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Sonic the Hedgehog: Difference between revisions

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{{spoilers|Sonic Adventure 3 is never going to happen! Adventure 2 sucked, get over it furfags!!1!}}
:''[[You]] may be looking for that shitty [[hipster]] band [[Sonic Youth]], but that is unlikely because the [[90s]] are over and they sucked shit.''
{{needsnomore|Sonic porn}}
{{spoilers|''Sonic Adventure 3'' is never going to happen! ''Adventure 2'' was fucking unbearable, get over it fat autistic furfags}}
:''[[You]] may be looking for [[Sonic Youth]], but that is unlikely because the [[90s]] are over.''
{{notice|Voluntary exposure to this article may turn you into a [[furry]]. Please [[Jesus|resist the temptation]].}}
{{notice|Voluntary exposure to this article may turn you into a [[furry]]. Please [[Jesus|resist the temptation]].}}
{{notice|Ryan Drummmond has stated there is no tension between him and Jason Griffith, [[Pretty cool guy|and he thinks that he's a great guy]].}}
{{quote|GRIFFITH|[[Spax3]]|on Sonic the Hedgehog}}
{{quote|GRIFFITH|[[Spax3]]|on Sonic the Hedgehog}}
[[File:Hedge.jpg|thumb|left|Sonic [[IRL]]]]
[[File:Hedge.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Sonic [[IRL]]]]
[[File:Sonicwut_B.jpg|thumb|[[DERP|DERP DERP DERP]]]]
[[File:Sonicwut_B.jpg|200px|thumb|[[DERP|DERP DERP DERP]]]]
'''Sonic the Hedgehog''' ([[powerword]]: [[Shit nobody cares about|'''Olgilvie Maurice Hedgehog''']] to [[Furries|Archie Fags]] and [[Resident Evil 5|'''Chris Redfield''']] to [[Spax3|Voice Fags]]) is essentially the [[video game]] equivalent of [[b/|/b/]]; [[Truth|was never good, never will be]]. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is either an [[Chris-chan|asspie]], an [[oldfag]], a [[fantard]] or a [[furry]]. Most likely the latter.
'''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''' ([[powerword]]: [[Shit nobody cares about|'''Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog''']] to [[Furries|Archie fags]] and [[Resident Evil 5|'''Chris Redfield''']] to [[Spax3|voice fags]]) is essentially the [[video game]] equivalent of [[b/|/b/]]; [[Truth|was never good to begin with, never will be]]. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is either an [[Chris-chan|asspie]], an [[oldfag]], a [[fantard]] or a [[furry]]. Most likely the latter.


Created by [[Sega|a trio of Japanese video game making furfags]] as a successor to [[failure|Alex Kidd]], Sonic himself is essentially like a faggot who makes claims to have once been as cool as [[you]], but no one can remember why. He can run over 500 mph on land, 700 mph on the Autobahn, and [[yiff|15 mph up Tails' ass]]. Sonic zipped through the semen-speckled world of the furry fandom in 1991. "The more the merrier!" laughed the furries, and since then, the pincushion has become prime rib for masturbatory fantasies, fanart and fanfiction; especially on [[DeviantART]].
Created by [[Sega|a trio of Japanese video game making furfags]] as a successor to [[failure|Alex Kidd]], Sonic himself is essentially like a faggot who makes claims to have once been as cool as [[you]], but no one can remember why. He can run over 500 mph on land, 700 mph on the Autobahn, and [[yiff|15 mph up Tails' ass]]. Sonic zipped through the semen-speckled world of the furry fandom in 1991. "The more the merrier!" laughed the furries, and since then, the pincushion has become prime rib for masturbatory fantasies, fanart and fanfiction; especially on [[DeviantArt]].


While the first few games were agreeably moderately interesting, any rational person would realize that they lost their novelty pretty fucking quick, like anything else from the 1990s. The dumbasses at SEGA obviously failed to get that through their heads, and eventually everyone on Earth could agree how much Sonic sucked after at least fucking 100 shitty rehashes of the same shit. Quite simply put, Sonic was never cool.
While the first few games were fun for five minutes, after that, they lost their novelty pretty fucking quick, like anything else from the 1990s. The dumbasses at SEGA obviously failed to get that through their heads, and eventually everyone on Earth could agree how much ''Sonic'' sucked after [[At least 100|at least a hundred]] fucking shitty rehashes of the same shit. Quite simply put, Sonic was never cool.  


[[Truth|And he will never be]].
[[Truth|And he will never be]].


==History==
==History==
[[File:Tailswut.jpg|150px|thumb|Tails is just as confused by all the shitty Sonic games as you are. And with the fact he's a pretty shitty character.]]
[[File:Tailswut.jpg|150px|thumb|Tails is just as confused by all the awful ''Sonic'' games as you are. And with the fact he's a pretty shitty character.]]
[[File:Sonicfans are retarded.png|150px|thumb|Sonic fans are known to [[RAGE|RAEG]] about [[Shit nobody cares about|things that everybody should know.]]]]
[[File:Sonicfans are retarded.png|150px|thumb|''Sonic'' fans are known to [[RAGE|RAEG]] about [[Shit nobody cares about|things that everybody should know.]]]]


Sega, both realizing how shitty their current mascot at the time Alex Kidd was and just being Japanese in the first place, decided to <s>sc</s>rape the faggot and think of something gayer in order to compete with [[Nintendo]] and its mascot, [[Mario]]. Eventually, they got three of the faggots working for them to think of something more failtastic than Alex Kidd:
SEGA, both realizing how terrible their current mascot at the time Alex Kidd was and just being Japanese in the first place, decided to <s>sc</s>rape the faggot and think of something gayer in order to compete with [[Nintendo]] and its mascot, [[Mario]]. Eventually, they got three of the faggots working for them to think of something more failtastic than Alex Kidd:


* ''Naoto Oshima'', a Japafur that spent his days fapping to [[American]] furfaggotry such as Looney Tunes; called by Sega to design the character for the game
* '''Naoto Oshima''', a Japafur that spent his days fapping to [[American]] furfaggotry such as ''Looney Tunes''; called by SEGA to design the character for the game
* ''Yuji Naka'', a programmer and [[Kanye West|college dropout]] who made [[lolicon|Girl's Garden]], and later on in his life had also claimed to have [[Divide by zero|created an NES emulator for the Mega Drive / Genesis]].
* And last and seeing that nobody remembers this dude at all, certainly least, ''Hirokazu Yasuhara'', a level designer that could only produce [[shit]]ty levels that all had one notable feature in common: just hold forward on the D-pad and you fucking win the stage.


Before creating the game, however, [[Furry|Naoto]] was thinking (shocker) which [[animal]] would be unfortunate enough to be Segaraped, and let Naka and Yasahura decide the animal for him. Candidates of the "main furfag star" debate were a bulldog and a rabbit, among other rejected shit. It then finally fell down to the [[gay|armadildo]] and [[fail|hedgehog]]. The event settled on the hedgehog becoming victorious, and so began the epic failure, with us not being graced with a video game featuring a gay armadillo until Mega Man X.
* '''Yuji Naka''', a programmer and [[Kanye West|college dropout]] who made ''[[lolicon|Girl's Garden]]'', and later on in his life had also claimed to have created an NES emulator for the [[Europe|Mega Drive]] / Genesis. As of 2023, he's getting ass-raped in jail.


The original idea was a character known as Mr. Needlemouse and a [[pedophile|fatass in pajamas]]; it was eventually reworked into the blue furry faggot we all know and [[Hate|love]] and the fatass who loves and supports [[fursecution]]. You might think that because Naoto was the one who came up with Sonic in the first place, people would be kissing ''his'' ass. However, in a strange turn of events, Naka would be the one known as the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog, [[lulz|forever stealing the credit from Oshima]], [[butthurt|who responded by leaving SEGA years after]]. A couple years later, finally bored of trolling gamers with shitty games, Naka and Yasahura left the franchise, leaving its fate in the hands of [[noob|even n00bier]] developers led by ''Takashi Iizuka''.
* And last and seeing that nobody remembers this dude at all, certainly least, Hirokazu Yasuhara, a level designer that could only produce [[shit]]ty levels that all had one notable feature in common: just hold forward on the D-pad and you fucking win the stage.


In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head-to-head against Mario. But this lasted for only a couple years, because with every shitty commercial failure Sega released after the Genesis, everyone stopped giving a shit about them and their shitty mascot.
Before creating the game, however, [[Furry|Naoto]] was thinking (shocker) which [[animal]] would be unfortunate enough to be SEGA-raped, and let Naka and Yasahura decide the animal for him. Candidates of the "main furfag star" debate were a bulldog and a rabbit, among other rejected shit. It then finally fell down to the [[gay|armadildo]] and [[fail|hedgehog]]. The event settled on the hedgehog becoming victorious, and so began the epic failure, with us not being graced with a video game featuring a gay armadillo until ''Mega Man X''.


In 1999, however, the series [[Exploding Van|blasted]] into 3D on the [[Dreamcast]]. The first 3D Sonic game, ''Sonic Adventure'', dared players to "[[extreme|up the ante]]" by rendering holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary ''upward'' D-Pad holding; as well as a various gameplay styles that most people didn't give a shit about.
The original idea was a character known as Mr. Needlemouse and a [[pedophile|fatass in pajamas]]; it was eventually reworked into the blue furry faggot we all know and [[Hate|love]] and the fatass who loves and supports [[fursecution]]. You might think that because Naoto was the one who came up with ''Sonic'' in the first place, people would be sucking ''his'' cock. However, in a strange turn of events, Naka would be the one known as the creator of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'', [[lulz|forever stealing the credit from Oshima]], [[butthurt|who responded by leaving SEGA years after]]. A couple years later, finally bored of trolling gamers with shitty games, Naka and Yasahura left SEGA as well, leaving its fate in the hands of [[noob|even n00bier]] developers led by Takashi Iizuka. Many years later, after having failed to find any success with other companies, Naka would be [[arrested]] and sentenced to [[prison]] for [[Crimes|insider trading]].  


Unfortunately, the [[gay|classic]] console stood no chance against [[Sony]]'s [[Playstation 2]], which [[pwnt|put Sega out of the hardware business]], leading to Sega develop games for their former enemies, exposing everyone to how shitty they were. The games got worse and worse, and then came what most people would agree to be the big blow to the franchise: ''Sonic 2006''. With the release of that infamously terrible game, the general consensus finally became that Sonic sucked ''loads''. But the hard truth is that in reality, Sonic was never good. The fact of the matter is that Sonic was no different than anything else from the 1990s: amusing at first, but embarrassingly retarded after a few years. And like any other thing from the 1990s, hordes of people have deluded themselves of this and continue to support it.
In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head-to-head against Mario. But we all know the [[Autism|SEGA fanboys]] just loved him for his speed. But this lasted for only a couple years, because with every shitty commercial failure SEGA released after the Genesis, everyone stopped giving a shit about them and their shitty mascot.


[[File:Sawnik_Physics.jpg|thumb|300px|Demonstrating Sonic's [[shit|'''amazing''']] physics.]]
In 1999, however, the series [[Exploding Van|blasted]] into 3D on the [[Dreamcast]]. The first 3D ''Sonic'' game, ''Sonic Adventure'', dared players to "[[extreme|up the ante]]" by rendering holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary ''upward'' D-Pad holding; as well as a various gameplay styles that most people didn't give a shit about.
===Game Play===
 
Unfortunately, the [[Gay|classic]] console stood no chance against [[Sony]]'s [[PlayStation 2]], nor the upcoming Nintendo [[GameCube]] and Microsoft's anticipated first console, the [[Xbox]], which [[pwnt|put SEGA out of the hardware business]], leading to SEGA develop games for their former enemies, exposing everyone to how shitty they've always been. The games got worse and worse, and then came what most people would agree to be the big blow to the franchise: ''Sonic 2006''. With the release of that infamously terrible game, the general consensus finally became that ''Sonic'' sucked loads. But the hard truth is that in reality, ''Sonic'' was never good. The fact of the matter is that ''Sonic'' was no different than anything else from the 1990s: amusing at first, but embarrassingly retarded after a few years. And like any other thing from the 1990s, hordes of people have deluded themselves of this and continue to support it.
 
===Gameplay===
<center><youtube>JYugLxSKJEk</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>JYugLxSKJEk</youtube></center>
Literally every Sonic game minus a lot of flashy shit.
Literally every ''Sonic'' game minus a lot of flashy shit.
 
The objective of every ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' video game is '''''[[Copypasta|very different]]''''' to what it is in ''[[Mario]]'': to hold the D-Pad right/analog stick up for five to ten minutes at a time, occasionally pressing a button to make him jump. The gimmick, you see, is that you can go ''fast''. Collect Chaos Emeralds. The idea behind those was to make collecting them look like a drug fantasy, with levels consisting of surreal acid-nightmares inhabited by strangely [[penis|phallic]] robots and a [[Ron Jeremy|fat man with a mustache]].
 
===The games===
[[File:sonic cosplay 2.jpg|thumb|200px|left|For every attractive Sonic fan...]]
[[File:best sonic cosplayer.jpg|thumb|200px|left|there are 1,000 and 1 autists.]]
[[File:Cardcrushsonic.gif|200px|thumb|right|[[Card Crusher]] demonstrates the premise of every ''Sonic'' game, evar.]]
[[File:edgehog.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Some say the games became edgier over time.]]
[[File:Sonic-made-you-come_B.jpg|200px|thumb|This actually applies to some autists... ok, fine. ''All'' of them.]]
[[File:Sawnik_Physics.jpg|thumb|200px|Demonstrating ''Sonic's'' [[shit|'''amazing''']] physics.]]
[[File:2DSonicandMario.png|thumb|200px|In [[2017]], the critically acclaimed ''Sonic Mania'' brought 2D ''Sonic'' games into the 21st century.]]
 
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''': The game that started it all. It admittedly was cool, but only for about the first five minutes, just like most other shit from the 90s.
 
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 2''''': More or less the same shit, except now with a shitty faggot sidekick that does nothing but follow you around and steal your air bubbles in the [[shit|water levels]] like a bitch and spend most the time flying and not helping you like a pussy.
 
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog CD''''': More or less the same shit ... except now on a shitty CD add-on that nobody bought. (That's okay, it was released moar times than anyone gives a shit about years later.) [[Some argue|Some argued]] it was the best ''Sonic'' game ever, when in actuality, they were just hipster faggots bragging about playing a game nobody else owned. It's basically a glorified ROM hack of Sonic 1 with some notoriously awful level design. It also introduced an [[loli|underage pink female hedgehog]] whose underwear would be of considerable focus to the developers of the later games so they could cater more to the many furfag pedophiles that make up the series's fanbase.
 
*'''''SegaSonic the Hedgehog''''': More or less the same shit, except now they put Sega in the title so you know for sure who published this shitty game and it uses a trackball to control so it’s a bitch to [[piracy|emulate]].
 
*'''''Sonic Spinball''''': More or less the same shit, except now you just play pinball. Start of the shitty spin (no pun intended) off games.
 
*'''''Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine''''': More or less the same shit, except now a rip-off of Puyo Puyo.
 
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 3''''': More or less the same shit, except now with a <s>nigger</s> ''ginger'' echidna.
 
*'''''Sonic & Knuckles''''': More or less the same shit, except now you can ''play'' as the ginger echidna.
 
*'''''[[bondage|Knuckles' Chaotix]]''''': More or less the same shit, except now ''starring'' the ginger echidna.
 
*'''''Sonic <s>Isometric</s> 3D Blast''''': More or less the same shit, except [[Lame|now you run around in isometric 3D levels with horrible controls to save birds]]. It sucked.
 
*'''''Sonic the Fighters''''': More or less the same shit, except now a shitty fighting game where characters beat each other up. That might sound fun, but it's actually pretty boring.
 
*'''''Sonic R''''': More or less the same shit, except now a shitty racing game and on the SEGA Saturn, a console nobody but old-ass SEGA fanboys bought (granted, the game was ported later, so everyone could experience its awfulness). Best remembered for its ragdoll gameplay, lulzy soundtrack and [[Creepypasta|Tails Doll]].


The objective of <s>the first</s> every Sonic the Hedgehog video game is '''''[[Copypasta|very different]]''''' to what it is in [[Mario]]: to hold the D-Pad right/analog stick up for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, occasionally pressing a button to make him jump. The gimmick, you see, is that you can go ''fast''. Collect kaos emeraldos. The idea behind those was to make collecting them look like a drug fantasy, with levels consisting of surreal acid-nightmares inhabited by strangely [[penis|phallic]] robots and a [[Ron Jeremy|fat man with a mustache]].
*'''''Sonic Adventure''''': More or less the same shit, except now both in actual 3D and not a spinoff. Forever revolutionized the series as instead of holding right to win ... you would now hold up while falling through floors for no apparent reason and trying to master a remarkably terrible camera system. Oh, and you can play as six characters, including a retarded [[fat fur|fat cat]] who <s>rapes</s> hangs out with a frog (it's like SEGA put one of their own fans in a videogame). The game was also notorious for its laughably bad voice acting and dialogue and lip-sync animations that gave players nightmares. For some strange reason, people consider this game to be an all-time classic, when in reality, it's a pretty shitty game.


===The Games===
*'''''Sonic Shuffle''''': More or less the same shit, except now ripping off ''Mario Party''. You know your game sucks ass when it makes ''Mario Party'' look good.
[[File:Cardcrushsonic.gif|thumb|right|[[Card Crusher]] demonstrates the premise of every Sonic game, evar.]]
[[File:edgehog.jpg|thumb|right|Some say the games became edgier over time.]]
[[File:Sonic-made-you-come_B.jpg|thumb|This actually applies to some autists... ok, fine. ''All'' of them.]]


*'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': The game that started it all. This game admittedly was cool, but only for the first 15 minutes or some shit, just like most other bullshit from the 90s. Essentially, if [[Vanilla Ice]] had his own videogame.
*'''''Sonic Adventure 2''''': More or less the same shit, except now with a [[nigger|black]] [[emo]] hedgehog and a bat with tits. With the latter, it became clear SEGA was trying to expose the franchise more to furry porn. ''Sonic'' fans bitch and moan every day about how there "hasn't" (only technically) been a sequel to this game, when in reality, every game that followed (and preceded) it is all more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic the Hedgehog 2''': More or less the same shit, except now with a shitty sidekick that does nothing but follow you around and steal your air bubbles in the [[shit|water levels]]. It had co-op though, which was [[Lame|cool]]... again, for the first 15 minutes or some shit.
*'''''Sonic Advance''''': More or less the same shit, except now on the Game Boy Advance. Not much else to note, other than the fact it had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.  


*'''Sonic CD''': More or less the same shit ... except on a shitty CD add-on that nobody bought. (That's okay, it was released moar times than anyone gives a shit about years later.) Considered by many Sonic fans to be the best in the series, which is literally no different than trying to compare shit with shit to see which is better. Quite simply put, it's all shit. It also introduced an [[loli|underage pink female hedgehog]] whose underwear would be of considerable focus to the developers of the later games so they could cater more to the many furfag pedophiles that make up the series' fanbase.
*'''''Sonic Heroes''''': More or less the same shit, except now you can now play as [[threesome|three characters at once]]. Essentially, three times the gay characters, three times the holding up to win and three times the horrible camera. But just about ten times the terrible voice acting, dialogue and script ("[[Autism|DA REAL SUPAH POWAH OF TEAMWORKZ]]"). Oh yeah and [[Mariotehplumber]] took the theme song and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UWYPyeIwQo made it better].  


