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| {{Needsless|examples of how your leet internet skills made him rage (he's a troll dumbasses)}}
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| '''Jared Milton''' (a.k.a.: '''Jeffrey Sparon''') is a meta-troll and likely 4chan user who more or less trolled /b/ by stealing [[Eric Douglas|Eric Douglas']] gimmick (Eric in turn had stole the idea from [[JoshU2uber]]). Unlike Douglas however, he was able to portray a more deeply emotional character, and thus despite the obvious trolling was deemed legit by hundreds of clueless newfags. Essentially, this level of trolling could be defined as [[attention whoring]] due to the fact that '''nothing entertaining is really going on'''. | | '''Wayne Smith''' (a.k.a. '''Jared Milton''' or '''Jeffery Sparon''') is a meta-troll and likely 4chan user who more or less trolled /b/ by stealing [[Eric Douglas|Eric Douglas']] gimmick of defending known faggot [[Justin Bieber]], and later whiteknighting [[Lady Gaga]] (Eric in turn had stole the idea from [[JoshU2uber]]). Unlike Douglas however, he was able to portray a more deeply emotional character, and thus despite the obvious trolling was deemed legit by hundreds of clueless newfags. His extra flamboyance also gave out the obvious troll fag, leading observers to believe his "harassers" were mentally challenged middle-schoolers. Essentially, this level of trolling could be defined as [[attention whoring]] due to the fact that '''nothing entertaining is really going on'''. To top it off, Milton's fake voice seems to shift in every video, leaving the question "''seriously, how do these retards fall for this bullshit?''" But then again, Autism spectrum seems to have no limits. |
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| == The Video == | | == The Video == |
| <center>'''The video that started it all.'''<br><youtube>6K_evnNyiR0</youtube><br></center>
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| We Heard it ourselves he doesnt know how to hack so we won't fear now.
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| =="MY DAD WILL HACK YOU"== | | == Genesis == |
| On [[Last Thursday|June 4th of 2011,]] Jared uploaded a video threatening the trolls with [[CSIII|hacks]], courtesy of his [[dad]], thus elevating himself in the eyes of /b/ to official [[lolcow]] status, and beginning a long, drawn-out campaign of trolling.
| | In the March of 2011, Jared uploaded a video stating that he was starting a protest (he makes it very clear at this point that it is not a "how you say, 'war'") against the amount of hate that Justin Bieber had been rightfully receiving, noting that a contributing factor of this is the hate from Eric Douglace in this first video who was "nothing but a troll". |
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| <center><br><youtube>p_4yAYe6ghs</youtube><br></center> | | <center><br><youtube>6K_evnNyiR0</youtube><br></center> |
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| Ever since, he has been constantly flooded with [http://youtu.be/YknJ9q-MDb8 prank calls], death threats, and [[truth|accusations]] of being inbred. Jared remained undeterred for several months, however, determined to stand up for oppressed [[shemale]] child stars worldwide in the face of non-stop ridicule.
| | It should also be noted that he says "I'm not going to hack, because I don't know how to." This is also the first reference his website idea, originally saying it was going a rallying point for supporters of the protest. |
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| ==Deleted YouTube Faggotry== | | == The Second Video == |
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| | On the fifth of July 2011, Jared uploaded his second video, where he addresses the "amount of hate" that he has been receiving. He also states that he should not have received any hate for his original protest, as he puts it "I did absolutely nuffin wrong, I didn't threaten or offend anyone, and that stops right now." |
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| <center>{{fv|youtubevids|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>CJNEgR_HMbE</youtube>{{Quote| Pure [[shit|Talent]]}}|<youtube>0z6Qgd6VzeE</youtube>{{Quote| I'm not gay, [[lies|Honest!]]}}|<youtube>3ZeVCw_7Sts</youtube>{{Quote| Notice the [[Faggot|flower in his hair]] and the way he [[Forever Alone|kisses the camera]].}}}} </center> | | <center><br><youtube>N9cAJUXKIfw</youtube><br></center> |
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| | He says that he has "recently been in contact with the CIA, FBI and Secret Services, all throughout Europe, Asia, America and Australia" and that his website will now have the purpose of displaying the complete dox of any of his haters, which he claimed would be up and running eight to nine weeks from when the original video was uploaded. Along with that obviously false bullshit, he also said that everyone who disliked his video would be hacked by him, his dad, and his friends, contracting what he said in his first video, that he didn't know how to. While his claims were obviously made up, it is plausible that this video was posted in a retarded attempt to get anons to [[GTFO|fuck off]] rather than being true [[Don't feed the trolls|trollbait]]. |
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| Though dear Milton deleted these videos from his YouTube channel pretty quickly for [[fail|obvious]] [[aids|reasons]], his [[retard|genius]] [[dad]] forgot to give [[fag|him]] some important internet advice; once it's on the internet [[Fact|it stays on the internet]].
| | =="MY DAD WILL HACK YOU"== |
| | A few weeks later, Jared uploaded a video threatening the trolls with [[CSIII|hacks]], courtesy of his [[dad]], and digging himself even deeper into a world of shit. |
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| <center><br><youtube>hLjN52rf7ns</youtube><br></center> | | <center><br><youtube>p_4yAYe6ghs</youtube><br></center> |
| {{Quote|I '''[[Gay|LOVE]]''' [[Justin Bieber]]!!|[[faggot|Jared Milton]]}}
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| | | Ever since, he has been constantly flooded with [http://youtu.be/YknJ9q-MDb8 prank calls], death threats, and accusations of being inbred by /b/tards about his age and mental capacity. |
| Jared decided not to stop uploading his [[shit|great]] moosic covers. Even though he ended up deleting these because of [[trollface|hate]]. Some [[troll|annonnomous trolls]] reuploaded the videos, thanks to them, we can watch [[fag|Jared]] sing like a [[dumbass|dumbass]].
