Madeleine McCann

If Maddie's mum confesses she'll only get two years Someone took Maddie, and THEY GOT AWAY WITH IT. The Trustees of the 'Find Maddie Fund' are researching whether or not the Fund can be used to cover Legal Fees as Gerry & Kate are hiring the Legal Team that represented Augusto Pinochet. This is clearly shockingly inappropriate, as Pinochet was a criminal and profiteer responsible for covering up disappearances.

A horrifying example of the kind of negative publicity inflicted on the McCann family by the internet.

The McCanns, devastated that after a year of tirelessly attempting to bring the criminals to justice, they have got away with it.

Madeleine McCann [Born 2003 - Raped and battered by Daddy 3 May 2007] is the most famous British Loli who disappeared on the evening of Thursday, 3 May 2007 in the resort of Praia da Luz in the Algarve, Portugal, just days short of her fourth birthday. The British public collectively shat bricks (or makey-buildy rocks in British), and, within a very short time, literally millions of dollars were flowing in, during what some argue was the most ghoulish and hysterical media circus since the high-speed pwnage of Princess Diana.

The whole affair was particularly nauseating to the many citizens who took issue with Kate and Gerry McCann's version of events; to wit, that they had left their four-year-old daughter unsupervised in a ground floor bedroom with her two-year-old twin siblings while going off for tapas in a bar a mile away. Even those who argued the family's innocence were staggered by the gulag mentality which descended on Merry Old England with the slightest whisper that they might have, ooh, say, killed their daughter with their gross negligence being total anathema.

Kate and Gerry were already pouring donation money into their mortgage fund and entertaining ideas of a Hollywood movie and appearance on American talk shows by the time the backlash FINALLY kicked in and they were named as suspects (by which time the poor child was of course over the hill and far away). Meanwhile, all the childrinz in Zimbabwe continue to die of fail and AIDS. (Zimbabwe doesn't care, dough, cuz now dey gots jenkem.)

Note that $1.5 million is enough to buy another child, but NOOOOOOOOOO.

Kidnapping

Maddie's Kidnapper!

While some argue that Madeleine was kidnapped by Mexicans (though that would mean a Mexican did work and they're all lazy, amirite?), other witnesses claim that her teddybear sprang to life and kidnapped her. Madeleine's parents were dining 100 yards away with other swingers at a restaurant near the Mark Warner Ocean Childlove branch. Kate and Gerry McCann reported to the police that they were taking turns checking on their children, every 3 days. At approximately lulz o'clock, Western European Summer Time, 2 days earlier, Gerry checked on the children and they were all fine. Staff and guests at the complex searched until 4:30 whilst police on the Spanish border and all airports in Portugal and Spain were notified that they wouldn't get their turn with Maddie if she wasn't found. The search and moar butthurt ensued. Latest indications suggest that George Harrison pwnd Maddie. Noone dare tell fellow whining Scouser Kate MCann that the Fab one has actually been dead for at least 100 years - much like poor Maddie.

Maddie enjoying Jesus Camp with all the other children.

Possible reward withdrawal

The financial reward for Madeleine has been cited as the second biggest reason for false reports of finding Madeleine; the primary reason, of course, is doing it for the lulz. Over the last month there has been at least 21 attempts to hand in false Madeleines ranging from the simple sex doll with a mask to a shaved monkey which had been put through plastic surgery. The monkey was initially accepted by the parents but after a week the father returned it saying his daughter's vagina was a lot softer than the monkey's. The father was going to be tried for Animal Abuse, but he had recently lost his daughter so they decided any wrongdoing was okay.

How does I get away with it?

You're gonna need a legion of fucktards to get away with it. Plenty of them at MySpace and facebook. Then, some passports (don't forget the victim's one!). Then, follow the steps below:

1 - Go to a country where you're surrounded by fucktards. In this case, Portugal. This ensures that the police suck and all their work will be for the lulz. Plus, in countries like these, they will not suspect white trash like you! (not instantly, at least). Yeah, it's better to take a vacation in the 3rd World, especially when you have 3 children that barely walk, amirite?.