*'''Sonic the Hedgehog 3''': More or less the same shit, except now with a nigger echidna.
*'''''Sonic Battle''''': More or less the same shit as Sonic the Fighters, except now 2D so it appeals more to retrofags. Most people only know of this game's existence thanks to a metric fuckton of webcomics and flash animations made by 13-year-olds who stole the sprites from it.


*'''Sonic & Knuckles''': More or less the same shit, except now you can PLAY as the nigger echidna.
*'''''Shadow the Hedgehog''''': More or less the same shit, except now starring the previously mentioned [[nigger|black]] [[emo]] hedgehog. Oh, and you can [[trying too hard|use guns and hear characters cuss]]. All while cutting yourself at the same time. Basically, a shitty ''Ratchet & Clank'' ripoff that blew chunks upon release. Also known for starting some terribly unfunny and forced memes.


*'''[[bondage|Knuckles Chaotix]]''': More or less the same shit, except now STARRING the nigger echidna. (Fun fact: it was originally going to be called Sonic [[White people|Crackers]]).
*'''''Sonic Rush''''': More or less the same shit, except now with characters repeatedly making [[orgasm|obnoxious noises]] and on the Nintendo DS. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but with [[pirates]]. "Arr! This game sucks cock!"


*'''Sonic <s>Isometric</s> 3D Blast''': More or less the same shit, except in ... pseudo 3D. [[Lame|Running around in 3D isometric levels with horrible controls saving birds]]. This was the first game in the series that was universally agreed on to have been shit.
*'''''Sonic Riders''''': More or less the same shit as ''Sonic R'', except now ripping off ''Tony Hawk's'' with [[magick|hoverboards]]. Had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic R''': More or less the same shit, except in actual 3D. You'd think people would actually give a shit about it considering that, but there were two problems: it was a shitty racing game and on the Sega Saturn, a console nobody but old ass Sega fanboys bought and remembers it. It is, however, known for its lulzy soundtrack and [[Creepy|Tails Doll]].
*'''''Sonic Rivals''''': More or less the same shit as ''Sonic R'', except now in 2D so it can appeal more to retrofags. Had a sequel that is more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic Adventure''': More or less the same shit, except both in actual 3D and not a spinoff. Forever revolutionized the series as instead of holding right to win ... you would now hold up while falling through floors for no apparent reason and trying to master a remarkably terrible camera system. Oh, and you can play as 6 characters, including a retarded [[fat fur|fat cat]] who <s>rapes</s> hangs out with a frog (it's like Sega put one of their own fans in a videogame). The game was also notorious for its laughably bad voice acting and dialogue and lib-sync character animations that gave players nightmares. For some strange reason, people consider this game to be an all-time classic, when in reality, it's a pretty shitty game.
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''' '''(2006)''': More or less the same shit, except now on a level of ass-suckery previously unknown to man. Known for its amazingly horrendous glitches, loading screens and plot: [[bestiality|Sonic's love interest is now a human girl]]. SEGA had already been trying to convert their fans into furries for years, but one would ''think'' they would at least be more subtle than this.


*'''Sonic Adventure 2''': More or less the same shit, except with a [[nigger|black]] [[emo]] hedgehog and a bat with tits. Yes, a bat with tits. With the latter, it became clear Sega was trying to expose the franchise more to furry porn. Sonic fans bitch and moan every day about how there "hasn't" (only technically) been a sequel to this game, when in reality, every game that followed (and preceded) it is all more or less the same shit.
*'''''Sonic and the Secret Rings''''': More or less the same shit, except now, in an attempt to revolutionize the franchise's infamous "hold up to win" gameplay, on rails. Now, it's "do nothing and occasionally turn left and right to win!" Takes place in the ''[[Iran|Arabian Nights]]'' book. It sucked, but served as the "inspiration" (ironic considering how much ''Sonic'' stole from ''Mario'') to the ever-so-great [[IPhone|Temple Run]].


*'''Sonic Advance''': More or less the same shit, except on the Gameboy Advance. Not much else to note, other than the fact it had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
*'''''[[Mario]] & Sonic at the [[Special Olympics|Olympic Games]]''''': More or less the same shit, except now it has Mario. That's right; Sonic finally teamed up with his old nemesis from the 1990s and became butt-buddies! Amazing, right? Too bad the game sucked horse dick. Has had multiple sequels that are all more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic Heroes''': More or less the same shit, except you can now play as [[threesome|three characters at once]]. Essentially, three times the gay characters, three times the holding up to win and three times the horrible camera. But just about ten times the terrible voice acting, dialogue and script ("[[Autism|DA REAL SUPAH POWAH OF TEAMWORKZ]]").
*'''''Sonic Chronicles: [[Black Supremacy|The Dark Brotherhood]]''''': More or less the same shit, except now made by BioWare, the same [[Canada|Canadian]] nerds who made ''[[Mass Effect]]'' and a couple of shitty ''Star Wars'' games.  


*'''Sonic Battle''': More or less the same shit, except now you can get the characters to beat the crap out of each other. You would think that would make this game slightly more interesting than the rest, but it's actually pretty fucking boring. Most people only know of this game's existence thanks to a metric fuckton of webcomics and flash animations made by [[13 year olds]] who stole the sprites from it.
*'''''Sonic Unleashed''''': More or less the same shit, except now SEGA decided it would be a good idea to rip off Nintendo further and turn Sonic into a [[Zelda|wolf]] or some shit in a plot that's so utterly fucking stupid it's not even worth getting into. We will anyway: Dr. Eggman fires a lazer and breaks the world into many different pieces. Sonic saves all the people of the world, including dirty stinkin' Arabs. Then, Sonic causes the conflict in the Middle East that dates to this day. The end. Another failure.


*'''Sonic Rush''': More or less the same shit, except with characters repeatedly making [[orgasm|obnoxious noises]] and on the Nintendo DS. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but with [[pirates]]. "Argh! This game sucks cock!"
*'''''Sonic and the [[Black supremacy|Black Knight]]''''': More or less the same shit, except now Sonic has a [[Zelda|sword]]. Some argue that this title inspired [[Epic Win|numerous aspies to kill themselves]] as they [[LARP]]'d as retarded furries with swords. If this were true, then SEGA would have lost a huge market share from this shitty game alone.


*'''Shadow the Hedgehog''': More or less the same shit, except now starring the previously mentioned [[nigger|black]] [[emo]] hedgehog. Oh, and you can [[trying too hard|use guns and hear characters cuss]]. All while cutting yourself at the same time. Basically, a shitty Ratchet & Clank ripoff that blew chunks upon release. Also known for starting some terribly unfunny and forced memes.
*'''''Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing''''': More or less the same shit: ''Sonic'' ripping off ''Mario'', this time now it's ''Mario Kart''. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but caused fanboys to orgasm with ''Wreck-It Ralph'' to give them cock-crushing handjobs. Also had another sequel that ditched all of the characters from other Sega franchises that no one but retrofags care about.


*'''Sonic Riders''': More or less the same shit, except now ripping off Tony Hawk with [[magick|hoverboards]]. Had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog 4''''': More or less the same shit, except in a move of desperation to get people to like ''Sonic'' again, is a "direct sequel" to the original games. After hordes of games that were all more or less the same shit. Nonetheless, the game was hyped by retrofags everywhere and it was heralded as ''Sonic's'' big comeback, [[irony|much like several of the games that came before it]]. Fun fact: it was originally supposed to be a minor app for iPhones called "Sonic the Portable", but the money-hungry hacks at Sega turned it into a console game at the last minute. Unsurprisingly, the game sucked. Most remembered for its awful physics and the fact it is in two "[[Star Wars|episodes]]" that are both more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic 2006''': More or less the same shit, except on a level of ass-suckery previously unknown to man. This is the one game that ''everyone'' (literally, '''everyone''') knows sucked. Known for its amazingly horrendous glitches, loading screens and plot: [[bestiality|Sonic's love interest is now a human girl]]. Sega had already been trying to convert their fans into furries for years, but one would ''think'' they would at least be more subtle than this.
*'''''Sonic Colors''''': More or less the same shit, except now rips off ''Super Mario Galaxy'' while disguising itself as an acid trip. About a decade later, it had a broken remaster that was full of glitches. SEGA even sucks at basic ports.  


*'''Sonic & the Secret Rings''': More or less the same shit, except, in an attempt to revolutionize the franchise's infamous "hold up to win" gameplay, on rails. Now, it's "do nothing and occasionally turn left and right to win"! Takes place in the ''[[Iran|Arabian Nights]]'' book. It sucked, but served as the "inspiration" (ironic considering how much Sonic stole from Mario) to the ever-so-great [[IPhone|Temple Run]].
*'''''Sonic Generations''''': To celebrate twenty years of the same shit, SEGA gave us more or less the same shit once again. [[2 Girls 1 Cup|2 Sonics. 1 Game]]. Several times more copypasta. Furfags all had a massive orgy when they realized that they would be going back to Green Hill Zone for the thirtieth time.  


*'''[[Mario]] & Sonic at the [[Special Olympics|Olympic Games]]''': ''Finally'', a game that was not more or less the same shit, but only because it had Mario. That's right; Sonic finally teamed up with his old nemesis from the 1990s and became butt-buddies! Amazing, right? Too bad the game sucked horse dick. Has had multiple sequels that are all more or less the same shit.
*'''''Sonic Jump''''': More or less the same shit, except it's a shitty iPhone app where you just jump like a dumbass.


*'''Sonic Chronicles: [[Black Supremacy|The Dark Brotherhood]]''': Also wasn't more or less the same shit, but that's only because it was made by BioWare, the same [[Canada|Canadian]] nerds who made [[Mass Effect]] and a couple of shitty Star Wars games. For some reason people thought that would make this game tolerable, but it sucked and is proof no developer can make a good Sonic game.
*'''''Sonic Dash''''': More or less the same shit, except now ripping off Temple Run, which is ironic since as we mentioned before Sonic inspired Temple Run with his shitty gameplay.


*'''Sonic Unleashed''': More or less the same shit, except now Sega decided it would be a good idea to rip off Nintendo further and turn Sonic into a [[Zelda|wolf]] or some shit in a plot that's so utterly fucking stupid it's not even worth getting into. We will anyway: Dr. Eggman fires a lazer and breaks the world into many different pieces. Sonic saves all the people of the world, including dirty stinkin' Arabs. Then, Sonic causes the conflict in the Middle East that dates to this day. The End. Another failure.
*'''''Sonic Lost World''''': More or less the same shit, except rips off ''Super Mario Galaxy'' further and was on the Wii U, a console that nobody bought.


*'''Sonic and the [[Black supremacy|Black Knight]]''': More or less the same shit, except now Sonic has a [[Zelda|sword]]. Some argue that this title inspired numerous aspies to kill themselves as they [[LARP]]'d as retarded furries with swords. If this were true, then Sega would have lost a huge market share from this shitty game alone.
*'''''Sonic Boom: Rise of [[Rap|Lyric]]''''': More or less the same shit, except SEGA just stopped giving a shit altogether and let Naughty Dog rejects make this game. Had some laughably bad redesigns (the previously mentioned [[nigger]] echidna is now a member of the [[Battletoads]]). [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDCzoqhjP7M This is the final product.] It arguably surpassed ''Sonic 2006'' as the worst ''Sonic'' game of all time, although no one was actually surprised by a totally shitty Sonic game by this point.  Hilariously, some reactions to the game have been [[Chris-chan#BLUE_ARMS.21_Chris-tran_drops_the_soap|no less than stellar.]] Somehow got 2 sequels/spinoffs that were more or less the same shit, but on the 3DS.


*'''Sonic & Sega All Star Racing''': More or less the same shit: Sonic ripping off Mario, this time now it's Mario Kart. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but caused fanboys to orgasm with Wreck-it-Ralph to give them cock-crushing handjobs.
*'''''Sonic Runners''''': More or less the same shit, except another shitty iPhone app where you just run. Got shut down, but had a sequel that is more or less the same shit.


*'''Sonic the Hedgehog 4''': More or less the same shit, except in a move of desperation to get people to like Sonic again, is a "direct sequel" to the original games. After hordes of games that were all more or less the same shit. Nonetheless, the game was hyped by retrofags everywhere and it was heralded as Sonic's big comeback, [[irony|much like several of the games that came before it]]. Controversy still surrounded the game, however, on pointless issues that only rule 34 artists would care about, like Sonic's eye color or some shit. Finally, the game came out, and unsurprisingly (yet surprisingly to retrofags), it sucked. What so many fail to realize is that Sonic was never good, even in 2D. Is in two "[[Star Wars|episodes]]" that are both more or less the same shit.
*'''''Sonic Mania''''': More or less the same shit, except SEGA finally bit the bullet and let their fans make a ''Sonic'' game for them as they suck ass at making anything themselves. Had some DLC that was more or less the same shit, but with [[Shit_no_one_cares_about|characters from that one arcade game.]]


*'''Sonic Colors''': More or less the same shit, except now rips off Super Mario Galaxy while disguising itself as an acid trip. Considered by some to be Sonic's comeback, when in reality it sucks just as much as ever. (Fun fact: It was written by the same people who wrote [[Happy Tree Friends]]. I shit you not)
*'''''[[Sonic Forces]]''''': More or less the same shit, except now with a character creator. That's right, [[Mary Sue|furfags could now play as their own OCs]]. An epic win for DeviantArt and a nightmare for everyone else who played it.
{{quote|THE COLORS FEEL SO RIGHT!
JUST TAKE MY HAND, WE'RE GONNA REEEEEACH FOR THE STARS TONIGHT!!|Sonic Colors opening theme. Totally [[not gay]].}}


*'''Sonic Generations''': To celebrate 20 years of the same shit, Sega gave us more or less the same shit once again. [[2 Girls 1 Cup|Two Sonics. 1 Game.]]. Several times more copypasta. Furfags all had a massive orgy when they realized that they would be going back to Green Hill Zone for the 30th time. The game is also notable for its amazing mods:
*'''''[[Lazy|Sonic Origins]]''''': Literally the same shit as the first five traditional ''Sonic'' games, but with [[DO NOT WANT|fun extras]]!!!!! 
{{center|<youtube>RsM2ZbQtulM</youtube>}}


*'''Sonic Lost World''': More or less the same shit, except rips off Super Mario Galaxy further and is on the Wii U, a console that nobody will ever buy. It's worth noting that the last two games were actually well received, but with this one, people have once again opened their eyes to how bad Sonic is.
*'''''Sonic Frontiers''''': More or less the same shit, except now it’s a ripoff of ''The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.'' [[Some argue|Some autistic furfags]] are claiming that it's Sonic's grand comeback just because it averaged higher than 40 on Metacritic for a change.  


*'''Sonic Boom''': With this game, it appears Sega has stopped giving a shit altogether, being developed by Naughty Dog rejects and ripping off Crash Bandicoot or some shit with generic platforming, tedious brawling and laughably bad redesigns made to make the series ... more "[[Gay|American]]" (the previously mentioned [[nigger]] echidna is now a member of the [[Battletoads]]). [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDCzoqhjP7M This is the final product.] The game went on to be universally agreed as the worst Sonic game ever made, which isn't saying much considering Sonic was always terrible.  Hilariously, some reactions to the game have been [[Chris-chan#BLUE_ARMS.21_Chris-tran_drops_the_soap|no less than stellar.]]
*'''''Sonic Superstars''''': More or less the same shit, except now it's a ripoff of ''New Super Mario Bros''. Developed by the same people who gave you the abomination that was Balan Wonder World (well, except Yuji Naka, seeing as he's in prison).


Sonic also has a number of other games, but nobody cares about those because they're shit, just like the rest of the series but unfortunately didn't include a pack of raving furfags to cram them down our throats.
There are also other ''Sonic'' games, but nobody cares about those because they're shit, just like the rest of the series, but unfortunately didn't include a pack of raving furfags to cram them down our throats.


Like this bullshit: [http://www.arcadeprehacks.com/game/25140/sonic-tournament-ep.1.html **FANGAME ALERT**]
===Canceled shit===
''Sonic'' also has a number of canceled games, but nobody cares about those except the failed developers who lost their jobs trying to make them.


=== The trainwreck that never was ===
*'''''Sonic [[Edgy|X-Treme]]''''': Probably would have been more or less the same shit, except this game was so awful that multiple people nearly lost their lives trying to make it, and so it was canceled. Inspired numerous fangames because the developers didn't know what the fuck they were doing.
[[File:Sonic Comparison.jpg|thumb|[[Typical|Sonic Fans proving yet again they are more capable of making better Sonic games than Sega ever could.]]]]
*'''Sonic X-Treme''': Probably would have been more or less the same shit, except this game was so awful it gave one guy who was making it pneumonia, and so it was cancelled. It should be noted that you get cardiac arrest if you play what was left of the game, which is why it hasn't been released in any way possible publicly. Spawned numerous shitty fangames because the developers didn't know what the fuck they were doing.


==Animated==
==Animated==
'''PROTIP:''' If your autismally induced thought processes ever do decide that watching any of the fore-mentioned garbage would be a good idea, extra lulz can be had from playing the videos at -50% speed. Incidentally, it turns the shit-tastic cocaine fuelled adrenaline rush that is the "Sonic X" theme into a [[Lie|kewl]] ambient dub track.
'''PROTIP:''' If your autismally induced thought processes ever do decide that watching any of the fore-mentioned garbage would be a good idea, extra lulz can be had from playing the videos at -50% speed. Incidentally, it turns the shit-tastic cocaine fuelled adrenaline rush that is the ''Sonic X'' theme into a [[Lie|kewl]] ambient dub track.
===The TV Shows===
===The TV shows===
[[File:SonicSallyBump.gif|thumb|Sonic and Sally hard at work to free the world]]
[[File:SonicSallyBump.gif|200px|thumb|Sonic and Sally hard at work to free the world]]
[[File:SonicXposter.jpg|thumb|Sonic [[Porn|X(XX)]]]]
[[File:SonicXposter.jpg|200px|thumb|Sonic [[Porn|X(XX)]]]]
*'''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog''': [[Some argue]] that this is [[the best]] Sonic show, and even though they're all [[gay|retrofags]], they're right anyway since all the other shows are ''even worse''. Basically Sonic and Tails run around talking about stupid bullshit while Robotnik and his three moronic sex slaves plot to kill them. Said love-squad is composed of Scratch (an [[furry|anthro]]-chicken-robot), Grounder (a dick-nosed-lummox on tank treads with dicks for hands), and Coconuts (a monkey robot that is even more incompetent than the first two), all of whom try to catch Sonic. At the end of every episode, Sonic tells us all what we learned today, especially about [[alcohol|booze]] and [[pedophilia]]. [[Seriously]]. These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. As of late, this show has become a prime source of material for [[YouTube Poop]], especially Robotnik's [[PINGAS]]. One might not be surprised to hear that Robotnik's voice actor was openly gay.
*'''''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog''''': [[Some argue]] that this is [[the best]] ''Sonic'' show, and even though they're all [[gay|retrofags]], they're right anyway since all the other shows are ''even worse''. Basically Sonic and Tails run around talking about stupid bullshit while Robotnik and his three moronic sex slaves plot to kill them. Said love-squad is composed of Scratch (an [[furry|anthro]]-chicken-robot), Grounder (a dick-nosed-lummox on tank treads with dicks for hands), and Coconuts (a monkey robot that is even more incompetent than the first two), all of whom try to catch Sonic. At the end of every episode, Sonic tells us all what we learned today, especially about [[alcohol|booze]] and [[pedophilia]]. [[Seriously]]. These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. In the mid-00s, this show became a prime source of material for [[YouTube Poop]], especially Robotnik's [[PINGAS]]. One might not be surprised to hear that Robotnik's voice actor was openly gay. Much like the actual games, this cartoon is well-known for being everything the 90s wasn't, including outdated terms for 'cool' and pathetic insults which barely go beyond "[INSERT CHARACTER HERE] smells!".


*'''SatAM''': This show is [[emo|darker and more sinister]] than ''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'', but at least this one doesn't have the retarded Sonic Sez segments. In this show, Sonic, Tails, and a bunch of other [[furries]] are hiding in a forest from a more evil Robotnik (who is now a HUGE fatass with a creepy and sinister voice provided by Winnie the Pooh. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Cummings No joke]), his [[midget]] Jew nephew Snively (note the massive nose), and his army of robots (that look like recolors of the Horde Troopers from She-Ra). It also features the catchphrase "[[extreme|Let's do it to it!]]", thereby making it ALMOST as gay as Sonic Heroes, though admittedly more badass. The vile [[Comic|Archie Comics]] version of Sonic spawned from this show, as well as [[Mary-Sue|Princess Sally Acorn]], a chipmunk who is even MORE annoying than Amy Rose; [[Redneck|Bunnie Rabbot]], a cyborg [[Bulling is rabbit|rabbit]] with a metal crotch (ouch) and a [[W|Texas]] accent; Antoine, a cowardly coyote (who is also [[france|French]]); and a whole bunch of other characters no one cares about. This show is gay, avoid at all costs.
*'''''Sonic SatAM''''': This show is [[emo|darker and more sinister]] than ''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'', but at least this one doesn't have the retarded Sonic Sez segments. In this show, Sonic, Tails, and a bunch of other [[furries]] are hiding in a forest from a more evil Robotnik (who is now a HUGE fatass with a creepy and sinister voice provided by Winnie the Pooh. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Cummings No joke]), his [[midget]] Jew nephew Snively (note the massive nose), and his army of robots (that look like recolors of the Horde Troopers from She-Ra). It also features the catchphrase "[[extreme|Let's do it to it!]]," thereby making it ALMOST as gay as ''Sonic Heroes'', though admittedly gayer. The vile [[Comic|Archie Comics]] version of Sonic spawned from this show, as well as [[Mary-Sue|Princess Sally Acorn]], a chipmunk who is even MORE annoying than Amy Rose; [[Redneck|Bunnie Rabbot]], a cyborg [[Bulling is rabbit|rabbit]] with a metal crotch (ouch) and a [[W|Texas]] accent; Antoine, a cowardly coyote (who is also [[france|French]]); and a whole bunch of other characters no one cares about. Not to mention, it also features a robot named Nicole who doesn't like it when people [[Michael J. Fox|shake her]]. This show is gay: avoid at all costs.


*'''Sonic Underground''': This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two pallete swaps, [[cuntpaste|Sonia]] and [[copypasta|Manic]], all three of whom were voiced by Steve Urkel. You can imagine how confusing it must've been for the three hedgehogs, all having the same voice. They also get musical instruments to fight Robotnik this time, even though it was already established early in the franchise that hedgehogs can rip through a steel tank by spinning. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, as do a couple of the Chaos Emeralds. Other than that, it's pretty much the same as SATAM, except with FUCKING SONGS and [[Milf|Sonic's mom]].
*'''''Sonic Underground''''': This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two pallete swaps, [[cuntpaste|Sonia]] and [[copypasta|Manic]], all three of whom were voiced by Steve Urkel. You can imagine how confusing it must've been for the three hedgehogs, all having the same voice. They also get musical instruments to fight Robotnik this time, even though it was already established early in the franchise that hedgehogs can rip through a steel tank by spinning. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, as do a couple of the Chaos Emeralds. Other than that, it's pretty much the same as ''SatAM'', except with FUCKING SONGS and [[Milf|Sonic's mom]].


*'''Sonic X''': This show is the one that all of the Sonic [[weeaboo]]s watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named [[Mary Sue|Chris Thorndyke]] (moar like Chris Pron[[Lesbian|dyke]] amirite?), [[True|whom everyone hates]]. Thanks to the presence of [[Cutter|Shadow]], it is [[over 9000]] times more emo than the above shows. It is also that much more annoying, and the voice acting is some of the worst ever recorded thanks to [[4kidz]]. [[Trolling|SEGA decided to replace the game voice artists with those, causing an on-going war of furfags]]. But Sonic was never cool, as was his voice. In short, this show sucked, brought in a bunch of n00bs to the franchise, and anybody that got into the franchise anytime before it should NOT watch it. It sucks even more than the games, especially so seeing as episodes 2 through 27 of the first series could be cut and it wouldn't affect the story '''at all'''. This just proves that [[SEGA|GAYGA]] and [[4kids|4jews]] and hungry for that tasty, tasty TV producer [[Cock|money]]
*'''''Sonic X''''': This show is the one that all of the ''Sonic'' [[weeaboo]]s watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named [[Gay|Chris Thorndyke]] (moar like Chris Pron[[Lesbian|dyke]] amirite?), [[True|whom everyone hates]]. Thanks to the presence of [[Cutter|Shadow]], it is [[over 9,000]] times more emo than the above shows. The show was also known for its horrible voice acting, and a war among autistic furfags like [[Spax3]] erupted when SEGA decided to replace the game voice actors with the ones from this show (not the game voice actors were any better). Voice acting is serious business among Sonicfags.


*'''Sonic Boom''': The show the game of the same name is based on. Anyone over the age of 12 who watches it is either a basement dweller or a furfag. Most likely both.
*'''''Sonic Boom''''': The show the game of the same name is based on. Contains shitty 3D animation and cringy as fuck jokes that [[Trying too hard|try too hard]] to relate to the audience through epic memes xD. Anyone over the age of 12 who watches it is either a basement dweller or a furfag. Most likely both.
===The Movies===
[[File:EggmanFursecution.PNG|thumb|'''FIGHT THE [[FURRY]] MENACE'''!]]
*'''Sonic the Hedgehog OVA''': Sometime [[last Thursday]] there was a badly dubbed, shitty [[animu]] about Sonic. It can be easily found on [[JewTube]]. It featured Princess Sara, who has an astonishing resemblance to the [[bestiality]]-obsessed Princess Elise. She also has a monkey tail, thereby further clarifying this series' [[Dragonball Z|source material]]. Tails is also present here, and Sega somehow managed to make his voice '''[[Divide by zero|even gayer]]'''. Sara gets [[Bondage|bound and gagged]] in this movie.  


*'''Sonic: Night of the Werehog''': SEGA making a good turn towards advertising Sonic? Ha, ha, no! It's a pretty shitty Sonic Halloween movie that came out a couple years ago about [[furries]], chihuahuas, and [[gay]]. Think of a combination between Sonic X and [[goth|The Nightmare Before Christmas]]. You probably won't like it.
*'''''Sonic Prime''''': The abomination crossbreed of fujoshis and furfags have thrived in the desecrated pus-filled corpse that is the Sonic fanbase since the beginning of its creation. This show, however, was the catalyst for these monsters to emerge from their tuna scented bedrooms to begin furiously banshee screeching over what is quite possibly the biggest fagfest to ever pop out of Sega's piss filled anus. Not only does Sega blatantly rip of the MCU by using a big gay clusterfuck of rocks to kickstart a [[pretentious|totally deep]] plot about the multiverse, but they also have the blue asshole and his emo edgehog counterpart furiously edge each other throughout the entirety of the series. This blatant instance of gaybaiting is enough for Sega and Netflix to rack in some sweet Jew gold as their lazy writing is ignored by fans in favor of rubbing one out over Shadow and Sonic topping each other. Other than this show starting half of it's fanbase's ovulation cycles, nothing about it is actually notable except that Tails is, like, a totally dark and fucked up alternate version of himself that crashes out because Sonic cucks him in favor of Shadows big black dick and Sonic has a mid-life crisis because of his constant struggle to prove himself to his rapidly aging fanbase.
 
===The movies===
[[File:og live action sonic.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Live action Sanic before the re-design.]]
[[File:EggmanFursecution.PNG|200px|thumb|'''FIGHT THE [[FURRY]] MENACE'''!]]
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''' '''(OVA)''': Sometime [[last Thursday]] there was a badly dubbed, shitty [[animu]] about Sonic. It can be easily found on [[JewTube]], where [[furfags]] may [[Piracy|post parts of the footage]]. It featured Princess Sara, who has an astonishing resemblance to the [[bestiality]]-obsessed Princess Elise. She also has a monkey tail, thereby further clarifying this series' [[Dragonball Z|source material]]. Tails is also present here, and SEGA somehow managed to make his voice '''[[Divide by zero|even gayer]]'''. Sara gets [[Bondage|bound and gagged]] in this movie. It's not only known for [[plagiarism]], but has also spawned a bunch of [[Forced Meme|forced memes]] based on a line in one of the scenes where Sonic shouts [[Stfu|"SHUT UP, TAILS!"]].
 
*'''''Sonic: Night of the Werehog''''': SEGA making a good turn towards advertising ''Sonic''? Ha, ha, no! It's a pretty shitty Sonic Halloween movie that came out a couple years ago about [[furries]], Chihuahuas, and [[gay]]. Think of a combination between ''Sonic X'' and ''[[Goth|The Nightmare Before Christmas]]''. You probably won't like it.
This short film also features Casper the Friendly Ghost's [[fat]] and [[fap]]ping brothers
This short film also features Casper the Friendly Ghost's [[fat]] and [[fap]]ping brothers


*'''Eddie Lebron's Sonic the Hedgehog Fan Film''': Eddie Lebron; the same guy who made the [[Megaman]] Fan Film, has announced [[Last Thursday|some time ago]] a Sonic film for all the [[Furries|fans]], [[Sonmanic|just like some other Sonic fan did before it got shit-canned]]. Oh, and he was able to get Jaleel White from the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog to reprise his role, [[No|cause his voice was so charming to listen to right?]]. At least he doesn't get too many lines, other than the trademarked "way past cool". The video is actually worse than expected, even Sonic fans hate it. Watch the video for more 90's cheese, bad CGI and [[Angry Video Game Nerd|horrible]], [[Nostalgia Critic|pointless]] [[Craig Skistimas|cameos]]:
*'''Eddie Lebron's''' '''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''' '''fan film''': Eddie Lebron; the same guy who made the [[Mega Man]] fan film, has announced [[Last Thursday|some time ago]] a Sonic film for all the [[Furries|fans]], [[Sonmanic|just like some other ''Sonic'' fan did before it got shit-canned]]. Oh, and he was able to get Jaleel White from the ''Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'' to reprise his role, [[No|cause his voice was so charming to listen to right?]]. At least he doesn't get too many lines, other than the trademarked "way past cool." The video is actually worse than expected, even ''Sonic'' fans hate it. Watch the video for more 90's cheese, bad CGI and [[Angry Video Game Nerd|horrible]], [[Nostalgia Critic|pointless]] [[Craig Skistimas|cameos]]:


{{center|<youtube>JtCtQpclpY8</youtube>}}


{{center|<youtube>JtCtQpclpY8</youtube>}}
*'''''Sonic the Hedgehog''''' '''(2020 film)''': As if it couldn't get any worse, Sony Pictures decided to squat on the rights for a ''Sonic'' movie for years, and rushed a crappy announcement poster for it after Nintendo announced a ''[[Pokémon|Detective Pikachu]]'' movie, and implied that they were going to use the same shitty CGI/live action hybrid that they used for the Smurfs, just to make sure everyone would forget about how bad ''The Emoji Movie'' was. This new version of Sonic has blue human legs, no gloves, and looks like a midget in a crappy fursuit. Jim Carrey voiced Dr. Robotnik, just in case you needed to be reminded of more things you liked in the 1990s becoming irrelevant.


==Sonic and Friends==
==Sonic and friends==
===Character Evolution===
===Character evolution===
[[File:Sonictailsnkkd1111_B.jpg|thumb|Sonic and Tails on Sega's creativity, when it comes to clothing the <s>characters</s> furry bodies.]]
[[File:Sonictailsnkkd1111_B.jpg|250px|thumb|Sonic and Tails on SEGA's creativity, when it comes to clothing the <s>characters</s> furry bodies.]]
[[File:Sonic characters suck.jpg|200px|thumb|NEEDS LOTS [[MOAR]] CHARACTERS]]
[[File:Knuxevo.png|250px|thumb|]]
[[File:Knuxgangstacol.jpg|200px|thumb|Knuckles is the token nigger in the series.]]
[[File:Sonics name game by ZoDy.jpg|130px|thumb|Ever wondered how Sonic and his pals were named? [[Lulz|Epic lulz]] and [[Truth|truth]] detected.]]
At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of [[crabs]] and other [[Hentai|tentacle monsters]], which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-Pad as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik. Robotnik is the boss on every level and is defeated by pressing the A button an astounding eight times.  
At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of [[crabs]] and other [[Hentai|tentacle monsters]], which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-Pad as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik. Robotnik is the boss on every level and is defeated by pressing the A button an astounding eight times.  


The usual plot contains [[Dragonball|seven mystical objects that always scatter everywhere, searched for by two similar characters with spiky hair.]]
The usual plot contains [[Dragonball|seven mystical objects that always scatter everywhere, searched for by two similar characters with spiky hair.]]


Scrambling for a new gimmick, Sega decided to bring a new character into the [[Orgy|mix]]. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! Not being able to settle for just a retarded Cat/Fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" — very creative. Sega, being the [[Retards|creative geniuses]] they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old's voice, enabling them to expand their market from vanilla furries to pedophile furries.  
Scrambling for a new gimmick, SEGA decided to bring a new character into the [[Orgy|mix]]. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! Not being able to settle for just a retarded cat/fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" — very creative. SEGA, being the [[Retards|creative geniuses]] they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old's voice, enabling them to expand their market from vanilla furries to pedophile furries.  


Not content with a spandex wearing [[fatass]], a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further. With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue [[faggot]] what's up. Sega decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their [[furry]] fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the [[Mario|white gloves]] that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" — isn't Sega's originality just amazing? These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token [[Nigger|black person]] of the series.
Not content with a spandex wearing [[fatass]], a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further. With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue [[faggot]] what's up. SEGA decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their [[furry]] fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the [[Mario|white gloves]] that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" — isn't SEGA's originality just amazing? These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token [[Nigger|black person]] of the series.


===Other Characters===
===Other characters===
[[File:Sonic characters suck.jpg|thumb|NEEDS LOTS [[MOAR]] CHARACTERS]]
Aside from the aforementioned characters, ''Sonic'' features a variety of characters, all equally attractive to furry faggots:
[[File:Knuxgangstacol.jpg|thumb|Knuckles is the token nigger in the series.]]
[[File:Sonics name game by ZoDy.jpg|130px|thumb|Ever wondered how Sonic and his pals were named? [[Lulz|Epic Lulz]] and [[Truth|Truth]] detected.]]
Aside from the aforementioned characters, Sonic features a variety of characters, all equally attractive to furry faggots:


*'''[[PINGAS|Dr Robotnik]] / Eggman''': A morbidly obese [[Extreme|Theodore Roosevelt in a prison jumpsuit]] who captures [[furries]] an turns them into [[robot]] [[Slavery|slaves]] that [[lazy|do everything for him]]. Eggman is to [[furries]] what [[Hitler]] is to [[Jews]], and his tireless dedication to fursecuting the shit out of Sonic's posse in ''every game'' means he is one of the best villains evar. Unfortunately, he gets [[pwnt]] by them at the end of every game, contrary to the [[Fursecution|ideal]].
*'''[[PINGAS|Dr Robotnik]] / [[Fat|Eggman]]''': A morbidly obese [[Extreme|Theodore Roosevelt in a prison jumpsuit]] who captures [[furries]] and turns them into [[robot]] [[Slavery|slaves]] that [[lazy|do everything for him]]. Eggman is a famed furry roaster, and his tireless dedication to fursecuting the shit out of Sonic's posse in ''every game'' means he is one of the best villains evar. Unfortunately, he gets [[pwnt]] by them at the end of every game, contrary to the [[Fursecution|ideal]].


*'''[[Emo|Shadow]]''': SEGA's [[Failed|bold]] attempt at making the franchise darker and edgier with "[[Emo|LOLDARKPAST]]". Part of this dark past is being plagued by [[Vietnam|flashbacks]] about [[Pedobear|some underaged girl who he was in love with]], whom he can't [[rape|touch]] because [[AIDS|she has a disease]] and was then [[pwnt]] by the [[FBI]]. His signature ability is the awkward use of firearms, since he is so [[nigger|dark and violent]]. Notable for saying the [[forced meme]] [[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|Where's that damn fourth chaos emerald?]]
*'''[[Edge|Shadow]]''': Sonic's main [[Yaoi|rival]] making [[Asperger's|Knuckles]] and [[Transformers|Metal Sonic]] look like [[Fag|Pussies]] and SEGA's [[Internet Tough Guy|bold]] attempt at making the franchise darker and edgier with "[[Emo|LOLDARKPAST]]." Part of this dark past is being plagued by [[Vietnam|flashbacks]] about [[Pedobear|some underaged girl who he was in love with]], whom he can't [[rape|touch]] because [[AIDS|she has a disease]] and was then [[pwnt]] by the [[FBI]]. His signature ability is the awkward use of firearms, since he is so [[nigger|dark and violent]]. Notable for saying the [[forced meme]]: "[[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|Where's that damn fourth Chaos Emerald?]]" However, he's still the coolest character SEGA has ever created since [[Meme|Tails Doll]], being a bigger dick than [[Gay|Sonic]] but twice as much a mary sue as [[Piss|Super Sonic]].


*'''[[Whore|Rouge]]''': A [[Whore|prostitute]] [[Batman|bat]] with [[tits]] big enough to make [[your mom]] cry, and the character the [[13-year-old boy]]s and basement dwellers [[fap]] to, assuming they're not [[pedo]]s or [[fag]]s. Sega claims she's 18, but her voice is that of a saggy 40-year old prostitute with green teeth. In every game she sells her [[vagina|services]] to either the FBI or Robotnik. Fangirls war over whether she belongs with Knuckles or with Shadow ([[Facepalm|even Uncyclopedia takes part in this]]), but who cares? She has definitely sucked and fucked every one of the male characters' cocks, [[dickgirl|including her own]].
*'''[[Whore|Rouge]]''': A [[Batman|bat]] with [[tits]] big enough to make [[your mom]] cry, and the character the [[13-year-old boy]]s and basement dwellers [[fap]] to, assuming they're not [[pedo]]s or [[fag]]s. SEGA claims she's 18, but her voice is that of a saggy 40-year-old prostitute with green teeth. In every game she sells her [[vagina|services]] to either the FBI or Robotnik. Fangirls war over whether she belongs with Knuckles or with Shadow ([[Facepalm|even Uncyclopedia takes part in this]]), but who cares? She has definitely sucked and fucked every one of the male characters' cocks, [[dickgirl|including her own]].


*'''[[Fangirl|Amy Rose]]''': Stupid [[jailbait]] bitch who badly wants Sonic to get in her panties. She is also the subject of much Sonic-related [[Rule 34]] and has [[pantyshot]]s in every game, despite being [[12 year old girls|12 years old]].
*'''[[Fangirl|Amy Rose]]''': Stupid [[jailbait]] bitch who badly wants Sonic to get in her panties. She is also the subject of much ''Sonic''-related [[Rule 34]] and has [[pantyshot]]s in every game, despite being [[12 year old girls|12 years old]].


