Questionable logic

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On the first day, God sprinkled moon dust in outer-space and KABOOM! the Earth.

Ever find yourself in an argument with a fellow decent god-fearing citizen of the Internets on IRC, TOW, or a news site comment page? If you have, you definitely have been subject to a phenomenon known as Questionable Logic.

Practitioners of this fast growing alternative to critical thought can be identified by their supercilious, bureaucratic tone, their ever-present air of smugness, and the verbose, long-winded manner with which they carry on "conversations." Armed with a spell checker, a thesaurus, and a year and a half of community college, these warriors of the web are fully equipped to fill their run-on sentences with words like dynamic, zeitgeist, and portmanteau, to attempt to sound smarter than you.

At best these half-assed attempts at logic are misguided. At worst, they are so far from the mark that a retard would blink a few times then call bullshit. You know it's sad when aspies and retards are better at logic than a "normal" person is.

Basic format

In thinking this phat tat would get him all the hoochies, this young man YTCracker fell prey to Questionable logic.

You: I don't like x
Guy: Really? That's interesting.
Guy: Because I think if you take a closer look at the subcutaneous intricacies of the matter, you will see that your opinion cannot survive long under the rigors of intelligent debate without adapting to a more reasonable facet of understanding.
Guy: Let me explain.
Guy: You see, I like x
You: (bbscript-m386.http.ca.comcast.com) Quit
Guy: People like me.
Guy: People are right.
Guy: Furthertherewhereforemore, you should like x.
Guy: Ah the cut and thrust of academia, it's not for everyone.

OR

If A, then B

If B, maybe A

B > A

Sometimes B = A

Therefore, C ≅ 98°

A few purveyors of Questionable Logic

In the pursuit of creative interpretations of logic, there are a few groups that always stand out from the crowd. Their especially sharp rhetoric, very verbose vocabulary, and lack of common sense that makes retards look damn intelligent mark them as the some of the best of the worst when it comes to questionable logic.

This is not an exhaustive list. There are always more where these came from.

Furries

Totally Normal?

No other group but the furries can boast the claims that fapping to animals is not bestiality, pictures of children having sex is not pedophilia, and that a fetish is actually a lifestyle. When not cranking out shitty MS Paint porn, furries spend their time drooling over their thesauruses in order to try to convince each other they are smart or getting into full-blown wank-fests over their favorite artists. Many of them are living on Welfare yet still have "artists" on retainer. Then they complain about not having money for food and clothes even though they spent it all on poorly drawn dog cocks.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• Cub art is freedom of speech
• Fursecution violates Godwin's Law
• It's not bestiality!

DevianTartlets

This will make me popular!

The fine fags of deviantArt spend all their time tracing eachother's shitty artwork, playing with lense flare, and claiming they are "real artists". Point out their poor anatomy, obvious tracing, or even just that they may be wrong and watch the fun begin!

When they aren't busy attempting to fake their way into being an artist these people like doing "drawing exercises" that take the form of crude memes. These are spread not to help others improve, but in the hopes that others will pick up the memes and link back to them in order to bring them popularity. Most Tartlets don't really care about improvement so much as being praised, which doesn't bode well for any "art site".

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• I'm a good artist because I have fans
• It's not a trace if you flip, recolor, and add cat ears!
• You aren't me so you have no idea how hard my life is! Thus I'm right because I deserve to be and you're not.
• It's not tracing if I used a grid to capture every detail, it's just really, really accurate!

Christians

He's back from the dead and wants your SOUL!

According to Christians an invisible being created the world in six days from nothing, his former best bud is now the root of all evil, and a Jewish zombie that was his own father will save us all. Because of this, if you don't belive in this kind and loving faith from a kind and loving god you are going to suffer for eternity after death. Makes perfect sense!

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• Condoms are evil because they prevent STDs and pregnancy
• One being can hear all the world whispering to him all at once
• You will totally come back from the dead someday and live in paradise.

Atheists

Disprove me.

Atheists may be saner than the religious nutjobs, but they are not immune to questionable logic. The main problem is that they will attempt to do half-crocked research, leaning on a few hours on wikipedia to attempt to topple ideas from people who have spent a lifetime studying the same things, sometimes going as far as disqualifying valid information because the source holds "irrational beliefs". They also usually carry a thesaurus around for looking up smart sounding synonyms for words like "the" to appear smarter then they really are.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• The universe was created when nothing exploded into everything
• I'm right because I went to college and believe everything Carl Sagan and Richard Dawkins throws at me
• You believe in invisible men, you can't have any idea how to think logically

Feminists and Social Justice Warriors

Damsels.

Saying something "sucks" is "hate speech".

Feminists and their Social Justice Warrior followers claim they want equality... but in the end they only really want equality for all non-cisgendered, homosexual females. Anyone else can go to hell. The vast majority of these creatures act out of a wounded sense of pride and self-worth which seems to inspire them to "overthrow" those who are keeping them "down". This means that any male happy with being a straight guy and any female who isn't an angry lesbian even if they have never heard of these people before is the enemy and making their life hell by simply existing. This is done in the name of equality, tolerance and improve the self worth of "everyone".