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| ==The Adventures of Jared in Tinychat== | | ==The Adventures of Jared in Tinychat== |
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| {{fv|tinychatvids|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>nj-lcFJ825A</youtube>|<youtube>pAwGAO7x5l4</youtube>}} | | {{fv|tinychatvids|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>nj-lcFJ825A</youtube>|<youtube>pAwGAO7x5l4</youtube>}} |
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| ==White Knighting for [[Lady Gaga]]== | | ==LEAVE ME ALONE== |
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| <br><center><youtube>YjWFpnaoEAo</youtube></center>{{Quote| It's gonna be [[you]] who gets [[Rimjob|bit in the bum]]|Jared Milton|Describing how he will exact vengeance on haters worldwide.}}<br>
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| Jared has once again risen up as the defender of [[traps]] and [[shemales]] everywhere, this time in support of [[transsexual]] singer Lady Gaga. Two days after his [[rape|ass-reaming]] in Tinychat, Jared released the above video, in which he constantly chokes back tears while prophesying the [[The Rapture|End of Haters]], and how haters are going to '[[Lisp|thuffer magnifithently]].'
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| Jared's homosexual attraction to Lady Gaga did not go unnoticed by his [[Trolls|fans]], however, and within minutes, his video was swarmed by "[[True|mean]] comments" from [[haters]]. This video, however, was nothing compared to what was soon to follow...
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| ==[[ALL CAPS|LEAVE ME ALONE]]==
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| <center>{{Hot|Jared is '''Hot''', and you can help by informing him.}}</center>
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| <br><center><youtube>Hd-Z8bNxY5g</youtube></center> | | <br><center><youtube>Hd-Z8bNxY5g</youtube></center> |
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| In a video remarkably similar to that of [[Jessi Slaughter]], Jared uploaded yet another video to YouTube with the usual threats of hacking, and wishful declarations that he is [[rich and beautiful]]. However, the difference here is that he actually does break down and start crying halfway through the video, blubbering like a fucking [[baby]] in what is one of the most pathetic displays this side of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], all while claiming that what Anon is doing to him [[Lie|doesn't affect him]] in between [[Aspergers]]-fueled sobs. Also notice that at 1:11 of the video he is constipated
| | Later taking some tips from [[Jessi Slaughter]], Jared demanded all trolling to cease and for him to just be left alone. Receiving the reaction he was looking for, thousands of devastating comments were left by the basement dwellers of /b/, along the lines of "i troll u", "ur fat", and "shut up ur dum". |
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| This horrendously pitiable display was so over-the-top that many Anons in /b/ thought that he was trolling (see: [[Jared Milton#Possible troll|Possible Troll]]). The fact that he cries every single time his house is called casts doubt on whether or not this is is a very elaborate reverse-trolling, but [[Some argue|others believe]] Jared is just another [[retard]] who chose to display his faggotry to the internet and didn't expect any repercussions, [[VampiricSpektor|like]] [[Angry Homo Kid|so]] [[Rootbrian|many]] [[VenomFangX|before]] [[Chris-chan|him]].
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| ==HE KILLED THE DOG== | | ==Jared "Leaves Youtube"== |
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| [[File:Youwillthuffer.jpg|thumb|200px|[[internet tough guy|Mother of God]]]]
| | When Jared finally figured out that the only way to get the trolls to leave him alone was to close down his youtube account, he released a video in which he says that he is leaving his account so he can create videos "about singing and dancing" under a different name "so people can't find it" and they "won't know it's Jared". |
| Also, he killed the poor dog. Possibly for being more of a [[man]] than Jared could ever hope to become in his life. It should be noted, however, that killing the dog in and of itself really isn't a bad thing, as it can very easily be considered an act of mercy due to the fact that Jared <strike>probably</strike> '''definitely''' [[Bestiality|fucked the dog on a daily basis.]]
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| ==Possible Troll==
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| [[Some argue|Many people say]] that Jared Milton is a troll, and these claims are not entirely unreasonable. For instance, in his "STOP CALLING ME FAT" video, no actual tears are visible, though this can be explained through Jared being a typical [[attention whore|attention whore]] that is soaking up as much [[drama_queen|drama]] as possible. Also, he uses the phrase "backtrace" in a serious context; Not to mention the simple fact that it's hard to believe that anyone could possibly be this much of a faggot. The argument against the [[Cannibal_Troll|cannibal troll]] claim is as simple and as obvious as the argument for; Do you really believe this [[retard|kid]] is this skilled in the art of trolling trolls? The level of faggotry displayed is, in fact, so absurd that it would take a genius to pull off faking it even semi-convincingly.
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| However, this doesn't mean we should stop trolling him. If anything, we should step it up and ruin his personal life, since the fact that he has continued to make videos means that, if he's a troll, we're not sending a clear enough message, as any troll would know to shut the fuck up if they got themselves in too deep. Get his parents fired and such, especially if [[Fight Club|we have anons who work with his dad]]. This sort of thing will discourage others from performing this kind of trolling, which distracts us from actual faggotry that must be [[Pizza|dealt with]].
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| ==The End of Jared Milton?==
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| <br><center><youtube>3kmaXKj2P5M</youtube></center> | | <br><center><youtube>3kmaXKj2P5M</youtube></center> |
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| On Friday June 17th 2011 Jared uploaded his, supposedly, final video to his "Jared Milton" account on youtube. But before you whip out your [[Small_cock|massive cock]] and begin fapping furiously at the thought of successfully chasing this retard off our internet, it turns out he's simply making a new account that he [[opinion|thinks]] will remain hidden from his [[haters|haters]].
| | This would suggest that up until this point and until he was rediscovered on youtube, he was not in fact a meta-troll, as a true meta-troll would keep posting videos until either he was no longer getting attention or until his router was smashed by a sledge hammer. |
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| But considering his new channel will be all about him [[pain|singing]] and [[Asperger's_syndrome|dancing]] I don't think he'll get off that easy.
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| ==Jared Attempts To Flee; Fails==
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| Shortly after Jared left his original YouTube channel, Operation "Find Jared Milton" went into effect, and the hordes of Anonymous were rallied to track him down. Thanks to some clever trolls who had [[lies|befriended]] him on Skype, his [http://www.youtube.com/user/bubbubjared original new channel] was quickly discovered. However, Jared's [[aspergers|intelligence]] was out in full force and his new channel was created so quickly, and so easily linked to him, that many of the evil haters thought it was a fake, troll account; Within minutes of its creation, it had been discovered and Jared [[Ragequit|abandoned it]] shortly afterwards.