*'''[[Lolicon|Cream]]''': Everyone loves Cream (except for [http://www.sonic-cult.org/ these] fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her [[semen|Cream]] was a very, very bad idea considering [[pedophiles|the series' fanbase]].
*'''[[Lolicon|Cream]]''': Everyone loves Cream (except for [http://www.sonic-cult.org/ these] fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her [[semen|Cream]] was a very, very bad idea considering [[pedophiles|the series' fanbase]].
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*'''[[Autistic|Big]]''': An [[obese]], [[asspie]] cat. His hobbies include fishing and talking [[retard|like Forrest Gump]]. He is [[BFF]] with a frog. Essentially, he's a real life Sonic fan. He was also voiced by [[Duke Nukem]], [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0820652/ seriously.]
*'''[[Autistic|Big]]''': An [[obese]], [[asspie]] cat. His hobbies include fishing and talking [[retard|like Forrest Gump]]. He is [[BFF]] with a frog. Essentially, he's a real life Sonic fan. He was also voiced by [[Duke Nukem]], [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0820652/ seriously.]


*'''[[13 year old boy|Silver]]''': Whiny [[drama queen]] from the future, and living proof that Sega ran out of ideas years ago. His powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggy as Tails'. Silver is commonly seen reciting gay, dramatic lines taken straight out of Lifetime movies. [[Seriously|His head is shaped like a marihuana leaf]], wears [[goth|eyeliner]], and has [[gay|sick]] hand [[tattoos]].
*'''[[13 year old boy|Silver]]''': Whiny [[drama queen]] from the future, and living proof that SEGA ran out of ideas years ago. His powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggy as the one Tails has. Silver is commonly seen reciting gay, dramatic lines taken straight out of Lifetime movies. [[Seriously|His head is shaped like a marijuana leaf]], wears [[goth|eyeliner]], and has [[gay|sick]] hand [[tattoos]].


*'''[[Zippocat|Blaze]]''': A [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|pyrokinetic]] [[mary sue|princess from the future or an alternate dimension]] that kills herself to save the future, which also causes Silver to become even [[moar]] [[emo]] than Shadow (if that's even fucking possible). [[Time Paradox|Despite being dead, she somehow wiggles her way into a few spinoff sport events, such as hoverboarding and the Summer and Winter Olympics]]. Contrary to popular belief, she has the hots for Sonic, not Silver.
*'''[[Zippocat|Blaze]]''': A [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|pyrokinetic]] [[mary sue|princess from the future or an alternate dimension]] that kills herself to save the future, which also causes Silver to become even [[moar]] [[emo]] than Shadow (if that's even fucking possible). [[Time Paradox|Despite being dead, she somehow wiggles her way into a few spinoff sport events, such as hoverboarding and the Summer and Winter Olympics]]. Contrary to popular belief, she has the hots for Sonic, not Silver.
*'''[[DeviantArt|Emerl]]''': Unoriginal [[Mechanophilia|robot]] fuck who steals others' moves. Becomes friend with Sonic and his buttbuddies, only to try to kill them later, which ends up in him getting fucked by Sonic. Appears in only one game and in ''Sonic X''.


*'''[[Tails Doll]]''': [[Zalgo|c̦͎a̠̜̣n̳͇͓̠̬̯͖ ̮̼͔y̖o͎̮̹̬ṳ͕̗̞͚ ̣̘̗̯̜f̭̬̩e͕e͇͈͎̯̲͓̥l͕͈̤̗̫̺̮ ̠̮̞̰̞̜͔͔t͍h̹̺͓͔e̙͈̼̯͚ͅ ̤̺̩s̬̖̩͍͉̤̘̘ụ͍̞n̘̬̰̥s͍͍̫̻̳̝̝͓h̰̳͔͍̗͔̼̰i̤̱̭̬̗͕͙̻n̥̣͔͙e̱̜̜̲̬̘?͙͓̥͍̯̣ ̤d͕͉͇̬̰o̠̺e͖̮̯͇̺̫̭̻̬s̠̖ ̰̱̹̖͙͙̞̺i̹̯̗̲t̞̬ ̺̺̭͎̦̟̲̤b͖̰̖̭r̗͈̲͈̜̲̼ͅi͇̹̹̳͓̝g̺̦̦h̺̜͖̭̹̤̻t̬̞͙̖̣̻̰̘e̜̞͉̘ͅn̝̭̪͇̣̩̲̳ ̤̯̲̣̤̬̩̪u̪̠̺̣̬p̻̝̦ͅ ̹̰̟͚͍͔̩y̲̭̫o̳̼̮̗͉u̪̜̬̳̞r̯̘̟̺̠̮̯ ͚̩̙d͍͚̥͕̱͓a̦͖̯y̼̥̼̩̝̟̜?̱̠]]
*'''[[Tails Doll]]''': [[Zalgo|c̦͎a̠̜̣n̳͇͓̠̬̯͖ ̮̼͔y̖o͎̮̹̬ṳ͕̗̞͚ ̣̘̗̯̜f̭̬̩e͕e͇͈͎̯̲͓̥l͕͈̤̗̫̺̮ ̠̮̞̰̞̜͔͔t͍h̹̺͓͔e̙͈̼̯͚ͅ ̤̺̩s̬̖̩͍͉̤̘̘ụ͍̞n̘̬̰̥s͍͍̫̻̳̝̝͓h̰̳͔͍̗͔̼̰i̤̱̭̬̗͕͙̻n̥̣͔͙e̱̜̜̲̬̘?͙͓̥͍̯̣ ̤d͕͉͇̬̰o̠̺e͖̮̯͇̺̫̭̻̬s̠̖ ̰̱̹̖͙͙̞̺i̹̯̗̲t̞̬ ̺̺̭͎̦̟̲̤b͖̰̖̭r̗͈̲͈̜̲̼ͅi͇̹̹̳͓̝g̺̦̦h̺̜͖̭̹̤̻t̬̞͙̖̣̻̰̘e̜̞͉̘ͅn̝̭̪͇̣̩̲̳ ̤̯̲̣̤̬̩̪u̪̠̺̣̬p̻̝̦ͅ ̹̰̟͚͍͔̩y̲̭̫o̳̼̮̗͉u̪̜̬̳̞r̯̘̟̺̠̮̯ ͚̩̙d͍͚̥͕̱͓a̦͖̯y̼̥̼̩̝̟̜?̱̠]]


*'''[[Orgy|Team Chaotix]]''': A trio of [[retarded]] detectives. Their leader, [[Find the Computer Room|Vector]], is a [[wigger]] crocodile who currently has a voice like Cookie Monster undergoing a rectal exam. Their "stealth expert", [[naruto|Espio]], is a [[weeaboo]] chameleon with shitty [[ninja]] skills; and [[babyfuck|Charmy]], a [[Wapanese|SUPER KAWAII]] bee, who serves as mascot. There was also [[Shit nobody cares about|Mighty, Ray, Heavy & Bomb]], but they don't appear for some reason.
*'''[[Orgy|Team Chaotix]]''': A trio of [[retarded]] detectives. Their leader, [[Find the Computer Room|Vector]], is a [[wigger]] crocodile who currently has a voice like Cookie Monster undergoing a rectal exam. Their "stealth expert," [[Naruto|Espio]], is a [[weeaboo]] chameleon with shitty [[ninja]] skills; and [[babyfuck|Charmy]], a [[Wapanese|SUPER KAWAII]] bee, who serves as a mascot. There were also [[Shit nobody cares about|Mighty, Ray, Heavy & Bomb]], but they stopped appearing for some reason.


*'''[[NeoPets|Chao]]''': [[Kawaii|Cute and cuddly]] creatures that [[DO NOT WANT|never appear anymore]], [[And nothing of value was lost|thus leading to the suicides of several furries]].
*'''[[NeoPets|Chao]]''': [[Kawaii|Cute and cuddly]] creatures that [[DO NOT WANT|never appear anymore]], [[And nothing of value was lost|thus leading to the suicides of several furries]].


*'''[[Necrofur|Princess Elise]]''': Some whore from the uncanny valley that Sonic screwed around with in the PS3/360 game, and is an open furry. The blatant cross-species grab-ass that takes place between her and Sonic is an obvious plot to turn children into furries and may be the worst yet of Sega's many crimes against humanity. The kiss between her and Sonic has to be the biggest piss-take in a video game ever. She has fucked many animals, even a couple of 13 year old boys that just wanted pussy from Rouge or Amy, but when they got a sexy bitch like Elise they cried RAEP and Sega denies her existence.
*'''[[Necrofur|Princess Elise]]''': Some [[Final Fantasy]] ripoff character that Sonic screwed around with in the PS3/360 game, and is an open furry. The blatant cross-species grab-ass that takes place between her and Sonic is an obvious plot to turn children into furries and may be the worst yet of SEGA's many crimes against humanity. The kiss between her and Sonic has to be the biggest piss-take in a video game ever. She has fucked many animals, even a couple of 13-year-old boys that just wanted pussy from Rouge or Amy, but when they got a sexy bitch like Elise they cried RAEP and SEGA denies her existence.


*'''[[Lesbian|Julie-Su]]''': Julie-Su the Echidna is Knuckles' and every Sonic fag's current wet dream, because she doesn't wear panties. In Mobius: [[Sex|X]] Years Later she becomes a true [[furfag]], and becomes as much a [[prostitute]] as Rouge.
*'''[[Lesbian|Julie-Su]]''': Julie-Su the Echidna is Knuckles's and every ''Sonic'' fag's current wet dream, because she doesn't wear panties. In Mobius: [[Sex|X]] Years Later she becomes a true [[furfag]], and becomes as much a [[prostitute]] as Rouge.


*'''[[Australia|Marine]]''': [[Lolicon|Loli]] newcomer that already has [[at least 100]] hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She talks in such a thick Australian accent that even [[Steve Irwin]] would tell her to [[stfu|shut the fuck up]], if he wasn't dead. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "strewth" anymore?
*'''[[Australia|Marine]]''': [[Lolicon|Loli]] newcomer that already has [[at least 100]] hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She talks in such a thick Australian accent that even [[Steve Irwin]] would tell her to [[stfu|shut the fuck up]], if he wasn't dead. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "strewth" anymore?


*'''[[Satan|Mephiles the Dark]]''': A [[recoloring|recolor]] of Shadow that spent too much time stuck in the freezer. [[Awesome|He successfully kills Sonic]] with his [[laser]], [[Epic Fail|but has that undone when Sega goes back in time and pretends the game never existed]].
*'''[[Satan|Mephiles the Dark]]''': A [[recoloring|recolor]] of Shadow that spent too much time stuck in the freezer. [[Awesome|He successfully kills Sonic]] with his [[laser]], [[Epic Fail|but has that undone when SEGA goes back in time and pretends the game never existed]].


*'''[[Featherfag|The Babylon Rogues]]''': None of them should ever be dignified with their own individual section here. All of them are blatant ripoffs of the kids from ''[[Time for a dicking|Rocket Power]]'' except that they're [[You're a bird|birds]], and [[To the max|THEY TOTALLY GOT BEEFED UP THE GRIND, DUDE]], which is [[wigger|extreme slang]] for being raped and killed by Sonic.
*'''[[Featherfag|The Babylon Rogues]]''': None of them should ever be dignified with their own individual section here. All of them are blatant ripoffs of the kids from ''[[Time for a dicking|Rocket Power]]'' except that they're [[You're a bird|birds]], and [[To the max|THEY TOTALLY GOT BEEFED UP THE GRIND, DUDE]], which is [[wigger|extreme slang]] for being raped and killed by Sonic.


*'''[[Tentacle rape|Chaos]]''': An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of [[LiveJournal]] who goes [[DBZ|SUPER SAIYA-JIN]] assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's Sonic [[tentacle rape|tentacle porn]], this thing is involved.  
*'''[[Tentacle rape|Chaos]]''': An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of [[LiveJournal]] who goes [[DBZ|SUPER SAIYA-JIN]] assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's ''Sonic'' [[tentacle rape|tentacle porn]], this thing is involved.  


*'''[[Mexico|Tikal]]''': An echidna who became [[an hero]] in order to keep Chaos from ruining shit. Lots of Sonic fags like to [[ship]] her with Knuckles. Too bad she's [[dead]] [[furfags|dumbfucks]], and that [[incest|she's basically his distant cousin, considering they came from the same fucking tribe]].
*'''[[Mexico|Tikal]]''': An echidna who became [[an hero]] in order to keep Chaos from ruining shit. Lots of Sonic fags like to [[ship]] her with Knuckles. Too bad she's [[dead]] [[furfags|dumbfucks]], and that [[incest|she's basically his distant cousin, considering they came from the same fucking tribe]].


*'''[[AIDS|Maria Robotnik]]''': Eggman's [[loli]] cousin. Shadow wanted to [[fuck]] her but couldn't because she had [[AIDS]] and was [[pwned|shot down]] by [[FBI|G.U.N.]] Agents in a GTA style shootout. Shadow didn't take this lightly though, which explains why he [[lulz|screams out her name every fifty seconds.]]
*'''[[AIDS|Maria Robotnik]]''': Eggman's [[loli]] cousin. Shadow wanted to [[fuck]] her but couldn't because she had [[AIDS]] and was [[pwned|shot down]] by [[FBI|G.U.N.]] Agents in a GTA style shootout. [[emo|Shadow didn't take this lightly though]], which explains why he [[lulz|screams out her name every fifty seconds.]]


*'''[[Batshit Insane|Eggman Nega]]''': Yes, a [[nigger|darker]] Eggman from another dimension. [[facepalm|Seems like even the non-furry characters aren't safe from having retarded recolors made of them.]]
*'''[[Batshit Insane|Eggman Nega]]''': Yes, a [[nigger|darker]] Eggman from another dimension. [[facepalm|Seems like even the non-furry characters aren't safe from having retarded recolors made of them.]]
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*'''[[Lopunny|Vanilla]]''': Cream's mom, who is raising her daughter by herself because the father didn't want to pay for child support and [[GTFO|left]]. While Rouge's voice actor on ''Sonic X'' makes her sound like a 50-year-old-whore, Vanilla's makes her sound like she's [[at least 100]] years old and on various illegal substances.
*'''[[Lopunny|Vanilla]]''': Cream's mom, who is raising her daughter by herself because the father didn't want to pay for child support and [[GTFO|left]]. While Rouge's voice actor on ''Sonic X'' makes her sound like a 50-year-old-whore, Vanilla's makes her sound like she's [[at least 100]] years old and on various illegal substances.


*'''[[Mary Sue|Chris Thorndyke]]''': Some [[gay]] [[Jew|rich]] kid from ''Sonic X'' who nobody likes. He is introduced in the pilot episode right after he saves Sonic from drowning in his pool. Right then, he makes a vow to have [[buttsex]] with Sonic. It is never revealed that they indeed have buttsex. However, there is a six-month gap between the end of the 1st season and the 2nd season, so it's anybody's guess what happened. An effective method of trolling the Sonic X fanbase is to claim that you actually LIKE Chris and state reasons why.  
*'''[[Mary Sue|Chris Thorndyke]]''': Some [[gay]] [[Jew|rich]] kid from ''Sonic X'' who nobody likes. He is introduced in the pilot episode right after he saves Sonic from drowning in his pool. Right then, he makes a vow to have [[buttsex]] with Sonic. It is never revealed that they indeed have buttsex. However, there is a six-month gap between the end of the first season and the 2nd season, so it's anybody's guess what happened. An effective method of trolling the ''Sonic X'' fanbase is to claim that you actually LIKE Chris and state reasons why.  


*'''[[Gardevoir|Cosmo]]''': A character from the cartoon "''[[Nickelodeon|Fairly Oddparents]]''" who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of ''Sonic X'' as [[What|a female plant]]. [[He|She]] and Tails have a [[gay|relationship]] until Tails kills [[Fag|her]] to save the universe, much like Aeris in ''Final Fantasy VII'', except with a big fucking [[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|laser beam]]. [[Man|Her]] death was prime material for shitty AMVs and constituted the single most [[emo]] scene in Sonic history. Shadow also dies but knowing SEGA they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season.
*'''[[Gardevoir|Cosmo]]''': A character from ''[[The Fairly OddParents|The Fairly OddParents]]'' who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of ''Sonic X'' as [[What|a female plant]]. [[He|She]] and Tails have a [[gay|relationship]] until Tails kills [[Fag|her]] to save the universe, much like Aeris in ''Final Fantasy VII'', except with a big fucking [[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|laser beam]]. [[Man|Her]] death was prime material for shitty AMVs and constituted the single most [[emo]] scene in ''Sonic'' history. Shadow also dies but knowing SEGA they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season.


* '''[[Gary Oak|Dark Oak]]''': Main villain of ''Sonic X'' and shameless ripoff of Frieza from [[DBZ|some other shitty animu]]. He comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show, which by rights makes it as bad as the first season.
* '''[[Gary Oak|Dark Oak]]''': Main villain of ''Sonic X'' and shameless ripoff of Frieza from [[DBZ|some other shitty animu]]. He comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show, which by rights makes it as bad as the first season.


*'''[[Shit nobody cares about|Nazo]]''': A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the ''Sonic X'' pilot. [[13-year-old boy|13 year old Sonic fans]] went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of [[furries|the fandom]] than Sega or 4Kids.
*'''[[Shit nobody cares about|Nazo]]''': A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the ''Sonic X'' pilot. [[13-year-old boy|13-year-old ''Sonic'' fans]] went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of [[furries|the fandom]] than SEGA or 4Kids.


*'''[[Boobs|Sally Acorn]]''': Original knockoff character, who appeared in the comics and 90's television show. Sally is a [[The Royal Family|princess]]. She never made it to the games though, as Amy Rose, Knuckles the Echidna, Rouge the Bat and Bunnie Rabbot [[murder|fucked her up using a hammer, a pair of spiky fists, foot claws, and a robotic arm.]] [[abortion|She lost her baby too, which she was carrying inside of her furry body.]] She appears in the comics though, having survived, and now seeks vengeance against her killers, thus making her the [[furry]] version of Uma Thurman. Is mostly known for her short-lived relationship with Sonic and her obsession with him forever after. Constantly bawws about the fact that he prefers saving everyone's lives to being her bitch.
*'''[[Boobs|Sally Acorn]]''': Original knockoff character, who appeared in the comics and 90s television show. Sally is a [[The Royal Family|princess]]. She never made it to the games though, as Amy Rose, Knuckles the Echidna, Rouge the Bat and Bunnie Rabbot [[murder|fucked her up using a hammer, a pair of spiky fists, foot claws, and a robotic arm.]] [[abortion|She lost her baby too, which she was carrying inside of her furry body.]] She appears in the comics though, having survived, and now seeks vengeance against her killers, thus making her the [[furry]] version of Uma Thurman. Is mostly known for her short-lived relationship with Sonic and her obsession with him forever after. Constantly bawws about the fact that he prefers saving everyone's lives to being her bitch.


*'''[[Redneck|Bunnie <s>Rabbot</s> D'Coolette]]''': Like Sally Acorn, Bunnie Rabbot also appeared in the comics and TV show. Known for her [[Robot|robotic arms]] and [[Boobs|furry breast implants]], Bunnie used her [[Redneck|Southern charm]] and wit to flirt with everybody around her. That is... until [[Slut|Rouge]] came along. You can troll Bunnie fans by reminding them that she married [[pussy|Antoine]] in canon because she's constantly [[ship|shipped]] with Sally.
*'''[[Redneck|Bunnie <s>Rabbot</s> D'Coolette]]''': Like Sally Acorn, Bunnie Rabbot also appeared in the comics and TV show. Known for her [[Robot|robotic arms]] and [[Boobs|furry breast implants]], Bunnie used her [[Redneck|Southern charm]] and wit to flirt with everybody around her. That is... until [[Slut|Rouge]] came along. You can troll Bunnie fans by reminding them that she married [[pussy|Antoine]] in canon because she's constantly [[ship|shipped]] with Sally.


