Kelseyalicia

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

The harpoons: man them

Gallery's closed... due to AIDS

KelseyAlicia is a tartlet with over 9000 wonderful pieces of artwork displayed on her page. She is also well-known for being an absolute Yu-Gi-Oh fantard, and faps fervently to Yugi and his bum-chum, Pharaoh.

Oh yeah. And she draws like a fucking 3-year old. Kelsey's age is known to be 20. Know this as you read on.

She gained small notoriety from previous raids, but moar recently from a someone calling for a raid, after her retardation was rediscovered. Some of /b/, in a frightening display of faggotry, have come to the conclusion that Kelsey has assburgers, and therefore is not raid-able. This, of course, is bullshit on many levels. Some of anonymous has already taken it upon themselves to raid her tartlet account. Note comments hidden by user.

Gallery of Assburgers Syndrome

This bitch uploads to an almost daily basis, so she has a rough estimate of about 1,000+ pieces of artwork displayed. All of which are lulzy, as well as eye-raping.

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  When the self-portrait is prettier than the real thing.
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  Rubber band + wrist
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  What Yugi does to pay the rent... apparently.
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  "Peagues courts a virgin mare named Starberry to conceive his son Fledge in a biblical fashion"
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  "I walk in and he pops out of the last stall and then we kiss. Oh was it a good kiss!"
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  Starfire and Robin, just in case you're not fluent in retarded scribbles. olol 34.
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  "For Aziza she was born with the ability to assume the form of a cheetah which is why her nickname was "Bastet' after the Cat Goddess."
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  Because it's artwork.
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  THE TRUTH REVEALED

No srsly, there is moar than that even.

Reactions to the Fart

Some people say some of her deviations are inappropriate for deviantART, such as the pictures of her ex-boyfriend's mom, otherwise known as the beached whale. Also, for obvious reasons, many a tartlet has tried to helpfully critique her drawings, which she promptly doesn't answer--or apparently pay attention to, we're sure.

Others support her in all of her shit artistic endeavors, and thus Kelsey created the Yu-Gi-Oh Sisterhood. While this may have been an actual organized group at some point, right now all we can find on it is some more shit drawings and shit fanfictions connected to said retarded group. The group includes Kelsey herself (probably as the oldest member), an insane 13-year-old girl who may just be otakin with the Pharaoh (olol banhammered), another 20 year old loser who draws just slightly better than Kelsey, a kiss-ass, a lesbian beaner who's on a different level of crap than Kelsey, plus many more bitches I'm not willing to go out and look for. The group also accepts men, despite its gender-discriminating name, and I'm sure many boiz are members as well.

I'm bi-polar gaiz not retrared

Kelsey openly discusses the problems she's been through in her life; one problem being her, uh, BRAIN.

Kelsey was admitted into the hospital <last Thursday, as seen in this journal entry by her (apparently bitch) sister Kali. Details of this incident are undisclosed, but Kelsey has mentioned having mental disorders before, in many a ranty journal, and sometimes it can just be deduced that she's not quite all there.

Anywayz she's been long home nao to enjoy her flames and maek yet moar artwork.

	“	I mean we all have a mental illiess maybe it's not a 'real' one like mine. Bi-polar.	„
	—Kelsey, from a tl;dr journal entry

From her described emotional behavior in past journal entries, she could very well be correct about the bi-polar bear disorder, as she does seem to be a dramaqueen. However, assburgers is still an option.

	“	So dad nearly hits me. He destory the living and I natualy beat the shit out of Kyle best I can. He grab my wrist and I was upset I couldn't kick him in the gorin so I try to chock him.	„
	—Kelsey..., over a fucking mp3 player

Obviously the girl is emotionally disturbed.

	“	To my family I'm an inmautre girl with no sense of reality and I'm a broken record at times.	„
	—Kelsey,, complaining about what anyone would pretty much think about her

Kelsey claims to have an abusive family that doesn't support her, which makes it all okay for her to pretend her online family is her real one, and that cartoon characters are real. No really. It's okay. Healthy, too. Of course, like most children, she refuses to believe any of her parents or family's fights might actually be on her own fault. I mean, after all, she's only an adult. She shouldn't have to take responsibility for herself, now should she?

And yes, Kelsey has apparently been admitted into psychiatric care before.

	“	The owl I paint and took home from my first trip in a mental ward when I was a freshman.	„
	—Noone should be shocked by this

Something tells me she wasn't quite ready to be let out...

Neantrhols

For as seemingly reality-deprived as KelseyAlicia initially is, she at least knows when she's being mocked.

	“	I know what many will say. That I'm a retard reality challenge idoit who draws like a five year old.	„
	—Kelsey,, not helping her case

But of course, like all good lolcows, Kelsey excuses meanies like anon as people who are just JEALOUS.

