Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Murder: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older edit
imported>Schplew
 
(63 intermediate revisions by 19 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{needsmore|names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder ''victims''}}
{{needsmore|names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder ''victims''}}
[[File:Scooby Doo murder.jpg|center]]
[[File:Scooby Doo murder.jpg|center]]
For those who live [[OTI]], just consider '''murder''' an [[IRL]] [[permaban]]. Refers to the premeditated [[killing]] of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably [[pwn]]ed by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as [[suicide]]. If they create profound internet [[drama]] in the course of doing so, this makes them [[an hero]].
[[Image:Iwillkillyouwithmybearhands.jpg|thumb|Not such a bad a way to go]]
[[Image:Iwillkillyouwithmybearhands.jpg|thumb|Not such a bad a way to go]]
[[Image:PoohMurder.jpg|thumb|Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats]]


For those who live [[OTI]], just consider '''murder''' an [[IRL]] [[permaban]]. Refers to the premeditated [[killing]] of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably [[pwn]]ed by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as [[suicide]]. If they create profound internet [[drama]] in the course of doing so, this makes them [[an hero]].
The most common motive is [[hatred]] of the [[victim]] by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and the third most being the desire to be subject matter on ''[[CSI]]''. The prevailing method is [[violence]]. The typical result is [[death]], although not always the death of the would-be victim. [[Some argue]] that all murders are committed by [http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm niggers], but it is actually the smaller black population that [http://www.ojp.gov/bjs/homicide/tables/oarstab.htm gives this appearance].


The most common motive is [[hatred]] of the [[victim]] by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and third most being the desire to be subject matter on ''[[CSI]]''. The prevailing method is [[violence]]. The typical result is [[death]], although not always the death of the would-be victim.  [[Some argue]] that all murders are committed by [http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm niggers], but it is actually the smaller black population that [http://www.ojp.gov/bjs/homicide/tables/oarstab.htm gives this appearance].
[[Image:PoohMurder.jpg|thumb|Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats]]


Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". [[Necrophilia|Murder connoisseurs]] say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in [[User:Miltopia|lulz loss]].
Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". [[Necrophilia|Murder connoisseurs]] say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in [[User:Miltopia|lulz loss]].
Line 12: Line 14:
[[Rape]] and murder [[Madeleine McCann|often go hand in hand]]. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to [[shut the fuck up|shut her the fuck up]].  
[[Rape]] and murder [[Madeleine McCann|often go hand in hand]]. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to [[shut the fuck up|shut her the fuck up]].  


'''[[PROTIP]]:''' if [[you]] are ever on trial for murder, pleading "[[I did it for the lulz]]" will [[Truth|instantly make it justifiable]].  [[Do it faggot|Try it.]]
'''[[PROTIP]]:''' if [[you]] are ever on trial for murder, pleading "[[I did it for the lulz]]" will [[Truth|instantly make it justifiable]].  [[Do it faggot|Try it.]]


== "Premeditated" ==
== "Premeditated" ==
Line 20: Line 22:
There is some [[debate]] as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.
There is some [[debate]] as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.


Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad [[basement dweller]] with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity,because you can't [[secks|reproduce]] that way, its called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...
Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad [[basement dweller]] with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity, because you can't [[secks|reproduce]] that way, it's called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...


Not to be confused with [[Columbine|premedicated]].
Not to be confused with [[Columbine|premedicated]].
Line 29: Line 31:


#Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
#Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
#Put rooifies in the drinks
#Put roofies in the drinks
#wait for family to fall asleep
#Wait for the family to fall asleep
#Duct tape them to Pool chairs
#Duct tape them to Pool chairs
#push chairs into water head first
#Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
#????
#????
#Profit!?
#GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!
 
=== Ergotism ===
 
#Plant wheat or rye.
#Infect plants with ergot fungus
#Harvest plants
#Mill wheat or rye into a flour
#Bake into bread
#Feed bread to family
#If best results happen, laugh your ass off as your morbidly obese family drops dead from heart attacks and strokes as they [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dancing_Plague_of_1518 dance] themselves to death
# ? ? ?
#Get the loot and scoot you sick fuck.
 
''Note:  This only is known to work if the victims belong to a crazy Christfag cult.''


