Denmark

Denmark is a boring ass country with nothing but Sand niggers and snow. The government picks up the snow from Greenland to get rid of the Sand niggers, but it doesn't help. Therefore they send some of them to Iceland. Also, the Danes once were vikings, but the organization of banned NAMBLA members named EU decided that Denmark should be civilized like the rest of the wonderful countries in Europe, so now they fail at raping other countries (as shown at one of the pictures to the right). Haha, disregard that I suck cock. The Danes only settled down in other countries peacefully during the Viking Age, thus the Danes were only being annoying, like Jews, this would eventually lead to the massacre of Danes, known as the St. Brice's Day massacre. The vikings went sailing in their boats to what they called "Britfag Land" to rape their women and raid their homes for the l00t lulz. But one thing do the Danes have in common with the vikings... They all start drinking at the age of 13. The Danish language consists of throwing up and making weird noises.

History

So, you are here to study the interesting history of Denmark?. Well, the Danes have lost every land battle they have ever fought. Congratulations! You now have master's degree in Danish History.

It all began when Denmark was united in 965 AD by Harald Bluetooth. However their Independence was threaten by the Christian Emperor Otto II of the Holy Roman Empire. In the year of our lord, 973 AD, the Mighty Germans could not stand their Pagan Danish neighbours any longer. Otto II mobilized an army and launched a blitzkrieg on Denmark. Luckily for Harald, a handsome Norwegian named Haakon Sigurdsson, leader Jarl of Norway, agreed to help the Danes fight off the Germans. It all went well until a peasant revolt broke out in Norway. This forced Haakon to quickly sail back to Norway. Haakons return to Norway gave the Germans free passage to rape Denmark under one day. Otto II Then demanded that Bluetooth would cede his sorry ass to the German realm and also be baptized to the superior religion of Christianity.

After the defeat, Harald Bluetooth would be known as Harald the Loser. After this nothing interesting happens in Denmark until 980 AD, when Slavic raiders invaded Denmark. This would be the key to Danish independence. Sweyn Folkbeard would use this chaos to his advantage. He agreed to let the Slavs fuck every Danish female, adults and children alike, in exchange that they would help him carve out his own new kingdom, called Denmark 2.0. The Mighty Germans took notice off this. Though because Denmark was already Christian they decided to go easy on Sweyn and his people. The Holy Roman Emperor just demanded x amount of Booty each year.

About the same time Sweyn was crowned King of Denmark 2.0 a more superior slave, named Olaf Tryggvason, took the throne of Norway. Tryggvason had launched a raid on England and would be the first Viking to ever sack London, and get past London Bridge, a few years earlier. This made Sweyn Folkbeard fear Olaf, especially since Olaf said this; "Hurr The Danes and the Swedish tribes are all pussy cunts! Thus I should be the rightful ruler of all Scandinavia." -Tryggvason's envoy, Saga of the Norse Kings. Folkbeard would waste most of his term in office to plan the death of Tryggvason, but Sweyn knew he could not do this alone with his huge army of Danes. Good for him, a sexy Swede known as Olaf the Swede agreed to help the Danish king. So did the Norwegian Jarl named Eirik Hákonarson.

Rumors had it that Olaf Tryggvason was sailing home from a raiding campaign in the Baltic. Sweyn quickly sent word to Eirik and Olaf to surprise Truggvason at Oresund. When Olaf Truggvason finally came to Oresund he was humbled to see that the joint Swedish, Danish and Norwegian forces of 70+ ships that were waiting for him. Even though Tryggvason only had 11 ships he was not a huge pussy like the Danes and Swedes, so he decided to attack. This would be the Battle known as "the Battle of Svold"

King Olaf stood on the Serpent's quarterdeck, high over the others. He had a gilt shield, and a helmet inlaid with gold; over his armour he had a short red coat, and was easy to be distinguished from other men. When King Olaf saw that the scattered forces of the enemy gathered themselves together under the banners of their ships, he asked, "Who is the chief of the force right opposite to us?"

