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Blastoise: Difference between revisions
imported>Unknown Created page with " thumb|The last thing you see before you die. thumb|Blastoise and his 2 pussy pre-evolutions. [[Image:Blastoise shoop woop.J..." |
imported>Cleveland Bay II - Return Of Cleveland Bay |
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[[Image:Blastoiseevolve.png|thumb|Blastoise and his 2 pussy pre-evolutions.]] | [[Image:Blastoiseevolve.png|thumb|Blastoise and his 2 pussy pre-evolutions.]] | ||
'''Blastoise''' is [[pwn|own]], and the higher level ones have powers that [[raep|surpass]] even the [[mudkips]]. | '''Blastoise''' is [[pwn|own]], and the higher level ones have powers that [[raep|surpass]] even the [[mudkips]]. | ||
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==Card Text== | ==Card Text== | ||
'''Blastoise''' evolves from [[mudkips|Wartortle]]. | '''Blastoise''' evolves from [[mudkips|Wartortle]]. | ||
*[[Pokémon]] | *'''[[White Power|Pokémon Power]]:''' [[Chocolate Rain]] Dance: As often as you like during your turn, dance around like you're having a seizure and wave this fucking card to your opponent because [[Cho Seung-Hui|he]] wishes he had one. This power can not be used if you are [[an hero|Asleep]], [[Chris Crocker|Confused]], or [[Crippled|Paralyzed]]. | ||
*[[Shoop da Whoop]]: Does [[over 9000]] hit points of damage.'' | *[[Shoop da Whoop]]: Does [[over 9000]] hit points of damage.'' | ||
*[[Dildo]]: [[Rapes]] you with his 2 giant cannons. | *[[Dildo]]: [[Rapes]] you with his 2 giant cannons. | ||
==Symbolism== | ==Symbolism== | ||
This Pokémon may be steeped in symbolism (but it isn't), even more so than any other [[Faggot|Pokémon]]. Blastoise as a [[Fail|meme]] came about after a [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|miraculous]] post on the [[ | This Pokémon may be steeped in symbolism (but it isn't), even more so than any other [[Faggot|Pokémon]]. Blastoise as a [[Fail|meme]] came about after a [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|miraculous]] post on the [[lie|very popular]] image board [[4chan]] (see gallery below) but the knobeye who made this article forgot to include this vital piece of information. The "evolution" of a childish, often rebellious form of life into a being with a hard outer shell, aggressive attitude, thick-ass tail and rotund belly may be directly correlated with the growth of teenage females into the hardheaded, fat-ass, aggro bitches known as "women". Observe the powerful lactation in female Blastoises from both [[dicks|barrels]]. For cereal. So just get the fuck out of his WAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
==Blastoise [[IRL]]== | ==Blastoise [[IRL]]== | ||
Line 22: | Line 18: | ||
==Card History== | ==Card History== | ||
It is the second most [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|rare]] and powerful piece of [[Dragonforce|cardboard crap]] in existence, the first having been [[shotgun mouthwash]]. There are only a few said to be still in existence. Blastoise causes [[9/11|great things]] to happen. [[Tubgirl|Hillary Clinton]] has read many [[porn|books]] about the use of the Blastoise cards | It is the second most [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|rare]] and powerful piece of [[Dragonforce|cardboard crap]] in existence, the first having been [[shotgun mouthwash]]. There are only a few said to be still in existence. Blastoise causes [[9/11|great things]] to happen. [[Tubgirl|Hillary Clinton]] has read many [[porn|books]] about the use of the Blastoise cards and may plan to use it during the next election against [[An_Hero|Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff]] if she [[bitch|bitches]] too much. | ||
{{fv|blastoise1|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<center><youtube>U-STM9TGqXM</youtube></center>|<center><youtube>DZ7isRibomc</youtube></center>}} | |||
As you can see here, the [[Suicide|child]] instantly realizes the danger he is in. But it's too late. He is instantly [[rape|thrust]] from screams of terror to fits of manic laughter as the deadly force that is Blastoise [[Rape|consumes]] him. He instantly becomes a [[fag]]. Notice the child's uncanny resemblance to [[Daxflame]]. | |||
==[[Digimon|Mega]] Blastoise== | |||
<div class="center" style="width:auto; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;">[[File:MegaBlastoise.jpg]]</div> | |||