===BBQ===
===BBQ===


#Drug Family
#Drug family
#Tie them up  
#Tie them up.
#Put them in Car
#Put them in a vehicle.
#Chain Doors shut
#Chain doors shut
#Add Gasoline
#Apply gasoline to vehicle.
#Wait for them to wake up.
#Set car on Fire
#Set car on Fire
#videotape it
#Videotape and livestream it.
#Go to the masturbasement later on so you can [[fap|jack off]] to your masterpiece.
 
''Note: If you have a cute sister, step 3 should be your videotaping her rape which is followed by step 4, you're uploading it to youtube to show everyone how hardcore and metal you are.  Remember to dedicate your video to someone like Ozzy Osbourne for max media awareness.
''
 
===[[Dubai]] Style===
 
#Crush sleeping pills. Real ones like Ambien or temazopam.  You may substitute ketamine or actual flunitrazepam.
#Process chunks into powder.
#Begin preparing dinner, heat up to 43C max in oil, add tomato sauce. Mix.
#Serve food.
#Act like nothing is happening while avoiding eating.
#Listen to your son saying "This is the best dinner with my parents that I love."
#Say in your mind "Everything is for [[Freemason|Freemasonry]]."
#Your son falls asleep suddenly slamming his head to the table - Just like how it happened to his older sister ~18 years ago.
#Ask butlers to take him to his room as he's tired.
#Bribe coroner telling him "I am [[Dubai]] Sheikh, wanna die? Write down it was from a heart attack" and dumping bag containing an ounce of coke on his desk.
#Fill Application Form of [[Personal Army]] request so you could spread fake news of cocaine overdose. 
#[http://www.elwatannews.com/news/details/807712 Write poetry] on how saddened you are about your son's death to make things look fine.
#One less supporter of [[Anonymous]] is dead.
#CongratuFuckingLations you are officially known as [[cool|The Murderer]].
 
=== Japanese Style ===
 
#Get appointed Prime Minister or some other high-ranking government position.
#Spectacularly fuck up
#Kill a family with a shotgun.
#Write an apology to Japanese people
#Take a knife, cut open your stomach and pull out your innards.
# ? ? ?
#You're dead but at least your family isn't dishonored.


===Sleepy Time===
===Sleepy Time===
Line 50: Line 98:
#Wait until family falls asleep
#Wait until family falls asleep
#Get your knife
#Get your knife
#slit their Throats
#Stab them
#????
#????
#Profit
#[[Self-harm|Cut yourself]]


===Lawn Work===
===Lawn Work===
Line 58: Line 106:
#Knock Family out
#Knock Family out
#Tie them up
#Tie them up
#put them on front yard
#put them on the front yard
# Turn on lawnmower
# Turn on lawnmower
# run heads over
# run heads over
Line 66: Line 114:


#Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
#Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
#tie up family
#tie up the family
#hang them from tree nooses(just like christmas)
#hang them from tree nooses(just like Christmas)
#snuff it
#snuff it


Line 74: Line 122:
#Knock him out
#Knock him out
#family wakes up all tied up
#family wakes up all tied up
#murder family with axe
#murder family with ax
#paint wall with their blood
#paint wall with their blood
#???
#???
Line 82: Line 130:
Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since [[Last Thursday|the beginning of time]]. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the [[Holocaust]], however [[Hitler]] did it [[for the lulz]] and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, [[Holocaust Porn]] is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder [[not]] fueled by [[lulz]] was the [[9/11]] attacks carried out by [[JEWS DID WTC|the Jews]]. The [[Armenians|Armenian Genocide]] is another [[lulz|great example]] of mass-hate-murder.
Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since [[Last Thursday|the beginning of time]]. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the [[Holocaust]], however [[Hitler]] did it [[for the lulz]] and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, [[Holocaust Porn]] is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder [[not]] fueled by [[lulz]] was the [[9/11]] attacks carried out by [[JEWS DID WTC|the Jews]]. The [[Armenians|Armenian Genocide]] is another [[lulz|great example]] of mass-hate-murder.


