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Fake News
Fake News, formerly known as The Daily Show, is news that is fake oddly enough. Thanks to the Interwebs, fake news has taken over the world, just like Samuel Langhorne Clemens predicted. Before the internets, Clemens famously said that fake news can travel the world and fuck your wife while you are still putting your boots on. He wasn't talking about you though, everyone knows you are dying alone. For example, telling people you have a girlfriend is fake news.
Fake News is a lulzy entity that spreads like the Zika virus. Determining the source of fake news is often problematic, as difficult as figuring out who a fag on Grindr got AIDS up his butthole from.
Despite reports that only some people make fake news, everyone in the history of the world is guilty of making fake news. Telling people someone loves you is fake news. Telling people you have a reason to live is fake news. Telling people you're happy and love your life is fake news. Lies are fake news. Fakebook and Instagram is the fake news that people show the world in order to troll people into believing they have their shit together. Social life in general consists almost entirely of fake news. Telling people you like them is fake news. Telling people you're glad to see them is fake news. Laughing at people's jokes is fake news. When a pet acts like it loves you and isn't just using you for food, that too is fake news. Your phony username is fake news.
Since you are a phony and a fraud and your life is built upon a pack of lies, if you get the chance you should probably kill yourself kthx.
Invention
Fake News was invented in at least 100 BC by Jews, with the popular fake news publication the Torah (which had several controversial and anti-semitic spinoffs, like The Bible and the Koran), known for its tagline "With Jews you fake news" as well as for popularizing the worship of money. Carrying on the long Jewish tradition of fake news, The Daily Show debuted in 1996 with asexual icon and Sportscenter host Craig Kilborn, but we all know his fake news was written by Jews. Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz took over the show in 1999 before Y2K, long before his Twitter war with The Donald in the middle of the night. During Leibowitz's tenure, many Hollywood Jews gave his fake news show written by Jews many trophies made with Jew gold. In 2015, Leibowitz was replaced with an unfunny black guy from South Africa simply because he had the Jewish name Noah and was black.
But it's the current year, so how is fake news still a thing? Comedy Central needed a token black guy to host a show after Dave Chappelle went to Africa to find Paul Mooney's parents, but he found a South African instead because all of the really black people scared him and he moved back to Amerifat to be a marijuana farmer in Ohio.
History of fake news
Besides the King James Bible and the Koran, history is full of fake news. Some argue that the alphabet was invented for the sole purpose of spreading fake news. That's why other written languages that you don't speak all look like fake news.
In the military
Some Greek faggot supposedly said the first casualty of war is truth. However, that itself was fake news, he didn't say that. Naturally, war depends on fake news. Militaries have used fake news since the oldest of old memes. The Trojan Horse was fake news. Flying a false flag was fake news and a ruse of war used by pirate ships and in naval warfare. Camouflage is fake news. Landmines and booby traps are fake news. Guerrilla warfare uses fake news. Propaganda, misinformation, and disinformation is fake news. Denial campaigns use fake news. Psyops and information warfare use fake news. Ambushes often depend on fake news. Phony communications is fake news. Spies and secret agents often use fake news. Dummy weapons or vehicles or buildings are fake news. Fake guns that get black kids shot by cops are fake news.
One ancient Chinese secret is The Art of War, with chapter six about illusion and reality, and chapter thirteen about spies and espionage. Deception is fake news. The Art of War is widely used by the KGB, corporations, sports coaches, and in e-sports.
—Sun Tzu, on the art of fake news | ||
In the wild
Even animals make fake news. Mimicry is fake news. Camouflage is fake news. Cephalopods, like octopussies and squids and cuttlefish, and chameleons are perhaps the most striking examples of fake news in the wild kingdom. Other fake news animals include walking sticks, walking leaves, flounders, leopards, etc. Fake news in the wild also includes alligators and hippos hiding in water holes, spiders, big cats hiding in tall grass, etc.
In business
Advertising is fake news. Fine print enables fake news. Product placement in shows is fake news.
