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Jenna Rose
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Nobody has heard of this person, but whoever they are, vandalizing this article only makes us want to learn more... |
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
Jenna Rose Swerdlow, born September 25, 1998, is the Internets latest incarnation of the five headed she-beast known as Rebecca Black. Unlike Rebecca & the Ark Music Factory however the team pushing Jenna know all too well just what it is that the internet wants from little girls. Jenna's manager, who just so happens to be her own fucking mother, has decided that lil miss Swerdlow's main talents have little to do with her actually singing ability and much more to do with her talent at giving 30 year old men awkward boners. While some may find the idea of a preteen girl using sex to sell her music abhorrent the majority of sick fucks online have all agreed that this is a fantastic decision and wholeheartedly support Jenna's mother in this endeavor.
— Anonymous | ||
Backstory
One day 12 year old Jenna went to her parents and told them that she wanted to be famous. After taking a few moments to compose themselves and stifle their laughter Jenna's mother Debbie told her naive young daughter that she was a talentless whore who couldn't sing her way out of a date-rape let alone into the pop charts. Jenna, of course, was heartbroken at this news and did what all American teenagers who don't get their way do: She threw a fucking tantrum. After desperately trying to calm their daughter down with promises of unprotected sex with niggers they finally gave in and figured they could shut her up by posting some shitty music video knockoffs up on YouTube.
Much to their surprise the videos started gaining views fast. At first Jenna's parents attributed this to the fact that their daughter had stayed up day and night since the videos where uploaded refreshing the page over and over again. But a few days later, after Jenna passed out and was unable to falsely boost up her videos anymore, their popularity kept growing. Debbie, her mother, was dumbfounded until Jenna's father offered up a good explanation.
— Father of the year, 2010 | ||
From then on things began to fall in place quickly as Jenna's mother began a new publicity blitz which focused on the one thing her daughter could actually do right: Be a whore. Debbie went to work taking slutty photos of Jenna and writing her daughter song lyrics which border on solicitation of sex. Soon Jenna began to get popular as many fans started to follow her. While there is always the risk that this will all eventually lead to Jenna being found naked and beaten to death in a gutter at least she is YouTube popular and that's all that really matters.
Music Videos
Jenna's first big hit "My Jeans" was an ode to ripping her pants off quickly enough so that her father to penetrate her in a timely manner. After all nothing is worse than having mom walk in on the fun. Audience approval was overwhelming as most of Jenna's fans could relate to the lyrics since none of them wore pants while watching her videos anyway. This was the song which catapulted her into superstar status and by superstar I mean girl who turns on horny middle aged men.
After the stellar success of getting pedophiles to masturbate to her daughter in droves Debbie decided it was time to kick things up a notch by having Jenna just come outright and say that she would be up for a little bit of molestation with her next song "OMG". OMG was an apt title as Jenna would be repeating it over and over again in public when strangers would walk up to her and flash her their dicks. The video is remarkably mature considering Jenna Rose is a twelve year old loli. She is in a nightclub dress like a woman in her twenties. Despite the fact that she is prepubescent, she sings as if she is ten years older than she is. To date the video has been seized in numerous raids by the FBI of known child pornographers. When asked why the men possessed the tape they typically responded that Debbie had sent it to them personally.
See Autotune
Internet Life
Another fine example of how great her parents are, they let her on the computer with full internet access. She checks her fans (that she called "Jennarations") everyday on her page. Provided with even more sluttier pictures of her bitch ass. While being the butthurt idiot she is, she complains about "haters" making fake facebook profiles and pages to troll her. In her world, whoever makes a fake page about her will get "arrested" such as the arguments in this link and here too. All she ever does is brag on how much she wants to be in certain shows and concerts to flash her titties and dance around in revealing outfits.
— Butthurt Jenna Rose | ||
The following are what things Jenna does on the internet
- Crying over haters/trolls
- Rant about fake/hater pages people post up on facebook
- Complain about how much she isn't in a certain show/concert
- Talk to her Jennarations constantly reminding them about the shit going on in her life
- Complain to Justin Bieber on twitter why he isn't paying any attention to her at all
- Post up slutty pictures of herself
- Begging people to vote her in some stupid shit
Gallery
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So happy looking -
Every pedos dream come true -
Nice and whorish. A+ Job -
Nick Cannon likes em' young -
Another derp face -
Her Daddy -
See the family resemblance?
Links
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Jenna Rose is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |