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David Kozák: Difference between revisions
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* [[Charles Whitman's Tumor]] - Almost beat his high score, but sadly couldn't. | * [[Charles Whitman's Tumor]] - Almost beat his high score, but sadly couldn't. | ||
* [[Martin Peyerl]] - [[Dylan Klebold]] lookalike who did a low high score and pwned himself. | * [[Martin Peyerl]] - [[Dylan Klebold]] lookalike who did a low high score and pwned himself. | ||
* [[Golden | * [[Golden IPod]] - Late to claim it, but our [[Unabomber|Uncle Ted]] deserved it a bit more. | ||
{{High Scores}} | {{High Scores}} |
Revision as of 13:53, 8 November 2024
David Kozák | |
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Born | August 12, 1999 |
Died | December 21, 2023 (aged 24) |
Nationality: | Czech |
Highscore | Killed 17, injured 25 |
Top 50? | 38th |
Style | FPS, Single player |
An Hero? | Yes |
Motive | Revenge on society |
In 2023, shortly after Robert's schizo chimpout in America, our hero of the day, Saint David Kozák became enlightened to the word of Ilnaz Galyaviev and finally decided what Eastern Europe truly needed: A new generation of sk00l sh00ters. He was able to score surprisingly well, managing to outdo his Ruski hero and even sniping an indirect kill, but sadly decided to exit this cruel, cruel world as soon as the Party Van arrived. Still, the act of such a destructive and deadly school shooting anywhere outside of the United States, Russia, or Brazil should be an inspiration to us all.
Lore
Born in Hostouň only a few months after the homos at Colorado had their showdown, David was characterized as a bright young man with a completely normal and responsible interest in firearms, something not too rare in slavic shitholes. As a kid, he tried sniping his loli sister with an air rifle, but managed to get away with it, convincing his dad it was just an accident. At the time of the sh00ting, he was studying Polish history at Charles (Whitman) University in Prague. He was actually characterized as a really good student, even winning awards for his groundbreaking thesis. Of course, he decided to throw it all away in exchange for 15 minutes of fame. Many such cases!
Kozák's female friend, known as "Alice", was worried about his mental state, noticing his constant suicidal tendencies mostly caused by academic stress. She forced him to visit numerous psychologists, who were able to witness firsthand how his intentions progressed more and more towards a murderous plot against his parents and random strangers. Psychiatrists in the Czech Republic are required to send their medical reports to the patient's general practitioner (which would thwart our hero's intention at legally buying guns), so David didn't tell him the name of his general practitioner. Thus, no report was sent. The only health-related information shared to the practitioner (in order for him to write a report for the gun license) was that David must wear glasses when using firearms. According to a post-mortem psychological evaluation, Kozák was a "schizoid with narcissistic and antisocial traits" and had "a very solid IQ".
Being the sick fuck that he is, in his free time, he liked to watch animus and jerked off to zombie and corpse-themed Jap porn.
The Plan
David often spent his days reading information online about mass murder cases, including Sir Anders Behring Breivik and the Czech "Forest Killer", who killed 3 people in a forest in order to prepare himself for a would-be massacre. In September 2023, he finally decided to target his University for his attack, downloading floorplans both of the building and making notes of probable number of students in each of the classrooms.
His grandmother gifted him around 13,000 dollars, which, combined with a shitload of money he had saved up already and money he was earning at his airport job would help finance his mass murder. Despite telling several friends about his gun purchases and even warning "Alice" about how he "started exercising" as he will "have to carry heavy bags in a month or two", noone actually cared enough to intervene.
Despite living in Eurocuckistan, David had a legal gun license and owned four semi-automatic pistols, a semi-automatic rifle and a shotgun, all of which would be used in his reach for the High Score. Given this impressive arsenal, you'd expect him to manage to pwn at least 100 frags and defeat Sir Anders' rightful place, but he didn't count on the pigs reaching the rooftop so quickly.
Loadout
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Gameplay Footage
Previous Video | Next Video
RESULTS!
On 15 December 2023, David shot dead a 32-year-old man and his two-month old daughter in the Klánovice Forest, taking great care to take out his phone's SIM card, wear plain clothes and use a different type of glasses from the ones he normally used so as not to be tracked down. This was, of course, mental preparation for finally becoming a mass murderer. After the double murder, David was one of about 4,000 different suspects in the case, though the cops didn't manage to question him in time for the attack.