	“	Well I'm not gonna let you or anyone break my spirit. I pity all those souls who to feel pleasure and get their ya-yas from other people pain. I pity the blind, deaf and closed minded neantrhols who mock those with whom are bless with an increable imangiton.	„
	—NO U!

It's obvious Kelsey is the product of hugbox parenting, where if the child displays ineptitude or weakness, rather than it being beat out of them, the parents merely gave them asspats and told them they weren't retarded, but a special, unique little snowflake who is a gift to this world.

Which, of course, as we all know, is granola-hippie bullshit, and Kelsey should've had her cartoon-fixation beaten out of her long ago.

She has moar to say to anon:

	“	For the reason that if those anonymous jackass keep doing what they’ve been doing, making it virtual impossible for anyone to do anything on the Internet, well they might as well just shut down the internet for good because they’ve just about done it already.	„
	—Kelsey,, straight from the first chapter of her crappy fanfic--because that's where it belongs

Anon: shuttin down ur internets.

Anyway. Kelsey also has a few moar things to say about anon. Shall we look?

• 
  She wants you to know that she isn't retrared
• 
  Next she'll buy a dog.

Now waiting for her to discover this page. It should be lulzy.

olol Did somebody order sum pizza?

At least 100 years ago, anon quite easily discovered Kelsey's home address and phone number--probably because the tard fucking posted her full name, the state and city she lives in for all to see, thus making it a very simple task. They ordered her some pizzas--a truckload or two, legends tell.

She proceeded to eat them all, and possibly expects more free pizza, seeing as how she still reveals her name and state in several places. You may as well deliver them straight into Kelsey's mouth, gaiz.

She's Very Gifted with Words

... Penicals.

In addition to being a gifted artist, she is also a very gifted writer. Actually, compared to her artwork, her writing is almost passable--the important word here being "almost." "Almost" means it could "almost" make the stupidest of 16-year-old girls and 13-year-old boys come with a violent spasm, while the rest of us are "almost" too distracted by her blatant grammatical mistakes to even take in the mind-bogglingly retarded descriptions, plot-points and characterization.

She makes it an important point to stuff as many OCs into her fics as possible, most of which she claims are either of her own design or are her "sisters'."

One of these OCs is Aziza. A beautiful magical Egyptian lady, who, like most Sues, has an unlimited amount of powers at her disposal, and is not easily defeated by meanies who try and make conflict. Pfft, who needs that anyway? Not this story. She's also apparently blind, but of course this doesn't stop her from doing shit normal people do, so this is merely another vanity point rather than something Kelsey would use to, god forbid, make her character appear more human.

Did we mention Aziza is some sort of furfag otherkin?

	“	“Please be kind enough to deal with your children, so I can get breakfast prepared Ra is up, so they’re yours now. See you downstairs in twenty,” as she became her cheetah self and dashed to the kitchen.	„
	—Sadly, not a badly delivered metaphor

What's more, Aziza follows the true Sue tradition of appearing in the author's favorite omg bishi's childhood--in this case Yami Yugi. The Pharaoh falls in olol love with her as a kid, but then she, like the bitch she is, erases his memories, to go along with canon and all.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. It's only the beginning. See, Kelsey uses a swift move to avoid M-preg as she became a fervent YamixYugi fangirl; psuedo-science! Yay! Ya see, if you explain something with enough scientific jargon, then your legions of tards are bound to swallow your words, just like your mom swallowed all of my cum last night. SHAZAM!

To clarify, Aziza became Yugi and Yami's sex slave, produced their children--which has a whole other fucked up explanation all together--and then just become a normal slave, taking care of their beautiful children while they have hwt yaoi buttsex.

This arrangement is, of course, perfectly fine with Aziza, as she is God, Jesus and all the Saints, so she will do anything to make her Pharaoh happy.

	“	"To save a live you need not get the heart to beat rather you give it a reason to beat"	„
	—Aziza... aka Kelsey

I... don't why she quotes her own characters, either.

Other fanfics include those from such mature fandoms as Winx Club, W.I.T.C.H., Teen Titans, and many other fandoms filled to the tip with 12 year-olds.

I Reject your Reality and Substitute it with My Own

Evan, who swore he was drunk when he kissed the beast.

	“	I've only kissed one boy in 'real life' Evan. But I've kissed just about every boy on my listed of favoirt boys in my dreams. Started with Leo from Ninja turtles and so far I've also had the pleasure of tasting Zuko, Atem, Yugi and Kurt lips. I'm still waiting on Aang a peck on the cheek of course, Rai, Chase Young, Robin, Caleb, and Danny.	„
	—Kelsey, showing some Sephirothslave tendencies, amirite?

olol no Evan's not her BF anymoar I guess. (He DOES exist though, which is to her credit.) She just dun need him, I guess, what with these hwt dream guys tripping all over each other for some pussy!