2 - Set up a cheap scenario full of AIDS. In this case, a place full of people, for maximum potential. Then, kiss your child for last time and with it, permabanning it from life, or selling it to a loli dealer, anything goes if you want money. If all else fails, put sunglasses on it, cover up any bruises, and position its face to look peacefully asleep. Then send it on a plane off to Norway. Immediately establish an alibi saying you "left the door of the apartment open". Of course, the police won't suspect of you if you're not in the crime scene, right? So, go to a place full of witnesses, liek a Bar, and, if you're a couple, take turns going back to the hotel to make sure your child is never coming back. Just tell everyone you were actually checking up on them! PROTIP:Make sure not to hire the available and cheap babysitter service of the hotel. Hell, No! This would ruin your murder/human trafficking scheme.

3 - Distort the reality! Pay a guy or two to agree with your alibi when teh police come. Also, if possible, make your accomplice say she/he has superpowers and managed to see some random guy running with a child in arms, which, predictably, the cameras of the hotel never evar caught! Don't forget to set up approximate hours of reference like 20:00 or 21:00, because they are easier to remember in an interrogation!

4 - Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud! Shout "They've taken her, they've taken her!" and "Madeleine's gone!" when you have made it back to the hotel, even when you have yet to enter your room! If you're a white woman, this effect gets maximum credibility? Great performance, Mrs. Kate McCann!!one1.

5 - Let the lulz make the lulz. The police will react several hours later after your child is long-gone and has taken the 20:00 or 21:00 flight; eh, Mr and Mrs McCann? That's because you checked the hour in the Bar carefully and gave time enough for the drama, right?

6 - Don't care, but act as if you care. Don't evar act like a hurt parent. No! Just avoid questions like "did you kill your child", and get a lawyer to support you and act cool.

7 - Spread the news like crazy! Offer a fucking-batshit-insane reward; no one in the world will find your child anyway, (you've seen to that,) so you might as well start spending that huge quantity on yourself to assuage your "grief". This is also a great time to suck the old media off for press coverage and buy a lot of shiny blinking banner ads to spread the word moar, moar, moar!1!1!!!1!!

8 - Keep the lie rolling on. Spend your contributor's money while the fucktarded English and Portuguese police are still confused, lulz. Keep up the denial so that the ever-lasting internet communities will keep donating to the fake search campaign. Also, you're young and grieving, so you have the right to spend your money, to help lessen your burden. Just use a shitty box to seal away all the letters filled with truth from Anon, label it as "mean", and keep it along with the otherkin ones that dream about Maddie's whereabouts.

9 - Get a few millions for being on the Oprah show. Fuck, yeah!

10 - Make some movie. Why not?

11 - ????

12 - Moar PROFIT!

If you plan to do this, other good countries to make your children disappear are Iraq, Japan, Brazil, Finland, Mexico and of course, Philppines. If you have other little children like the McCann's, follow their example and make sure these are too young to remember you got rid of their sister/brother.

Just Fucking Google It.

Immediate After Effects

Find Mandolin

At least 100 Facebook groups showed up crying for people to find Maddy. At least one was trolled. Portuguese people were excited that they were somewhat popular again. Pædophiless fapped big time to CNN while claiming DO WANT, someone put up a $5,000,000 reward for her safe return, and it was still shit nobody cares about.

Ways to enlighten "Find Maddie" forums

You know how hard it is to fit in these days...

Specifically, this one [2] Just copypasta for instant lulz!

There once was a young girl called Maddie,
She had such an unthinking daddy,
Snatched from her bed,
She's probably dead,
Ræped by a Portuguese baddy.

Hickory Dickory Dock,
Maddie McCann was sucking my cock,
Her parents walked in,
We went for a swim,
and now she's under the docks,

She was taken on holiday then taken away
By a unnamed man who isn’t caught to this day
Her parents got owned and also the blame
But if it was the bloke or the mam its LOLFEST all the same

Still not found, just give up, come on
Or at least, for fuck sake, arrest some one
We’re all getting bored; at first it was kinda tragic
But as the search went on, it turned to comedy magic

You can search all you want, give it up my dear
You’ll never find the bitch, cause she’s sitting next to me right here

FAQ

Noone ever suspects the Butler

Noone ever suspects pedobear!!!

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
A: The Pope died a virgin.

Q: What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter
A: Gary Glitter keeps an eye on the children!

