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Figment
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
Figment Fagment (also known as 卐 and Germany) is a fanfic writing website for pussy ass bitches. This fuckery is run by a bunch of cheap fascist pigs with the intent to attract teen and young adult writers. It was created in the Führerbunker of some writerfag cunt in too-sowzund-ten. Since the main userbase of the website consists of 16 year old girls and wrist-cutting niggers, the site is full of fucking awful poetry about how hard it is to be a rich white kid in America, and the daily suffering these lulfags go through. Riteing rilly rilly gud shyt tht iz wurthee 2 b p00blyshed is the whole entire purpose of the site.
The faggotry multiplied when Fignazijew bought out HarperCollins rival site Inkpop. Lulz in the writing cummunity has since increased dramatically.
A Day in the Figlife
Instead of being a God-damned chocolateface and assuming that everybody who uses the site is the same, know this: the userbase of Figment is extremely diverse. Users are proud nationalists, advocators for positive body image, and they range in age and sexual orientation.
The average figpig spends his
- Let's be serious, there are no men on Figment.
- But there are no women on ze interwebs, either.
- Oh shit, nucca.
- Mindfucked.
- Oh shit, nucca.
- But there are no women on ze interwebs, either.
The average figpig spends its day not fapping. Sex is forbidden because it's bad and shit, reflected by the 99.8% of figvirgins found on the forums who complain of never having rode le dick. It is often claimed that the most talented writers can be found outside the forums, being complete isolationists. A dickbox who does not engage in forum activity will usually say they are "too good" to associate with those who talk about how cool things are, like fucking turtles, penguins, cupcakes and shit. Posting in the forums consists of shit and more shit.
There is occasional lulz but it only occurs every Sunday and is highly anticipated by the forumwhores. These dumbasses always complain that their forums are being overrun by ruthless niggers, but egg them on anyway once le trolling has commenced because they cannot help themselves. They are also self-proclaimed Grammar niggers who can't stand, God forbid, that people can accidentally place commas in the wrong places.
To justify the widespread obesity pandemic on Figment, all its users including the mods make threads and fuck their profiles, nay, the site with pictures and mention of Nutella. You might as well call Figment the /b/ for anything having to do with any brand of chocolate spread that looks like a fucking shit sandwich when spread on bread.
Pawpewluhr Figpeople
In order to /b/cum pawpewluhr, one must follow every fucking person he sees in the hopes that there's one selfless bastard who will follow back out of the babillions who don't. That, or you have to spend the life you don't have in the forums, whoring yourself out or trolling hoping someone will accept you or deny the lulz. If these conquests have failed then you have no future and only one option remains.
The following people have committed faggotry beyond belief, while maintaining a massively large circle of followers.
Erycka The Fluffy Furfag
Believed by some to be the most popular figperson who isn't shunned to the pits of Hell. Erycka "Fluffy Little Kitteh Hoarder" is an immature little 2-year-old bish who can't handle sick humor, and resorts to making threads titled ONG IM SO SCARRED FOR LIFE LIKE OMG every time there is a troll on the loose (lulululul). Because she refuses to grow a pair, she cannot receive the fucking help she needs. She would break the intern0tz if she showed her face, therefore, she uses a picture of a depraved kitt3h to represent her disgusting buttery mug. She has an iPod because she can't afford shit.
Kat Connolly
Figment's most overweight user weighing in at around 80-90 pounds. She claims to be naturally skinny, but we know that's a lie. She likes to complain about her home life, and how hard it is to be a 12-year-old kid, nay, a 12-year-old vagina living in US and A. She also likes to photowhore by posting a bunch of pictures of herself that no one could give a single fuck about. This bitch's collarbones are sharp as knives, so males of Fagment do not consider her to be fap material.
Talia Durante
A whiney teenager who acts on stage professionally and has a large presence in the forums. She is widely considered to be the most fappable user on Figment, despite having nappy hair and a unibrow (because people on Figment are sympathizers of ugly). Talia spends most of her time talking about her latest play and bragging about her Italian heritage or her undeniably leet singing skills and how she will one day be the next Audrey Hepburn. In reality, she sounds like an orgy of Pitbulls choking on whale cock. At least 83% of her posts contain a picture of herself, showing how bigheaded she is. Although she claims to be a virgin and willing to practice abstinence, it is clear that by so cheaply advertising herself Talia has ulterior motives to attention whore and thus obtain a higher status amongst her inferiors. The ego on this girl is so big you could take it to a fucking county fair and win a ton of shit. To troll Talia properly, just tell her you unfollowed her on Twitter, she needs to lose 10 pounds and that Italians are greasy-haired, broke ass motherfuckers. Oh, and be sure to shit out a bus all over her JewTube videos because they're not going to be discovered.
