ISIS

Their incredibly shitty flag.

Isis flag,fixed

Not to be confused with ISIS classic

Not to be confused with that cute loli from 'We are little stars'

The Islamic State is the first legitimate, Arabic, Sunni Muslim state in 800 years since the Crusaders disrupted the Middle East causing the Abbasid Caliphate to fall to Mongolians who subsequently created the un-islamic decadent Ottoman Caliphate which led to the temporary destruction of Islam and the creation of a Jewish encampment in the heart of the Arabic World.

Western media describes the Islamic State or ISIS, ISIL (Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant), or just The Caliphate as a jihadi uprising funded by the Republican Party to punish Obama for withdrawing the troops from Iraq, and Bashar-al-Assad for being friends with Putin and not allowing the speedy construction of a pipeline. Conservatives would have you believe this is what happens when American interests co-opt Al-Qaeda under the command of a muslim nigger president from Kenya, however in reality the caliphate is a stable Sunni traditionalist state ruled by Shari'a law and with the intention of forcefully liberating fellow unrepresented Sunni Muslims in neighboring Western-controlled dictatorships. Their methods are often portrayed as barbaric by the media of larger industrial nations more accustomed to heavy firepower and good old fashioned carpet bombing than throat-slitting or scorpion bombs.

The group is led by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi(also known as Caliph Ibrahim and Big Daddy Baghdadi). Abu is a Mexican convert who was probably trained by Mossad. Isis plans to create a caliphate(Islamic empire) that will spread from Iraqi/Syrian region to Austria, Morocco, India, parts of China, the entire Middle East, and Parts of Africa, assuming they don't get eventually #rekt by Assad. They are even recruiting from Britfagistan, including 16 year old girls to provide jihadi brides. The anguished cries of "Too old!" have proven numerous. The group threatens everybody in the middle east. Although they seem like srs bsns they ride around in 1980s pickup trucks. Isis used to be a cell of Al-qaeda. But like a black father, Al Qaeda abandoned them and claimed they had nothing to do with them after it turned out ISIS were too fucking hardcore. Recently the occupational ape Obama authorized air strikes on ISIS, which caused mass butthurts amongst the sandniggers. The Islamic state spreads through the biggest cities in Iraq and in Syria. They tried to attack Lebanon but got wrekt in the process.The group claimed authority over all Muslims (but they can't even take over Iraq or Syria). ISIS rose to power in the Syrian civil war (since they were too weak to take power in their home country of Iraq). It is estimated there are 80,000 ISIS soldiers, 50,000 in Syria and 30,000 in Iraq (all of which have erectile disfunction)

Geography

Although the term Caliphate has unfortunate connotations of World Domination, the actual territorial ambitions and holdings of ISIS overlap and correspond precisely with most of Iraq's and Syria's oilfields when grouped together. This has allowed the Royal House of Saud to freely manipulate the price of oil at whim, which is why Americans enjoyed a Merry Christmas in 2014 but not such a surefire prosperous New Year.

The Islamic State's territory is in constant expansion but as of January 2015 it stretches from West to East from the Fascist-held Syrian coast to the outskirts of Bagdad, and from the Turkish (Kurdish) border to the North to the desert to the South. It comprises (when the rest of Syria is liberated) the Northernmost Arabic-speaking Sunni provinces of the Middle East.

The Islamic State maintains good communication with its foreign partners in the World scene, sharing a peaceful border with Turkey, and remaining always open to negotiations of POW exchange with its current enemies. The Islamic State does not currently recognize or maintain diplomatic relations with the State of Israel. The Office of the Caliph has produced this study to present the Islamic State's current position in relation to the United Nations Security Council.

Social Media

Since the Islamic State is a melting pot for Sunni Muslims of Arabic origin throughout the diaspora or converted by seeing the light of the Prophet, (may Allah bless him and grant him Peace), the country has been able to produce above-standard digital entertainment that puts Nollywood and Bollywood to shame.

This is a short video produced by the Ministry of Tourism of Mosul:

This is an example of actual news casting that reports the truth in contrast to digitally-enhanced Western media:

The most popular Islamic State series in the West is Lend me your Ears, which is not about body mutilation as crappy Western news channels would have you believe:

Intro

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 6

CNN is astonished at ISIS' integrity and consistency

You only die once.

Learning from their child brides, ISIS members have the developed a compulsion to post every aspect of their lives on Twitter or Instagram. Unlike your typical teenage camwhore, however, ISIS tweets tend to be quite lulzy, often involving the beheading of government officials, and the theft of American tanks and kittens and tweeting it to americans for the lulz. The holy warriors of ISIS may be brutal psychopathic murderers, but they are not without a sense of humor. They shopped a picture of the First Negress after stealing equipment the U.S. had originally given to Iraq.

Sadly, however, if ISIS were looking for attention, their efforts are all in vain because all the politically illiterate trendies on Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter are having too much fun whining about the wormy kikes in Israel blowing up terrorists poor, innocent, noble Palestinians who'd never hurt anybody than to bother caring about all the atrocities committed by a bunch of butthurt sand niggers.

World Domination Plan

ISIS World Domination plan

ISIS released a map showing their master plan, That would be good and all except for the fact, The map they released was taken from a Paradox Interactive game called Victoria 2

	“	They're gonna have some serious problems with those nationalists, and they've already got a lot of infamy. Have fun keeping those rebels down when everybody's at 10 consciousness.	„
	—Basement Dweller

Its all here

Strengths

Thank you ISIS.

The main asset for ISIS is a huge stock of shiny new Humvees, boy-whores ("bacha bazi"), helicopters, opium, girly magazines, fighter planes, ornamental concrete barricades, power plants, and a huge computer network they can use to identify and kill people at checkpoints who once talked to the wrong guy. They found these neatly tied up in Christmas packages tagged "To Whomever Conquers These Losers", left behind by legions of Iraqi soldiers implementing step 1 in nation-building (run awaaaaaaay!). To this can be added more than $9000 billion in funds they looted from a bank in Mosul, in the form of an IOU from "the guys who embezzled the Americans' mooooney!" They're working on getting it cashed.

Weaknesses

Against the mighty forces of ISIS are arrayed a vast panoply of America's newest friends in the region: Assad, Iran, and Hezbollah. No word yet if the North Koreans are joining in. For $100 million a day the Turks and Saudi Arabia might get involved. The goal is to smash all the ISIS equipment the U.S. provided them, then give America's new friends the same equipment, then replace the equipment for the "liberated" Iraq. At 2% cost plus that's enough profit to buy half the U.S., mostly borrowed from China in exchange for a promise they can put brain implants in future generations and use them for cheap labor.

Gallery

ISIS About missing Pics

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  Abu Waheeb, leader of ISIS forces in Iraq
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  Every A-10 pilot's dream
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[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  A message to America
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  Batshit insane, yet still hilarious]]
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  Bulldozer of fallujah, the final boss mini-boss of ISIS.
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Links

• How do I join ISIS?
• ISIS propaganda video -Isis doing drive by shootings and killing Iraqi soldiers. Really hardcore shit.
• ISIS jokes about using severed head as soccer ball
• US Intelligence is watching out for re-tweeters
•  I Can Haz Islamic State Plz
•  ISIS' twitter account
•  Al Turaab, a jihadi
•  ISIS media hub

See also

• Iraq
• Syria
• Islam
• Al Qaeda
• Boko Haram
• Terrorists
• James Foley

ISIS is part of a series on Social Media Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article December 29 & 30, 2014
Preceded by Luka Magnotta	ISIS	Succeeded by North Korea