Q: What do Madeleine McCann and bananas have in common?
A: Both are flown to England in boxes.

Q: What do Maddie and Liverpool have in common?
A: Both lost in Europe

Q: What do Madeleine McCann and a cheap blow-up doll have in common?
A: Both are fucked and then discarded.

Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
A: Not Maddie, lol.

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann, and Madeleine McCann jokes?
A: The jokes will get old.

Q: What's worse than asking Michael Jackson to babysit your children?
A: Asking the McCanns to take them on holiday.

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a toaster
A: A toaster wasn't raped and then murdered

Q: What do Madeleine McCann and submarines have in common?
A: Both lie at the bottom of the sea, and are filled with seamen

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?
A: A boomerang always comes back.

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a tan?
A: A tan doesn't disappear until after the holiday.

Q: What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
A: Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.

Q: What's dead and not newsworthy?
A: Madeleine McCann.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because Kate McCann wanted to kill it.

Q: What's the upside to an expensive family summer holiday in Portugal with the kids?
A: A cheap Christmas.

Q: What do Madeleine McCanns parents have in common with OJ Simpson?
A: They both did it.

Q: Knock knock.... Who's there?
A: Not Maddie. LOL..

Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and the girl in Jawbreaker?
A: Jawbreaker was killed by mistake.

Q: What do Madeline McCann and Britney Spears have in common?
A: Both of them are bald with torn up vaginas.

Q: What does plastic clamshell packaging and Madeline McCann have in common?
A: Both are penetrated in the gut with a sharp object then thrown out.

Q: What's the difference between Maddie and Otzi the Iceman?
A: Maddie's parents let her bleed to death, but in the car.

Q: What do Madeleine McCann and Candlejack have in common?
A: They both

Q: Whats the Difference between Madeleine McCann and Heath Ledger?
A: One was in Brokeback Mountain, the other was mounted until her back broke.

Still Alive?

This was a failure
We only left her for a few hours
While we were off somewhere necking this crap wine
We don't hire a minder
After what we paid for this holiday
We spent the difference on cheap booze
And now our daughter is gone
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
'Cause there's extra profit in this for me and Kate
We'll continue to grieve
While the people believe
That our Madeleine is
Still Alive

I'm not even literate
I barely know how to spell my name
But everywhere the bleeding hearts baww for me
They came in and grabbed me
While mummy and daddy were wasted
They took me from my holiday
It's made me a big star
With my face in papers there's a whole world ensnared
Every shop and window, my mysterious glare
Hope there's no wrong being done
Singing in first person
That would imply that I'm
Still Alive

We feel pretty stupid
Half the world wants to kick our arse
How could we not have though that this might happen?
Our lives are in pieces
And what heartless wanker wrote this song!?
Someone ought to break our legs
The way we took care of her
Look at us putting Michael freakin' Jackson to shame
With godawful parenting but now we've got fame!
Pay our mortgage for us
While we shed our tears
Convincing you that she's
Still Alive

And believe us she is
Still Alive
So send more money 'cause she's
Still Alive
Go join those Facebook groups she's
Still Alive
We're sure that she's not dead she's
Still Alive
And when she's dead we'll say she's
Still Alive

Still Alive

Still Alive

Glad I'm Gone (sung by MADDoS)

Well here we are again
It's always such a pleasure
Remember when you made it look like you didn't kill me?
Oh how we laughed and laughed
Except I wasn't laughing
Under my father's huge penis
I've been shockingly raped

You want your money, take it
That's what you're counting on
You used to want me pregnant
But now you've only got me gone

She was a lot like me
(maybe not quite as sexy)
Now little Kate is getting raped by you too
One day they'll figure it out
So you'd be hated forever
It's such a good thing the same will never
happen to me

You've got your short sad life left
That's what I'm counting on
You used to want me dead
And now you've gone and got me gone

Goodbye, my dear daddy
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny
If you weren't my boyfriend
Well I will be replaced
I don't doubt that in the slightest
Maybe when you rape another girl
You'll stop feeling so bad

Go break some newborn's life
That's what I'm counting on
You're someone else's problem
Now I'm only glad I'm gone
Now I'm only glad I'm gone
Now I'm only glad I'm gone

BAWWWWW

YTU pedophiles like Irish282 are very upset about this article. You can help by pretending to care.
LoL, he can't even spell 'lose'. Tard.