In print
Sources say the oldest fake news magazine in the world was invented by Polandball in 1816, known as "Gutter Rag News", in order to use fake news to dispel the truth behind Pollack jokes. Other dead tree fake news magazines that nobody cares about include La Caricature in 1830, Punch in 1841, Fun in 1861, The Yale Record in 1872, The Harvard Lampoon in 1876, Private Eye in 1961, Charlie Hebdo in 1969, Weekly World News in 1979, Spy in 1986, The Onion in 1988, and The Oxymoron in 2007. Although often accused of spreading fake news, tabloids are actually reliable sources. Weekly World News is notable for warning the public about the genetic freak Batboy.
The granddaddy of fake news magazines made by Jews is Mad magazine, which began as a comic book for EC comics in 1952 and was written and edited by Brooklyn Jew Harvey Kurtzman, back when "comic book" meant funny paper rather than capeshit written by Jews. Alfred E. Neuman, itself a variant of an older Me Worry? meme, appeared on the cover in December 1956 as a write-in candidate for president, preceding Deez Nuts and Giant Meteor by six decades. Some argue Mad magazine was the original redpill in the 1950s, setting the formula for all Amerifat satire that came after. Although the alt-right may argue it was the original bluepill, as a vehicle for Jews to spread degeneracy throughout society which culminated in hippies and feminism and eventually the social justice warrior. Mad magazine promoted skepticism of everything, and influenced Harry Shearer, Terry Gilliam, Robert Crumb and all underground comix, Weird Al, even Roger "Jaws No More" Ebert. By reading ED, you are a piece of shit that owes Mad magazine a debt of gratitude. In its 400th issue, it said "The second issue of Mad goes on sale on December 9, 1952. On December 11, the first-ever letter complaining that Mad 'just isn't as funny and original like it used to be' arrives." Mad was the original "/b/ was never good." Mad magazine preceded Fark and Something Awful and 4chan by decades, until loaning its brand to a TV show that had nothing to do with it.
The Harvard Lampoon and its writers are also notable for spawning a massive shitload of fake news. The National Lampoon Radio Hour featured The Six-Fingered Man, Mr. Burns, and Chevy Chase.
In television
Harvard Lampoon veterans went on to write for Saturday Night Live, The Simpsons, Beavis and Butthead, Futurama, Late Night with David Letterman, Seinfeld, Friends, NewsRadio, The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, and at least four Chevy Chase Vacation movies.
Weekend Update is a fake news program that has aired in Amerifat from the beginning of Saturday Night Live in 1975, created by Lorne Michaels. SNL has received at least 50 Jew Gold statues over the years. Weekend Update's first fake news anchor Chevy Chase set a trend for fake news anchors going on to get their own fake news talk shows. The show's fake news reporters have included: Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Buck Henry, Dan "Crystal Skull" Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Charles Rocket, Gail Matthius, Jonathan Lear, Brian Doyle-Murray, Mary Gross, Christine Ebersole, Brad Hall, Billy Crystal, Joe Piscopo, Christopher Guest, Dennis Miller, Kevin Nealon, Norm Macdonald, Colin Quinn, Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz, Seth Meyers, Cecily Strong, Colin Jost, and Michael Che. Fake news anchor Norm Macdonald would begin the segment by saying "I'm Norm Macdonald, and now the fake news." Jimmy Fallon got his own fake news talk show, and so did Seth Meyers. Former SNL writer Conan O'Brien also got his own fake news talk show, like three different times. Protip: The fake news show Weekend Update suggested that PizzaGate was invented by crackheads, but that was just copypasta from the fake news site The New York Times.
With fake news reporter Stephen Colbert getting his own fake news talk show, late night talk shows in Amerifat are dominated by fake news written by Jews. Britbongs like Craig "Robot Skeleton Pal" Ferguson and James "Carpool Karaoke" Corden have also tried their hand at fake news in Amerilard, but nobody gives a shit.
Many people who worked on the fake news show The Daily Show went on to have their very own fake news shows. After appearing on The Dana Carvey Show which featured an impersonation of Bill Clinton breastfeeding several puppies or some shit, Stephen Colbert joined the fake news show The Daily Show, before getting his own fake news show The Colbert Report, before getting his own fake news show The Late Show. John Oliver got the fake news show The Current Year. Samantha Bee got the fake news show Full Frontal. Due to underrepresentation even Larry Wilmore got the fake news show The Nightly Show before it was cancelled.