*'''[[Mario|Mushroom Kingdom Characters]]''': These [[drunk|barhopping]] retards crossed paths with our furry crew to compete in Olympic Events, without the aid of [[Michael Phelps]]. Their group consists of four [[racist|stereotypical]] Italian plumbers, two princesses, a dinosaur, a monkey, an evil koopa and his son, and a midget couple with mushrooms for heads.
*'''[[Mario|Mushroom Kingdom Characters]]''': These [[drunk|barhopping]] retards crossed paths with our furry crew to compete in Olympic events, without the aid of [[Michael Phelps]]. Their group consists of four [[racist|stereotypical]] Italian plumbers, two princesses, a dinosaur, a monkey, an evil koopa and his son, and a midget couple with mushrooms for heads.


There are also a host of other characters who are never used anymore. We wouldn't want to have to [[Michael Jackson|expose]] you to them, but seeing as how this is an informational article, [[bullshit|we have to.]] You see, SEGA has a history of using their characters once or twice and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. [[Retro]]fags ''hate'' them for this. Among these trashed characters include a Jew with guns, a [[fatass]] polar bear, robot versions of Knuckles and Tails, a rodent prick named Antoine, a walrus, oh, and Sonic's long lost [[retard|musically inclined]] siblings, among others. There was also the return of the previously mentioned armadillo but since SEGA didn't pick him, he sucks. Fantards constantly call for their return. Thankfully, it'll never happen.
There are also a host of other characters who are never used anymore. We wouldn't want to have to [[Michael Jackson|expose]] you to them, but seeing as how this is an informational article, [[bullshit|we have to.]] You see, SEGA has a history of using their characters once or twice and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. [[Retro]]fags ''hate'' them for this. Among these trashed characters include a Jew with guns, a [[9/11|Jew with bombs]], a [[fatass]] polar bear, robot versions of [[nigger|Knuckles]] and Tails, a rodent prick named Antoine, a walrus, oh, and Sonic's long lost [[retard|musically inclined]] siblings, among others. <s>There was also the return of the previously mentioned armadillo but since SEGA didn't pick him, he sucks. Fantards constantly call for their return. Thankfully, it'll never happen.</s> But wait, SEGA decided to warm up to thier fans and bring the armadillo and flying squirrel back.
 
<center><youtube>KRUnABoh8CI</youtube></center><center>'''Tails [[IRL]]'''</center>
{| style="margin: 0 auto;"
{{clear}}
|<youtube>iNwTVbLsBik</youtube>
|}
{{center|For those who are waiting for this to get lulzy, just turn your computers off now.}}


==[[Shit nobody cares about|Actor portrayal]]==
==[[Shit nobody cares about|Actor portrayal]]==
While most people would think whoever voiced who wasn't anything worth giving two fucks about, [[Spax3|some people]] actually do. Sonic's first voice in the older animated TV shows was done by a black person, a retrofag favorite. In the animated movie, he went from nigger to British with Martin Burke taking over. His first voice actor for the video games was Ryan Drummond, the man who made fame by saying some of the most campiest lines in video game history. Admittedly, it did match with the faggot character. Surprisingly, people actually liked this jackass, and went apeshit when he was replaced by Jason Griffith, the voice for Sonic in Sonic X. More recently, though, it's been confirmed that Sonic will be voiced by Roger Craig Smith aka Chris Boulder Punching Redfield, which SEGA actually saw as [[wtf|franchise changing]] news. There's also that Junichi Kanemaru guy, but nobody cares about him. When the news was spread that Roger Craig Smith was going to portray Sonic, [[faggot|fanboys raged about this even though 10 minutes earlier they were complaining about how much Jason Griffith needs to be kicked off.]] And note, these are the same fags that didn't even like the Adventure games or Ryan Drummond.
While most people would think whoever voiced who wasn't anything worth giving two fucks about, [[Spax3|some people]] actually do. Sonic's first voice in the older animated TV shows was done by a black person, a retrofag favorite. In the animated movie, he went from nigger to British with Martin Burke taking over. His first voice actor for the video games was Ryan Drummond, the man who made fame by saying some of the most campiest lines in video game history. Admittedly, it did match with the faggot character. Surprisingly, people actually liked this jackass, and went apeshit when he was replaced by Jason Griffith, the voice for Sonic in ''Sonic X''. More recently, though, it's been confirmed that Sonic will be voiced by Roger Craig Smith aka Chris Boulder Punching Redfield, which SEGA actually saw as [[wtf|franchise changing]] news. There's also that Junichi Kanemaru guy, but nobody cares about him. When the news was spread that Roger Craig Smith was going to portray Sonic, [[faggot|fanboys raged about this even though ten minutes earlier they were complaining about how much Jason Griffith needs to be kicked off.]] And note, these are the same fags that didn't even like the Adventure games or Ryan Drummond.
 
==The Fanbase==


The Sonic fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry and [[autism]]. For some reason, a fuckton of fetishists involve Sonic characters into their fucked up fap-fests, as can be noticed easily by the extreme number of "art" websites such as [[deviantART]] containing enough Sonic fetishist fanart to make even Mary fucking Poppins lose all faith in humanity and turn into an alcoholic. [[Macro|Macrophiliacs]], [[Scat|scatophiliacs]], [[Vore|voraphiliacs]], [[Farting|eproctophiliacs]], [[You|fucking furfags]], everyone gets in on the [[Autism|mental illness]] induced fun. The fandom is also filled with [[drama]], the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "[[Newfag|new]]" and "[[Oldfag|old]]" Sonic fans. It is split into six distinctive parts:
==The fanbase==
[[Image:sonictotem1.png|thumb|right|200px|Admit it. You'd pay twice the asking cost for this beauty of a fan sculpture because it will only appreciate in value.]]
The ''Sonic'' fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry, [[Pedophiles|pedophilia]], and severe [[autism]]. For some reason, a fuckton of fetishists involve ''Sonic'' characters into their fucked up fap-fests, as can be noticed easily by the extreme number of "art" websites such as [[DeviantArt]] containing enough ''Sonic'' fetishist fanart to make even Mary fucking Poppins lose all faith in humanity and turn into an alcoholic. [[Macro|Macrophiliacs]], [[Scat|scatophiliacs]], [[Vore|voraphiliacs]], [[Farting|eproctophiliacs]], [[You|fucking furfags]], everyone gets in on the [[Autism|mental illness]] induced fun. The fandom is also filled with [[butthurt]] [[drama]], the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "[[Newfag|new]]" and "[[Oldfag|old]]" ''Sonic'' fans. It is split into six distinctive parts:


# [[Sonic CulT|Furry smuts from the "old" part of the fandom are those who do nothing but bitch about how much recent Sonic games suck]]. Nobody, [[truth|not even SEGA]], gives two fucks about them.
# [[Sonic CulT|Furry smuts from the "old" part of the fandom are those who do nothing but bitch about how much recent ''Sonic'' games suck]]. Nobody, [[truth|not even SEGA]], gives two fucks about them because they fucking suck shit and are pointless things to talk about.  
# Fans of the Adventure Duo that think that the series could be "saved" if it regressed to the style of their favorite two games that they never played for ten years. Usually said fans ask for a game that features multiple stories, multiple styles of play based on the character controlled, momentum-based platforming, integration of a "mature" story, a hub world, and a chao garden. The hilarious kicker to their blight? Sega already released a game with every one of these gameplay features (minus the shitty pet simulator) [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|in 2006,]] which everyone knows is the best game evaarr!! Adventards try to ignore this because "itz not the same stowie!" and "it haz gwitches!" despite the facts that story means jack shit to gameplay and that the original Adventure was about as stable as [[WTC]] (after the planes hit it).
# Fans of the Adventure Duo that think that the series could be "saved" if it regressed to the style of their favorite two games that they never played for ten years. Usually said fans ask for [[Shit Nobody Cares About|a game that features multiple stories, multiple styles of play based on the character controlled, momentum-based platforming, integration of a "mature" story, a hub world, and a Chao Garden]]. The hilarious kicker to their blight? SEGA already released a game with every one of these gameplay features (minus the shitty pet simulator) [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|in 2006,]] which everyone knows is the best game evaarr!! Adventards try to ignore this because "itz not the same stowie!" and "it haz gwitches!" despite the facts that story means jack shit to gameplay and that the original Adventure was about as stable as [[WTC]] (after the planes hit it).
# The typical kind of fan. They just buy the games and play them. ''And actually enjoy them''. [[Jenkem|How they do it]] is anybody's guess.
# The typical kind of fan. They just buy the games and play them. ''And actually enjoy them''. [[Jenkem|How they do it]] is anybody's guess.
# The general faggots that watched Sonic X and probably [[Newfag|don't know what a Sega Genesis is]]. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which are arguably the most plentiful, but least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. It is an unwritten, but strictly enforced law that [[time paradox|all fan-characters can go super without using the Chaos Emeralds]]. Most of them are [[Recolor]]ed Sonic or Shadow clones wearing [[Columbine|trenchcoats]], those stupid [[goth]] boots, equipped with swords (which in most cases are [[weeaboo|katana]]s, are able to go [[IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!|Super]] at any time, and are most likely evil. This part also produces the worst of the Sonic porn due to it being drawn by [[Virgin|people who either don't know what a vagina actually looks like]], or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in <strike>some bushes</strike> their dad's drawer.
# The general faggots that watched ''Sonic X'' and probably [[Newfag|don't know what a SEGA Genesis is]]. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which are arguably the most plentiful, but least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. It is an unwritten, but strictly enforced law that [[time paradox|all fan-characters can go super without using the Chaos Emeralds]]. Most of them are [[recolor]]ed Sonic or Shadow clones wearing [[Columbine|trenchcoats]], those stupid [[goth]] boots, equipped with swords (which in most cases are [[weeaboo|katana]]s, are able to go [[IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!|Super]] at any time, and are most likely evil. This part also produces the worst of the ''Sonic'' porn due to it being drawn by [[Virgin|people who either don't know what a vagina actually looks like]], or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in <strike>some bushes</strike> their dad's drawer.
# 1337 haxxors at Sonic Retro who do important tasks such as [http://forums.sonicretro.org/index.php?showtopic=15153 looking for canon loli in the games.]
# 1337 haxxors at Sonic Retro who do important tasks such as [http://forums.sonicretro.org/index.php?showtopic=15153 looking for canon loli in the games.]
# [[Chris Chan]].
# Ian Flynn's fan boys who suck his dick just because he writes tolerable fan fiction and comics. Ian Flynn fans have been known to go into battle for their hero, willing to fight night and day to defend him all because he helped "save the comics."
# [[Chris-chan]].


-->
'''Assorted Fucktards''
{| align="center"
{| align="center"
|{{videoframe|Sonicvideos1|background-color: #FAFAFA;|font-weight: bold;
|{{videoframe|Sonicvideos1|background-color: #FAFAFA;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>qQhjJ0BLxT0</youtube><center>'''The fanbase in a single video'''</center>
|<youtube>32pPyx3ez4M</youtube><center>'''The fanbase in a single video'''</center>
|<youtube>fIgOcFIo0kE</youtube><center>'''DO NOT STEAL!!!'''</center>
|<youtube>fIgOcFIo0kE</youtube><center>'''DO NOT STEAL!!!'''</center>
|<youtube>RyTVtJk1HsI</youtube><center>'''A venture into the minds of Sonic fans.'''</center>
|<youtube>RyTVtJk1HsI</youtube><center>'''A venture into the minds of ''Sonic'' fans.'''</center>
|<youtube>CkZl9-l_FB8</youtube><center>'''A Sonic fan masturbating while having a seizure.'''</center>  
|<youtube>CkZl9-l_FB8</youtube><center>'''A ''Sonic'' fan masturbating while having a seizure.'''</center>  
|<youtube>-U0apQttNw0</youtube><center>'''Typical fantard having [[yiff|furgasms]] over Sonic characters'''</center>
|<youtube>-U0apQttNw0</youtube><center>'''Typical fantard having [[yiff|furgasms]] over Sonic characters'''</center>
|<youtube>8fGFjoeyc6I</youtube><center>'''This video explains the Sonic content on [[deviantART]]'''</center>}}
|<youtube>8fGFjoeyc6I</youtube><center>'''This video explains the ''Sonic'' content on [[DeviantArt]]'''</center>
 
|<youtube>H53jyVmE0yU</youtube><center>'''Every ''Sonic'' game EVER.'''</center>
{{videoframe|Sonicvideos2|background-color: #FAFAFA;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>-pXI6Wj1Xww</youtube><center>'''Your typical 12-year-old ''Sonic'' fag trying to voice act.'''</center>
|<youtube>H53jyVmE0yU</youtube><center>'''Every Sonic game EVER.'''</center>
|<youtube>-pXI6Wj1Xww</youtube><center>'''Your typical 12 year old Sonic fag trying to voice act.'''</center>
|<youtube>Wb4tqHQKlTU</youtube><center>'''The best movie trailer we have seen in ages.'''</center>
|<youtube>Wb4tqHQKlTU</youtube><center>'''The best movie trailer we have seen in ages.'''</center>
|<youtube>RrXlwQj6g8E</youtube><center>'''Typical Sonic fan character.'''</center>
|<youtube>RrXlwQj6g8E</youtube><center>'''Typical ''Sonic'' fan character.'''</center>
|<youtube>ZgafP6GYMKA</youtube><center>'''Typical Sonic cosplayer.'''</center>
|<youtube>c3iQZ7nXvMU</youtube><center>'''''Dragon Ball GT'' meets ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' and stock assets.'''</center>
|<youtube>t2zyW7WQc2c</youtube><center>'''How to troll that kid who is vewy angwy over people hating sonic.'''</center>}}
}}
|}
|}
Some ''Sonic'' fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by [[science]], to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the [[IRL]] world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or abnormally high power levels. They then proceed to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, [[beastiality|and sexually abuse it]].


Some Sonic fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by [[science]], to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the [[IRL]] world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or abnormally high power levels. They then proceed to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, [[beastiality|and sexually abuse it]].
===A representation of every ''Sonic'' [[fanfic]], EVER.===
 
===A representation of every Sonic [[fanfic]], EVER.===
{{story|Sonic the Hedgehog ran very quickly down the hall to where the fire was coming from. While running he ducked into a rolling spin and made a sound like "[[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]]!" so he could dodge the fireball lasers.
{{story|Sonic the Hedgehog ran very quickly down the hall to where the fire was coming from. While running he ducked into a rolling spin and made a sound like "[[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]][[@]]!" so he could dodge the fireball lasers.


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"I know," he replied, and jumped back up to the moon after resurrecting the [[Naruto|4th Hokage]].
"I know," he replied, and jumped back up to the moon after resurrecting the [[Naruto|4th Hokage]].
|#FFE303}}
|#0050F8}}


==[[Haters]]==
==[[Haters]]==
As with any overrated game series, movie, pop singer, or overrated anything really, an autistic fanbase will form. Feeling the need to be special snowflakes, however, a counterculture will usually form to try to beat whatever fanbase in question into a puddle of goop. This happens all the time irl, in the form of [[goth]] losers (or homosex feminists who can't get any).
As with any overrated game series, movie, pop singer, or overrated anything really, an autistic fanbase will form. Feeling the need to be special snowflakes, however, a counterculture will usually form to try to beat whatever fanbase in question into a puddle of goop. This happens all the time irl, in the form of [[goth]] losers (or homosex feminists who can't get any).
What these assorted subjects fail to realize is that the [[shit nobody cares about|absolute value of -1 and 1 are both 1]], meaning autism can (and will) originate from exposure to Sonic, regardless of the view on the series. This is a proven fact. We at ED would like a sincere "Thank you" for our sacrifice to bring you lulz.


Usually, the Sonic garden variety will either bitch about "[[nostalgia|iz not muh Genesis]]," claim that they hate main stream games in general ([[hipster|before hating Sonic was cool]]) or fucking [[religion|WORSHIP]] the Adventure series as TeH BEST GAMEZ EVAR. Science proves what the last group of the sick fucks are really after:
What these assorted subjects fail to realize is that the [[shit nobody cares about|absolute value of -1 and 1 are both 1]], meaning autism can (and will) originate from exposure to ''Sonic'', regardless of the view on the series. This is a proven fact. We at ED would like a sincere "Thank you" for our sacrifice to bring you lulz.
# Amy [[pantyshot]]s are readily available in Adventure. After all, we are talking about [[loli]] (albeit furry loli) from Japan.
 
Usually, the ''Sonic'' garden variety will either bitch about "[[nostalgia|iz not muh Genesis]]," claim that they hate main stream games in general ([[hipster|before hating ''Sonic'' was cool]]) or fucking [[religion|WORSHIP]] the Adventure series as TeH BEST GAMEZ EVAR. Science proves what the last group of the sick fucks are really after:
# Amy [[pantyshot]]s are readily available in ''Adventure''. After all, we are talking about [[loli]] (albeit furry loli) from Japan.
# Amy pantyshots are not readily available after Sad-dow the Edgehog.
# Amy pantyshots are not readily available after Sad-dow the Edgehog.
# Therefore, the Adventure series were the last [[shit|"great"]] Sonic games.
# Therefore, the Adventure series were the last [[shit|"great"]] ''Sonic'' games.


Does this all matter though? Does this mean that the hate is unjustified, and that the series is good? Simply put: no. The games are the same shit over and over again made to give furfags fap fodder, but that doesn't stop many people from [[trying too hard]] to think of an original insult about a series that's been the butt end of gaming since two-thousand-pissing-five, when it's much better to just go for the obvious flaws.
Does this all matter though? Does this mean that the hate is unjustified, and that the series is good? Simply put: no. The games are the same shit over and over again made to give furfags fap fodder, but that doesn't stop many people from [[trying too hard]] to think of an original insult about a series that's been the butt end of gaming since two-thousand-pissing-five, when it's much better to just go for the obvious flaws.
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Gallery of shit provided by the web to exploit this counter-fandom:
Gallery of shit provided by the web to exploit this counter-fandom:
<center>
<center>
{{fv|badhatevids|background-color: lightblue;|font-weight: bold; |<center><youtube>WYDsz1NFBJw</youtube><br />'''[[RedLetterMedia|Film critics]] complain about difficulty in a platforming game made for and adored by 10 year olds.<br />Ask for Jew golds.'''</center>|<center><youtube>ze_uxxFJTvE</youtube><br />'''[[Game Theory]] "enlightens" us with a [[bullshit|"theory"]] pulled from his asshole.<br />Uses controversy to obtain Jew golds. Notice a pattern yet?'''</center>|<center><youtube>i9TwE7iuCKc</youtube><br />'''[[IGN]] provides a standard IGN review of a game<br />that they haven't been bribed to praise.'''</center>}}</center>
{{fv|badhatevids|background-color: #0050F8;|font-weight: bold;  
|<youtube>WYDsz1NFBJw</youtube>'''[[RedLetterMedia|Film critics]] complain about difficulty in a platforming game made for and adored by 10-year-olds.<br />Ask for Jew golds.'''
|<youtube>ze_uxxFJTvE</youtube>'''[[Game Theory]] "enlightens" us with a [[bullshit|"theory"]] pulled from his asshole.<br />Uses controversy to obtain Jew golds. Notice a pattern yet?'''
|<youtube>i9TwE7iuCKc</youtube>'''[[IGN]] provides a standard IGN review of a game<br />that they haven't been bribed to praise.'''}}</center>




When viewing Sonic hate, ask yourself the following questions:
When viewing ''Sonic'' hate, ask yourself the following questions:
*Does the author ever try to point out that there was a period when Sonic was "good?"
*Does the author ever try to point out that there was a period when ''Sonic'' was "good?"
*Does the author say that the <abbr title="A lighting component that slightly alters the color of the models. Seriously.">Hedgehog Engine</abbr> is part of/the main reason why the series "turned to" shit?
*Does the author say that the <abbr title="A lighting component that slightly alters the color of the models. Seriously.">Hedgehog Engine</abbr> is part of/the main reason why the series "turned to" shit?
*Does the author think that [http://youtu.be/Nv9wXt81xDw?t=8m24s this sub-series] was the "high point" of the franchise?
*Does the author think that [http://youtu.be/Nv9wXt81xDw?t=8m24s this sub-series] was the "high point" of the franchise?
*Does the author bitch about redesigns, but shows no objection to turning Amy into slutty loli furbait (previously was ''schoolgirl'' loli furbait)?
*Does the author bitch about redesigns, but shows no objection to turning Amy into slutty loli furbait (previously was ''schoolgirl'' loli furbait)?
*Does the author ever complain that Sonic isn't a pure running simulator, because you occasionally have to press the down or jump buttons?
*Does the author ever complain that ''Sonic'' isn't a pure running simulator, because you occasionally have to press the down or jump buttons?
*Does mentioning the "Barrel of Doom" [[trigger]] the author?
*Does mentioning the "Barrel of Doom" [[trigger]] the author?
*If in video form, does the performer need to validate that he is a gamer by keeping as much [[plastic crap]] cropped into the camera as possible?
*If in video form, does the performer need to validate that he is a gamer by keeping as much [[plastic crap]] cropped into the camera as possible?
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If you answered "yes" to at least two of these question, then congratulations, you might just be looking at shit!
If you answered "yes" to at least two of these question, then congratulations, you might just be looking at shit!


