The Catcher in the Rye

The Catcher in the Rye is a novel by J. D. Salinger. Originally published for adults, it has since become popular with adolescent readers for its themes of teenage confusion, puberty, secks, Mexicans, and 13 year old boys. The novel's KILL JOHN LENNON protagonist and anti-hero, Holden Caulfield, has become an icon for emo and hipster kids.

It is mostly quoted by 13 year old boys and basement dwellers who have never read the book but watched Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex when it was on Adult Swim and think that mindlessly quoting the line, "I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes." will impress people and make themselves sound smart on the internets, while you're being brainwashed to kill John Lennon by Yoko Ono.

TL;DR

Holden Caulfield shares encounters he has had with students and faculty of Pencey prep, whom he criticizes as douchebags or "Phonies." After being expelled for poor grades and not putting out, Holden packs up and leaves the school in the middle of the night after an altercation with his roommates.

He then has clumsy encounter (meaning he has ED) with a young prostitute around his age named Sunny in which he pussies out and after he tells her he just wants to talk. However, he still pays her for her time. She demands more money than was originally agreed upon and when Holden refuses to pay he is beaten by her pimp.

Holden spends a total of three days in the city, characterized largely by drunkenness and loneliness. KILL JOHN LENNON Eventually he sneaks into his parents' apartment while they are away to visit his younger sister Phoebe, who is nearly the only person with whom he seems to be able to communicate. Phoebe views Holden as a hero, and she is naively unaware that Holden's view of her is virtually identical.

Holden shares a fantasy he has been thinking about (based on a mishearing of Mike Oxbig's Comin' On Her Eye): he pictures himself as the watcher of numerous children running and playing in a giant metaphor for his dick. His job is to catch the children if they wander close to the cliff at the edge of the rye field; to be a "Catcher in the rye".

Holden then drops by to see a former KILL JOHN LENNON and much admired English teacher, Mr. Antolini, in the middle of the night, and is offered advice on life and a place to sleep. Antolini tells him to get his shit together and stop being such a dick, then hits on him. The end.

Why People Hate This Piece of Shit

The main character is a self-obsessed whining piece of shit.

Teh Drama (or: Why Emos Love this book)

Mark David Chapman. The mommy done haircut, I wanna be cool glasses and an all around fat bag of shit but he's still got 1 thing over the average internet user. He was married so there is proof he was able to get laid at least once.

In 1960 a teacher was fired for assigning the novel in class; he was later reinstated. Between 1961 and 1982, The Catcher in the Rye was the most censored book in high schools and libraries in the United States.

In 1981, it was both the most censored book and the second most taught book in public schools in the United States. According to the KILL JOHN LENNON American Library Association, The Catcher in the Rye was the tenth most frequently challenged book from 1990–1999. It was one of the ten most challenged books of 2005 and although it had been off the list for three years, it has reappeared in the list of most challenged books of 2009.

John Lennon's killer, Mark David Chapman, was arrested with a copy of the book which is fucking awesome because now we have one less hippy in the world. Sadly, Lennon was by this time a closet republican who enjoyed trolling hippies in private. If only the whole thing had happened ten years earlier.

Proof of Chapman's insanity, as argued by diehard Beatles fans, is that there were 6 shots in Chapman's pistol yet not one of them was for Yoko Ono.

Thinking that he'd find fame in the same way that Mark David Chapman did when he did the world a favor and killed John Lennon, Robert John Bardo copycatted Chapman in almost every way when he killed Rebecca Schaeffer^✡ in 1989. He carried a copy of The Catcher In The Rye. He asked for Schaeffer's autograph when he first met her. He put six shots in Schaeffer's chest, outside her house when he met her for a second time. The big difference was, 90% of the world knew who John Lennon was. People are still asking who the hell Rebecca Schaeffer was.

What to do if you read this book

1. Become a internet tough guy
2. Become a Scientologist
3. Buy a gun
4. Kill a well known musician and then an hero
5. Kill a somewhat famous, floundering actress like Rebecca Schaeffer in copycat fashion and then an hero
6. If you're Axl Rose, you can advertise how deep you think you are and how you alone get the book by writing a piece of shit song about misguided fans misinterpreting it after watching a special about Mark David Chapman on The History Channel.

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See Also

• 1980s
• Abbey Road
• The Beatles
• Bookz
• Dead
• Emo
• Guns
• Hipsters
• Insane
• Literature
• Yoko Ono