if they don't like the idea of Band-Aids on their nipples.
- Don't Be The Wal-Mart Greeter: If you're going to the bathroom or getting a cup of coffee you don't need to stop and say hi to every guy. While we're on this road, don't be that girl that's One of the guys and hangs out with all the men in the office and allows friendlier, less professional interactions such as hugging, kisses etc. because sooner or later one of them, but more likely it will be someone new to the company or someone that is not part of the group will see that you are Asking for it and are the office slut which will have you crying to HR about how you were Almost raped because he expected you to give him the same entitlements that you give to all the men in the office.
- Wear Clothes With Sleeves: Don't give us this Bullshit that you're hot and have a right to wear cooler clothes. Try being a man for a day and wear a long sleeved dress shirt, a tie, a wool blend blazer and pants and tell us how comfortable you are. The only reason women want to wear sleeveless clothing is so that they can give side boob shots. There's female clothing with short sleeves, grow up and try wearing some of them to work and you might gain a little respect with your coworkers.
- Don't Wear Clothes That Need To Be Peeled Off: If you need to dust yourself with baby powder to put something on or are afraid to inhale all the way in because you might start popping buttons, you shouldn't be wearing it to the office
- Final Bit Of Advice: If you feel the need to get that quickie in before going to work, do all your coworkers a favor and DOUCHE YOUR FUCKING HOLE! No one is getting paid to endure the memory of growing up on Lake Erie or working in a fish market. If you get called to HR for what will feel like the most uncomfortable discussion of your life and it should, remember that no one is picking on you. No one has it in for you. It's because you smell like a fucking whore off the street and your coworkers only want you to take a bath to wash the sperm stink off of you.
School
School should be treated like Work as most of the advice can be applied to High School and College age girls. Since girls are usually one step up from being considered retarded and will go on their school's website to show off their budding tater tots to later wonder why everyone is calling them a whore, we decided to add some information.
- Cross Your Ankles When You Are Seated: A wise old bit of etiquette advice says that a girl should always pretend that she is holding an asprin between her knees when seated but as it is also used as advice to suggest how a girl can avoid getting pregnant, and as modern statistics show - most girls don't heed it, we felt that this advice could use some revising. Thank's to the internet and socially retarded boys looking to fill message boards up with trust violating pictures of sleeveless shirt tit shots and the ever popular above the girl with a plunging v-neck tit shot, the minute a girl forgets herself and opens her legs to air that puppy out someone will be ready with their cell phone to snap a pic. By keeping her ankles crossed, a girl will always keep her legs closed even when she repositions herself for comfort. The best part of this is if a girl can perform this behavior consistently, along with other good female, social etiquette, then most boys will see her as a stuck-up, overly prissy princess type that they will see as out of their league and leave alone because she has manners and see her as someone who has decent parents that won't let their 14-year-old daughter out on a date with a 28-year-old Art teacher driving a a $500 rust bucket. In other words, they don't see her as a whore but as someone who will be a proper virgin when she gets married and won't whore out until she has had her first divorce.
- Actually Focus On School: Feminists like to argue that there is a conspiracy being carried out by the established, male-centric, phallic hierarchy to dumb down women and see them fail in school despite most schools following techniques that focus on girls and were designed to help them excel in academics by punishing boys for being boys and rewarding, quiet girl like behaviors. They claim that this conspiracy is why girls' scores in the sciences, math and every other subject start to slip in Jr. High because teachers give up on them instead of admitting that this is the exact same age that girls start to realize they have a hole and are only focused on finding something or someone to fill it. Ironically, boys at this age also realize that girls have a hole and they have what is needed to fill it but their grades don't slip because the moment boys start school they are forced to endure expectations such as discipline where the only expectation that a girl has is not to bleed all over their seat when they are having their period. The problem with girls is they don't start taking their education seriously until they are 20, have 5 kids from 5 different men and need their GED to get food stamps because the U.S. Government requires a High School diploma or an equivalent to get government aid. If you want boys to leave you alone, quit focusing on your cunt and focus on your school work.
- Don't Be An Amanda Todd: We're not just referring to how Amanda Todd was a loli whore and felt the need to plaster pics of her naked ass on every Older Men For Younger Girls chat site while fucking all the boys in her school until she was so stretched out that she could only get pleasure from the widest end of a traffic cone. If you feel the need for attention and think that you'll get it from icing up your tits and taking pics in a wet t-shirt, think because your ass looks really cute in those new yoga pants, you just bought, and decide to post some shots on twitter showing it off in slutty positions or you feel the need to go swimming wearing your skimpiest swimsuit and pose with a pool noodle like it were a giant dick so you can post some titillating shots than you deserve all the negative attention from the boys and girls who have given you the nickname of whore. It's a simple formula. If you don't want to have to Drink bleach because everyone at school sees you as the town bike then don't act like a whore. There's no duality. You can not act like a whore and be thought of as a good girl. It's one or the other.
- Don't Be THAT GIRL: By THAT GIRL we mean, "Don't be that girl that feels the need to blog all her fantasies using her real name and then whines and cries because she was raped after she posted an entry about how it is her fantasy to be raped by a certain guy and it happens after that same guy reads her blog. Keep your dirty fantasies in a diary, locked in the drawer of your nightstand or desk, like every girl has done for the past 1,000 years. You're only inviting the wrong kind off attention when you start publishing information that is better left concealed. If you're so convinced that this sort of thing will get you discovered as a writer than wait till college to blog about your fantasies so you don't have to be sitting in French Class and be propositioned by two male class mates, one who offers to lick your ass while the other offers to let you suck him off because you wrote about this same exact fantasy of yours the night before.
Video Games
So you're into the gaming community and you enjoy playing video games for the fun and entertainment. Good for you. Here are some helpful advice to avoid the unwanted attention in gaming. That way you will still have your sanity and your enjoyment for video games. Trust us, you don't want this type of attention we're going to advise you.
- Don't Be Like Zoe Quinn: Girls, this is a very important advice if you still enjoy playing video games. Never, EVER, be anything even remotely like Zoe Quinn! It's too much to explain but if you want to know more about her, go read her ED article for moar info. For now here's the basics. Zoe Quinn, aka Chelsea Van Valkenburg, was a former porn model for Suicide Girls who will do anything for quick fame and quick money. So she switched her career as a indie game developer with no education. Instead she's taking shortcuts by fucking five guys working in the gaming industry like Kotaku and Polygon to fuck her way in the indie game industry for positive reviews on her shitty "Indie Game" Depression Quest. Her ex-boyfriend exposed her true colors on the internet, causing a lot of pissed off gamers, feminists, and white knight to create Gamers Are Dead articles. Gamers gathered to create GamerGate, and the rest is a warzone. And as long as you understand why Zoe Quinn whored herself to that kind of e-fame and you don't follow her footsteps, you should be fine.
- Don't Become AN SJW / Feminist In Gaming: There are corrupted people known as Social Justice Warriors and third wave feminists. These type of people have a grudge against gamers like yourself who think gamers are all evil white male Nazi terrorists harassing women in gaming. Other grudges includes video games better than shitty indie games because they want certain shitty indie games like Gone Home and Zoe Quinn's Depression Quest to be praised as greatest games of all time. So the next time these people flap their mouth in the wind to you over this, IGNORE IT! They will never be happy and satisfied. Just ignore them and play your games.
Everywhere Else
The best advice we have is "Just Don't be a whore," but since so many of you think it's a classy move to be in a bar wearing a skirt, and go sit on a pinball machine, with your legs spread and no panties on when a guy you like is playing it, we have decided to illustrate some possible scenarios for you.
- Jogging: Admit it. You know your tits are flopping all over the place and you like all the attention of guys staring and wrecking their cars watching you. Before you start whining about the men that want to hold conversations and hit on you while they jog beside you with an erect penis remember that professional female runners invest in decent sport's bras. If they're more than a B Cup they'll also add some 2 inch wide Ace Bandages to strap their puppies down for the reasons that they don't want stretch marks and because the up and down motion of their breasts against their clothes will cause their nipples to bleed.
- Working Out: The Fitness Center is the Graceland of the hard-bodied whore. Do you want to be able to work out without having to put up with every Loser in the place taking turns so they can hump your leg? Our best advice is WEAR SOME FUCKING CLOTHES THAT FIT. Don't be that whore that likes to go commando while wearing the loose, baggy, high-cut, silk style shorts that will show your snatch off every time you open your legs even the slightest bit. The favorite workout of this type always includes the inner and outer thigh abduction machines. If you feel that you have some imaginary right to be able to work out dressed like this with out being bothered, then maybe you should find a place that allows fetishists to sniff the seats when you're done with a machine.
- The Public Pool: As most girls will go for the sluttiest suit that their parents will let them wear the second they start getting enough of an ass to show off in a pair of biker shorts we're leaving out an in-depth discussion about bathing suits. Some advice, if you're there to just get some sun and work on your tan stick with that. Don't get up every five minutes to strut around the pool, showing yourself off as you play with your bikini bottoms or readjust your top and then go crying that some fat piece of shit, wearing a homemade bathing suit consisting of knee-length cut off jean shorts and an oversized ICP shirt that he is convinced makes him look thin, thinks that he has a chance and wants to talk to you. If you're 14, 15 or 16 and don't want to put up with your Apartment Complex pedo or that weird, 30 something year old guy that plays video games all day when he isn't staring out the window and is afraid to talk to girls that are old enough to drive, maybe you should try a more age-appropriate swimsuit and avoid the one you secretly ordered from the Asking for it section of Victoria's Secret that's made from dental floss and postage stamps that you can only get away wearing when your parents are at work. The best advice we have is always go to the pool with a friend because as bathing suits and revealing the body already has people feeling insecure about themselves, a person is less likely to approach when there is a group.
The Gallery Of Asking For It
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See Also
- Alcohol
- Almost raped
- Asking for it
- Bitch
- Bra
- Breasts
- Feminism
- Job
- Sexual Harassment
- Strong Woman
- Whore
- Women
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| Featured article February 13 and February 14, 2018 | ||
| Preceded by Zaiger |
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