Sparrow
Scientists are not really sure what the fuck this ugly creature is but they assume it is of mixed heritage with a considerable amount of nigger. However, one is mindfucked when wondering how she came to be on Figment because it has been true since the dawn of time that niggers lack the ability to write. Apparently she is aesthetically acclaimed for her overapplied makeup and nappy ass hair which doesn't look like it's been brushed since 10,000 BC, although we're not sure why because we would not hit it. Sparrow is probably the most fappable piece of a$$ on Figment. That is if you go by their standards, which stoop so low as to call even a beached whale beautiful. Sparrow exposes her shoulders from her hipster shirts which leads The Trollice Department to believe she has been buttsecksed but like other teenage pussies on Figment, she probably makes herself out to be un virgin just to save face. Remember kids...niggers lack the ability to write.
Figbanned Figpeople
Nox Zand
A well-known figfag who paraded around the forums throwing feces in every direction. The inconsistent, dumb whore was raped by the mods for being a general and unfunny bish. She doesn't visit the site periodically like other banned members do because nobody really gives a fuck. She relayed her messages of BAAWWWWWWW to the rest of the figpublic by having other dramadick-riding teenagers on the site act as a liaison between her and them. Unfortunately, not a single fuck was given. To this day, it is widely believed that she ran away to /b/ and is lost. No one looks for her or wants her nasty pig-nosed Asian ass back. Talia is by far her biggest worshipper, going so far as to display her gay affections by adding "-Zand" to her name.
"Azzy"
Generally thought to be one of the most popular users on Figment, Azzy is a typical teenage forumwhore who got baleted. She was the most frowned-upon of the figtrolls, but the very small fraction of the Figment community that isn't made up of heartless people has her back. When a thread is started with Azzy's name in it, arguments arise and a bullshit number of users post all over it and it gets shut down by le modz. She still seeks attention under the totally original pseudonym 'Courtney Love'. Her age was relatively unknown until she came out and admitted she was just as old as everybody else. Every time her account is removed from the site, she returns and brags about her blowjob-blue eyes and what an attractive girl she is.
Figpeople Who Think They're Big Shit
Either they complained about not being copypasta material for ED, or they posted too many obscene, racy pictures of themselves on the forums. The only people who will appear hither are those who intentionally create drama and make lulz, and are not poh-poo-lur enough to appear above. If you were popular but made no effort to publicly act like an ass, you will not find your name down south.
Carian Elen
Thought she was special enough to deserve her own section (despite having only 70 something followers) and tried to write it out here herself, in the section for popular figs. She almost crashed all of ED from trying to make lulz which could not be made, and so her edits had to be baleted. Nigga, suck my balls. Go eat your boiled hamburger and potatoes you Welsh fucking duck.
Ashlee
Every interweb comes with a whore or two. It just so happens, Figment comes with several who specialize in the field of complaining as much as black people. Ashlee is one of said people. She sarcastically requested she have "her own" section like everybody else. If she were smart she would realize that there is not a single person in this damned article whom has his own section. Everyone gets shoved into each shitty catergory, thus, Jews in ze Jewcamp.
Ashlee prides herself for (like many teenfags on the internet) wearing too much makeup and having a boyfriend (when she does). She is also a resident of bumfuck nowhere. Being the smartass that she is, she likes to have educated deb8 with smarter species. Usually failing, she resorts to self humor in the middle of discussing the morals of abortion. The ego on this fish is a little less than that of Talia, but not quite as high as Carian, Bianca, or Sparrow. Still pretty high though. As a combined result, she earned her place in this article by being nothing other than dramatic scum. Oh yeah, we envy her for her extremely good looks too.
Oscar Tapia
BAWWWWWWWWscar Tapia, a border-hopping coke dealer from Kulumbya, came to prominence when he posted on le shit talking about how he wanted to nail Azzy in the ass, and then some. Like most figpeople with incredible egos, he attempted to defend his actions, but was not paw-pew-luhr enough to gain any support for his pervertedness. Even though there are many oldfags on Figment, Oscar thinks he is the cream of the crop because he's a 19-year-old collegefag. He has rightfully earned a spot here as a shit disturber although it's very unlikely his Figfame will last long enough for anyone to recall. Back to swallowing pellets, you filthy Spanish fuck! Ironically, this junglebunny wears a holy cross and decided to put one in his display name. Oh the lulz is so delicious and shit.
Notable Po-eh-treez
There aren't any. Because most of the figfags are smart enough to know poetry is for black people.
Drama
Sessions of drama are not far and few in between. Many users proclaim that you will catch the forums heavily laced with drama on Sundays, but let's get real. The REAL drama occurs when a change is made to the site and the teenfags don't like it. Occasionally, there is lulz because of yours truly, but we can only do so much to piss those narcissistic fuckers off.
The Day Inkpop Was Raped
Although Figment is essentially an interwebz n00b Nazi-Jew that was created yesterday, it eventually buttsecksed another writing fuckhole of cyberspace once known as Inkpop Dinkpop. After HarperCollins claimed it was not making any moniez off Inkpop because the books were garbage, they sold dat shit because nobody wanted it and moved on.