Simply to sum it up; Sonic is the [[Family Guy]] of the gaming world. In other words, it's complete shit!
To sum it up simply: ''Sonic'' is the ''[[Family Guy]]'' of the gaming world. In other words, it's complete shit!


==Anti-[[Pedophilia]]==
==Anti-[[pedophilia]]==
[[File:Sonic jackson_B.jpg|thumb|150px|Even [[Michael]] was a furfag.]]
[[File:Sonic jackson_B.jpg|thumb|150px|Even [[Michael Jackson|Michael]] was a furfag.]]
Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against [[4chan|sexual predators]]. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible. This is also [[ironic]] since Sonic and [[Michael Jackson]] are actually [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbVM-l2Oku4 BFF] which questions the [[Sick Fuck|true intentions]] of Sonic. In the debate of Sonic actually being a pedophile, many Sonic fans, much like the fans of Micheal Jackson, will [[Waambulance|quickly deny]] him of ever being one and start a petition in closing down websites dedicated to proving he actually is one. Even if Sonic really [[Lies|isn't a pedophile]], at least the similarities he has with Mr. Jackson is that they look even gayer after receiving their plastic surgery, they have the most retarded fanbase and were always "no good".
Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against [[4chan|sexual predators]]. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible. This is also [[ironic]] since Sonic and [[Michael Jackson]] are actually [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbVM-l2Oku4 BFF] which questions the [[Sick Fuck|true intentions]] of Sonic. In the debate of Sonic actually being a pedophile, many Sonic fans, much like the fans of Micheal Jackson, will [[Waambulance|quickly deny]] him of ever being one and start a petition in closing down websites dedicated to proving he actually is one. Even if Sonic really [[Lies|isn't a pedophile]], at least the similarities he has with Mr. Jackson is that they look even gayer after receiving their plastic surgery, they have [[Chasethehedgehog|the most retarded fanbase]] and were always "no good."


{{center|<youtube>pZ0zTFo3X5g</youtube>}}
{{Videoframe|vf1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;text-align:center;|font-weight:bold;
In the early 90s, Sonic broadcast a public service announcement in which he taught kids that [[pedophile|pedophilia]] was no good.


{{center|<youtube>3EXEYP1U5xw</youtube>}}
|<youtube>pZ0zTFo3X5g</youtube>
Naturally, it wasn't long before Sonic was [[Youtube Poop|whistling a different tune.]]
;In the early 90s, Sonic broadcast a public service announcement in which he taught kids that [[pedophile|pedophilia]] was no good.
|<youtube>3EXEYP1U5xw</youtube>
;Naturally, it wasn't long before Sonic was [[Youtube Poop|whistling a different tune.]]
}}
==More videos==
{{Videoframe|vf1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;text-align:center;|font-weight:bold;
 
|<youtube>imd-AF6lIO0</youtube>
;Sanic had too many chili dogs
|<youtube>iNwTVbLsBik</youtube>
;For those who are waiting for this to get lulzy, just turn your computers off now.
|<youtube>8zIDiHXvhOY</youtube>
;[[What]]
|<youtube>Cbkjqj9ZHcg</youtube>
;Quick, find the portal.
}}
<!--
|<youtube>7apyumobU_Y</youtube>
;Aspie Sonicfags have srs debate about Pacman
-->


==Galleries==
==Galleries==


{{天
{{天
|1=<span style="color:white; link=white; vlink=white"><strong>Notice how all Google results for anything Sonic related are galleries of furry porn?</strong><br/>This is due to the fact that furries are ruining the internet.</span>
|1=<span style="color:white; link=white; vlink=white"><strong>Notice how all Google results for anything ''Sonic'' related are galleries of furry porn?</strong><br/>This is due to the fact that furries are ruining the Internet.</span>
|2=Sonic-simpsons.png
|2=Sonic-simpsons.png
|3=150px
|3=150px
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|7=3px solid #EEC900
|7=3px solid #EEC900
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|8=3px}}
{{cg|Rule 34|Sonic Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
===Rule 34===
{{cg|Rule 34|SonicGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:SonicProjectXXX.jpg|Season one of the [[shit|hit]] animated series
File:SonicProjectXXX.jpg|Season one of the [[shit|hit]] animated series
File:SonicProjectXXX2.jpg|Season two, now with [[MOAR]] tentacle rape!
File:SonicProjectXXX2.jpg|Season two, now with [[MOAR]] tentacle rape!
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File:Dicks the Fox.jpg
File:Dicks the Fox.jpg
File:Fat Sonic.gif
File:Fat Sonic.gif
File:Ohsawnik.png
File:Hedgehog treadmill.jpg
File:Hedgehog treadmill.jpg
File:Ring Sonic.png
File:Ring Sonic.png
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File:Sonic foreveralone.PNG|[[Forever Alone|What happens when Sonic loses his friends]]
File:Sonic foreveralone.PNG|[[Forever Alone|What happens when Sonic loses his friends]]
File:Sonic1Lulz.jpg|Sonic doing it [[I did it for the lulz|for teh lulz]]
File:Sonic1Lulz.jpg|Sonic doing it [[I did it for the lulz|for teh lulz]]
File:118165803850.jpg|Sonic has been SEGA's mascot for over 15 years.
File:118165803850.jpg|Sonic has been SEGA's mascot for over thirty years.
File:743151624cbf49024f2cbf5b1373d804.gif|That's [[cum|not milk!]]
File:743151624cbf49024f2cbf5b1373d804.gif|That's [[cum|not milk!]]
File:Sunic_gut.jpg|That explains the [[shit|amazing]] controls!
File:Sunic_gut.jpg|That explains the [[shit|amazing]] controls!
File:Sonicx_deleted.jpg|A deleted scene from Sonic X.
File:Sonicx_deleted.jpg|A deleted scene from ''Sonic X''.
File:Sonic orgy.jpg|Sonic and friends celebrating after foiling Dr. Eggman's evil plans once again.
File:Sonic orgy.jpg|Sonic and friends celebrating after foiling Dr. Eggman's evil plans once again.
File:Eggman.gif|Dr. Eggman coming up with another brilliant plan to obtain the Chaos Emeralds
File:Eggman.gif|Dr. Eggman coming up with another brilliant plan to obtain the Chaos Emeralds
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File:3pacrainbowdasheverywhere.png|Combined with [[rainbow blinkies]].
File:3pacrainbowdasheverywhere.png|Combined with [[rainbow blinkies]].
File:Sonic in Diapers.jpg|Sonic's new look in current games!
File:Sonic in Diapers.jpg|Sonic's new look in current games!
File:sonicamytailssallyorgy.jpg|[[basement dwellers|Most people who look up sonic on google images]] want to see this
File:sonicamytailssallyorgy.jpg|[[Basement dweller|Most people who look up Sonic on Google Images]] want to see this.
File:Sonic-785270.jpg|This is also high ranked on searches for "sonic"
File:Sonic-785270.jpg|This is also high ranked on searches for "Sonic."
File:rougeeatscock.png|Furfag fap material.  
File:rougeeatscock.png|Furfag fap material.  
File:amy_cup.jpg|[[LOL WUT]]
File:amy_cup.jpg|[[LOL WUT]]
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File:Rougecrotch1.png|and this...
File:Rougecrotch1.png|and this...
File:Sonicfaggotry2.jpg|OH DEAR GOD NO...
File:Sonicfaggotry2.jpg|OH DEAR GOD NO...
File:typicalsatam.jpg|The plot of every SatAm (and Archie Comic) episode starts off [[sex|like this]],it is later edited out and has the entire script replaced with creative writing from a [[crap|second graders class]].
File:typicalsatam.jpg|The plot of every ''SatAM'' (and ''Archie Comics'') episode starts off [[sex|like this]], it is later edited out and has the entire script replaced with creative writing from a [[Crap|second graders class]].
File:Typicaltailssonicadvance2.jpg|Typical sonic game for the [[Game Boy Advance|gba]].
File:Typicaltailssonicadvance2.jpg|Typical ''Sonic'' game for the [[Game Boy Advance|gba]].
File:Sonicnewgames.png|Oh, thy [[fanfiction|angst]]!
File:Sonicnewgames.png|Oh, thy [[fanfiction|angst]]!
File:Amyfurfaggot.jpg|Standard furfaggot reaction to a Sonic character.
File:Amyfurfaggot.jpg|Standard furfaggot reaction to a ''Sonic'' character.
File:Goatse amy.jpg|The Japanese cartoonists who made this admired [[Goatse]].
File:Goatse amy.jpg|The Japanese cartoonists who made this admired [[Goatse]].
File:Sonicbabyfuckart.jpg|Sonic [[shitty art|fanart]] inspired by [[baby fuck]].
File:Sonicbabyfuckart.jpg|Sonic [[shitty art|fanart]] inspired by [[baby fuck]].
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File:Sonicmongler.png|[[Is this Battletoads|Sonic has a lot to say on this article]]
File:Sonicmongler.png|[[Is this Battletoads|Sonic has a lot to say on this article]]
File:11813121628.jpg|More porn.
File:11813121628.jpg|More porn.
File:Sonic_Girl_Team_by_Virus_20.jpg|Typical scene from Sonic Heroes
File:Sonic_Girl_Team_by_Virus_20.jpg|Typical scene from ''Sonic Heroes''
File:Special stage.jpg|Sonic [[Michael Jackson|got through act 1]]
File:Special stage.jpg|Sonic [[Michael Jackson|got through act 1]]
File:Johnydepp DONNOTWANT sonic yaoi.jpg|[[Jack Sparrow]] is shocked and appalled at what he is seeing.
File:Johnydepp DONNOTWANT sonic yaoi.jpg|[[Jack Sparrow]] is shocked and appalled at what he is seeing.
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File:Echidnapenis.jpg|Knuckles' penis.
File:Echidnapenis.jpg|Knuckles' penis.
File:Sonic_toothbrush.jpg
File:Sonic_toothbrush.jpg
File:Gift Macro Amy and Cream by Big C.jpg|Sonic Macro Art
File:Gift Macro Amy and Cream by Big C.jpg|''Sonic'' macro art
File:Macrosonic.jpg|Sonic Macro Art: Dickgirl Edition
File:Macrosonic.jpg|Sonic Macro Art: Dickgirl Edition
File:Sonicfag.png|What many fantards fap to in their spare time.
File:Sonicfag.png|What many fantards fap to in their spare time.
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File:Sonicrape.jpg
File:Sonicrape.jpg
File:Tailsxgothicamy.jpg
File:Tailsxgothicamy.jpg
</gallery>}}<br>
File:Pretty flowers.jpg
File:__bunny_emerald___by_erizoxp-d4dccg4.jpg
File:SONICUNDK-NUCKLES.jpg
</gallery>|border=#0050F8|color=#F8C088}}<br>


{{cg|Reasons To Support Abortion|Sonic fan gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
===Sanic fanart, etc.===
{{cg|Reasons to support abortion|Sonicfangallery|center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:Sonicfags.jpg|Sonicfags are among the biggest failures at life to ever exist on earth.
File:Sonicfags.jpg|Sonicfags are among the biggest failures at life to ever exist on earth.
File:Sonic shit.jpg|Typical Sonicfag recreating his fantasies.
File:Sonic shit.jpg|A typical Sonicfag recreating his fantasies.
File:Jewish Sanic.jpg| Oy gevalt!
File:Jewish Sanic.jpg|Oy gevalt!
File:The Only Acceptable Sonic Recolor.png|What fills petabytes of disk space on [[DeviantART]], [[Furaffinity]] and the like
File:The Only Acceptable Sonic Recolor.png|What fills petabytes of disk space on [[DeviantArt]], [[FurAffinity|Fur Affinity]] and the like.
File:ShadowRougefursuit.jpg|Guess which one is a male. That's right! [[Gay|Both of them]]!
File:ShadowRougefursuit.jpg|Guess which one is a male. That's right! [[Gay|Both of them]]!
File:AMYFAT.JPG|Girl Sonicfags are even worse
File:AMYFAT.JPG|Girl Sonicfags are even worse.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:JaSonic-Crusty_14-inch-Sonic-3.jpg|The aftermath of mentioned fantasies.
File:JaSonic-Crusty_14-inch-Sonic-3.jpg|[[JaSonic|The aftermath of mentioned fantasies.]]
File:Sonic3zv5az.jpg
File:Sonic3zv5az.jpg
File:Tutorial Be super original.jpg|The secret to Sonic fan-characters
File:Tutorial Be super original.jpg|The secret to ''Sonic'' fan characters.
File:Coldsteel+The+Hedgeheg.jpg|Typical example of said fan-characters
File:Coldsteel+The+Hedgeheg.jpg|A typical example of said fan-characters.
File:Niggersoniclover.jpg|Niggers love Sonic. 'nuff said.
File:Niggersoniclover.jpg|Niggers love Sonic. 'nuff said.
File:Black Sonic fan.png
File:Black Sonic fan.png
File:Nigga_the_gorilla.jpg|[[Typical]] ''Sonic'' OC
File:Cream the Rabbit plushie.jpg
File:Cream the Rabbit plushie.jpg
File:DR_EGGMAN_NOES.jpg|His name is ROBOTNIK?
File:DR_EGGMAN_NOES.jpg|His name is ROBOTNIK?
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File:Sonic_Forum.PNG|The official Sonic forum.
File:Sonic_Forum.PNG|The official Sonic forum.
File:Sonic teh hog.jpg|Just plot y'know?
File:Sonic teh hog.jpg|Just plot y'know?
File:A-log and Sonic.jpg|95% of all Sonic fans are [[fat]], [[forever alone|friendless]] [[autistic|autists]].
File:A-log and Sonic.jpg|95% of all ''Sonic'' fans are [[fat]], [[forever alone|friendless]] [[autistic|autists]].
[[Plushie|SPH]].
[[Plushie|SPH]].
File:Sonitards.jpg| A look into one Sonitard's posts.
File:Sonitards.jpg| A look into one Sonitard's posts.
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File:Booga Booga.jpg
File:Booga Booga.jpg
File:Strangeisntit.jpg
File:Strangeisntit.jpg
File:Sonic The Hedgehog IRL.png
File:Mammy-sonic.jpg
File:Mammy-sonic.jpg
File:Sonicretard.gif
File:Sonicretard.gif
File:Emo dan lol.jpg
File:Emo dan lol.jpg
File:Ripoff X.jpg|SSJ3 <s>Goku</s> Sonic vs SSJ4 <s>Gogeta</s> Shadic? How original!
File:DeadTails.jpg
File:DeadTails.jpg
</gallery>}}
File:Sonic sucks.jpg
File:gottagofast.jpg
File:Tales.png
File:Sonic as a golthic by emibo.jpg
File:Moar Tails.jpeg
File:Sonicshadowgay1.jpg
</gallery>|border=#0050F8|color=#F8C088}}
 
==See also==
*[[Amy, Sally, and Mina]]
*[[Blonic]]
*[[Julia Alexander]] - She tried to ban Ugandan Knuckles from ''VRChat'', claiming "racism."
*[[LINK MAH BOIIIII]]
*[[PINGAS]]
*[[Sonic.EXE]]
*[[Two Babies One Fox]]
*[[Ugandan Knuckles]]
 
===Examples of Sonicfags===
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[Chris-chan]]
*[[Cobanermani456]] - Sexual predator
*[[DoubleSAnimations]]
*[[GamerGuyd7Aces]]
*[[JaSonic]] - Has a Sonic fetish, fucks a crusty Sonic plushie and is a pedophile.
*[[JessePajamas]]
*[[Kphoria]]
*[[Brazil|LakeFeperd]]
*[[MegapiCentral]]
*<s>[[SammyClassicSonicFan]]</s> HE'S AN ADULT NOW AND ISN'T TOXIC ANYMORE
*[[Sonic Savior]] - obsessed with trying to claim ownership of Sonic, and make a sequel to a shitty game no one cared about.
*[[TWIP]]


==External links==
==External links==
[[File:NEEDLEMOUSE1.jpg|thumb|It's [[Pikachu]] in a [[Swine Flu|sombrero]]!]]
[[File:NEEDLEMOUSE1.jpg|200px|thumb|It's [[Pikachu]] in a [[Swine Flu|sombrero]]!]]
[[File:Sonic_sucks_B.jpg|thumb|150px|[[Shit nobody cares about|"Still Unstoppable After 20 Years!"]]]]
[[File:Sonic_sucks_B.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Shit nobody cares about|"Still unstoppable after twenty years!"]]]]


===Websites===
*[http://www.sega.com/ His site]
*[http://www.sega.com/ His site]
*[http://forums.sega.com/ His message-board]
*[http://forums.sega.com/ His message-board]
*[http://matilha.coolinc.info/sonic/ The Official Sonic Webpage]
*[http://matilha.coolinc.info/sonic/ The official Sonic webpage]
*[http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3128 The official Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon show].
*[http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3128 The official Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon show].
*[http://www.sonicretro.org/ Sonic Retro] - a Sonic wiki.
*[http://www.sonicretro.org/ Sonic Retro] - A ''Sonic'' wiki.
*[http://sonicpedia.wikia.com/wiki/SonicTheHedgehog_Wiki SonicTheHedgehog Wiki] - another Sonic wiki.
*[http://sonicpedia.wikia.com/wiki/SonicTheHedgehog_Wiki SonicTheHedgehog Wiki] - Another ''Sonic'' wiki.
*[http://archiesonic.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page Mobius Encyclopaedia] - ''another'' Sonic wiki, this one is about [[Shit nobody cares about|comics]] or some shit.
*[http://archiesonic.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page Mobius Encyclopaedia] - ''Another'' ''Sonic'' wiki, this one is about [[Shit nobody cares about|comics]] or some shit.
*[http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_News_Network Sonic News Network] - '''another''' Sonic wiki, holy shit, you best believe [[Furfags|people]] care about that [[DOUBLE NIGGER|lovely blue furball]].
*[http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_News_Network Sonic News Network] - '''Another''' ''Sonic'' wiki, holy shit, you best believe [[Furfags|people]] care about that [[DOUBLE NIGGER|lovely blue furball]].
*[http://www.sonic-online.com/sonicpassion/ Sonic Passion: A case study on idiots] - batshit insane fans within.
*[http://www.sonic-online.com/sonicpassion/ Sonic Passion: A case study on idiots] - Batshit insane fans within.
*[http://www.satamfans.com Fans United for SatAM] - better than the other animated show, but still shit.
*[http://www.satamfans.com Fans United for SatAM] - Better than the other animated show, but still shit.
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal:Sonic Sonic Portal on Wikipedia] - yes, there is [[Divide by zero|a Wikipedia portal about Sonic]].
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal:Sonic Sonic Portal on Wikipedia] - Yes, there is [[Divide by zero|a Wikipedia portal about ''Sonic'']].
*[http://www.srb2.org Sonic Robo Blast 2] - remember when we said that fans could make better games than Sega? Case in point.
*[http://www.srb2.org Sonic Robo Blast 2] - Remember when we said that fans could make better games than SEGA? Case in point.
*[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21984201/? New medical research links Sonic Hedgehog with autism] - who could have guessed?
*[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21984201/? New medical research links Sonic the Hedgehog with autism] - Who could have guessed?
 
