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Harvey Milk

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Professional poofter and human target Harvey Milk.

Harvey Bernard Milk was a fudge-packing homosexual Jewish ephebophile who, in 1977, became the first gay elected official in California history when he was elected as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Unfortunately for Harvey, he would only hold this position for less than a year before tragedy and the wrath of a virulently heterosexual God would strike him down.

When not getting gunned down by a deranged man on a Twinkie bender, Harvey could usually be found grooming and molesting 16-year-old boys.


Early Life

Harvey and his older brother playing Ram Ranch in 1934.

Harvey Milk was born in Jew York on May 22, 1930, to Lithuanian Jewish parents William Milk and Minerva Karns. During his childhood Harvey would regularly play Brokeback Mountain with his older brother Robert.


Milk & Twinkies

Dan White - Devourer of Twinkies, Slayer of Homos

Daniel James White, a fellow member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and known Christfag, resigned from the board on November 10, 1978, following multiple disagreements with Milk. Within days, however, White realized he had dun goofed and went crawling back to San Francisco mayor George Richard Moscone to beg for his job back. While Moscone initially agreed, Milk and the other libtards on the board decided to bitch about how they'd rather have a genderqueer non-binary transnigger on the board to help reflect San Francisco's growing diversity and tolerance – an act that eventually made Moscone relent and agree to bring in a dumb diversity hire rather than accepting an experienced person like Dan White back onto the board.

On November 27, 1978, after developing depression and downing a metric fuckton of Hostess Twinkies, Dan White grabbed his Smith & Wesson revolver and went to San Francisco City Hall where he gunned down both Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk. Following the shooting, Dianne Feinstein—the President of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors—fingered Harvey Milk's bullet wound and then went on live TV while still covered in his AIDS-infested blood to announce to the people of San Francisco that the mayor and some stupid homo were both dead.



Pop goes the homo.


Feinstein goes on TV after fingering a dead guy's bullet hole.


Srsly, we aren't even making up the fingering!


Dan White was later convicted of the lesser charge of manslaughter after convincing a jury of twelve dumbfucks from San Francisco that he had only killed the two men because he was under the influence of depression-inducing Hostess pastries in what would become known as the "Twinkie Defense". Despite getting away nearly scot-free after originally being charged with two counts of capital murder, Dan White ended up killing himself less than two years after his release from prison by giving his car a blowjob and swallowing too much carbon monoxide.

With the mayor now deader than Nikki Catsouras and as the acting President of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, Dianne Feinstein finally ascended to the position of Mayor of San Francisco on December 4, 1978, following nearly a decade of failed attempts to actually get elected to the position legitimately without anyone having to die.


   
 
And, I know the sense of helplessness that people feel. I know the urge to arm yourself, because that's what I did. I was trained in firearms. I'd walk to the hospital when my husband was sick. I carried a concealed weapon. I made the determination that if somebody was going to try to take me out, I was going to take them with me.
 

 
 

—Dianne Feinstein, pretending to know how to use a gun (archive)


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