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| Then came a time of great peace for Jared. While he danced and sang like the little faggot that he is, his many haters and trolls watched in silence. They even saw fit to let him create [http://www.youtube.com/user/SingingDancer100 his current new YouTube account] without a hint of their presence, letting Jared think he had been forgotten. Of course, faggotry of this magnitude can only go ignored for so long.
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| On June 28, 2011, [http://www.youtube.com/user/SingingDancer100 singingdancer100] went down. Could Jared have finally realized that he can't hide, and that the only way to avoid [[Pizza|the wrath of Anonymous]] is to STFU? Of course not. No, as it turned out, his faggotry knows no bounds and yet another new YouTube channel had been created, found [http://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialJaredMusic here]. It took approximately 40 minutes for Jared's [[Haters|fans]] to find his new channel, as the stench of faggotry can be smelled a mile away.
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| ==Negotiations With Brock Obama==
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| [[File:jared_milton.png|thumb]]
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| <br><center><youtube>18IcMKtMeDk</youtube></center>
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| Not long after Brock Obama posted that he was bored with Jared, Jared posted a video. He said that [[No|he won]] and that Brock had [[France|admitted defeat]], as well as posting it on Brock Obama's Facebook page - managed by an egotistical, self-obsessed underage b& that probably wrote the entirety of this section - as well as telling his fans that Brock was ashamed of them, and that he hated them. Of course, this caused confusion among many of his fans, while others quickly denied the statement and assured others that Brock would never do or say such a thing. Shortly after, Brock himself said that he was attempting negotiations with Jared through chat. Not long after that, Jared once again claimed that he had won and that Brock had admitted defeat and surrendered. Minutes later Brock posted his conversation with Jared, and the following things became apparent:
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| *Jared [[Gay|REALLY likes]] Justin Bieber. He says that the Biebs is part of Pop and that [[Hipster|we should embrace Pop Culture]] and JB, and that we can't say bad things about him because that's a [[LOL WUT|felony]]. [[E-lawyer|It's true because his brother has a law book]] (or some shit like that). <br/>
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| *Jared is a racist. He calls Brock several derogatory terms, including but not limited to "slave" and "nigger." <br/>
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| *Jared threatened Brock six times; each threat included the [[Internet Tough Guy|death of Brock Obama]], one threat included the [[Columbine|deaths of Brock's fans]], and three included his [[Holocaust|family's deaths]]. This of course sparked a whole new set of [[rage]] from his fans, and many [[Jared Milton#Dox|demanded his phone number, email address, etc]].
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| See http://i.imgur.com/lCrzv.png for a screenshot of the full conversation.
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| The war is not over yet. Brock tried to be nice and leave him alone due to boredom, but [[Aspergers|Jared will not be so easily deterred]].
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| ==Death Threats to Justin Bieber Haters==
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| Jared, in a truly [[Batshit_insane|absurd]] display of hyperbole, claims he has been given permission from the "[[v&|FBI]]", "CIA" and "Secret Services" in "[[SERIOUS_BUSINESS|Europe, Asia, America and Australia]]" to leak our (haters) information, and that we may be imprisoned and all this other bullshit. Far be it from me to figure out why American authorities would care about [[shit_nobody_cares_about|Jared]], a [[hot|hot]], [[britfag|britfag]] [[lulzcow|lulzcow]], as they're far too busy <strike>catching</strike> posting [[CP|CP]] on [[b/|/b/]].
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| In true Jared fashion the majority of his video consists of
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| * Making threats, saying he doesn't make threats
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| * Being a hot, fag
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| * Saying he can hack people, something he has [[lies|not done yet]]
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| * BBBBBAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
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| * Not [[an_hero|killing himself]] for the [[lulz|good of mankind]]
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| * Killing all of the haters is an absolute MUST
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| All unforgivable crimes against the [[internet|internet]].
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| <br><center><youtube>_m6wf5V7A9Y</youtube></center>
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| And then the [[lulz|sweet]] gets sweeter
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| {{Quote|The 'Brock Obama vs Jared Milton' war is coming to an orgas- errr climax. He told me and a few fans in Tinychat that if his video gets over 5,000 dislikes and 10,000 comments that he will make a new video and hack and murder every single one of us.|Brock Obama|}}
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| This happened some time on the 6th of July, now terrified anons everywhere await their impending murder.
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| ==[[loser|Avery Dilbert]] To the Rescue! (aka SnackyCakes2008)==
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| <br><center><youtube>aQnaeicybxc</youtube></center>
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| {{quote|"You sounded like there's a penis shoved in your nose and in your throat."
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| |-Youtube Commenter, Telling it like it is|}}
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| On July 5, 2011, a [[loser|kid]] named Avery Dilbert decided that he would stand up for Jared and all his beliefs. To find out more about this [[unfunny]] cannibal troll, and his [[fag|merry skip]] through the internet, here is [[Avery_Dilbert|his ED page]].
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| ==Jared Milton the Crybaby==
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| In a display of [[BAWWWWWW]] that would put the previous [[Chris_Crocker|queen of faggotry]] to shame, Jared returned to the spotlight once again after the Avery Dilbert intermission. On July 13th, Jared uploaded a video where he begs [[Justin_Bieber|Justin Bieber]] and [[Trap|Selena Gomez]] to stop [[drama|fighting]] and not break up because that would be "[[lulz|giving the haters what they want]]". He has, apparently, accepted early that he will [[forever_alone|never be in a relationship]] beyond the one he has with his [[hot|fridge]] and [[Bestiality|dog]], and has instead resorted to getting [[emo|emotional]] over other peoples [[serious_business|relationships]].
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| Did I mention he spends the entire fucking video [[Waaaambulance|crying]] his [[fap|cow-eyes]] out?