It can get worse:

	“	Every since Sophmore year biology class I've seen over and over Robin and Starfire have sex! It is very detail and I can now even hear, taste, smell it! It sometimes dispturbinng! So I drew them as tastfuly as I could in the nude. Belive me seeing an alien princess having sex with a hot orphon actrobat isn't what you need when your waiting for lunch!	„
	—Kelsey

... Does that really need any commentary? Stands on its own, it does.

That aside, I bring you all again to this subject:

	“	I find 'anime' people far more real then all the fake 'real' people around me.	„
	—Kelsey,, not delusional

Orly? We have of course seen such beliefs coming from a myriad of other fucktarded fangirls before her, but let me just remind you that Kelseyalicia is 20 years old. Now, you'd think as a 20 year old, she would at least be able to adequately back up this argument; of course, her assburgers probably gets in the way of that, and this is the result:

	“	We can’t keep trying to pretend life’s a damn fairytale, because it isn’t one won’t ever be one!	„
	—Kelsey,, see: ironic or hypocrite

Kelsey: Popular with fictional boys

Notice that the whale doesn't appear to draw herself up to size. Who didn't see that one coming, though.

• 
  OM NOM NOM
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  "To feel his touch at my fingertips his breath on my lips the smell of his hair ooh."
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  "Off comes the shirt and I work my way down from the mouth to the neck!"
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  Showing off her talent for massages.

Moar pix

• 
• 
  Unique; just another word for "special."
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  She's not retrared you guys.
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  It fucking runs in the family.
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• 
  More fecal excretions
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  Series of tubes.
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  Phallic?
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  Yami's reaction to her art.
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  Rofl no faggot. Made by somebody else. You think she could pull this out of her ass?
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  The sisterhood is just full of creative talent for making characters.
• 
• 
  BITCH SMACKED.
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  Trolling Kelseyalicia's <DeviantTART. LULZ!
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  More butthurt and BAAWWW!
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  Gay.
• 
  Her final form.

Response to the article

Kyle went full derp

On November 7, someone tried to blank the article which was promptly reverted. The second try involved her 'brother' trying to reason with ED. Again, thwarted promptly by banning.

“	Kelsey Alicia, in fact, has Asperger's syndrome, bi-polar disorder, and other various mental and developmental issues and I can verify the legitimacy of the difficulty of life that she has had and continues to have. I can give witness to the fact that her drawings are actually a considerable feat given her general lack of fine motor skills, skills doctors said she would never have. I can attest that her weight issues, about which you commented so eloquently, are due to the various medications she has been on for the majority of her life and the affect they have on her thyroid and metabolism. I can report that she has lost over 40 lbs in the last year. I can tell you these things because I am her brother, a legitimate source. The purpose of this website is parody and satire. This is neither. This is libel. This is filth. And this is wrong. I will make a simple plea: Reconsider what you are doing. This isn't funny. This is down right hurtful. Not only to her, but to myself and the other members of her family. The level of defamation and humiliation I found on this page is atrocious. There simply is no reason to do this. If this page continues to be up here, I will delete its contents once a day, every day until it stops. If this page is really worth continuing to re-post its contents, then I think you should probably reconsider your life's values and priorities. Thank you for your time, Kyleshevlin	„
—Response by 'Kyle', who's probably a figment of Kelsey's imagination.

TL;DR, my sister is a tard

Fun Facts!!

• Kelsey owns 138 stuffed animals.

• Kelsey has many talents; including and very limited to being a good bowler, throwing and spinning balls on all of her fingers, giving great massages, and being very gifted with words which helps her writing and reading a lot too. Note, again, that she is 20 years old and this is all she can brag about.

• Oh, but this is just the mere first layer of Kelsey Alicia Shevlin. In her tl;dr fanfiction profile, she begins to soapbox about her beliefs and philosophies. Sifting through the tl;dr, it's apparent that Kelsey moar than likely has assburgers, as she lives in la-la-land. In a short summary, she believes we are one race--the human race (lol see wut she did there)--but everyone is different so shut up and deal with it you meanies!1 Also, reality is what you make of it, which completely excuses her from thinking cartoons are real people, of course. People are imperfect, which makes it okay for her to be short-temper, impaintced, and be a bitch when she want to, BUT, when you're a cold heartless person, you are no longer human. olol contradictions, yes?

• Just so you get it into your head... she thinks cartoon people are more real than... real people. More on this theory laterz.

See Also

• Sephirothslave
• Kirbyslover
• Disneyfan01
• Shitty Art
• Fat
• Yu-Gi-Oh
• Mary-Sue
• Asperger's

Related Links

• KelseyAlicia on DeviantART
• KelseyAlicia on YouTube
• KelseyAlicia on Fanfiction.net

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Featured article November 10 & November 11, 2011
Preceded by KrappleGuy	Kelseyalicia	Succeeded by Judge William Adams