If any research has been done to back up their views it was half-hearted at best and mostly secondhand and thirdhand knowledge off wikipedia and various review sites. This is skirted over by fact that pretty much every last one of them went to college so they seem to think that they don't need to do any in-depth firsthand research. Many of them will cite themselves in their own sources list in an attempt to look like they did actual research.

If called on their faulty logic they hide behind their gender and/or sexual preference and play wounded to try to make you feel sorry for them or they will turn their army of Social Justice Warriors on you while crying about how you "Triggered them".

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• Men didn't work to get where they are in life so it's perfectly OK if I sleep my way to the top.
• All sex involving men is Rape. ALL OF IT.
• Ad hominem is the best retort, especially if you can have an army to do it for you.
• Anything that doesn't agree with you is wrong and automatically hate speech from cis scum.
• Anything can be a Trigger and saying it's a trigger means they have to stop what they're doing and obey you.
• Rape is defined as "unwanted sexual stuff" so if I don't want them to think about me and they think about me, I was totally raped!
• Real women choosing to dress and act slutty is a mark of strength. Not real women choosing to dress and act slutty is sexism at work. Time to lament the lack of "strong women" in the media!
• Drunk women aren't responsible enough to make consent for sexitime, unless a man agrees that they aren't.

Weeaboos

How Japan views Weeaboos: startlingly accurate.

Weeaboos are people born anywhere but Japan who very much wish they were living in Japan. They base all of their knowledge and desire to live in Japan on various anime, hentai, comics and video games from the country and know almost nothing about the actual country outside of what it's exported media says. Due to spending most of their time wrapped up in Japanese media many of them are very poorly socialized, picked-on by others and have a marked detachment from the rest of the world rivalled only by otherkin and furries. This seeps over into their logic as well. Furthermore, be warned moar; there comes two flavors of weeaboo: Typical weeaboos who are in their teenager phase addled with hormones and the shit that quality state funded education loves to brainwash children with, and those who claim they are smarter, but lack what people call "insight" and "wisdom" or anything that all of ED lacks and magically attracts dramatastic lolcows like them straight on here.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• Anything from Japan is cool and unique and nowhere else has anything that can rival it.
• I am Japanese because I have watched/read/listened to tons of Japanese media.
• The Japanese are just like in their popular media- no further research required.
• The atrocities of the Imperial Japanese Army and Unit 731 never happened because Japanese people are the greatest in the world and are never wrong.
• Japanese things are interesting and if I'm into something interesting I am now interesting too!
• Going to Japan will fix all of my problems! I will be accepted by them, will get a Japanese girlfriend and will finally be someone.
• Nobody will care that I'm not Japanese as Japan isn't racist at all!

Fanboys in Denial

Sure you're not...

Any of the above groups will have some members in denial. They have all of the marks of a regular member of their group, however, they will shout from the rooftops how they totally aren't part of the group for some reason or other. They are ashamed of being what they are, yet seem to think that changing nothing and simply denying their fascinations will make them special and exempt them because "Not all of them are like that". This covers everything from Closet Furries to Republicans.

Abridged Examples of failed logic

• I'm better than those losers, because I "know" what makes my fandom special from doing research on it.
• My collection and tastes me better than "them" and that gives me every right to act like an ass to others in my fandom.
• What's this? Something cool that my local culture would like? I'll praise it to all of my being.
• What's this? Something weird that my local culture doesn't like? How dare they be such stupid freaks!
• When I get to live where/how I want to everyone will have to respect me and will never laugh at me again.
• When others mistreat me it's because they know I'm part of the fandom and not because they happen to be a jackass.
• I am a member of at least one community and regularly engage in activities that my fandom enjoys, but I'm totally not one of them!
• I will be judged for the stuff I did in some obscure community nobody has ever heard of so I have to say I don't have anything to do with the fandom.

Protecting Yourself

The only 100% effective way to make sure you are not swayed by these harpies' smooth sounding rhetoric on such important topics as The 2008 United States Presidential Election, Global Warming, and Internet Law is to abstain from communication completely. Alternately, you can try not being an impressionable fucktard (Warning, PRO-level only). However, there are a few telltale signs you might be speaking to someone who has invented their own system of logic and has neglected to mention their use of it in place of yours. A look at the lineup in their arsenal of bullshit:

Key words/phrases

• Furthermore
• Let's be objective
• No, your logic is flawed
• You don't know what you're talking about
• Rationally speaking
• Thus
• Wrong
• Prove it
• Anything displaying a condescending dismissive attitude as if to communicate they are not impressed
• Any attempt to split hairs and cushion their butthurt (ex: "You amuse me")

Key forums

• FOX News
• God Hates Fags
• Keith Olbermann
• The View
• Wikipedia
• TV Tropes

If, while talking to someone on the internet, they sound smart after one or two sentences, it is usually safe to say they they are preempting their barrage of questionable logic with some copypasta they overheard on public radio. If you are unsure, find the longest word in the copypasta and ask them what it means. Sign off/quit IRC/go fap before they have a chance to google it.

See Also

• Faulty Logic
• FoolQuest.com
• Logic
• Specism
• Questionable Content
• The Bible
• Time Cube
• Final Fantasy Disease

External Links

• TimeCube.Com, Questionable Logic in Action

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