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| <br><center><youtube>yDPMxrJOidg</youtube></center>
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| {{Quote|ANY OF BROCK'S (SO CALLED FANS) can tell him this! I sayed If This Video Like The Last Gets 10,000 comments and 5,000 dislikes, he is fucked (cont) i am not joking or playing games anymore! This is serious business! It will go into affect 48 hours after the video hits that|Jared Milton on twitter, <strike>talking</strike> crying about this video}}
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| We ran this through our [[George_W._Bush|Retard]]-to-[[Simple_English|English]] translator, and apparently it says that if the above video gains [[Over_9000|10,000 comments]] and [[Attention_whore|5,000 dislikes]], 48 hours later he will [[Unrealistic Expectations|hack]] [[wigger|Brock Obama]].
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| Later that day, Jared realized how fucking [[retard|retarded]] his video sounded, and removed it. No less than hour later, Jared made yet another video. While the [[Baw|message]] remains very much the same, his tone has changed somewhat; instead of crying like a fucking [[baby]] over that which he will never have, he sounds butthurt and insists that Bieber and [[Spic|Gomez]] are giving into the haters by breaking up. While this may arguably be an improvement over his previous performance, it only further compounds the fact that Jared Milton projects his [[Lonely|loneliness]] onto celebrities due to the fact that he is fully aware that [[No one likes you|nobody likes him]] and that he will almost certainly [[Dying Alone|die alone and unloved]], however no Anon has come forward with a mirrored video.
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| == The "REVOLUTION" (AKA Butthurt Reaches ETERNAL) ==
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| <br><center><youtube>Bfvg6TFHlws</youtube></center>
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| {{Quote|I'M CAUSING A REVOLUTION HERE!|Jared Milton in his moment of butthurt}}
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| This video really does [[UNLEASH THE FUCKING FURY|speak for itself]].
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| What is [[duh|apparent]], though, is Jared's slow descent into [[sparta|madness]]. Everybody is hoping that soon this [[homoerotic|festival of a million cocks]] will come to an end; preferably at the [[An_Hero|end of a rope]].
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| For a more enjoyable version of this [[faggotry|video]], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS9wC5kPEOk&feature=related Jewtube delivers].
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| ==Jared Milton on Ray William Johnson==
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| <br><center><youtube>P0M3PCoJNK0</youtube></center>
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| {{Quote|This dude is being a little to [[rage|mellow-dramatic]]|Ray William Johnson}}
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| On July 18th, 2011 [[Ray_william_johnson|Ray William Johnson]] uploaded his weekly [[cancer|video]] and, to the [[duh|surprise]] of many Anons, Ray had chosen Jared Milton to be a part of this weeks [[fail|hilarity]]. Ray had censored out most of [[fag|Jared's]] swearing and [[ugly| ugly face]], in an [[srsly|astonishing]] display of RWJ's [[DO_NOT_WANT|comedic senses]], managed to take something funny and make it like the [[unfunny|rest of his videos]].
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| Proving, once again, that sending videos to meme-leech cunts like RWJ and [[Tosh.0]] does nothing more than ruin a [[lulz|good thing]].
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| ==Epic Meal Time with Jared "Moobs" Milton==
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| <br><center><youtube>ZfOb2I28glg</youtube></center>
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| {{Quote|I am in no way "mad"| Jared being [[RAGE|mad]].}}
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| After a video Jared uploaded of himself [[pain|singing]] "[[pedo|Baby]]" By [[Justin Bieber]] was [[haters|poorly received]] by the internet, forcing him to [[Delete_fucking_everything|take it down]] less than an hour after he uploaded it, Moobs's response was to upload [[Unrealistic_expectations|another video]] listing things that he <strike>isn't</strike> is and damaging a [[lolwut|perfectly good bread knife]]. I mean seriously, What the fuck has that bread knife [[Eunuch|done to him]]?
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| While it may appear that Moobs is attempting to look like a [[Internet_tough_guy|badass]] with his cutlery set, he was actually just getting ready to cut himself another slice of cake.
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| ==Jared "Moobs" Milton gets his '''MOOSIC''' Channel Hacked==
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| [[File:JaredsChannelHacked.jpg|thumb|right| Official Jared Moosic is hacked!]]
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| <br><center><youtube>z8N_SR3d6to</youtube></center>
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| {{Quote|I am not [[crazy| crazy!]]|Jared|while [[Faggot|wearing lipstick]]}}
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| After an annonomous [[hero|hacker]] made [http://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialJaredMusic Jareds moosic channel] his new home, Jared quickly decided to create yet another youtube account [http://www.youtube.com/user/JaredMiltonBaby found here]. After about a couple minutes or so he uploaded yet another threat ageanst his and [[fag|Justin Bieber's]] haters, threatning to hack his and Justin's haters. A while after the hacker decided to close '''Jared's Moosic Channel'''. Ending what was know as his third channel.
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| *'''UPDATE 1''' - Jared's fourth Channel has been taken down. The only channel that has not been closed is his [http://www.youtube.com/user/JaredMilton original channel].
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| *'''UPDATE 2''' - A Fake Channel has been created, [http://www.youtube.com/user/OfficiaIJaredMusic found here]. Notice the capital "i" in his name.
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| {{Quote|Y'all just jealous because I'm attractive, despite being the offspring of my dad and his sister...|Annonomous|}}
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| ==Jared's Contest Entry for [[offended|Ark Moosic Factory]]==
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| <br><center><youtube>SDP-JC_BWuM</youtube></center>
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| Ever since "Friday" by [[Rebecca_Black|Rebecca Black]] [[Ejaculate|exploded]] into existence, to offend the eyes and ears of [[neckbeards|Internet users]] everywhere, It has been [[Some_argue|agreed]] upon that this song was [[Imma_Let_You_Finish|the worst song of all time]]. Jared looked upon this [[fact]], with his [[hot|forever-hot]] eyes, and decided that the best way to follow in [[cumdumpster|Ms. Black's]] footsteps would be to cover her [[OH_MAN_OH_GOD|debut single]] and defy all known [[logic]] by making the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPVTl9K0lqc original] sound [[srsly|amazing]].
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| That being said, the similarities between [[Boxxy|Rebecca Black]] and Jared are as numerous as they are [[creepy]]:
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| * They are both utterly [[talentless]]
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| * Any and all fame they have can be put down to being [[hated]] by [[everyone]]
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| * They are both [[traps]]
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| * They both have boobs; Jared's are [[moobs|bigger]].