===Videos===
{{Videoframe|vf1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;text-align:center;|font-weight:bold;
 
|<youtube>ZenvJZ4COTo</youtube>
;Sonic sez DO NOT WANT!
 
|<youtube>imd-AF6lIO0</youtube>
;Sanic had too many chili dogs
 
|<youtube>7apyumobU_Y</youtube>
;Aspie Sonicfags have srs debate about Pacman
 
|<youtube>8zIDiHXvhOY</youtube>
;[[What]]
}}


===Sick fucks===
===Sick fucks===
*[http://www.sonic-cult.org/siteparts/hentai/ Sonic hentai comics] <s>- for the lulz, hopefully, and not sick fucks</s>. Yeah right, it's fucking [[Sonic CulT|Sonic "furries in denial" CulT]].
*[http://www.sonic-cult.org/siteparts/hentai/ Sonic hentai comics]
*[http://amyuntoldfinally.blogspot.com/?zx=fc9abed712158b2 ''Amy Untold - Finally''] - drama related to a comic traced off of "furry bomb"; lolsuits and lulz ensued as a faggot sold his traced works for [[Profit|money]].
*[http://amyuntoldfinally.blogspot.com/?zx=fc9abed712158b2 ''Amy Untold - Finally''] - Drama related to a comic traced off of "furry bomb"; lolsuits and lulz ensued as a faggot sold his traced works for [[Profit|money]].
*[http://www.sonichentai.net/forum/ Sonic Hentai board] - [[PROTIP]]: All furries have an aversion to humans. You can help this site by '''adding naked [[Robotnik]] pictures for the [[lulz]]'''.
*[http://www.sonichentai.net/forum/ Sonic Hentai board] - [[PROTIP]]: All furries have an aversion to humans. You can help this site by adding naked [[Robotnik]] pictures for the [[lulz]].
 
*[http://tragicalmysterywar.deviantart.com/ Your average classic ''Sonic'' fanboy]
===Examples of Sonicfags===
*[[SammyClassicSonicFan]]
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[Chris_chan]]
*[http://tragicalmysterywar.deviantart.com/ Your average classic Sonic fanboy]
*[http://legendysonicfan.deviantart.com/ He believes that everything that happened in the games is false. Also, green eyes are bad.]
*[http://legendysonicfan.deviantart.com/ He believes that everything that happened in the games is false. Also, green eyes are bad.]
*[http://louis-the-hedgehog.deviantart.com/ He's gonna take down SEGA bitches!]
*[http://louis-the-hedgehog.deviantart.com/ He's gonna take down SEGA bitches!]
*[[DoubleSAnimations]]


==Related Articles==


*[[PINGAS]]
*[[LINK MAH BOIIIII]]
*[[Sonic.EXE]]
*[[Two Babies One Fox]]
*[[Amy, Sally, and Mina]]
*[[Blonic]]
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
[[Category:Gaming]]
[[Category:Gaming]]
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{{SonicFags}}
{{SonicFags}}
{{ytmnd}}
{{ytmnd}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now May 6 & 7, [[2022]]|[[Abortion]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Robotnik]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now June 22 & 23, [[2022]]|[[Diogo Mendes]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Taking Down ED]]}}

Latest revision as of 20:50, 28 March 2024

You may be looking for that shitty hipster band Sonic Youth, but that is unlikely because the 90s are over and they sucked shit.
Voluntary exposure to this article may turn you into a furry. Please resist the temptation.
Ryan Drummmond has stated there is no tension between him and Jason Griffith, and he thinks that he's a great guy.
   
 
GRIFFITH
 

 
 

Spax3, on Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic IRL
DERP DERP DERP

Sonic the Hedgehog (powerword: Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog to Archie fags and Chris Redfield to voice fags) is essentially the video game equivalent of /b/; was never good to begin with, never will be. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is either an asspie, an oldfag, a fantard or a furry. Most likely the latter.

Created by a trio of Japanese video game making furfags as a successor to Alex Kidd, Sonic himself is essentially like a faggot who makes claims to have once been as cool as you, but no one can remember why. He can run over 500 mph on land, 700 mph on the Autobahn, and 15 mph up Tails' ass. Sonic zipped through the semen-speckled world of the furry fandom in 1991. "The more the merrier!" laughed the furries, and since then, the pincushion has become prime rib for masturbatory fantasies, fanart and fanfiction; especially on DeviantArt.

While the first few games were fun for five minutes, after that, they lost their novelty pretty fucking quick, like anything else from the 1990s. The dumbasses at SEGA obviously failed to get that through their heads, and eventually everyone on Earth could agree how much Sonic sucked after at least a hundred fucking shitty rehashes of the same shit. Quite simply put, Sonic was never cool.

And he will never be.

History

Tails is just as confused by all the awful Sonic games as you are. And with the fact he's a pretty shitty character.
Sonic fans are known to RAEG about things that everybody should know.

SEGA, both realizing how terrible their current mascot at the time Alex Kidd was and just being Japanese in the first place, decided to scrape the faggot and think of something gayer in order to compete with Nintendo and its mascot, Mario. Eventually, they got three of the faggots working for them to think of something more failtastic than Alex Kidd:

  • Naoto Oshima, a Japafur that spent his days fapping to American furfaggotry such as Looney Tunes; called by SEGA to design the character for the game
  • Yuji Naka, a programmer and college dropout who made Girl's Garden, and later on in his life had also claimed to have created an NES emulator for the Mega Drive / Genesis. As of 2023, he's getting ass-raped in jail.
  • And last and seeing that nobody remembers this dude at all, certainly least, Hirokazu Yasuhara, a level designer that could only produce shitty levels that all had one notable feature in common: just hold forward on the D-pad and you fucking win the stage.

Before creating the game, however, Naoto was thinking (shocker) which animal would be unfortunate enough to be SEGA-raped, and let Naka and Yasahura decide the animal for him. Candidates of the "main furfag star" debate were a bulldog and a rabbit, among other rejected shit. It then finally fell down to the armadildo and hedgehog. The event settled on the hedgehog becoming victorious, and so began the epic failure, with us not being graced with a video game featuring a gay armadillo until Mega Man X.

The original idea was a character known as Mr. Needlemouse and a fatass in pajamas; it was eventually reworked into the blue furry faggot we all know and love and the fatass who loves and supports fursecution. You might think that because Naoto was the one who came up with Sonic in the first place, people would be sucking his cock. However, in a strange turn of events, Naka would be the one known as the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog, forever stealing the credit from Oshima, who responded by leaving SEGA years after. A couple years later, finally bored of trolling gamers with shitty games, Naka and Yasahura left SEGA as well, leaving its fate in the hands of even n00bier developers led by Takashi Iizuka. Many years later, after having failed to find any success with other companies, Naka would be arrested and sentenced to prison for insider trading.

In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head-to-head against Mario. But we all know the SEGA fanboys just loved him for his speed. But this lasted for only a couple years, because with every shitty commercial failure SEGA released after the Genesis, everyone stopped giving a shit about them and their shitty mascot.

In 1999, however, the series blasted into 3D on the Dreamcast. The first 3D Sonic game, Sonic Adventure, dared players to "up the ante" by rendering holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary upward D-Pad holding; as well as a various gameplay styles that most people didn't give a shit about.

Unfortunately, the classic console stood no chance against Sony's PlayStation 2, nor the upcoming Nintendo GameCube and Microsoft's anticipated first console, the Xbox, which put SEGA out of the hardware business, leading to SEGA develop games for their former enemies, exposing everyone to how shitty they've always been. The games got worse and worse, and then came what most people would agree to be the big blow to the franchise: Sonic 2006. With the release of that infamously terrible game, the general consensus finally became that Sonic sucked loads. But the hard truth is that in reality, Sonic was never good. The fact of the matter is that Sonic was no different than anything else from the 1990s: amusing at first, but embarrassingly retarded after a few years. And like any other thing from the 1990s, hordes of people have deluded themselves of this and continue to support it.

Gameplay

Literally every Sonic game minus a lot of flashy shit.

The objective of every Sonic the Hedgehog video game is very different to what it is in Mario: to hold the D-Pad right/analog stick up for five to ten minutes at a time, occasionally pressing a button to make him jump. The gimmick, you see, is that you can go fast. Collect Chaos Emeralds. The idea behind those was to make collecting them look like a drug fantasy, with levels consisting of surreal acid-nightmares inhabited by strangely phallic robots and a fat man with a mustache.

The games

For every attractive Sonic fan...
there are 1,000 and 1 autists.
Card Crusher demonstrates the premise of every Sonic game, evar.
Some say the games became edgier over time.
This actually applies to some autists... ok, fine. All of them.
Demonstrating Sonic's amazing physics.
In 2017, the critically acclaimed Sonic Mania brought 2D Sonic games into the 21st century.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog: The game that started it all. It admittedly was cool, but only for about the first five minutes, just like most other shit from the 90s.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2: More or less the same shit, except now with a shitty faggot sidekick that does nothing but follow you around and steal your air bubbles in the water levels like a bitch and spend most the time flying and not helping you like a pussy.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog CD: More or less the same shit ... except now on a shitty CD add-on that nobody bought. (That's okay, it was released moar times than anyone gives a shit about years later.) Some argued it was the best Sonic game ever, when in actuality, they were just hipster faggots bragging about playing a game nobody else owned. It's basically a glorified ROM hack of Sonic 1 with some notoriously awful level design. It also introduced an underage pink female hedgehog whose underwear would be of considerable focus to the developers of the later games so they could cater more to the many furfag pedophiles that make up the series's fanbase.
  • SegaSonic the Hedgehog: More or less the same shit, except now they put Sega in the title so you know for sure who published this shitty game and it uses a trackball to control so it’s a bitch to emulate.
  • Sonic Spinball: More or less the same shit, except now you just play pinball. Start of the shitty spin (no pun intended) off games.
  • Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine: More or less the same shit, except now a rip-off of Puyo Puyo.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 3: More or less the same shit, except now with a nigger ginger echidna.
  • Sonic & Knuckles: More or less the same shit, except now you can play as the ginger echidna.
  • Knuckles' Chaotix: More or less the same shit, except now starring the ginger echidna.
  • Sonic the Fighters: More or less the same shit, except now a shitty fighting game where characters beat each other up. That might sound fun, but it's actually pretty boring.
  • Sonic R: More or less the same shit, except now a shitty racing game and on the SEGA Saturn, a console nobody but old-ass SEGA fanboys bought (granted, the game was ported later, so everyone could experience its awfulness). Best remembered for its ragdoll gameplay, lulzy soundtrack and Tails Doll.
  • Sonic Adventure: More or less the same shit, except now both in actual 3D and not a spinoff. Forever revolutionized the series as instead of holding right to win ... you would now hold up while falling through floors for no apparent reason and trying to master a remarkably terrible camera system. Oh, and you can play as six characters, including a retarded fat cat who rapes hangs out with a frog (it's like SEGA put one of their own fans in a videogame). The game was also notorious for its laughably bad voice acting and dialogue and lip-sync animations that gave players nightmares. For some strange reason, people consider this game to be an all-time classic, when in reality, it's a pretty shitty game.
  • Sonic Shuffle: More or less the same shit, except now ripping off Mario Party. You know your game sucks ass when it makes Mario Party look good.
  • Sonic Adventure 2: More or less the same shit, except now with a black emo hedgehog and a bat with tits. With the latter, it became clear SEGA was trying to expose the franchise more to furry porn. Sonic fans bitch and moan every day about how there "hasn't" (only technically) been a sequel to this game, when in reality, every game that followed (and preceded) it is all more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Advance: More or less the same shit, except now on the Game Boy Advance. Not much else to note, other than the fact it had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Battle: More or less the same shit as Sonic the Fighters, except now 2D so it appeals more to retrofags. Most people only know of this game's existence thanks to a metric fuckton of webcomics and flash animations made by 13-year-olds who stole the sprites from it.
  • Shadow the Hedgehog: More or less the same shit, except now starring the previously mentioned black emo hedgehog. Oh, and you can use guns and hear characters cuss. All while cutting yourself at the same time. Basically, a shitty Ratchet & Clank ripoff that blew chunks upon release. Also known for starting some terribly unfunny and forced memes.
  • Sonic Rush: More or less the same shit, except now with characters repeatedly making obnoxious noises and on the Nintendo DS. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but with pirates. "Arr! This game sucks cock!"
  • Sonic Riders: More or less the same shit as Sonic R, except now ripping off Tony Hawk's with hoverboards. Had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Rivals: More or less the same shit as Sonic R, except now in 2D so it can appeal more to retrofags. Had a sequel that is more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog (2006): More or less the same shit, except now on a level of ass-suckery previously unknown to man. Known for its amazingly horrendous glitches, loading screens and plot: Sonic's love interest is now a human girl. SEGA had already been trying to convert their fans into furries for years, but one would think they would at least be more subtle than this.
  • Sonic and the Secret Rings: More or less the same shit, except now, in an attempt to revolutionize the franchise's infamous "hold up to win" gameplay, on rails. Now, it's "do nothing and occasionally turn left and right to win!" Takes place in the Arabian Nights book. It sucked, but served as the "inspiration" (ironic considering how much Sonic stole from Mario) to the ever-so-great Temple Run.
  • Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games: More or less the same shit, except now it has Mario. That's right; Sonic finally teamed up with his old nemesis from the 1990s and became butt-buddies! Amazing, right? Too bad the game sucked horse dick. Has had multiple sequels that are all more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Unleashed: More or less the same shit, except now SEGA decided it would be a good idea to rip off Nintendo further and turn Sonic into a wolf or some shit in a plot that's so utterly fucking stupid it's not even worth getting into. We will anyway: Dr. Eggman fires a lazer and breaks the world into many different pieces. Sonic saves all the people of the world, including dirty stinkin' Arabs. Then, Sonic causes the conflict in the Middle East that dates to this day. The end. Another failure.
  • Sonic and the Black Knight: More or less the same shit, except now Sonic has a sword. Some argue that this title inspired numerous aspies to kill themselves as they LARP'd as retarded furries with swords. If this were true, then SEGA would have lost a huge market share from this shitty game alone.
  • Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing: More or less the same shit: Sonic ripping off Mario, this time now it's Mario Kart. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but caused fanboys to orgasm with Wreck-It Ralph to give them cock-crushing handjobs. Also had another sequel that ditched all of the characters from other Sega franchises that no one but retrofags care about.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 4: More or less the same shit, except in a move of desperation to get people to like Sonic again, is a "direct sequel" to the original games. After hordes of games that were all more or less the same shit. Nonetheless, the game was hyped by retrofags everywhere and it was heralded as Sonic's big comeback, much like several of the games that came before it. Fun fact: it was originally supposed to be a minor app for iPhones called "Sonic the Portable", but the money-hungry hacks at Sega turned it into a console game at the last minute. Unsurprisingly, the game sucked. Most remembered for its awful physics and the fact it is in two "episodes" that are both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Colors: More or less the same shit, except now rips off Super Mario Galaxy while disguising itself as an acid trip. About a decade later, it had a broken remaster that was full of glitches. SEGA even sucks at basic ports.
  • Sonic Generations: To celebrate twenty years of the same shit, SEGA gave us more or less the same shit once again. 2 Sonics. 1 Game. Several times more copypasta. Furfags all had a massive orgy when they realized that they would be going back to Green Hill Zone for the thirtieth time.
  • Sonic Jump: More or less the same shit, except it's a shitty iPhone app where you just jump like a dumbass.
  • Sonic Dash: More or less the same shit, except now ripping off Temple Run, which is ironic since as we mentioned before Sonic inspired Temple Run with his shitty gameplay.
  • Sonic Lost World: More or less the same shit, except rips off Super Mario Galaxy further and was on the Wii U, a console that nobody bought.
  • Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric: More or less the same shit, except SEGA just stopped giving a shit altogether and let Naughty Dog rejects make this game. Had some laughably bad redesigns (the previously mentioned nigger echidna is now a member of the Battletoads). This is the final product. It arguably surpassed Sonic 2006 as the worst Sonic game of all time, although no one was actually surprised by a totally shitty Sonic game by this point. Hilariously, some reactions to the game have been no less than stellar. Somehow got 2 sequels/spinoffs that were more or less the same shit, but on the 3DS.
  • Sonic Runners: More or less the same shit, except another shitty iPhone app where you just run. Got shut down, but had a sequel that is more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Mania: More or less the same shit, except SEGA finally bit the bullet and let their fans make a Sonic game for them as they suck ass at making anything themselves. Had some DLC that was more or less the same shit, but with characters from that one arcade game.
  • Sonic Frontiers: More or less the same shit, except now it’s a ripoff of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Some autistic furfags are claiming that it's Sonic's grand comeback just because it averaged higher than 40 on Metacritic for a change.
  • Sonic Superstars: More or less the same shit, except now it's a ripoff of New Super Mario Bros. Developed by the same people who gave you the abomination that was Balan Wonder World (well, except Yuji Naka, seeing as he's in prison).

There are also other Sonic games, but nobody cares about those because they're shit, just like the rest of the series, but unfortunately didn't include a pack of raving furfags to cram them down our throats.

Canceled shit

Sonic also has a number of canceled games, but nobody cares about those except the failed developers who lost their jobs trying to make them.

  • Sonic X-Treme: Probably would have been more or less the same shit, except this game was so awful that multiple people nearly lost their lives trying to make it, and so it was canceled. Inspired numerous fangames because the developers didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

Animated

PROTIP: If your autismally induced thought processes ever do decide that watching any of the fore-mentioned garbage would be a good idea, extra lulz can be had from playing the videos at -50% speed. Incidentally, it turns the shit-tastic cocaine fuelled adrenaline rush that is the Sonic X theme into a kewl ambient dub track.