Killing [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|lots of people]] need not be the only type of hate-crime, however. Sometimes a few, [[Headshot|well-placed]] killings will be enough to make members of the [[Victim complex|target group]] fear for their [[Rape|lives]] and thus no longer bother [[you]]. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing [[obvious]], as people will not get [[GTFO|his message]] if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:
Killing [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|lots of people]] need not be the only type of hate crime, however. Sometimes a few, [[Headshot|well-placed]] killings will be enough to make members of the [[Victim complex|target group]] fear for their [[Rape|lives]] and thus no longer bother [[you]]. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing [[obvious]], as people will not get [[GTFO|his message]] if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:


* [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Burning]]
* [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Burning]]
Line 92: Line 140:


== Famous Murderers ==
== Famous Murderers ==
{{Main|Template:High Scores}}
{{Main|Template:Psychopaths}}


[[Image:Chomotivationalposter.jpg|thumb|Murder is best when done [[for the lulz]].]]
[[Image:Chomotivationalposter.jpg|thumb|Murder is best when done [[for the lulz]].]]
Line 98: Line 149:
=== Individuals ===
=== Individuals ===


* Andrew Kehoe- Killed 38 kids and 6 adults and went out with a bang in 1927, beating [[Adam Lanza]]'s score streak 64 years before that kid was born. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bath_School_disaster]
* [[Dylann Roof]]
* [[Alek Minassian]]
* Leo Held
* [[Stephen Paddock]]
* [[Nikolas Cruz]]
* Asa Coon
* [[Al-Qaeda]]
* [[Adam Lanza]]
* [[Anders Behring Breivik]]
* [[Anders Behring Breivik]]
* [[Anton Lundin Pettersson]]
* [[Armin Meiwes]] (Note: There is some concern as to whether or not Meiwes can be classified as a "murderer", seeing as the man he killed and ate voluntarily allowed Meiwes to perform the act on him.)
* [[Casey Anthony]]
* [[Casey Anthony]]
* [[Charles Manson]]
* [[Charles Manson]]
* [[Chris Harper Mercer]]
* [[Chris Benoit]]
* [[Cho Seung Hui]]
* [[Cho Seung Hui]]
* [[Chris Benoit]]
* [[Dexter|Dexter Morgan]]
* [[Dylan Klebold]]
* [[Boston Marathon Bombing|Dzhokar Tsarnaev]]
* [[Elliot Rodger]]
* [[Eric Harris]]
* [[Madeleine McCann|Gerry McCann]]
* [[Madeleine McCann|Gerry McCann]]
* [[Mitchell Henderson]]-Killed himself.
* [[God]]
* [[Hitler]]
* [[Hitler]]
* [[Jack the Ripper]]
* [[Jack the Ripper]]
* [[James Holmes]]
* [[Jeff Weise]]
* [[John Russel Houser]]
* [[Kevin]]
* [[Kevin]]
* [[OJ Simpson]]
* [[Kimveer Gill]]
* [[Osama Bin Laden]]
* [[Livecorpse]]
* [[Marc Lepine]]
* [[Mark Essex]]
* [[Mary Bell]] - She did it for the LULZ then Received a new name under English law
[[File:0e0628d2d88f1aff0e0dc907a7399da4--mary-bell-crime-scenes.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Mary Bell at 16, You'd fuck her.]]
* [[Mitchell Henderson]]-Killed himself.
* [[Noah Jacob Harpham]]
* [[Omar Mateen]]
* [[Randy Robert Stair]]
* [[Seung-Hui Cho]]
* [[Ted Bundy]]
* [[Boston Marathon Bombing|Tamerlan Tsarnaev]]
* [[Tyler Peterson]]
* [[Tyler Peterson]]
* [[Mark Essex]]
* [[Timothy McVeigh]]
* [[Tim Kretschmer]]
* [[William Atchison]]
* [[Zezima]]
* [[Zezima]]
* [[Dexter|Dexter Morgan]]
* [[The Iceman|Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski]] - Contract killer in [[Jew York]] and [[Jersey Shore|New Jersey]], racking up a high score of [[Over 9000|250]]
* Dylan Klebold (one of the [[an hero]]es at [[Columbine]])
* Henry Lee Lucas - The [[Pretty Cool Guy|real guy]] that inspired the movie ''Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer''. Also, the only person [[George Bush]] ever gave a death row pardon to.
* Eric Harris (the other [[an hero]] at [[Columbine]])
* Henry Lee Lucas - The [[Pretty Cool Guy|real guy]] that inspired the movie ''Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer''. Also the only person [[George Bush]] ever gave a death row pardon to.
* Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski - Contract killer in [[Jew York]] and [[Jersey Shore|New Jersey]], racking up a high score of [[Over 9000|250]]