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| * Both think they can sing, but [[Autotune|neither can]]
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| * We can thank [[4chan]] for both of these monstrosities
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| :'''Update:''' As of August 6th, 2011, Jared has resorted to having [[Script kiddy|bots]] spam his video with positive comments, and to [[No one likes you|like]] it. This can only show that he is not trolling; he really, really does want to be [[Pedophiles|Ark Music Factory]]'s next victim. Expect updates on the [[Fail|inevitable.]]
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| ==Jared Milton...Wins?== | | ==Jared Milton...Wins?== |
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| [[Trolls]], intellectual [[stupid|heavyweights]] that they are, rarely have to stress their brains as they go about their business; usually only having to slam their fiveheads into their keyboards to leave comments such as "FAGGT" or "FIRST!" on [[jewtube]]. Jared's trolls are especially fucking [[retarded]], many still believe him to be [[facepalm|genuine]] and not a troll himself, and this has never been so clear as Jared now commands this army of trolls by using nothing more than [[magic|reverse psychology]]. | | Jared later submitted an entry for the [[Friday|ARK]] challenge, as part of another attention-gathering ploy. While that alone caused more trolls-in-training to brag about their "successes" by posting comments and thinking to themselves "omg I really hope he reads this, he'll get so mad", he was also later allowed to expand upon it after it was flagged down. A mirror popped up and, whether it was his or not, he encouraged his fans not to vote for it, which in turn caused the legions of retards to pour in votes for the little chubby troll. Nice going 4chan. |
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| On August 8th Jared informed his [[haters|fans]] through twitter that a "[[Fake]]" Jared Milton (under the name proinsias-malocco) had uploaded his [[Jared_Milton#Jared_Does_Rebecca_Black|friday cover]] to the [[Rebecca_Black#About_ARK_Music_Factory|Ark music]] contest [http://www.arkmusiccontest.com/proinsias-malocco/ site]. Moobs was [[lies|horrified]] and demanded that people not vote for it which, of course, his trolls were all too happy to do the [[morons|exact opposite of]].
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| Jared's plan to get thousands of votes was working and the people who hated him the most were making it happen.
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| For anyone wondering how [[duh|obvious]] it was to spot Jared's true intentions and how [[fucking stupid]] his trolls had to be to miss it - In less than 24 hours Jared has spammed the link to the "Fake" contest entry '''12 times''' and has even made a video advertising it.
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| <br><center><youtube>1FVPRLXLqss</youtube></center>{{Quote|Vote for my video, suckers|A translated summary of this video}} | | <br><center><youtube>1FVPRLXLqss</youtube></center>{{Quote|Vote for my video, suckers|A translated summary of this video}} |
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| He is still posting the link on his twitter. | | He is still posting the link on his twitter. |
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| ==Jared Milton, The One True [[GOD]]== | | ==[[DO NOT WANT|His First Hit Single]]== |
| <br><center><youtube>CpwIVqR6dw4</youtube></center>{{Quote| I am God|Jared Milton, [[Unwarranted_Self_Importance|overstating his place in the universe]]}}
| | Sometime [[Last Thursday|in June 2012]], Jared decided to make a [[Pain Series|music channel]] known as TGAppleSauce (http://www.youtube.com/user/TGAppleSauce?feature=watch) and created his first hit single named "Super [[Gay|Cool]]". [[Slowpoke|Eventually]], some [[troll|guy]] on [[Facebook]] named "[[Satan]]" (http://www.facebook.com/LaVeyPls) became one of the first people to discover the video, and coursed [[lulz]] towards the comment section via telling his [[midget|large]] fanbase about it. Some people think he is just trolling, but at times like these, we just sometimes never know if he is serious. Take note: Not even his use of [[autotune]] can save this pile of shit. <br> <center>'''WARNING: YOUR EYES AND EARS WILL BLEED IF YOU EVEN ATTEMPT TO WATCH THIS VIDEO.'''</center> |
| | | <br><center><youtube>YjQsItVGaqQ</youtube></center> |
| Youtube user {{ytuser|JacobLinkZelda}}, having [[rimjob|gained Jared's trust]] over a number of conversations, managed to ask some [[homo|probing]] questions during a [[FBI|recorded]] conversation he had with Jared. It goes without saying that Jareds [[faggotry|ego]] was out in full force and while it has been known for some time now that Jared's sense of self importance is almost as large as his [[moobs|appetite]], this conversation shows just how deep [[insane|Jared's rabbit hole goes]].
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| In this video, Jared reveals to the world:
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| * Jared believes that [[christfag|he is God]]
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| * Jared would [[murder]] his sister given [[Do_it_faggot|half a chance]]. Maybe you should [[DO IT FAGGOT|'''inform his parents'''.]]
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| * Jared doesn't want you to love him, [[lol_wut|you should just love him automatically]].
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| * If you don't love Justin Bieber, Jared will tie you to a chair and starve you until you do. Not eating food being, to [[hot|Jared]], [[Moobs|the]] [[Man_The_Harpoons|greatest]] [[whale|torture]] [[Shay|imaginable]].
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| * Jared is a racist [[Nazi]], even though being a [[gay]], black-haired, [[Britfag]], [[Aspie]], [[incest|inbred]] hotty would of earned him a first class ticket to [[holocaust|the showers]].
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| The video ends with JacobLinkZelda revealing that he has been [[Successful_troll_is_successful|recording all along]] and Jared threatening to [[boring|kill him]] if he publishes the conversation. The video then devolves into [[internet_tough_guy|dick-waving]] until 11:21 when Jared's Dad can be heard [[money_shot|blowing one off]] in Jared's face, much to his surprise.
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| ==Jared Kills Himself (AGAIN)==
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| <br><br><center><youtube>sES8yRk7YYQ</youtube></center>
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| This video shows that:
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| *[[Newfag|Xxshittalkerxx]] decided to call Jared up on skype.
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| *In this video Jared says he is going to commit suicide again.
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| * When the newfags ask how he is going to do so he says that he will hang a rope in his bedroom.
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| * Jared lied because later in the day when this video was uploaded JaredMilton commented "??" as if he was trying to play it off like it wasn't him on the phone.
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| ==Bitches Don't Know 'Bout Mah Javascript==
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| [[Script kiddie|Jared]] gives Javascript proof of what [[lie|he did]] to [[Facebook]] and a few other [[Ebaums|worthless sites]]. <br><br><center><youtube>dU51jUB6H_A</youtube></center>
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| You too can be as cool as Jared by pasting 'javascript:document.body.contentEditable='true'; document.designMode='on'; void 0' into your browser.
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| You can see this is the method he used, as 44 seconds in you can see where his browser's spellcheck has detected fuckups, redlining them.
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| ==Jared Milton the [[Fact|Reptilian Shapeshifter]]==
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| <br><br><center><youtube>EL8Ll5pyxNE</youtube></center>
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| ==[[Shit_nobody_cares_about|WORLD EXCLUSIVE!]] [[Fag|Jared Milton]] [[Bullshit|OFFICIAL MOVIE PREVIEW!]]== | |
| <br><br><center><youtube>dkTTpJFa8Wg</youtube></center> {{Quote|One boy, We all love him, People hated, But he destroyed them, Jared Milton|LIES ALL LIES!!!}}
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| ==The Many Lies of Jared Milton==
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| {{Quote|[[File:JaredLies.jpg]]|Jared Milton claiming to be [[GirlVinyl]]. Though now that you mention it...}}
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| Jared's [[unwarranted_self_importance|imagination]] has worked around the clock to bring you the most [[Cereal_Guy|cereal-spitting]] bullshit that even the most [[retarded|faithful]] [[Christfag]] would turn a [[lol_wut|skeptical eye]] to. [[Lies]] and shit flows from this little [[hot]] kids mouth more often than his [[daddy|dad's]] fresh cum, and rather than make this article [[tl;dr|longer than it already is]] by documenting each unbelievable lie individually, here are a few gems that Jared has squeezed out for us.
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| [[Image:Jaredanus.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Srsly]], his WHOLE anus]] | |
| * Jared [[Taking Down ED|took down Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
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| * Jared, in his infinite wisdom, gave Encyclopedia Dramatica back
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| * Jared has connections to the Kardashians
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| * Jared did an [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/File:JaredFoxNews.jpg interview with Fox 11], it should air sometime [[never|next thursday]]
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| * The CIA has given Jared [[v&|permission]] to hack websites and post dox
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| * Jared's latest video will definitely end all the hatred.
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| * Jared can have you killed
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| * Jared can and has [[CSIII|hacked]] you
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| * Jared doesn't [http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/images/b/b9/JaredCrying.jpg cry at the drop of a hat]
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| * Jared doesn't have [[Moobs]]
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| * Jared is [[fail|Winning]]
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| * Jared is not Chris-chan hot/sexy/inbred/racist/a cow
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| * Justin Bieber is God and Jared is Jesus.
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| Expect this list to get more [[retarded]] as Jared stubbornly continues [[an_hero|to exist]]
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| ==Jared is noticed on Twitter==
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| Some person uploaded this gay video saying he found jared miltons twitter account, and uploaded the gay video
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| [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_1LMKfH2Cc] | |
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| ==SnackyCakes wants Jared==
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| [[SnackyCakes2008]] decided he was batting for the [[homosexuality|wrong team]] and now wants Jared. However, Jared has apparently died and | |
| now he has gone batshit insane and lets out all his feelings on camera. Knowing SnackyCakes he's a very passionate person so he
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| talks about all his wet dreams about Jared. <br><center><youtube>xqsyja-kuBA</youtube></center>
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| Also some [[newfags]] didn't realise he was [[trolling]]. Like the original guy who made this thing.
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| [[File:jaredmiltoncame.jpg|thumb|300px|For the love of all that is holy, burn everything it touched!]]
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| [[Image:Jared_Likes_BigFloppyCocks.png|thumb|200px|Be very afraid.]]
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| ==<s>REAL</s> Fake Death (Holy Shit! AGAIN?!)==
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| Before you start [[fapping]] your black [[monster cock]] read this
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| On Wednesday, November 9th 2011, rumors say that Jared died in a car accident. There was this "video proof", and if you watched it before the baleetion, you probably noticed in the United States of uh-merika, the driver seat is on the left and the uh-merikans also drive on the right, unlike the lefty britfags.
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| Jared Milton's [[friend]] is an [[american]] fucktard but jared is a Britfag? Did they meet over the internet, are they gay, YES that'll be it.
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| His faggot friend released a <s>real</s> 'fake' news report of his death and it claims he was 15 but most his videos say 1997-2011 and he is 14, so what a britfag. Than Jared's sister made a video saying her gay ass brother died. Clearly she is working for Jared.
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| Heres where the Bitch supposedly died : [http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=WoodHouse+Lane+UK+Wigan&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x487b0f977e11a753:0xdbe1526bd064502a,Woodhouse+Ln,+Wigan&gl=uk&ei=XOHDTrPvFpGZ8gPJlbD_Cg&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CB0Q8gEwAA]
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| ==Jared's <strike>REAL</strike> Fake Death explained==
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| Because a couple of people were [[fapping]] with their [[monster cock]] they didn't notice how the original death video was made on JaredMillton which was a fake account, what he did with his sister is give her a script, because as you can see in her video - [[nothing]].
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| "It was trolls hacking his account..." -used because of the OgresLord/PxQv shit, he apparantly "got [[hacked]]"
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| "Using his account to troll you..." -they didn't troll us, they made us have a heart attack and be lifted up to heaven.
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| "It wasn't Jared..." -she could promise that because Jared just went along with it. He only made the stupid [[homosexual]] tribute video.
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| As much as Jared failed he never actually noticed that Jared Millton actually got about 5 dollars out of it, he sold the shitty songs.