He was answered, that it was King Sweyn with the Danish army.

The king replies, "We are not afraid of these soft Danes, for there is no bravery in them; but who are the troops on the right of the Danes?"

He was answered, that it was King Olaf with the Swedish forces.

"Better it were," says King Olaf, "for these Swedes to be sitting at home killing their sacrifices, than to be venturing under our weapons from the Long Serpent. But who owns the large ships on the larboard side of the Danes?"

"That is Earl Eirik Hakonson," say they.

The king replies, "He, methinks, has good reason for meeting us; and we may expect the sharpest conflict with these men, for they are real Norsemen like ourselves." -Sagas of the Norse Kings

TL;DR

Despite this lush and extravagant history, the only thing Denmark is actually known for is this newsroom backdrop they stole from Assassin's Creed.

Current History

Denmark, Legoland (also known as Denmark) is a small communist country in Scandinavia. It is ruled by an old whore named Queen Margrethe II who's gonna die in a few years from alcoholic diseases. Denmark is known for making Lego, the letters ÆØÅ and the Muhammad Cartoons. They spend 26% of their lifes on drinking, 57% of their lifes sleeping after they drink and 17% of their life on life.

Basic education in Denmark is still l00ting school, a holdover from Viking times. To pass ninth grade, you must l00t 3 things from your burning teacher, while raping his women, cursing his art and being over 9000% drunk at the same time. This makes Danish culture rather similar to that of the negro.

Politics

Denmark's politics is based on 3 paragraphs, as no Dane is capable of being in charge of the country (apart from the alcoholic and narcotic Queen Margrethe II and Lars Løkke Rasmussen who doesn't do shit anyway).

§1 - l00t

§1.1 - 1 kg of l00t or less counts for 50 xp.

§1.2 - 1-5 kg of l00t counts for 100 xp.

§1.3 - 5-10 kg of l00t counts for 250 xp and the amount of kg in spareribs.

§1.4 - 10 kg of l00t counts for 500 xp and the amount of kg in spareribs.

§2 - Rape

§2.1 - Rape a woman and finish under 5 minutes counts for 50 xp.

§2.2 - Rape a woman and finish in 5-10 minutes counts for 100 xp.

§2.3 - Rape a woman and finish in 10-30 minutes counts for 200 xp and the amount of minutes will count as - (minus) in Øre (the Danish cent) in your taxes (example: 30 minutes will - (minus) 30 Øre or 4 cent everytime you pay taxes.

§2.4 - Rape a woman and finish in 60 minutes or more for 400 xp and the amount of minutes will count as - (minus) in Øre (the Danish cent) in your taxes (example: 60 minutes will - (minus) 60 Øre (1 krone) or 8 cent everytime you pay taxes.

§3 - Wimmins

§3.1 - If your bitch says no to your request, you either hit it, cap it's head off or KILL IT WITH FIRE.

§3.2 - Wimmins imported from Amsterdam, Germany and Sweden can be rented from 09:00-03:00 (9 am to 3 am) from the Copenhagen City Hall for 250 kr. ($43). Delivery costs 50 kr. ($9) extra.

Economy

Stupid shit cheeses

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Mr President compares cock size with Dane Viceroy Fog Rasmussen

Denmark's main export is Legos; second to that are dairy products, followed closely by cartoons of Muhammad. The Danes were great looters back in the day, and there are a small remaining group of Vikings who have avoided contact with the modern world and have been known to raid merchant ships bound for Narvik, Norway.

The only things that Danes import are Swedes, who come, drink all the booze in the country, and piss everywhere. This, of course, angers the used-to-be-vikings, but because they are now Socialist hippies, they don't do anything about it.

Inventions

Denmark's inventions are numerous and epic from Danish bacon and Danish pastry, to the pedo storyteller Hans Christian Anderson to Tycho Brahe's psychic midget Jebb and alcoholic pet moose, (who fell down the stairs whilst drunk and died), thus prophesying Fahrenheit 9/11.