* John Wayne Gacy, aka "The Killer Clown" - Added extra lulz to his kills (mostly [[shota]]) by dressing up as a clown, [[Lol wut|having his victims handcuff themselves]], then strangling them and hiding them in his crawlspace.
* John Wayne Gacy, aka "The Killer Clown" - Added extra lulz to his kills (mostly [[shota]]) by dressing up as a clown, [[Lol wut|having his victims handcuff themselves]], then strangling them and hiding them in his crawlspace.
* Jeffrey Dahmer - [[Batshit insane]] [[sick fuck]] who brought men home, [[raep|raeped]] them, zombified them, and raeped them again. Also notable for [[EPIC FAIL|convincing Milwaukee police that the half-naked boy that ran out of his apartment drugged all to shit and bleeding from his ass was his boyfriend and not his prisoner.]]
* Jeffrey Dahmer - [[Batshit insane]] [[sick fuck]] who brought men home, [[raep|raeped]] them, zombified them, and raeped them again. Also notable for [[EPIC FAIL|convincing Milwaukee police that the half-naked boy that ran out of his apartment drugged all to shit and bleeding from his ass was his boyfriend and not his prisoner.]]
* Ted Bundy
* Keith Luke - a [[Nazi|neo-nazi]], IRL troll, and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podblanc#Keith_Luke/ Podblanc user], who offed two niggers. It all started on January 21st 2009 (coincidentally a day after Obama's inauguration as the first negro president) whenever he went to his neighbor's house to give them a special greeting - with a hammer, two pairs of handcuffs, a mouth gag, and a blindfold. Once they opened the door, he raped the unnamed sister at gunpoint, after gagging her, and handcuffing her. Eventually sometime later her sister, Selma Goncalves opened the door on him, and once she saw him raping her sister, [[Coward|like any good person, she tried to run away]]. But not for too long, because he shot her in the back twice as she tried to flee. [[BAWWW|He then turned around, and shot the sister in the chest six times, while she was clutching onto her yellow teddy bear]]. Out of ammunition, he then leaves the house, going back to his black van to reload his gun. He then spots a monkey [[Bum|collecting cans in a shopping cart]]. He then approaches said nigger, and [[Pwnage|shoots him in the face point-blank, as he tried to protect himself by holding his hands up, and putting them to his face]]. [[Wrong Location Nigger|But unfortunately there were two cop cars not too far away that overlooked him doing that]]. Afterwards, he got back in his truck, and almost immediately the sirens went off, and the next thing he knew he was on a chase. During the chase, [[Barrel Roll|Luke shot at one of the officers, going through the windshield, and hitting the corner of the driver's seat, missing him by inches as he leaned forward]]. The police then returned fire, causing him to crash into two cars. After crashing, he stepped out of his vehicle, and [[Sweet Brown|ran for his life]], only to be reprimanded, and then thrown into the [[Party Van]]. Later, in a case of Troll's remorse, he apologized for shooting at the cops, however, he refused to apologize to the other people he shot at. It is also said that he planned on shooting up a Jewish synagogue later on that night, and then becoming [[an hero]].
*Javed Iqbal Mughal - [[Apeshit]] dothead [[curry nigger]] who killed [[atleast 100]] little boys ages ranging from [[pedophile| 6-16]].
*Alicia Abraham and Johnny Campbell - Well known for killing a 4-year-old little nigga Lattie McGee and torturing another future criminal Cornelius Abraham and also known for being on an episode of the [[Steve Wilkos]] show, where Alicia was being relentlessly harassed for something that she had done decades ago, and she couldn't have gone back in time and stopped it from happening, for that is virtually impossible, unless you MacGuyver it, in which case, anything is possible. The reason they said they did it, was to toughen them up because their voice made them sound effeminate. [[For Great Justice|But, we all know why they did it]]
* [[Glenn Beck]]
* [[Glenn Beck]]
* [[Miley Cyrus]]
* [[Miley Cyrus]]
* Adam Lanza-An hero who killed 26 other people. See [[Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre]]
* Andrew Kehoe- Killed 38 kids and 6 adults and went out with a bang in 1927, pwning Aadam Lanza's score streak 64 years before that newfag was born. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bath_School_disaster]