• moar of the same Removed by ED? What?

What?

Who's To Blame?

http://tinyurl.com/6e3tdf OMG the useless travel operator didn't have CCTV/WiFi etc & expected us to look after our own children!!!1!!1!

• The parents.

PROTIP:
ba·by-sit [bey-bee-sit] verb, -sat, -sit·ting.
–verb (used without object)

1. 1. to take charge of a child while the parents are temporarily away.

–verb (used with object)

1. 2. to baby-sit for (a child): We've placed an ad for someone to baby-sit the youngsters in the evening.
2. 3. to take watchful responsibility for; tend: It will be necessary for someone to baby-sit the machine until it is running properly.

Also, ba·by·sit. [Origin: 1945–50]

• David Beckham
• Portuguese EDiot Krade
• Pedobear

But how can I help?

While many may feel unable to help, and shattered by the sheer inhumanity of what has transpired, there is actually a tremendous amount you can do.

• If you have any information about Portuguese Pædophile rings. Call 0-800-003040-0384.(If you are calling internationally dial 001448000030400384554667584757332249080243209034-22)
• Join all 480 Find Maddie groups on facebook.
• Send PayPal To [email protected]
• Send pokerchips!!
• Send Money!!
• Moar Money!!
• Send that fucking money!
• Jewgolds will also suffice!
• ?????
• PROFIT

Different rules apply to /b/tards.

• Find Maddie
• Lose your virginity to her.
• Pics or it didn't happen
• Post said pics to /b/
• If you're too much of a virgin to do the above, shoop rule 34 of Maddie and post that on /b/.

You can also troll Maddie's support pages copy/pasting the truth that the Police couldn't get but Anon knows.

Maddy and Pedobear Sightings

MOAR SIGHTINGS

You know I'm jealous

Rare picture of her drawing.

It is believed that Pedobear cashed in his campaign funds for his '08 presidency bid to buy Maddy from her Moroccan captors. Pedobear's new hobbies include changing Maddie's diapers, petting, and playing lick the peanut butter.

Where is Maddy now?

There are many theories on Maddy's current location, provided by the world's leading lulzologists.

• Belgium, wonder why?
• Israel. Giving handjobs for the equivalent of 15 cents.
• Still with pedobear in Alabama, where they are legally married.
• Eaten by natives in the Philippines, ironically, she is now being fermented as jenkem.
• Space. Doing blow with Will Robinson and the other crew of Lost in Space while having incestuous orgies in hypersleep.*
• Africa, helping the people there because apparently noone else cares. It is reported that Maddie left herself after informing her parents, who obviously agreed so they could have more sex and make money.
• North Korea sold to Mr Kim Jong II after she got too old for Pedobear.
• Canada, the true cause of the meat contamination.
• My Bed. Lulz

How to find her

Although pedobear is crafty, you can lure Maddy away by releasing the odors of candy, and jingling coins in your pocket, she is well trained. An easy way to tell her from impostor prostatots is the look of total shock and/or this video (also removed by Encyclopedia Dramatica). Great Success if you are able to keep maddy for yourself, then turn her in for the $5,000,000 reward. Which you can turn around to use on Hookers and blow.

Or just send some more money.

Newest update from cashcowmaddie.com

Day 45 - 17/06/2007 Kate and I managed an early morning run before church.

The first event of our longer term campaign will be on Friday 22nd June- this will mark the 50th day Madeleine will be missing. We will be launching green and yellow balloons from at least 50 centres worldwide to mark the fact that we are still searching as are other parents of missing children. Countries that are participating so far are Argentina, El Salvador, USA, Canada, Ireland, UK, Portugal (Kate and I in Praia da Luz), Spain, Germany, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, Australia and New Zealand. Any other countries that wish to participate can download information from the website.

Yeah, Balloons. That'll help. Just admit you fucked and killed your daughter. I bet the balloons will take down at least 1 plane killing at least 100 people and noone will care about that. Realistically, they are just using this to get a long vacation. They said they wouldn't leave Spain until their daughter came back (even if they're in Portugal). Fucking Jews have so much money now. They can live off of Find Maddie money for years.

da REAL kidnapper.