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| ==Minecraft is not the [[Shit no one cares about|American way]] mmmkay?==
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| <br><center><youtube>ksGRnBWesmU</youtube></center> | |
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| [[Moralfag|Jared]] [[Nigger|Jackass]] released another shitty video, this time about [[Minecraft|Fagcraft]] and how [[wincest|wincestuous]] and satanic it is. Despite claiming that Minecraft promotes [[Furries|Zoophilia]], [[rape]], and child abuse (which is all true), Moobs fails to see that he commits these things everyday.
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| Still sporting that redneck lesbian accent, he attempts (and fails) to mimic Mr. Mackey from [[South Park]] by saying "mmkay" after every. fucking. sentence. despite being a nigger. In the video, he attempts to counsel like a [[Fag]] to the internets that Minecraft is not the American way and that violent video games are destroying American youth, despite the fact that they're doing it themselves by purchasing guns, raping the absolute shit out of sandniggers in the middle east, and injecting impure [[Charlie Sheen|heroin]] in the name of the [[lulz]]. Also, it's apparent that he hasn't washed his hair since [[last thursday]] because all the cum and grease in it is practically oozing out.
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| What eludes some people of the internets is what the fuck is going on inside Jared's head? Jared, it's not about whats wrong with them, it's about what's wrong with you faggot. I mean just because your dad isn't fucking you in the ass because you're too loose and is now fucking you in the mouth, doesn't mean something is [[Retard|retarded]] and faggy, except if it applies to [[you]] of course.
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| ==Jared's A-List Moozic Cumback Video==
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| <br><center><youtube>4Cbp-Ja31f4</youtube></center> | |
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| On March 12, 2012, Jared uploaded his first dancing/singing video under his fake name Jeffery Sparon. He tried to do a cover of Yasha Swag's "Go Go Go" (and if you have never heard of that song or Yasha Swag in general, it's best that you never find out). In the video, Jared claims that he'll be the next [[Justin Bieber]], and clearly he does. Just like Justin, he can't sing or dance, and he even loses it at the end of the video when he can't remember how it goes, showing that very little effort was put into it.
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| ==OMG JARED IS NOT A TROLL!!!1!!== | | ==OMG JARED IS NOT A TROLL!!!1!!== |
| <br><center><youtube>jE2OOGhi8d4</youtube></center> | | <br><center><youtube>jE2OOGhi8d4</youtube></center> |
| Jared decided to do an interview with [[for the lulz|Trollsnews]] and was of course talking about how he is trying to help [[shit|educate]] the [[internets|internets]] who are apparently very [[Lol wut|politically incorrect]] and that it is his job to guide the internet in the right [[chaos|direction]]. He also believes he was very [[dumbass|clever]] to use a different name and claims he is not a [[lies|retarded fucking idiot]] like the rest of the internet. He is also asked about his [[gay|accent]] in which Jared responded saying that he perfers an [[britfag|English accent]] because it makes him appear [[dumbass|smarter]]. In which after that he goes on about how he is [[dumb|intelligent]], [[shit|knows everything]], and is [[lies|politically correct]]. After the video went up on Trollnews's channel, Jared got [[butthurt|butthurt]] because he didn't look [[Lol wut|hot]] in the video. Even though it looked [[incest|exactly like him]]. But of course, [[dumbass|Moobs]] will make the same mistake again, and again. | | Jared decided to do an interview with [[for the lulz|Trollsnews]] and was of course talking about how he is trying to help [[shit|educate]] the [[internets|internets]] who are apparently very [[Lol wut|politically incorrect]] and that it is his job to guide the internet in the right [[chaos|direction]]. He also believes he was very [[dumbass|clever]] to use a different name and claims he is not a [[lies|retarded fucking idiot]] like the rest of the internet. He is also asked about his [[gay|accent]] in which Jared responded saying that he perfers an [[britfag|English accent]] because it makes him appear [[dumbass|smarter]]. In which after that he goes on about how he is [[dumb|intelligent]], [[shit|knows everything]], and is [[lies|politically correct]]. |
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| ==Jeffery's Leaked Dance Video== | | ==Jared reveals the blatantly obvious== |
| | <br><center><youtube>76SjYUFMWG0</youtube></center> |
| | After a very long hiatus, with Jared's retarded trolls growing confused as to what to do with their pathetic lives, Jared finally revealed his true identity as a troll. This should have been obvious and of course his trolls responded with "I KNEW IT!!!11!!1" even though they actually shat bricks and probably contemplated suicide. This entire Jared troll as a whole just shows how fucked the human race is. |
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| <br><center><youtube>CjbKUbAXAn4</youtube></center>
| | ==Known Relatives== |
| This [[cancer|Video]] [[ejaculate|exploded]] into existance [[last thursday|after leap year]] of 2012. After finally gaining some [[dumbass|intelligence]] Jared decided to dance to a song that [[hotass|suits him]]. Posted by [[12 year old girls|Lisa Milton]], but was also reposted by a few other [[for the lulz|anons]]. Lisa says she was looking through her brothers [[Pr0nz|documents]] and she found this [[pain|video]]. She later put it on [[Jewtube|Jewtube]] for many [[trollface|trolls]] to watch and comment. This is just a peek at what [[hotass|Jared]] does when he is left alone.
| | *'''Laurie L. Milton''', [[mother]] who whores herself to Jared and allows him to beat up his poor little sister. On their home answering machine, she claims not to be connected to Jeffery Sparon, which is a lie as big as her cooch. She works as a secretary at Crestmont Elementary School in Roseville, California. You can call her work number at (916)771-1750 extension 301 |
| | *'''Mark A. Milton''', Jared 's dad, ([email protected]) claims that he works for Microsoft which is strange because wouldn't he have a Hotmail/Live email? |
|
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|
| As we can see in the video, Jared is fantasizing about being a [[slut|stripper]] by dancing like one and showing off his repulsive [[moobs]]. At one point in the video, all hell breaks loose as Jared starts fucking the nearest pillow while thinking of his [[gay]] lover [[Snackycakes2008]].
| | ==Gallery== |
| | <gallery> |
| | File:OMGITSJUSTIN.jpg |
| | File:Jaredanhero.jpg |
| | File:Jaredanhero2.jpg |
| | File:Jaredanhero3.jpg |
| | File:Jaredanhero4.jpg |
| | File:Imnotfatiswear.jpg |
| | File:Jared_milton.png |
| | File:Jaredmiltoncame.jpg |
| | </gallery> |
|
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|
| ==Known Relatives== | | == Dox == |
| *'''Lisa Milton''', [[Loli|little sister]] whom Jared wants to kill because she's a Bieber-hater.