Six days later, on 21 December, David finally decided to make this world a better place and murdered his father at his home in before travelling to his desired target: Faculty of Arts in Charles University in Prague. There, he opened fire on students and faculty with two semi-automatic pistols, one in each hand, killing 13 people and wounding 22. After this, he climbed up to the top of the Uni and started sniping n00bs from the balcony, injuring three more. One retard died by jumping off the building to try and escape. After 20 minutes of god-knows-what tomfuckery, the cops finally decided to break into the school, where David went for a surprise shotgun mouthwash.
When the cops searched his home, they found a letter in which he confessed to the forest murders and cited his motive as revenge on society as the attacker felt misunderstood. David's attack is the deadliest mass murder in Czech history, earning him his national high score.
Anyways, this is what the letter read:
List of frags pwned
Sadly, the full named list of victims has not yet been released to the public. Here's what we have so far:
- Anonymous, age 32, murdered in the forest a couple days prior to the main lulzfest
- Anonymous, age 2 months, daughter of previous anon
- Stanislav Kozák, age 50, father of our local wannabe corpsefucker.
- Lenka Hlávková, age 49, musicologist.
- Jan Dlask, age 50, teacher.
- Klára Holcová, age 20, student and athlete.
- Lucie Špindlerová, student.
- Magdalena Křístková, student.
- Aneta Richterová, student.
- Anonymous Dane, student.
- Anonymous Emirati, student.
- 6 other Anons, students.
Graded Score
Kill count: | 17/20 Not bad at all, though I did expect a higher payout from so many guns |
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Accuracy: | 8/20 Learn how to aim better retard |
Style: | 10/20 Generic school shooter, you only get bonus points for being original enough to do it outside of the US |
Butthurt: | 10/20 Caused plenty of butthurt in Czechia, the rest of the world moved on in a day |
Bonus: | 20/20 For getting to the top 50 and becoming An Hero |
Gallery
The Kozy Faggot in Question
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Enjoying the cider. The sanpaku stare never lies!
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No amount of academic awards can ever make up for the TRUE award he earned: NATIONAL HIGHSCORE.
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David, don't let it show.
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Our hero is acclaimed by the fans.
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Shamed
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Even a nerd like Kosta Kecmanović or him had more sexual life than you.
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Allegedly Russian News broadcasts showed an edited, less hideous pic of David with a sigma jawline and less pimples.
Revenge of the Nerd
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After some harassment by spectators, there are so many 2016 flashbacks.
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Another angle
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He actually wanted to be a camera sucker.
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Not a selfie, just a czech SWAT operation
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The horrible perpetrator of this tragedy
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Confirmed
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hmm...
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I THINK HES DIED GUYS
Bye Bye Lax Gun Laws
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Glock 17 Gen 5 in a B&T USW-G Chassis Kit. Badass, but UNUSED.
Epic Prague Parkour Compilation
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Don't slip now
Kunt-ack's Telegram Diary
Previous Quote | Next Quote |
External Links
See Also
- Charles Whitman's Tumor - Almost beat his high score, but sadly couldn't.
- Martin Peyerl - Dylan Klebold lookalike who did a low high score and pwned himself.
- Golden IPod - Late to claim it, but our Uncle Ted deserved it a bit more.
Columbine: |
Columbine • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Super Columbine Massacre RPG • Do you believe in god • Columbine Copycats • Columbine Gallery • Columbiners | |
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Admirers |
Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • Bob8466 • Brooke Higgins & Sienna Johnson • Cho Seung-Hui • Dillon Cossey • Ichverbot • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Kimveer Gill • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Lynn Ann • Neocities • Nghtmrchld26 • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Robert Butler Jr. • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Ryan Schallenberger • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • TheAmazingAtheist • Tim Kretschmer • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Atchison • You | |
Locations: |
Colorado • United States • School • Suburbs | |
Related: |
Doom • Police Brutality • Postal • School Shooting • Mass Shooting • Video games • Trenchcoat • Marilyn Manson • KMFDM • Rammstein • Goth • Concerned Mother • Newgrounds • Ryan Lambourn • School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 • The Matrix • South Park • Michael Moore • Quentin Tarantino • 1990s • Jack Thompson • Gun control |
David Kozák |
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