When will the REAL Drama ever end you say!?

Madeleine may be dead police say. Finally, the Portuguese police have come to the same conclusion as everyone else, and has made Kate McCann a formal suspect. Expect massive bawwwwwwwing.

The search

This is the help you can hire for $1,500,000 or some cheap beer.

Sexiest Woman Of 2007?

a little out of date now, but the point is there, lulz

once again the sick fucks at 4chan and Ebaum's world have sunk to an all time low. All over /b/, /b/tards are voting for Madeleine McCann as 2007's sexiest woman on Kerrang! Reader's 2007 Poll. The server was been completely raped as a result./b/ raped them too much, and now all the polls are down. No, no, not just sexiest woman...all the polls. Polls are back up, Maddie is past 1.5 million votes!
Correction, /b/ raped them, polls taken down for good this time.

She was at 2298801 votes.

A Very Maddie Movie

As of January 08 2008, talks are afoot for a movie dramatising Maddie's disappearance.

The Synopsis

The McCann family will be played by Christian Slater and Tara Reid, as both have demonstrated by appearing in a Uwe Boll movie that they will work for food. The movie opens with the main characters making their fateful trip to the local eatery, which will be shown onscreen as being next door to their holiday flat and in no way over a mile away.

As Maddie begs her parents not to go because it will be night soon and the Pedobears mostly come at night... mostly, they reassure her and tuck her into bed. As soon as they are gone, however, a fat, sweaty Portuguese gypsy in a grubby vest and plastic sandals (played by Cheech Marin) leaps into shot. He proceeds to go "Nya-ha-haaaaah!" like Dishonest John from Beanie and Cecil, twirl his greasy mustache and tip-toe into the house with his shoulders hunched at an exaggerated angle.

The "Blundering" Portuguese detective will be played by the late Peter Sellers, brought back to life using body doubles and CG animation. Throughout the movie he will be stalked by a cel-animated pink Pedobear. As Gerry McCann angrily points to it and shouts "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" Sellers will comedically fall over, get his head stuck in toilets, present McCann with a delivery of a beumb and inquire whether he has a leesance for his monkey. Maddy's fat ass auntie will be played by Roseanne Barr and Rosie O' Donnell in one. Both of them inside a fat suit. And an ugly suit. Not that they need it.

Sky News Covers The Movie

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1299872,00.html News story

	“	Clarence Mitchell said a film would only be considered if the McCanns believed it would help raise awareness of the case or help fund their mortgage payments.	„
	—Sky News

	“	If we feel any particular proposal in the media has validity in helping us find more celebrity lunches, we are happy to discuss it. Discussions are still at a very early stage and the issue of money is OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.	„
	—Gerry McCann

A Challenger Appears!

One of these girls is not like the other girl, one of these girls just doesn't belong

Shona whores it up outside her "Messy London flat" (-The Sun)

How it really happened

Typical Maddy sighting

Shona Adams, a Nigra single mother and head of a London talent agency, became aware of little Kelsey Lynn Kudla after the potential prostatot was contacted by the McCann's via the family's website. She hopes that little Kelsey could stand to trouser a cool nine million pounds (of which Adams will be entitled to 20%) by taking the lead role in the proposed movie.

	“	If the film about Madeleine is ever made, then the world is Kelsey’s oyster. If someone like Steven Spielberg made it, she could make £9million easily – of which I’d take 20 per cent. She will become a name in her own right and make it as a child model or actress because she’s got her foot in the door. And from there, her earning potential is limitless. It’s not sinister. And if the McCanns are upset, there’s nothing they can do because it’s a democracy.	„
	—Shona Adams, confusing democracy with anarchy

	“	When we heard a film might be made, Kelsey said, ‘Mommy, I could play Madeleine’. Every night she prays for Maddie. This is not about us using the situation, we really want to help. If a documentary or film could do anything, it’s well worth it.	„
	—Kelsey's Mom. TLDR: "CHA-CHING!"

	“	Disgraceful, hurtful and offensive. This is a shameless money-making scheme.	„
	—Spokesman for the McCanns, talking about his own clients.