Joe Rogan used to work on the fake news show NewsRadio before he went all DUDE WEED LMAO. Other fake news shows include: Murphy Brown, The Newsroom, The Weekly, The Beaverton, heute-show, Banana News Network, Have I Got News For You, and Mock the Week.
On the Internets
Fake News has had a long presence on the Internets, going back at least to the creation of alt.religion.scientology on newsgroups. After Eternal September and the world wide web was invented, fake news really took off. Perhaps the most notable fake news website is The Onion, started in 1996. In early 2016, 40% of the Onion was bought by Univision, headquartered in New York City and co-owned by Hillary Clinton's top donor Israeli Zionist Haim Saban. Saban and his wife have donated over 9000 dollars to Hillary's campaigns and to the Clinton Foundation, where Cheryl Saban sits, which explains newer headlines such as "Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring."
Other notable fake news websites include Private Eye in 1996, Landover Baptist Church in 1998, Borowitz Report in 2001, Cracked in 2007, Weekly World News in 2009, and ClickHole in 2014.
Clickbait is usually fake news. Also everything on Facebook run by Mark Zuckerberg. YouTube and Twitter also have fake news, if you can believe it, just like most sites that feature UGC. But fear not! Liberal democracy's patron saint, trillionaire George Soros, has stepped in and provided vast sums of money to help Fecesbook stem the tide of fake news. Because, you know, Zuckerberg got a parking ticket this month and so things were a bit tight and obviously he couldn't be expected to cover internal corporate expenditure all on his own.
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In religion
Besides all the fake news religions that spawn from Abraham, fake news is a feature of all religions, especially Scientology.
Some religions feature a "trickster god", where the god is a rusemaster who torments humanity with fake news.
—Guatama Buddha, in the Diamond Sutra | ||
List of things that are fake news
- You are loved
- People like you and like to be around you
- Your dad works for Nintendo
- Your dad can beat up my dad
- You have a bigger penis than anyone
- You are not a retard
- The Reichstag fire
- Colin Powell saying Iraq had WMD (the yellowcake was a lie)
- The Gulf of Tonkin incident leading to the Vietnam War with Japan
- Brian Williams of NBC lying about shit and getting replaced with Lester Holt
- Fashion
- Makeup
- Fat Girl Angle Shot
- Breast implants
- Plastic Surgery
- That thing that Hillary Clinton ranted about in her first speech after the 2016 Presidential Election where she lost to The Donald
- Transgenderism
- Traps
- Cross-dressing
- Clothes
- "Handles"
- Wikipedia Hoaxes
- Famous conspiracy theories
Gallery
TBC
-
Spanish terrorists spark war (February 1898) -
RMS Titanic completes maiden voyage (April 1912) -
Miracle witnessed on battlefield (October 1915) -
Holocaust begins in Germany (April 1917) -
Shamed German troublemaker seeks obscurity (October 1924) -
World War II averted (October 1938)
-
War with Mars declared (October 1938)
-
Axis powers invade California (February 1942) -
Contact established with space aliens (July 1947) -
President Dewey elected (November 1948) -
Hitler's secret diary published (April 1983) -
Football fans kill 96 and desecrate their corpses (April 1989) -
Global civilisation collapses (January 2000)
-
British soldiers piss on Iraqis (May 2004) -
Amanda Knox guilty
(October 2011) -
Michael Sheen quits (December 2016)
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Quotes
Previous Quote | Next Quote |
See also
- Video Game Journalism
- The Daily Show
- Old media
- Internets
- Mein Kampf (a book universally hated by all Fake News)
External links
- The Google, find fake news here
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Fake News is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
| Fake News is part of a series on Language & Communication | |
|---|---|
Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry •
The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand |
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Fake News is a Good New Article. See the template page for more info. |
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| Featured article December 14 & December 15, 2016 | ||
| Preceded by Oliver D. Smith Brothers |
Fake News | Succeeded by Pizzagate |