=== Groups ===
=== Groups ===
* [[Anonymous]]
* [[Anonymous]]
* [[American]] troops
* 99.284% of [[Arabs]]
* [[Commies]]
* [[American]] [[Robert Bales|troops]]
* [[Furries]]
* [[Furries]]
* [[Jews]]
* [[Jews]]
* [[Jeffree Star]]
* [[Jeffree Star]]
* [[Republicans]]
* Minorities
* Minorities
* [[Jew|Israeli troops]]
* [[Cops|Police officers]] (see [[police brutality]])
* [[Cops|Police officers]] (see [[police brutality]])
* [[Scientologists]]
* [[Scientologists]]
* [[Feminists]] (see [[Abortion]])


=== Entities ===
=== Entities ===
Line 149: Line 235:
==Victims of Murder==
==Victims of Murder==
* [[Niggers]]
* [[Niggers]]
* [[Wiggers]]
* [[You]] (future)
* [[You]] (future)
* [[Holocaust|Jews]]
* [[Holocaust|Jews]]
* [[JEWS DID WTC|The World Trade Center]]  
* [[Columbine|Suburban Colorado students]]
* [[Sandy Hook|Americunt six-year-olds who never lived to see Christmas]]
* [[Virginia Tech Massacre|V-tech]] students
* [[Port Arthur massacre|All the bogans at Port Arthur]]
* [[JEWS DID WTC|Everyone at the World Trade Center]]  
* [[Rap|Tupac]]
* [[Rap|Tupac]]
* black person
* [[Biggie Smalls]]
* [[James Foley]] - captured and beheaded by sandniggers.
* [[John Lennon]]
* [[Abraham Lincoln]]
* [[John F. Kennedy]]
* [[Jeffrey Dahmer]] - rip :'(
* [[Jordan|Jordani]] pilots
* The [[people]] responsible for [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_homicide_rate these statistics]
* The [[people]] responsible for [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_homicide_rate these statistics]
* [[Dubai]] Ruler's father, wife, two-sons & daughter by [[overdose|OD]] of [[drugs]] injected or planted in their food by [[idiot|Mohammed Bin Rashid]].
* [[woman|wimminz]] - a popular choice for raepist too.
* [[Paris Mass Shooting|Paris]], [[France]].
Those scene kid fucktards.
Those scene kid fucktards.


==People who deserve to be murdered==
==People who deserve to be murdered==
<youtube>tVlkxrNlp10</youtube>


* [[You]]
* [[You]]
* [[Republican|Republicans]]
* [[Republican|Republicans]]
* [[Democrat|Democrats]]
* [[Democrat|Democrats]]
* [[Libertarians]]
* [[Fascists]]
* [[Communists]]
* ALL [[Jews]], [[Niggers]], [[Spics]], etc.
* [[Chris-chan]]
* [[Chris-chan]]
* [[You]]
* [[Jews|Boner-nosed bastards]]
* [[Jews|Boner-nosed bastards]]
* [[Furry|Furries]]
* [[Furry|Furries]]
* [[Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto]]
* [[Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto]]
* [[Blazesonic]]
* [[Blazesonic]]
* [[Basement dweller|Leeches]]
* [[Basement dweller|Leeches of Society]]
* [[Wyatt Mann]]
* [[Wyatt Mann]]
* [[Niggers]]
* [[Women]]
* [[Your mom]]
* [[Your mom]]
* [[Emo|Emos]]
* [[Emo|Emos]]
* [[Goth]] kids
* [[Forum]] [[Mods|Moderators]]
* Everyone who posts on [[b/]], [[pol/]], [[x/]], etc.. Pretty much everyone on [[4chan]] and [[8chan]].
* [[13 year old boys]]
* [[16 year old girls]]
* Fashion Designers
* [[Christfags]], [[Islam|Mudslimes]], [[Jews]], [[Mormons]], etc.
* [[Atheists]]
* [[You]]
* [[Canadians]]
* [[Furries]]
* [[Bronies]]
* [[Wolfaboo|Teen Werewolves]]
* [[Rootbrian|Rootbrian]]
* [[Rootbrian|Rootbrian]]
* [[Sandy Hook]] survivors - all two of them.
* Anyone who listens to [[Justin Bieber]]
* [[Justin Bieber]]
* [[NYC|New Yorkers]].
* ALL [[Baby Boomers]]
* [[Richard Dawkins]]
* [[Pedophiles]], such as [[Geoffrey Leonard]].
* [[Chris Hansen]]
* All [[Millenials]] [[lie|(excluding EDiots)]]
* [[Generation Z]]
* [[Feminists]] - Hire [[Marc Lepine]] for this!
* Everybody who lives in [[New Mexico]]
* [[SJW|Social Justice Warriors]]
* Pretty much every leftist after the year 2008.
* [[Barack Obama]]
* Cocksuckers
* [[Palestine|Palestinians]]
* [[Gypsies]]
* [[W]] & [[Jeb Bush]]
* [[Al Gore]]
* [[Fat]] people
* Poo Stabbers
* [[Seth MacFarlane]]
* A majority of residents of [[Texas]], and [[The South]] in general.
* [[Teenagers]]
* [[Hipsters]]
* [[FBI]] Agents.
* The Elite / Jewish Financial Elite
* [[Russians]]
* [[Steam]] moderators / [[Valve]] employees.
* everyone in HR
* Your [[Boss]]
* The Office Slut
* [[San Francisco]] locals
* Everyone who works in your office
* Every single [[LGBT]] person. [[Faggot]], [[Lesbian]], [[Transgender]] or whatever else.
* Everyone who has a [[Tumblr]] account.
* Anyone who supports [[Gun Control]].
* [[California]] residents; especially the ones who keep driving up real estate in [[Colorado]].
* [[Detroit]] residents.
* That stupid fucker at [[McDonalds]] who got your order wrong.
* Your neighbor's dog who won't stop fucking [[RAGE|BARKING!!!!!1]]
* Your neighbors.
* [[Anders Breivik|Cultural Marxists.]]
* Pretty much all [[Americunts]].
* [[Europeans]] - however, the [[European Refugee Crisis]] will finish these fruitcakes off.
* [[Rapefugees]]
* [[Swedish]] people
* [[YouTube]] commenters.
* [[You]] - have we made our point yet? Let's play hide and go fuck yourself.
* The list goes on...
* The list goes on...


== See Also ==
== See Also ==
 
[[File:Jazzmania murder sunday express 29 mar 1925.jpg|thumb|right|Best. Defence. Ever.]]
*[http://www.eroguro.org Ero Guro Gallery]
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20110815192721/http://www.eroguro.org/ Ero Guro Gallery]
*[[August Underground's Mordum]] Sick movie with oh-so-much murder
*[[August Underground's Mordum]] Sick movie with oh-so-much murder
* [[Axel Muganwa Rudakubana]]
* [[Mass Murder]]
* [[Mass Shooting]]
* [[Serial Killers]]
* [[Matthew Nicholson]]
* [[Crime]]
* [[Curtis Allgier]]
* [[Curtis Allgier]]
* [[Death]]
* [[Death]]
* [[Disorder]]
* [[Disorder]]
* [[Guro]]
* [[Guro]]
* [[Mikese Morse]]
* [[Necrophilia]]
* [[Necrophilia]]
* [[Shock sites]]
* [[Shock sites]]
Line 192: Line 368:


{{stub}}
{{stub}}
{{gun control}}
{{life}}
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Crime]]


[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
{{timeline|Featured article September 23 & 24, [[2018]]|[[Mitchell Henderson]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Neil Gaiman's Sandman]]}}

Latest revision as of 10:15, 2 August 2024

What? This article needs moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
You can help by adding moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.

For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.

Not such a bad a way to go

The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and the third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.

Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats

Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.

Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up. 

PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable.  Try it.