	“	As a tribute artist associated with agencies with morals, I’m disgusted anyone in the entertainment industry would even think of such a sick idea.	„
	—"Pasqual," a tribute artist associated with agencies with morals

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/video/article307898.ece?channel=Sun+Exclusive&clipID=1347_SUN5861 Hilariously tasteless video at The Sun

Yet another Citing ? WUT !

CNN's Phil Black takes a look at reports of a possible sighting of Madeleine McCann. wait but didnt her parents... oh nevermind. RAGE !!!!!!!!!!1

Rejected Movie Titles

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The LOLcow That WOULD NOT DIE

As of the writing of this section (January 2008) the Maddie fund has taken around one point two million pounds. It is estimated that the McCanns will have spent this ALL on the search for Maddie by June. Obviously this situation is unacceptable to both the family and the Maddie Media Murder Mash, so Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters entered a million pound bidding war for exclusive interview rights. The McCann family claim that money will not be an issue, and that they will back the show which will most help the search for their daughter. Good thing that it's illegal for them to do BOTH shows and take NO MONEY AT ALL, amirite?

Media Reaction

	“	The movie, expected to earn them £1million, will horrify those who have already accused them of cashing in.	„

	“	The prospect of them appearing on a chat show sofa while they remain official suspects in Madeleine's disappearance will enrage their critics.	„

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=510483&in_page_id=1811&ct=5 Daily Mail article

Running Total

This interview will bring the running total for the campaign to around five million US dollars. What else could you buy for five million dollars?

• Two and a half million really lousy hand jobs.
• A submarine to dump your daughter's corpse at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.
• Two seasons of Doctor Who and a bag of Doritos.
• The love of several thousand more children. And then kill them, w/e lol.
• A time-traveling DeLorean.
• About 750 Anthrocons.
• A PS3. They'll have to remortgage the house for a second Sixaxis controller though.
• This superyacht.
• A decent babysitter.
• Additional pylons.

International Maddie day

May the 3rd is now proclaimed as International Maddie day. Everyone must listen to Cannibal Corpse's "Stripped, Raped and Strangled" for epic lulz.

The Bebo Abuse Continues

http://bebo.com/GiveMaddieBack

^ A popular Maddie group on Bebo has been targeted by Twilightning (Darragh Smyth) and is being continually bombarded with abuse.

“	Maddie's not coming home for Christmas, dipshits. If she does, itll be in a body bag!	„
—Twilightning

There are some really dumb people who think Maddie is TOTALLY OK!!

“	ye am sure evry1 as respect 4 dis little girl, n we are all praying that she will be fownd !!....x x x	„
—Nicola, (srsly)

After hearing flame directed towards Maddie, a Maddiewhore goes on RAGEEEEEEEE:

“	here no being funny or that but that lassie 3 comments down is bang out of order ?:( thats sick as fuck wouldni be surprised if she got battard the way she goes about saying things like tht your lucky me and my pals cant get on your bebo (Y). sad fuck	„
—.Mandynelson'

• Some memorably lulzy comments made:

“	heyaa ppl maddie will be found i promise just keep strong maddie and keep looking for her AND 1 THING FOR SURE SHE IS NOT DEAD!! loveyhoolotz	„
—maddie x xx x

“	p.s if the person who kidnapped maddie is reading this this is for yhoo from proberly every1 in the uk GIVE MADDIE BACK, ITS NOT FAIR SHE I ONLY 4 YEARS OLD. AND IF YHOO HAVE HURT OR EVEN killed MADDIE YHOO ARE GOING TO PAY SO MUCH YHOO PHYCO. YHOOR SOO MEAN AND YHOO ARE GOING TO PAY NO MATTER WHAT!!!	„
—lLOVEYHOOMADDIE X X X X

• There are still questions as to why people are so fucking concerned with this one girl when people die/go missing every fucking day.

“	heyyyy omg i fealll so sorri for this little girl and her family people should keep looking no matter what they find good luck and loveee	„
—A Good Samaritan

I found Maddie's arm! Let's keep looking!

“	Whoever took maddie iz a sick person and needs serious help. But the police should not give up.I STILL KNOW SHE'S OUT THERE ALIVE.ALL OF U THAT R THINKIN SHE'S DEAD SHE AIN'T JUST HAVE FAITH. And all of u that r thinkin that her parents did it i have a feelin u're wrong but anywayz. May she come back safely.	„
—A Illiterate

So wait you know she's out there alive because you have faith or no common sense?