Last Thursday, GameFreak revealed this awe-inspiring image to the world. News about X and Y was slow... too slow, but then THIS THING, along with it's two homies, got a Mega Evolution - a new mechanic that allows Pokemon to [[DBZ|transform temporarily during battle.]] | |||
''' | ''Look at this motherfucker.'' It's Blastoise. But you better shit your fucking pants, because Blastoise just mega-evolved into '''MEGA-MOTHER-FUCKING BLASTOISE!!!1!!''' Remember when he had two cannons on his shell? '''NOW, HE HAS TWO ON HIS ARMS AND ONE BIG GIANT FUCKING CANNON ON HIS SHELL!!!''' '''IT'S LIKE A POKEYMANZ WITH GUNZ!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!''' | ||
So do yourself a favor, and evolve your [[nigger]] Blastoise into Mega Blastoise should you ever use him in a battle. Because he will '''FUCK. YOUR. SHIT. UP.''' | |||
And don't think for a second that Mega Blastoise is an easy piece of work. He has two other homeboys that now have Mega evolutions, and they will equally fuck you up. But who cares about them, Mega Blastoise is where it's at. He just went [[DOUBLE NIGGER]] and you better run while you still can. | |||
==[[Vagina|Hydro]] [[Penis Pump|Pump]] Gallery= | |||
< | ==Gallery== | ||
{{cg|[[Vagina|Hydro]] [[Penis Pump|Pump]] Gallery|blastoise|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Blastoise5Dizorbdotcom-620x610.jpg | |||
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg | |||
Image:Blastoise.JPG|The last thing you see before you die. | |||
Image:Blastoise shoop woop.JPG|Even Blastoise can shoop that whoop. | |||
Image:Blastoise5.jpg|Behold the [[win|power]]! | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Blastoisecard.jpg|Rare screenshot of the card. | Image:Blastoisecard.jpg|Rare screenshot of the card. | ||
Image:Pokemoncrazy.jpg|[[Oh exploitable]]! | Image:Pokemoncrazy.jpg|[[Oh exploitable]]! | ||
Image: | Image:Bitchesdontknowblastoise.JPG | ||
Image: | Image:Play_Him_Off_Blastoise.gif|[[Keyboard Cat|Play him off, Keyboard Blastoise]]! | ||
Image:Pokechallenger appears.JPG|Now available in [[Lego]] form. | |||
Image:9 Blastoise.png | |||
Image:Anonymous blastoise.jpg|[[Olympic Flame]] | Image:Anonymous blastoise.jpg|[[Olympic Flame]] | ||
Image:Blastoise 34.jpg| | Image:Blastoise 34.jpg|Ooooh lawdy, child, is dat sum [[Rule 34]]? | ||
Image: | Image:Venusaur.png|[[A challenger appears]]. | ||
Image:Demotivational-poster-11255.jpg|...And gets viciously anally [[raped]]. | |||
Image: | Image:Venustoise1.jpg|...And then, nine months later, gives birth to this [[retard|hideous mutant offspring]]. | ||
Image:Blastoise IRL.jpg | |||
Image:IfBlastoiseWereMyDad.jpg | |||
Image:Blastoise Cosplay.jpg | |||
Image:Ima firin my laza.gif|Behold the [[fail|power]]! | Image:Ima firin my laza.gif|Behold the [[fail|power]]! | ||
Image:Teenage Mutant Ninja Blastoise.jpg|Blastoise, in his younger days. | |||
Image:Dave sends out Blastoise.jpg|British PM, [[David Cameron]] has a Blastoise, which he deployed to [[epic fail|great success]] during the [[UK Lootfest 2011|2011 London riots]]. | |||
Image:Blastoiseniggers.png|Blastoise putting some [[niggers]] in their place. | Image:Blastoiseniggers.png|Blastoise putting some [[niggers]] in their place. | ||
Image: | Image:Eye injury water cannon.jpg|This [[faggot]] [[wrong|thought he was hot fuckin' shit]], 'til he lost both his motherfucking eyes in a fight with a Blastoise. That'll fucking learn him. | ||
</gallery> | Image:Blastoise on the Beach by RecusantKnight.jpg|[http://recusantknight.deviantart.com Blaistoise IRL] | ||
Image:Blastits.png|Moar liek Blast-[[TITS]], amirite? | |||
Image:Tardstoise.png|Why do I exist? | |||
File:Blastoise Is Evolving.gif | |||
Image:Blastoise Vs. Lucario.png|Pre-[[cum]] gushing from his cannons, Blastoise prepares to [[rape|annihilate]] [[Lucario|some furry faggot]]. | |||
</gallery>}} | |||
== See Also == | == See Also == | ||
* [[Pokémon]] | * [[Pokémon]] | ||
* [[ | * [[I'm Dying Squirtle|Squirtle]] | ||
* [[Mudkip]] | * [[Mudkip]] | ||
* [[Seaking]] | * [[Seaking]] | ||
Line 63: | Line 82: | ||
* [[Ditto]] | * [[Ditto]] | ||
* [[Cloyster]] | * [[Cloyster]] | ||
* [[Shotgun mouthwash]] | |||
<br> | <br> | ||
{{pokedex}} | {{pokedex}} | ||
{{ | {{Television}} | ||
[[Category: Anime]] | [[Category: Anime]] | ||
[[Category: Fandom Stuff]] |
Latest revision as of 19:18, 5 November 2013
Blastoise is own, and the higher level ones have powers that surpass even the mudkips.
Things would be different round here if Blastoise was my dad...
Card Text
Blastoise evolves from Wartortle.