Language

Every girl in Denmark likes charming dirty sentences, and here are one of the best.

Your beautiful eyes make me think about my hairy balls - Dine smukke øjne får mig til at tænke på mine behårede boller.

The danish are also said to have uncanny skills in the language of Ænglisj:

Equal Opportunity

Denmark's biggest star.

Denmark is world famous for their woman friendly labor market. If a woman wants a job in Denmark, she just has to have an education from the porn industry and blonde hair. Actually only 56% of the women in Denmark are employed in the porn industry the rest are in prison, but about 1% are hardcore lesbos.

Food Culture in Denmark

The average Dane eats whatever he/she can get with alcohol in/on it. This means, for example, that no normal Dane would have any problems drinking only beer for breakfast, anything else alcoholic goes just as well. And then just keep drinking beer the rest of the day until he/she passes out. The rich Danes, however, may exchange the alcohol with actual food. And then down some bottles o' wine for dessert.

Gay Culture in Denmark

A typical 15 year old danish boy. A perfect candidate for man-boy rape.

The gay culture in Denmark has expanded to a degree for which there are no words nor sentences to describe. Too many young Danish boys seek to become gayer than the rest, resulting in gay bars having to invent membership systems to prevent their bars being overrun by what seems like a lot of homosexuals, but most likely includes a significant number of what are in fact, very, very confused heterosexuals. And now with the release of the award winning Danish film BRODERSKAB, even the Nationalist Right, aka Neo-Nazis, are going gay. That's right, two of the most unlikely bed fellows are now fucking like rabbits in Denmark. It doesn't get any better than this.

Racist culture in Denmark

Now apart from the above mentioned Gay-Neo-Nazism that is apparently flourishing in Denmark, there is also quite a bit of good old fashioned racism. Here is some sensitive and insightful Danish commentary on our colored cousins:

[00:19] ShadowCrush: srs DK is full of them
[00:20] ShadowCrush: they're "fleein'" from they battle they say
[00:20] ShadowCrush: thourgh, I know it's a tactic
[00:20] eins: ic
[00:20] eins: lol
[00:20] ShadowCrush: to DESTROY THE HUMANKIND!!!
[00:20] eins: OMFG
[00:20] ShadowCrush: they arn't humans
[00:20] eins: they are sand monkeys
[00:20] ShadowCrush: they're more like... monkeys
[00:20] ShadowCrush: yeah
[00:20] ShadowCrush: sand monkeys
[00:21] eins: lol
[00:21] eins: towel heads
[00:21] ShadowCrush: wam. sand monkeys?
[00:21] eins: lol
[00:21] ShadowCrush: nm
[00:21] ShadowCrush: they gotta be stopped
[00:21] ShadowCrush: send in China
[00:22] ShadowCrush: they gotta have the biggest army in world
[00:22] ShadowCrush: just why don't those sand monkeys have a brain?
[00:22] eins: i think they do
[00:22] eins: but its smaller
[00:23] ShadowCrush: what? they have a brain?
[00:23] ShadowCrush: where?
[00:23] ShadowCrush: since when?
[00:23] ShadowCrush: how?
[00:23] eins: its just small
[00:23] eins: liek an ant's
[00:23] ShadowCrush: probably smaller
[00:24] ShadowCrush: black shit of the south. well, here they are, no offence
[00:25] eins: to bad the duke of edinburgh is no loger a danish prince

Fun Things to do in Denmark

A quick ferry ride to the Faroe Islands will provide all kinds of wholesome family fun.

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Danish sites

• ARTO - The Danish MySpace for loli's.

• DR.DK - Actually a pretty nice television station. Why? Because of this.

• dnsb.info - Above mentioned danish Nazi Party

See Also

• Danish - Their incredibly gay language
• Europe
• Iceland
• Norway
• Rita - A forced meme on 4chan that supposedly came from some Danish cartoon.
• Sweden

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