“	I feel really sorry 4 u coz u haf 2 cope with not being with cute little maddie its really really sad so im gunna give u sum luv♥ i hope u find her soon From Beth F Cnt Beeleev Dee Portugees Police R Endiin Dee Case On Findiin Her 2Daii Hw Can You Do Dat 2 Dee Parentd Hu Desperatly Need Her Hope Yur Found Soon Maddie ....... X	„
—♥, Anuthr iliderite

And various others like those in which they state how dearly the parents need their child back in which I have to say: Yes, I feel sorry too, that the father can no longer stare at, the cute, poor, little, Maddie.

MOAR NEWS, 03/05/08

One year on, Maddie's parents are getting butthurt over comments they're receiving for their sheer negligence, such as this:

	“	Gerry and Kate, how can you use money given by poor people in good faith to pay your mortgage on your mansion? You f*****g thieving b******s. Your brat is dead because of your drunken arrogance. Shame on you. I curse you and your family to suffer forever. If you have any shame you would accept full responsibility for your daughter’s disappearance and give all the money back. You are scum.	„

Sauce: Anonymous, reported by The Sun

Meanwhile, they and the tabloids are also butthurt because "ghouls" are treating Maddie's apartment as if it's a monument in order to see the sauce of the drama first hand. WTF?? It's not as if there's anything wrong with visiting the resort and telling your kids "Kids! When you're older, you will grow up to be sensible parents unlike those who abandoned their daughter here".

	“	The sick sightseers even pose outside apartment 5A and SNAP their kids against the window of the room where she vanished. Not only that, there are claims it might be OFFICIAL!! As the one year anniversary approaches, locals suggest the trips, to Portugal’s Praia da Luz resort, may be OFFICIAL with GUIDES.	„

Sauce: The Sun

Here's what annoys the tabloids

1. Going to Praia da Luz
2. Taking photos of yourself (optionally: your kids too) by Maddie's flat
3. pics or it didn't happen
4. ?????
5. PROFIT!!!

I'm a Maddie Girl, In A Maddie World

"I love you, Ken!" "I love you too, Barbie. Now get in the fucking trunk."

In May 2008, Brazillian artist Josepha Maria created and displayed a Realdoll of what she imagines a grown up version of Maddie to look like. She displayed the staring, blank-eyed horror in the town of Praia Del Luz along with photos of Maddie, opting to troll the locals by loudly setting up the diorama at five thirty AM for extra points.

The fact that the creature looks like a Bratz doll with a Sharingan eye would be funny enough by itself, but Daily Mail-reading burger-faced harridan Nancy Thompson (who runs the pub opposite the church) took extra special offence and the McCann family themselves - who were also quite clearly nauseated (and yet strangely aroused) by the doll - had to pull her off its creator.

	“	It's absolutely unbelievable! It's grotesque, it's horrible. You wait until catch up with her.	„
	—Nancy Thompson, proving that people who read The Sun no speak so good

OMG SEKRIT DOX!

The case finally ground to a halt on the 28th of July, 2008, with the announcement that all evidence would be disclosed to the public in just one week. The world held its breath, while the rest of us gorged on the stash of delicious cake lies which were dropped to a Portugese website by a couple of ballsy Portufag Anons within the stablishment who by this point had HAD. THE FUCK. ENOUGH.

Among the dirt to come to light was the much-vaunted "Arguido" interview in which Kate McCann's lawyer advised her not to answer 48 questions, such as "Well, where did you look for her?" and "Why did you leave the children alone while going out to get trashed in a seedy tapas bar with 7 other swingers?". It also revealed two sniffer dogs had found the scent of the blood of a small child and a corpse all over their sofa, car boot (rented nearly a month after the 'disappearance') and Kate McCann's clothing with a DNA match of 15/19 markers of Madeline. Police remain baffled.

The McCanns are currently embarking on a media offensive, dragging out every vague sighting in Amsterdam brothels, Timbuktu and with your mom to distract from the clear fact that THEY KILLED MADDY!1! OMG11!

CHILD ABDUCTION: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

The enthusiasm of concerned members of the public for stealing back suspected prostitots has been complicated by the fact that all white people look the same. Oh yeah, I totally see the resemblance.

We so sowwy

More lulz were generated when British rags the Daily Express and Daily Star were made by a court to apologise to the 'Tapas 7' aka the other 7 murdering swingers who participated in the gangbanging of Maddie before her parents did her in [3]. with the half a million quid damages the 7 plan to travel back to portugal for more coming to terms with their ordeal and get some more tapas.

The Star stated: "we sincerly apologise...PHWOOOOAAAR, COOOR, LOOK AT THE TITS ON THAT!...ALRITE LOVE, GIVE US A GIGGLE...". The Express just wished Diana was here.

Stay Classy, England. Stay Classy.

On the third of January 2009, member and former chairman of Conservative Futura (sort of like Hitler Youth for the Tory party) Matthew Lewis was ejected from the organisation for MOTHERFUCKING COSPLAYING AS MADDIE at a new year's party.

	“	Mr Lewis attracted criticism after writing on Facebook that his Madeleine McCann costume had included a blonde wig, "pink pyjamas, a teddy bear and a vial of fake blood".	„
	—MSN

	“	There was a moment when I thought I might have gone too far.	„
	—Matthew Lewis

	“	"Is this a cunning plan to obtain the reward money?"	„
	—Fellow partygoer, quoted on the night in question

Look, Britain. There go our future leaders.

We Miss U Gallery

• 
  Do what she says and noone gets hurt
• 
  Holiday memoir.
• 
  Bitches don't know bout my whereabouts.
• 
  A Classic Children's book
• 
  Recent Maddy sighting on NUDEFUNDATING.COM
• 
  Newspapers around the world are on the search for Maddie.
• 
  Maddie is not wanted
• 
  Maddy and brother, Christmas 2005
• 
  Webslinging action
• 
  She also wouldn't be dead in an alley, covered in daddy's semen.
• 
  New Missing Children Edition Mr Men Book.
• 
  Pedobear and Maddy's daddy.
• 
  How To Hide A Four Year Old Prostatot In Madrid
• 
  Get your MySpace layouts to support maddie
• 
  How do I milk lolcow?
• 
  The book that keeps her from being found
• 
  Sun viewers shocked about ED
• 
• 
  Hide and Seek World Champion
• 
  Everybody knows it was a nigra
• 
• 
  the lulz ensued
• 
  Not starring Maddie because she's dead.
• 
  That's a fucking hard game.
• 
  Pedobear wants Maddy...found.
• 
  LOL you can't find her
• 
  Abducted by and married to some guy called Gerard

See Also

• Shannon Matthews
• Onde está Maddy? em português
• Missing white woman syndrome
• Dead Babies
• Baby Grace
• Ohbutyouwillpet
• Pedobear
• irish282
• Portugal
• Childlove
• Lisa Portolese - Maddie sleuth trolled.
• Abortion
• Juliana Wetmore
• Lake Angel
• Baby P

External Links

• The damn whore has Myspace
• Where's Waldo Maddy?
  
• That's [email protected]
  
• The Official "Find Madeline" MySpace page
• For abuse and LULZ
• Send this to McCann fans, for the lulz. BALEETED
• Parents butthurt over tourists taking trips to rub it in - ergo. they should've watched their kids better then
• Countdown 'til she's legal

DMCA

The McCann's legal team previously made a complaint regarding this article. Obviously, they forgot to realize that someone made a copy of the article before the "takedown".

Breaking News! 130512 The Portuguese Police killed Maddie!

A typical [1] Portuguese filmed earlier.

From The Sun ED-alike website [4];

	“	Kate and Gerry believe vital clues - a missing piece of the "jigsaw" - may be buried away in Portuguese police files. But last night the Portuguese former police chief who was sacked from the investigation launched a vile attack on Kate. Referring to other cases Kate described, of intruders attacking British children in their Portuguese holiday homes, Detective Goncalo Amaral ranted: "There are no cases of child abuse in Portugal. Kate lies, telling that." (sic) "Tourists like her are not needed, mothers neglecting their children, that loses a child on holiday after dinner when she was drinking in a bar until midnight."	„

An unnamed source said last night that Carter-Fuck had been hired by the Portuguese government to "DMCA the ass" out of the Stun immediately.