"Premeditated"

Premeditated.

There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.

Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity, because you can't reproduce that way, it's called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...

Not to be confused with premedicated.

How to off your family

Pool Party

  1. Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
  2. Put roofies in the drinks
  3. Wait for the family to fall asleep
  4. Duct tape them to Pool chairs
  5. Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
  6. ????
  7. GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!

Ergotism

  1. Plant wheat or rye.
  2. Infect plants with ergot fungus
  3. Harvest plants
  4. Mill wheat or rye into a flour
  5. Bake into bread
  6. Feed bread to family
  7. If best results happen, laugh your ass off as your morbidly obese family drops dead from heart attacks and strokes as they dance themselves to death
  8. ? ? ?
  9. Get the loot and scoot you sick fuck.

Note: This only is known to work if the victims belong to a crazy Christfag cult.

BBQ

  1. Drug family
  2. Tie them up.
  3. Put them in a vehicle.
  4. Chain doors shut
  5. Apply gasoline to vehicle.
  6. Wait for them to wake up.
  7. Set car on Fire
  8. Videotape and livestream it.
  9. Go to the masturbasement later on so you can jack off to your masterpiece.

Note: If you have a cute sister, step 3 should be your videotaping her rape which is followed by step 4, you're uploading it to youtube to show everyone how hardcore and metal you are. Remember to dedicate your video to someone like Ozzy Osbourne for max media awareness.

Dubai Style

  1. Crush sleeping pills. Real ones like Ambien or temazopam. You may substitute ketamine or actual flunitrazepam.
  2. Process chunks into powder.
  3. Begin preparing dinner, heat up to 43C max in oil, add tomato sauce. Mix.
  4. Serve food.
  5. Act like nothing is happening while avoiding eating.
  6. Listen to your son saying "This is the best dinner with my parents that I love."
  7. Say in your mind "Everything is for Freemasonry."
  8. Your son falls asleep suddenly slamming his head to the table - Just like how it happened to his older sister ~18 years ago.
  9. Ask butlers to take him to his room as he's tired.
  10. Bribe coroner telling him "I am Dubai Sheikh, wanna die? Write down it was from a heart attack" and dumping bag containing an ounce of coke on his desk.
  11. Fill Application Form of Personal Army request so you could spread fake news of cocaine overdose.
  12. Write poetry on how saddened you are about your son's death to make things look fine.
  13. One less supporter of Anonymous is dead.
  14. CongratuFuckingLations you are officially known as The Murderer.

Japanese Style

  1. Get appointed Prime Minister or some other high-ranking government position.
  2. Spectacularly fuck up
  3. Kill a family with a shotgun.
  4. Write an apology to Japanese people
  5. Take a knife, cut open your stomach and pull out your innards.
  6. ? ? ?
  7. You're dead but at least your family isn't dishonored.

Sleepy Time

  1. Wait until family falls asleep
  2. Get your knife
  3. Stab them
  4. ????
  5. Cut yourself

Lawn Work

  1. Knock Family out
  2. Tie them up
  3. put them on the front yard
  4. Turn on lawnmower
  5. run heads over
  6. ?????

Hanging out

  1. Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
  2. tie up the family
  3. hang them from tree nooses(just like Christmas)
  4. snuff it

House Painting

  1. Reveal father of the family that he's next
  2. Knock him out
  3. family wakes up all tied up
  4. murder family with ax
  5. paint wall with their blood
  6. ???

Hate-Based

Most of our adorable pets are considering it

Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.

Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:

PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.

Famous Murderers

Moar info: Template:High Scores.

Moar info: Template:Psychopaths.

Murder is best when done for the lulz.
Idea for a song: Murder. A guy... A guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all-you-can-eat buffet. Uhhhhh... Oh! And that happens forever. Yeah.

Individuals

Mary Bell at 16, You'd fuck her.

Groups

Entities

Victims of Murder

Those scene kid fucktards.

People who deserve to be murdered

See Also

Best. Defence. Ever.


[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Murder is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik


Murder
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]
Featured article September 23 & 24, 2018
Preceded by
Mitchell Henderson 		Murder Succeeded by
Neil Gaiman's Sandman
Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Murder&oldid=1880106"