- Pokémon Power: Chocolate Rain Dance: As often as you like during your turn, dance around like you're having a seizure and wave this fucking card to your opponent because he wishes he had one. This power can not be used if you are Asleep, Confused, or Paralyzed.
- Shoop da Whoop: Does over 9000 hit points of damage.
- Dildo: Rapes you with his 2 giant cannons.
Symbolism
This Pokémon may be steeped in symbolism (but it isn't), even more so than any other Pokémon. Blastoise as a meme came about after a miraculous post on the very popular image board 4chan (see gallery below) but the knobeye who made this article forgot to include this vital piece of information. The "evolution" of a childish, often rebellious form of life into a being with a hard outer shell, aggressive attitude, thick-ass tail and rotund belly may be directly correlated with the growth of teenage females into the hardheaded, fat-ass, aggro bitches known as "women". Observe the powerful lactation in female Blastoises from both barrels. For cereal. So just get the fuck out of his WAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blastoise IRL
Blastoise is a firm ally in the fight for lulz. He tricked the jews into doing 9/11 not only because the WTC was believed to be a stronghold of anti-lulz at the time, but also because the elimination of a group of people just for their heathenish beliefs is a fun thing to do. Blastoise also killed Tom Cruise in an epic battle, only to see Cruise revived by L. Ron Hubbard. Once given new life, Cruise proceeded to banish Blastoise to the netherworld.
Recently Blastoise has been spotted in a small village called Kaster in Belgium. He was reported to be roaming around at night and has currently raped and murdered 65 men. Police are baffled to the point that they believe it is a man dressed up as Blastoise but we all know Blastoise is taking a well deserved ass-kicking vacation. [1]
Card History
It is the second most rare and powerful piece of cardboard crap in existence, the first having been shotgun mouthwash. There are only a few said to be still in existence. Blastoise causes great things to happen. Hillary Clinton has read many books about the use of the Blastoise cards and may plan to use it during the next election against Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff if she bitches too much.
Previous Video | Next Video
As you can see here, the child instantly realizes the danger he is in. But it's too late. He is instantly thrust from screams of terror to fits of manic laughter as the deadly force that is Blastoise consumes him. He instantly becomes a fag. Notice the child's uncanny resemblance to Daxflame.
Mega Blastoise
Last Thursday, GameFreak revealed this awe-inspiring image to the world. News about X and Y was slow... too slow, but then THIS THING, along with it's two homies, got a Mega Evolution - a new mechanic that allows Pokemon to transform temporarily during battle.
Look at this motherfucker. It's Blastoise. But you better shit your fucking pants, because Blastoise just mega-evolved into MEGA-MOTHER-FUCKING BLASTOISE!!!1!! Remember when he had two cannons on his shell? NOW, HE HAS TWO ON HIS ARMS AND ONE BIG GIANT FUCKING CANNON ON HIS SHELL!!! IT'S LIKE A POKEYMANZ WITH GUNZ!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
So do yourself a favor, and evolve your nigger Blastoise into Mega Blastoise should you ever use him in a battle. Because he will FUCK. YOUR. SHIT. UP.
And don't think for a second that Mega Blastoise is an easy piece of work. He has two other homeboys that now have Mega evolutions, and they will equally fuck you up. But who cares about them, Mega Blastoise is where it's at. He just went DOUBLE NIGGER and you better run while you still can.
Gallery
-
The last thing you see before you die.
-
Even Blastoise can shoop that whoop.
-
Behold the power!
-
Rare screenshot of the card.
-
Now available in Lego form.
-
Ooooh lawdy, child, is dat sum Rule 34?
-
...And gets viciously anally raped.
-
...And then, nine months later, gives birth to this hideous mutant offspring.
-
Behold the power!
-
Blastoise, in his younger days.
-
British PM, David Cameron has a Blastoise, which he deployed to great success during the 2011 London riots.
-
Blastoise putting some niggers in their place.
-
This faggot thought he was hot fuckin' shit, 'til he lost both his motherfucking eyes in a fight with a Blastoise. That'll fucking learn him.
-
Moar liek Blast-TITS, amirite?
-
Why do I exist?
See Also
Blastoise is part of a series on Pokémon [Who’s that Pokémon?] | |||||||
Abra | Aggron | Alakazam | Bidoof | Blastoise | |||
Braixen | Charizard | Cloyster | Ditto | Empoleon | |||
Espeon | Garchomp | Gardevoir | Hypno | Jynx | |||
Jigglypuff | Kadabra | Kirby | Koffing | Lanturn | |||
Lickitung | Lopunny | Lucario | Lugia | Metapod | |||
Mewtwo | Misty | Mudkip | Omanyte | Pikaman | |||
Pokémon Go | Poliwhirl | Porygon | Primeape | Probopass | |||
Reshiram | Riolu | Seaking | Shaymin | Shiny Pidgey | |||
Slowpoke | Smugleaf | Snorlax | Snover | Squirtle | |||
Suicune | Vileplume | Xatu | Zoroark |
Blastoise is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |