America's Third Party

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America's Third Party is the manifestation of the midlife crisis of the racist, closeted-homosexual, chronically-unemployed, narcissistic David Jon Sponheim.

After David realized what a pointless life of failure he's lived in his parent's van eating out of the trash—he was born addicted to nicotine as his mother smoked ten a day while pregnant—he now desires to redeem himself by running for the office of president of the United States, with his unshaven lover Sarah L. Hart as his vice-presidential candidate. Spending 100 years running a presidential campaign on internet cam sites with a poor copy of Alex Jones, their party still consists of only two members and the occasional moral support of a few literal retards.

A True Founding Father

David's beautiful companion

During a certain period in America parents were encouraged to tell their worthless children that they could grow up to be whatever they wanted, regardless of actual skill and aptitude.

Children during this time were raised as though they were a special snowflake, and carried that mentality into adulthood, and whether win or lose they'd still be someone important.

What could possibly go wrong?

After spending his entire life not studying politics, David Jon Sponheim put together a political party that speaks to the people - all 54 of them on facebook. Originally the party was to be a joint effort of both David and Sarah, with Sarah being the only one to actually run for Washington State Senate; but Sarah had to step aside to Dave's greatness. The party started with the awful name "cool rock party," to appeal to the kiddies. You can find David rocking the vote with black face-paint reminding everyone that all of America's problems are to blame on the president being a nigger. As your standard yuppie generation faggot, David is acutely aware of niggers being inferior, but as a fellow inferior with a lust for popularity to sooth his fragile ego, has a constant need to hide this fact when you aren't stealing all his narcissistic supply like evil Obama. But remember, he's not a racist, hes an American!!

Die Partei ist David

A vote for David is a vote for Timmy

What you have to understand about Dave is, he's something of a big deal. He was a chess master and valedictorian of his class, accepted to all the top schools if it was not for affirmative action making Obama take his place. He had to go to his last choice, UCLA, and dropped out after two years realizing all the professors were communists who laughed him out of the building. He once interrupted Milton Friedman with his whining, telling others later how he totally pwned him in a debate. David has a 185 IQ and has all the best ideas you've never heard of because of the man keeping him down, such as tying a Boeing plane to a blimp. He remains mysteriously unemployed while knowing more about every subject than the people paid to know the subject. Being originally from California, he has a made-up story about meeting every celebrity under the sun. He loves to gaslight and use big words incorrectly. Fitting with his Alex Jones style, he knows the least about and talks the most about the Nazis. Contradicting him on any of this will lead to epic amounts of tard rage where he will pretend you are paid by the government and threatened his life. He will also randomly invoke "you think in black and white, there is grey area." He has a multi million dollar security system, aka two BB guns, if anybody ever shows up at his door.

Too much of an aspie to meet anyone in real life, he met Sarah online. Sarah was living on welfare and so puts up with Dave's bullshit so she can have a roof over her head. No one has ever seen Dave kiss Sarah on the mouth, and chances are Dave is one of those asexual narcissists.

The Campaign

The time tested strategy of perpetually campaigning online is proven to be the most effective.

David Jon Sponheim spends all of his time in his dead parents' house, extracting rent from his substitute teacher girlfriend, the house's breadwinner. Instead of getting a job or doing any actual campaign work, he spends his time watching Alex Jones and believing in every stupid conspiracy theory he can get his hands on, blaming society for his lack of self confidence. His online show...er "campaign", consists of him playing the same seven conspiracy videos, patronizing mentally retarded faggots who will tell him he is awesome, doing shitty impressions of presidents and other famous people, or raging and banning anybody who has any disagreement with him whatsoever.

The party platform involves a new economic model called hybrid capitalism. The idea is for government to compete in the private sector as a business, with no adverse effects in the free market, as if public schools don't exist and have no crowding out effect. While calling all his trolls NSA puppets, he is unaware his own platform supports the NSA. His favorite plan is to build a seawater pipeline, because "Much of our country is uninhabitable due to a lack of water."

The show is broadcast six days a week, consisting of "Conspiracy Monday," "Truth Tuesday," "Wasteful Wednesday," "Technology Thursday," "Fun Friday," and "Anti-War Saturday," but let's be honest, every day is Conspiracy Monday. You will hear such greatness as that oft repeated Alex Jones lie that duh natzis used fluoride on da jews, and that fluoride also caused Columbine; because the best way to pacify people into submission of your tyrannical regime is to make them capable of going off on murderous rampages.

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Gallery

America's Third Gallery About missing Pics

David's proof that he is in fact American
David taking special caution around people of color
Bwahhh
More glam shots!
DO NOT WANT

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Party donations help him make trips to lecture a retard in a mickey mouse shirt.
Where the magic happens
David's design of an airship that travels up to 400 MPH is one example of his vast knowledge of aerophysics.
Obama fears MS Paint