The TV shows

Sonic and Sally hard at work to free the world
Sonic X(XX)
  • Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Some argue that this is the best Sonic show, and even though they're all retrofags, they're right anyway since all the other shows are even worse. Basically Sonic and Tails run around talking about stupid bullshit while Robotnik and his three moronic sex slaves plot to kill them. Said love-squad is composed of Scratch (an anthro-chicken-robot), Grounder (a dick-nosed-lummox on tank treads with dicks for hands), and Coconuts (a monkey robot that is even more incompetent than the first two), all of whom try to catch Sonic. At the end of every episode, Sonic tells us all what we learned today, especially about booze and pedophilia. Seriously. These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. In the mid-00s, this show became a prime source of material for YouTube Poop, especially Robotnik's PINGAS. One might not be surprised to hear that Robotnik's voice actor was openly gay. Much like the actual games, this cartoon is well-known for being everything the 90s wasn't, including outdated terms for 'cool' and pathetic insults which barely go beyond "[INSERT CHARACTER HERE] smells!".
  • Sonic SatAM: This show is darker and more sinister than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, but at least this one doesn't have the retarded Sonic Sez segments. In this show, Sonic, Tails, and a bunch of other furries are hiding in a forest from a more evil Robotnik (who is now a HUGE fatass with a creepy and sinister voice provided by Winnie the Pooh. No joke), his midget Jew nephew Snively (note the massive nose), and his army of robots (that look like recolors of the Horde Troopers from She-Ra). It also features the catchphrase "Let's do it to it!," thereby making it ALMOST as gay as Sonic Heroes, though admittedly gayer. The vile Archie Comics version of Sonic spawned from this show, as well as Princess Sally Acorn, a chipmunk who is even MORE annoying than Amy Rose; Bunnie Rabbot, a cyborg rabbit with a metal crotch (ouch) and a Texas accent; Antoine, a cowardly coyote (who is also French); and a whole bunch of other characters no one cares about. Not to mention, it also features a robot named Nicole who doesn't like it when people shake her. This show is gay: avoid at all costs.
  • Sonic Underground: This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two pallete swaps, Sonia and Manic, all three of whom were voiced by Steve Urkel. You can imagine how confusing it must've been for the three hedgehogs, all having the same voice. They also get musical instruments to fight Robotnik this time, even though it was already established early in the franchise that hedgehogs can rip through a steel tank by spinning. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, as do a couple of the Chaos Emeralds. Other than that, it's pretty much the same as SatAM, except with FUCKING SONGS and Sonic's mom.
  • Sonic X: This show is the one that all of the Sonic weeaboos watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named Chris Thorndyke (moar like Chris Prondyke amirite?), whom everyone hates. Thanks to the presence of Shadow, it is over 9,000 times more emo than the above shows. The show was also known for its horrible voice acting, and a war among autistic furfags like Spax3 erupted when SEGA decided to replace the game voice actors with the ones from this show (not the game voice actors were any better). Voice acting is serious business among Sonicfags.
  • Sonic Boom: The show the game of the same name is based on. Contains shitty 3D animation and cringy as fuck jokes that try too hard to relate to the audience through epic memes xD. Anyone over the age of 12 who watches it is either a basement dweller or a furfag. Most likely both.
  • Sonic Prime: The abomination crossbreed of fujoshis and furfags have thrived in the desecrated pus-filled corpse that is the Sonic fanbase since the beginning of its creation. This show, however, was the catalyst for these monsters to emerge from their tuna scented bedrooms to begin furiously banshee screeching over what is quite possibly the biggest fagfest to ever pop out of Sega's piss filled anus. Not only does Sega blatantly rip of the MCU by using a big gay clusterfuck of rocks to kickstart a totally deep plot about the multiverse, but they also have the blue asshole and his emo edgehog counterpart furiously edge each other throughout the entirety of the series. This blatant instance of gaybaiting is enough for Sega and Netflix to rack in some sweet Jew gold as their lazy writing is ignored by fans in favor of rubbing one out over Shadow and Sonic topping each other. Other than this show starting half of it's fanbase's ovulation cycles, nothing about it is actually notable except that Tails is, like, a totally dark and fucked up alternate version of himself that crashes out because Sonic cucks him in favor of Shadows big black dick and Sonic has a mid-life crisis because of his constant struggle to prove himself to his rapidly aging fanbase.

The movies

Live action Sanic before the re-design.
FIGHT THE FURRY MENACE!
  • Sonic: Night of the Werehog: SEGA making a good turn towards advertising Sonic? Ha, ha, no! It's a pretty shitty Sonic Halloween movie that came out a couple years ago about furries, Chihuahuas, and gay. Think of a combination between Sonic X and The Nightmare Before Christmas. You probably won't like it.

This short film also features Casper the Friendly Ghost's fat and fapping brothers

  • Sonic the Hedgehog (2020 film): As if it couldn't get any worse, Sony Pictures decided to squat on the rights for a Sonic movie for years, and rushed a crappy announcement poster for it after Nintendo announced a Detective Pikachu movie, and implied that they were going to use the same shitty CGI/live action hybrid that they used for the Smurfs, just to make sure everyone would forget about how bad The Emoji Movie was. This new version of Sonic has blue human legs, no gloves, and looks like a midget in a crappy fursuit. Jim Carrey voiced Dr. Robotnik, just in case you needed to be reminded of more things you liked in the 1990s becoming irrelevant.

Sonic and friends

Character evolution

Sonic and Tails on SEGA's creativity, when it comes to clothing the characters furry bodies.
NEEDS LOTS MOAR CHARACTERS
Knuckles is the token nigger in the series.
Ever wondered how Sonic and his pals were named? Epic lulz and truth detected.

At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of crabs and other tentacle monsters, which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-Pad as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik. Robotnik is the boss on every level and is defeated by pressing the A button an astounding eight times.

The usual plot contains seven mystical objects that always scatter everywhere, searched for by two similar characters with spiky hair.

Scrambling for a new gimmick, SEGA decided to bring a new character into the mix. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! Not being able to settle for just a retarded cat/fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" — very creative. SEGA, being the creative geniuses they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old's voice, enabling them to expand their market from vanilla furries to pedophile furries.

Not content with a spandex wearing fatass, a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further. With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue faggot what's up. SEGA decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their furry fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the white gloves that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" — isn't SEGA's originality just amazing? These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token black person of the series.

Other characters

Aside from the aforementioned characters, Sonic features a variety of characters, all equally attractive to furry faggots:

  • Cream: Everyone loves Cream (except for these fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her Cream was a very, very bad idea considering the series' fanbase.
  • Silver: Whiny drama queen from the future, and living proof that SEGA ran out of ideas years ago. His powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggy as the one Tails has. Silver is commonly seen reciting gay, dramatic lines taken straight out of Lifetime movies. His head is shaped like a marijuana leaf, wears eyeliner, and has sick hand tattoos.
  • Emerl: Unoriginal robot fuck who steals others' moves. Becomes friend with Sonic and his buttbuddies, only to try to kill them later, which ends up in him getting fucked by Sonic. Appears in only one game and in Sonic X.
  • Princess Elise: Some Final Fantasy ripoff character that Sonic screwed around with in the PS3/360 game, and is an open furry. The blatant cross-species grab-ass that takes place between her and Sonic is an obvious plot to turn children into furries and may be the worst yet of SEGA's many crimes against humanity. The kiss between her and Sonic has to be the biggest piss-take in a video game ever. She has fucked many animals, even a couple of 13-year-old boys that just wanted pussy from Rouge or Amy, but when they got a sexy bitch like Elise they cried RAEP and SEGA denies her existence.
  • Julie-Su: Julie-Su the Echidna is Knuckles's and every Sonic fag's current wet dream, because she doesn't wear panties. In Mobius: X Years Later she becomes a true furfag, and becomes as much a prostitute as Rouge.
  • Marine: Loli newcomer that already has at least 100 hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She talks in such a thick Australian accent that even Steve Irwin would tell her to shut the fuck up, if he wasn't dead. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "strewth" anymore?
  • Chaos: An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of LiveJournal who goes SUPER SAIYA-JIN assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's Sonic tentacle porn, this thing is involved.
  • Vanilla: Cream's mom, who is raising her daughter by herself because the father didn't want to pay for child support and left. While Rouge's voice actor on Sonic X makes her sound like a 50-year-old-whore, Vanilla's makes her sound like she's at least 100 years old and on various illegal substances.
  • Chris Thorndyke: Some gay rich kid from Sonic X who nobody likes. He is introduced in the pilot episode right after he saves Sonic from drowning in his pool. Right then, he makes a vow to have buttsex with Sonic. It is never revealed that they indeed have buttsex. However, there is a six-month gap between the end of the first season and the 2nd season, so it's anybody's guess what happened. An effective method of trolling the Sonic X fanbase is to claim that you actually LIKE Chris and state reasons why.
  • Cosmo: A character from The Fairly OddParents who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of Sonic X as a female plant. She and Tails have a relationship until Tails kills her to save the universe, much like Aeris in Final Fantasy VII, except with a big fucking laser beam. Her death was prime material for shitty AMVs and constituted the single most emo scene in Sonic history. Shadow also dies but knowing SEGA they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season.
  • Dark Oak: Main villain of Sonic X and shameless ripoff of Frieza from some other shitty animu. He comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show, which by rights makes it as bad as the first season.
  • Nazo: A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the Sonic X pilot. 13-year-old Sonic fans went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of the fandom than SEGA or 4Kids.
  • Mushroom Kingdom Characters: These barhopping retards crossed paths with our furry crew to compete in Olympic events, without the aid of Michael Phelps. Their group consists of four stereotypical Italian plumbers, two princesses, a dinosaur, a monkey, an evil koopa and his son, and a midget couple with mushrooms for heads.

There are also a host of other characters who are never used anymore. We wouldn't want to have to expose you to them, but seeing as how this is an informational article, we have to. You see, SEGA has a history of using their characters once or twice and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. Retrofags hate them for this. Among these trashed characters include a Jew with guns, a Jew with bombs, a fatass polar bear, robot versions of Knuckles and Tails, a rodent prick named Antoine, a walrus, oh, and Sonic's long lost musically inclined siblings, among others. There was also the return of the previously mentioned armadillo but since SEGA didn't pick him, he sucks. Fantards constantly call for their return. Thankfully, it'll never happen. But wait, SEGA decided to warm up to thier fans and bring the armadillo and flying squirrel back.

Tails IRL

Actor portrayal

While most people would think whoever voiced who wasn't anything worth giving two fucks about, some people actually do. Sonic's first voice in the older animated TV shows was done by a black person, a retrofag favorite. In the animated movie, he went from nigger to British with Martin Burke taking over. His first voice actor for the video games was Ryan Drummond, the man who made fame by saying some of the most campiest lines in video game history. Admittedly, it did match with the faggot character. Surprisingly, people actually liked this jackass, and went apeshit when he was replaced by Jason Griffith, the voice for Sonic in Sonic X. More recently, though, it's been confirmed that Sonic will be voiced by Roger Craig Smith aka Chris Boulder Punching Redfield, which SEGA actually saw as franchise changing news. There's also that Junichi Kanemaru guy, but nobody cares about him. When the news was spread that Roger Craig Smith was going to portray Sonic, fanboys raged about this even though ten minutes earlier they were complaining about how much Jason Griffith needs to be kicked off. And note, these are the same fags that didn't even like the Adventure games or Ryan Drummond.

The fanbase

Admit it. You'd pay twice the asking cost for this beauty of a fan sculpture because it will only appreciate in value.

The Sonic fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry, pedophilia, and severe autism. For some reason, a fuckton of fetishists involve Sonic characters into their fucked up fap-fests, as can be noticed easily by the extreme number of "art" websites such as DeviantArt containing enough Sonic fetishist fanart to make even Mary fucking Poppins lose all faith in humanity and turn into an alcoholic. Macrophiliacs, scatophiliacs, voraphiliacs, eproctophiliacs, fucking furfags, everyone gets in on the mental illness induced fun. The fandom is also filled with butthurt drama, the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "new" and "old" Sonic fans. It is split into six distinctive parts:

  1. Furry smuts from the "old" part of the fandom are those who do nothing but bitch about how much recent Sonic games suck. Nobody, not even SEGA, gives two fucks about them because they fucking suck shit and are pointless things to talk about.
  2. Fans of the Adventure Duo that think that the series could be "saved" if it regressed to the style of their favorite two games that they never played for ten years. Usually said fans ask for a game that features multiple stories, multiple styles of play based on the character controlled, momentum-based platforming, integration of a "mature" story, a hub world, and a Chao Garden. The hilarious kicker to their blight? SEGA already released a game with every one of these gameplay features (minus the shitty pet simulator) in 2006, which everyone knows is the best game evaarr!! Adventards try to ignore this because "itz not the same stowie!" and "it haz gwitches!" despite the facts that story means jack shit to gameplay and that the original Adventure was about as stable as WTC (after the planes hit it).
  3. The typical kind of fan. They just buy the games and play them. And actually enjoy them. How they do it is anybody's guess.
  4. The general faggots that watched Sonic X and probably don't know what a SEGA Genesis is. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which are arguably the most plentiful, but least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. It is an unwritten, but strictly enforced law that all fan-characters can go super without using the Chaos Emeralds. Most of them are recolored Sonic or Shadow clones wearing trenchcoats, those stupid goth boots, equipped with swords (which in most cases are katanas, are able to go Super at any time, and are most likely evil. This part also produces the worst of the Sonic porn due to it being drawn by people who either don't know what a vagina actually looks like, or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in some bushes their dad's drawer.
  5. 1337 haxxors at Sonic Retro who do important tasks such as looking for canon loli in the games.
  6. Ian Flynn's fan boys who suck his dick just because he writes tolerable fan fiction and comics. Ian Flynn fans have been known to go into battle for their hero, willing to fight night and day to defend him all because he helped "save the comics."
  7. Chris-chan.

The fanbase in a single video

DO NOT STEAL!!!

A venture into the minds of Sonic fans.

A Sonic fan masturbating while having a seizure.

Typical fantard having furgasms over Sonic characters

This video explains the Sonic content on DeviantArt

Every Sonic game EVER.

Your typical 12-year-old Sonic fag trying to voice act.

The best movie trailer we have seen in ages.

Typical Sonic fan character.

Some Sonic fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by science, to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the IRL world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or abnormally high power levels. They then proceed to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, and sexually abuse it.

A representation of every Sonic fanfic, EVER.

Sonic the Hedgehog ran very quickly down the hall to where the fire was coming from. While running he ducked into a rolling spin and made a sound like "@@@@@@@!" so he could dodge the fireball lasers.

At the top of the staircase he stood up and shouted at the top of the staircase "Sephiroth!" The man with long hair turned slowly and with a flash of his sword removed Sonic's nipples from his body.

"OUCH that hurts1" cried Sonic, hurting. "Looks like I will need the power of the CHAOS CRYSTAL for this opponent!" and he raised up a handful of glowing gems.

The light from the jewels summoned all the legendary pokemon in the world together and they fused together into a Pyschic Ghost Dragon Pokemon. "LEAVE THIS TO ME, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" it said in the voice a thousand monsters, and shot a giant Hadouken at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth bounced it back with a spin of his blade, and it hit the Psy-Gho-Dra-Mon in the face, crashing him to the floor and half-crushing No-Nipples Sonic. "This is bad!" said Half-Dead No-Nipples the Hedgehog. "It looks like we will need to call for that man, Psyghodramon!"

"YES" he agreed, and used his 7 physic goat dragon balls to make a wish "SEND US THE CHOSEN HERO OF PROPHECY!" as Sephiroth slowly descended to finish them off.

Just then a bright light from the sky shone, and the Grand Master John Su descended from the moon on rocket powered rocket boots, with a beautiful woman on each arm. When he landed, there was a chorus and fanfare of trumpets, and he lowered his sunglasses and said "Yo."

"Who are you" said Sephiroth as he threw a ninja star at light speed at John Su. John Su turned and winked at the star, and the bright light instantly dissolved it into space dust. "Pretty good," said Sephiroth, "but your still gonna loose!" and he transformed into Super Saiyan 4 Sephiroth.

"Take this!" he screamed as he flew towards John Su. John Su flexed a single muscle, generating an awesome MANWAVE that overpowered Super Sephiroth and sent him flying into space, frozen forever in defeat.

"Thank you for saving us, John Su" said the world. "You are so strong and cool"

"I know," he replied, and jumped back up to the moon after resurrecting the 4th Hokage.


Haters

As with any overrated game series, movie, pop singer, or overrated anything really, an autistic fanbase will form. Feeling the need to be special snowflakes, however, a counterculture will usually form to try to beat whatever fanbase in question into a puddle of goop. This happens all the time irl, in the form of goth losers (or homosex feminists who can't get any).

What these assorted subjects fail to realize is that the absolute value of -1 and 1 are both 1, meaning autism can (and will) originate from exposure to Sonic, regardless of the view on the series. This is a proven fact. We at ED would like a sincere "Thank you" for our sacrifice to bring you lulz.

Usually, the Sonic garden variety will either bitch about "iz not muh Genesis," claim that they hate main stream games in general (before hating Sonic was cool) or fucking WORSHIP the Adventure series as TeH BEST GAMEZ EVAR. Science proves what the last group of the sick fucks are really after:

  1. Amy pantyshots are readily available in Adventure. After all, we are talking about loli (albeit furry loli) from Japan.
  2. Amy pantyshots are not readily available after Sad-dow the Edgehog.
  3. Therefore, the Adventure series were the last "great" Sonic games.

Does this all matter though? Does this mean that the hate is unjustified, and that the series is good? Simply put: no. The games are the same shit over and over again made to give furfags fap fodder, but that doesn't stop many people from trying too hard to think of an original insult about a series that's been the butt end of gaming since two-thousand-pissing-five, when it's much better to just go for the obvious flaws.

Gallery of shit provided by the web to exploit this counter-fandom:

Film critics complain about difficulty in a platforming game made for and adored by 10-year-olds.
Ask for Jew golds.

Game Theory "enlightens" us with a "theory" pulled from his asshole.
Uses controversy to obtain Jew golds. Notice a pattern yet?

IGN provides a standard IGN review of a game
that they haven't been bribed to praise.


When viewing Sonic hate, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does the author ever try to point out that there was a period when Sonic was "good?"
  • Does the author say that the Hedgehog Engine is part of/the main reason why the series "turned to" shit?
  • Does the author think that this sub-series was the "high point" of the franchise?
  • Does the author bitch about redesigns, but shows no objection to turning Amy into slutty loli furbait (previously was schoolgirl loli furbait)?
  • Does the author ever complain that Sonic isn't a pure running simulator, because you occasionally have to press the down or jump buttons?
  • Does mentioning the "Barrel of Doom" trigger the author?
  • If in video form, does the performer need to validate that he is a gamer by keeping as much plastic crap cropped into the camera as possible?

If you answered "yes" to at least two of these question, then congratulations, you might just be looking at shit!

To sum it up simply: Sonic is the Family Guy of the gaming world. In other words, it's complete shit!

Anti-pedophilia

Even Michael was a furfag.

Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against sexual predators. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible. This is also ironic since Sonic and Michael Jackson are actually BFF which questions the true intentions of Sonic. In the debate of Sonic actually being a pedophile, many Sonic fans, much like the fans of Micheal Jackson, will quickly deny him of ever being one and start a petition in closing down websites dedicated to proving he actually is one. Even if Sonic really isn't a pedophile, at least the similarities he has with Mr. Jackson is that they look even gayer after receiving their plastic surgery, they have the most retarded fanbase and were always "no good."

In the early 90s, Sonic broadcast a public service announcement in which he taught kids that pedophilia was no good.

Naturally, it wasn't long before Sonic was whistling a different tune.

More videos

Sanic had too many chili dogs

For those who are waiting for this to get lulzy, just turn your computers off now.

Quick, find the portal.

Galleries

Notice how all Google results for anything Sonic related are galleries of furry porn?
This is due to the fact that furries are ruining the Internet.

Rule 34

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Sanic fanart, etc.

Reasons to support abortion About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also

Examples of Sonicfags

External links

It's Pikachu in a sombrero!
"Still unstoppable after twenty years!"

Sick fucks

Sonic the Hedgehog is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Sonic the Hedgehog is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

[WAY PAST COOL!GOTTA GO FAST!]


Sonic the Hedgehog is part of a series on
Sonic the Hedgehog




Sonic the Hedgehog
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YTMND

[YES, YES!PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE]

Article of the Now May 6 & 7, 2022
Preceded by
Abortion
Sonic the Hedgehog Succeeded by
Robotnik
Article of the Now June 22 & 23, 2022
Preceded by
Diogo Mendes
Sonic the Hedgehog Succeeded by
Taking Down ED