The View
The View is a show where lesbians/carpet cleaners can gather and squawk like hens over events no one cares about or has already become bored by, such as the hideous destruction of everything W touches or Martha Stewart going to a Men's Prison (The officer who sent her there was later quoted saying, "I did it for the lulz"). It has been scientifically, experimentally, and etymologically proven that everyone who ever goes on The View is in fact either a 13 year old boy or a 16 year old girl in disguise.
Watching The View is a symptom of a much larger systemic illness, usually the flu or unemployment. The single best way to describe The View is "unfunny" or "anti-lulz"
It is common knowledge that every other word spoken on The View is "vagina", with an average rate of 348.13 VPM (vaginas per minute).
The Cast (past and present)
- Barbara Walters: Old crone with speech impediment. Is famous for... nothing apparent.
Special Move: The Barbara Backstep: Barbara will often provoke an argument and then refuse to participate in it out of sheer egotism, then try to appear superior by breaking it up.
- Sherri Shepherd: Fat nigress who never asks intelligent questions and is only there to make Whoopi look good by comparison.
Special Move: The Sherri Shitspout: Often if there is anything interesting happening, such as an argument Barbara is trying to provoke, Sherri will scream something unfunny and ethnic at the top of her lungs, as she never gets attention when intelligent debate is occurring.
- Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Brain-addled Republican whore who is inexplicably considered a celebrity for losing on a reality TV show almost 10 years ago. Her entire vocabulary and debating repertoire consists of things she heard on Fox News. She is on the show because of her tits and because wife-beating hillbillies feel the need to be represented in the media.
Special Move: The Hasselblast: Whenever another cast member starts saying something even vaguely political or refers to gays as something besides the human embodiment of evil she will shatter the sound barrier with a banshee shriek of Republican political horseshit. Any attempts to silence her will result in further screeches of "GEORGE W BUSH JESUS GOD SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE"
Special Move 2: The Elisabitch: When god-tier troll Kathy Griffin raped Whore-sselbeck in a debate (not that this is difficult) and subsequently made a small joke about a Republican politician on her own show, Hasselslut shat in her diaper and moaned for several hours about it, calling Kathy "scum". Her justification for this was that it was wrong to slander politicians. Unless they're Democrats of course.
- Whoopi Goldberg: Some sort of ancient voodoo matriarch who was in that one film with the nuns doing show choir. Usually rolls her eyes at arguments but occasionally enters one with Hasselbitch, although the second Elisabeth opens her mouth it is impossible to hear anyone other than her.
Special Move: The Whoopi Walkout: Whenever some shithead like Bill O'Reilly invokes her wrath, she will simply walk off set, presumably to prepare some sort of hexing ritual.
- Rosie O'Donnel: Fat dyke who is there to represent fag community. Chimed in frequently with opinionated preachy crap about lesbian feminazis. Famously left the show after suffering terminal ear damage from Hasselbeck's hilarious attempt at "big girl debating", but was sorely missed for her ability to troll the stupid blonde whore.
Special Move: The Rosie Rage: Rosie becomes possessed with unholy anger over basically everything that isn't about how amazing dykes are and spends several hours ranting about it.
- Risa Ring: AZN journalist who was on the show to preach about feminism and just generally be controversial. She succeeded at least at the former.
Special Move: The Lisa Lulzcoaster: She infuriated gun-toting cousin-fuckers all across the USA with a comment about September 11 that forced them to think and reconsider their baseless racism (and indeed, baseless patriotism).
- Joy Behar: "Comedian" whose role on the show is to contribute nothing no intelligent points and occasionally shitflood the conversation with talk about vaginas.
Special Move: The Joykill: Whenever something is happening that borders on interesting, Joy suddenly steers the conversation towards vaginas. THAT'S ALL SHE DOES.
The Catch Up
This was the Australian version of the view, it was canceled after a month and became a national joke spurring comparisons to the retarded and confusing "Understanding 50" advertisements. Thank God, at least Australian have souls, fucking AmeriCUNTS. Disregard that, I suck cocks.
On YouTube
See Also
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