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| :{{ytuser|ForThaLulsTv|Lisa's Youtube account}} '''(ForThaLulsTv)''' STATUS - OPEN.
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| His sister claims that [[Lie|he does not live in Wigan]], and that they live in the [[United States of Americunts|US]]. This came from Jared's "[[Facebook|like page]]" that his sister seems to have [[hacked|occupied]], as well as his [[Twitter]].
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| *'''Laurie L. Milton''', [[mother]] who whores herself to Jared and allows him to beat up his poor little sister. On their home answering machine, she claims not to be connected to Jeffery Sparon, which is a lie as big as her cooch. She works as a secretary at Crestmont Elementary School in Roseville, California. You can call her work number at (916)771-1750 extension 301
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| *'''Mark A.Milton''', Jared's dad, ([email protected]) claims that he works for Microsoft which is strange because wouldn't he have a Hotmail/Live email? | |
|
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| ==[http://bayimg.com/OAiCMaaDj Dox]==
| | *Skype: JaredMUFC, as well as jefferysparon |
| *1207 William Way
| | *{{fbid|244678005614085|His NEW Facebook Page}} |
| *Roseville, CA 95678
| | *{{yt|u|ImGayAndHavAIDS|Mirror YouTube Account}} '''(ImGayAndHavAIDS)''' |
| *GF: 1 619.929.5044
| | *{{yt|u|OfficiaIJaredMiIton|Fake/Troll Related Account}} '''(OfficiaiJaredMiiton)''' (Notice the 2 Capital i's in his name) |
| *Home: (916) 786-5314 NOTE: When you call, no one will answer and it will roll to the answering machine. Jared's mom says that they are in no way connected to "Jeffery". She also says that their voice mailbox is full and you cannot leave a message. The solution: keep dialing until someone answers.
| | *{{yt|u|Jaredmillton| Fake Channel}} '''(JaredMillton)''' (Notice how he subscribed to JacobLinkZelda.) |
| *School: Roseville High School, Roseville, California (916)782-3753
| | *{{yt|u|TheOfficialJared|His NEW Account}} '''(TheOfficialJared)''' |
| *<strike>Mobile: 07526492908</strike> (has been changed)
| | *{{yt|u|JefferySparons|His FAKE Trolling Account}} '''(JefferySparons)''' |
| *Skype: <strike>Jaredmilton111</strike> It was changed to JaredMUFC, as well as jefferysparon and proncitv | |
| *<strike>His Twitter: @jared_milton</strike> - Dead beacuse Jared has nothing interesting to tweet about. | |
| *His NEW Twitter: @JefferySparon
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| *<strike>{{facebook|100002023373707|His Facebook}}</strike> - Baleeted because Jared is a pussy.
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| *<strike>{{facebook|214270375280027|His Facebook Page}}</strike> - Hi-jacked by [[Abdolf Hitcoln|Abdolf Hitcon]]
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| *{{facebook|244678005614085|His NEW Facebook Page}}
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| *<strike>{{ytuser|Jaredmilton|His original Channel}}</strike> '''(JaredMilton)''' ''STATUS - ''CLOSED'' | |
| *<strike>{{ytuser|SingingDancer100|His second Channel}}</strike> '''(SingingDancer100)''' ''STATUS - ''CLOSED''
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| *<strike>{{ytuser|OfficialJaredMusic|His third Channel}}</strike> '''(officialjaredmusic)''' ''STATUS - ''CLOSED''
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| *<strike>{{ytuser|JaredMiltonBaby|His fourth Channel}}</strike> '''(JaredMiltonBaby)''' ''STATUS - ''CLOSED''
| |
| *{{ytuser|ImGayAndHavAIDS|Mirror YouTube Account}} '''(ImGayAndHavAIDS)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN''
| |
| *{{ytuser|OfficiaIJaredMiIton|Fake/Troll Related Account}} '''(OfficiaiJaredMiiton)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN'' (Notice the 2 Capital i's in his name) | |
| *{{ytuser|Jaredmillton| Fake Channel}} '''(JaredMillton)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN'' (Notice how he subscribed to JacobLinkZelda.) | |
| *{{ytuser|TheOfficialJared|His NEW Account}} '''(TheOfficialJared)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN'' | |
| *<strike>{{ytuser|JefferySparon|His NEW Trolling Account}}</strike> '''(JefferySparon)''' ''STATUS - ''CLOSED'' | |
| *{{ytuser|JefferySparons|His FAKE Trolling Account}} '''(JefferySparons)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN''
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| *{{ytuser|PronshiTV|His NEW Account}} '''(PronshiTV)''' ''STATUS - ''OPEN''
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| *<s>{{dauser|JaredMilton|His Deviantart}}</s> BANHAMMERED
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|
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| ==See Also:== | | ==See Also:== |
| | |
| *[[Angry German Kid]] | | *[[Angry German Kid]] |
| *[[Angry Homo Kid]] | | *[[Angry Homo Kid]] |
| | *[[Snackycakes2008]] |
| *[[Attention Whore]] | | *[[Attention Whore]] |
| *[[Batshit Insane]] | | *[[Batshit Insane]] |
| Line 367: |
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| *[[Justin Bieber]] | | *[[Justin Bieber]] |
| *[[Mike Sandy]] | | *[[Mike Sandy]] |
| | *[[MonkeyGameGuides]] |
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| | {{Ytseries}} |
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| | {{Trolls}} |
|
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| {{Aspies}} | | {{Aspies}} |
| {{Takedown}}
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| {{Ytseries}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article January 16th and 17th, [[2012]]|[[Asperger's Syndrome]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[SNN]]}} | | {{Timeline|Featured article January 16th and 17th, [[2012]]|[[Asperger's Syndrome]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[SNN]]}} |
His NEW Facebook Page
Mirror YouTube Account (ImGayAndHavAIDS)