The fanfag websites were merged on March 1, 2012 and combined Inkpop’s userbase of 75,000 to Fagment's userbase of 115,000. Most Inkpop users were pissed as fuck at the change and adopted a holier-than-thou attitude when they started joining Fagment all because there was the ability to copy and paste on the website. If you were to compare these pig-nosed bitchass hoes to anything, it would be to that extremely ugly new kid that goes to a new school, and acts like he is the absolute fucking shit when he moonwalks in the front fucking door. In response, most "Figgies" "Faggies" were up in arms and running around like whiney ass bitches who haven't been fucked for 5 months and have baby-daddies that owe two years’ worth of child support.
Inkfags never feel welcome at Fagment. The faggots on Fagment be all like "Nigga dis my h00d, fuck u".
Most inklebiters and figniggers disagree with each other on everything on a daily basis, from how to ride dick on the forums to how to describe their Mary Sue’s eye colour without sounding over the top. They do not realize how similar they are to each other; the fact remains that the writing on both sites is/was generally horrible and written by teenage weeafags who masturbate to Cardcaptor Sakura.
An Hero Threads Get Baleeted
One thousand years ago in late spring 2012, this thread was posted by a Figment Moderator. It was outlined in said thread that any talk of self-harm or an hero was prohibited and provided links to crisis help lines. This resulted in much uproar and lul from the suicide faggot population of the website.
Although you would think that they would be grateful for the Moderators at least extending a hand out and providing digits to dial on your iPhone so you can bawl to some stranger about how much it sucks that your parents won't buy you an iPad, this sadly was not the case. Figniggers got so upset that internet authorities had the upper hand, and decided that it was in their best interest to cease the "freedom of speech" of the teenaged users (which never existed in the first place). Figment never cared about the safety of its population of worthless suicide scum; it only made the choice in order to avoid being sued.
—Some random attention whore via this thread, which could have been the cause as to why the Moderators decided to silence the cutters. | ||
Copypasta
It's quite funny to fuck around with a bunch of teenage dirtbags; provided below are some delicious custom anecdotes one can post on the forums to create le shitstorm and cause all the sensitive forum babies to cry. Alternatively, one may create an account and post a story with the following as its contents. Bless the poor soul who clicks on it and begins reading.
[+]blood nd guts xdd
The nightmare took place in some room, I don't know what the room was like except that it had bare walls, colourful furniture. Light seeped in through windows, and we sat down and talked for a while. Now, it was either you or me, I can't remember. Someone took the initiative to lean forward and grab the other's arm, pulling them gently to the floor in front of where the other one sat. Again, the same identity crisis occurs in what follows. The one sitting daintily above joins the other in a kiss down below and then all of a sudden, we're in bed together. So, naturally, there's quite a bit going on at that point. Foreplay of sorts, both of us still clothed, then we're seemingly bare and wrapped in sheets. Our breathing and body movement makes it obvious that we're actually starting to have sex. You said things throughout, but most of it was inaudible. All I can remember is a remark about a birthmark or beauty mark or something and I laughed. We went through various sex acts and whatnot and it droned on for a long while without climax. Slowly and slowly it built up like the gradual process it is, and your rhythm became indicative of you trying to finish. But it fucking hurt and the feeling went from soft and warm to uncomfortable and unbearable gay horses. You couldn't seem to control yourself nor did you care that I was crying out in pain. You stopped for about a few seconds, and started moving your hands up toward my face, but they never reached there. You pressed one hand on my throat, and I thought it was just light asphyxiation to heighten the intensity as some people do but you kept pressing. It was like I was dumbfounded and expected you to stop. Your other hand quickly reached over to the side and you grabbed a glass of clear liquid sitting on the nightstand, then by the neck you forced me up, still keeping an extremely tight grip. Then you tried to force me to drink but there was a struggle and I kept pulling away, each time you just clamped down harder on me, and eventually through sputters I drank the whole glass which smelled like lye and India ink mixed together. Seconds later you laid me down again and let me breathe. And then there was an orgy of horses. All of a sudden you were inside me again, and then both your hands could be felt pressing down on my throat. I knew what you were doing wasn't normal, and I was choking at this point, trying to scream for help, trying to claw at your face, anything to get you to stop. You pressed the hardest for a good 10 seconds, then released, and I coughed up blood nd guts xdd, still breathing and screaming, putting up a struggle. And then there was an orgy of horses. You released for the final time and started kissing me as if I wasn't gurgling with a mouth full of red blood nd guts xdd, but I was barely responsive. And then there was an orgy of horses. Slowly you went over my whole entire body kissing and licking it, while I lay there almost motionless, and then made your way back up to slide yourself back in. And then there was an orgy of horses. After a few moments of that, I could feel you were tensing up, almost ready to come, and as if things reverted back to normal I extended my hand up groggily-- but you'd covered my face with a pillow in a heartbeat and retrieved a knife from the nightstand drawer. You stabbed blood nd guts xdd in endless directions through the pillow, getting blood n guts xdd all over yourself and the bed, but you kept going and it became clear you were aroused by this blood nd guts xdd because you finished after the final blow. And then there was an orgy of horses. You kept a grip on the knife after pulling yourself out, then removed it and just laid there with my blood nd guts xdd dead body.
External Links
Inkpop.com— Because nobody uses that shit anymore, nigga- Figment.com — New home for all of the Inkfags
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Figment is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
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Figment is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
