Stream of consciousness

This article is perfect. Don't fuck with it!

It's when you write in your LiveJournal.

About anything.

The music that you're listening to.

The pitch and smell of that fart you just ripped - wasn't it quite woody?

That woody you just got, boys, it's your prick, girls, it's your nipples.

Maybe you'll post some pictures of you at a 60 degree angle.

Probably you'll talk about your parents or your cat or you whatever, you know?

And don't you just hate it.

You can end up writing quite a bit without really saying anything.

I know I know how that is.

And you should make a lot of indirect/passive aggressive remarks about your so-called friends.

You know, like the one who's going around pretending to be something she's not.

Yeah, you know the one.

What a cunt.

I just hate some people.

BUT IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I PROBABLY DON'T MEAN YOU.

Really, this is the only style of LiveJournal entry, outside of the oneliner.

Or the nude pictures.

But you can put them in this kind of entry too, just remember to put them behind the cut.

You should include lots of messages to your friends or comments about them,

by name or otherwise, preferrably because you're so busy writing your entry

that you can't be fucked switching to the IRC or AIM or IRL window

in which they're currently talking to you.

Maybe you could wax philosophic about some stuff.

Or not.

Maybe.

I dunno.

You should definitely talk about your plans for your life, and what you've been doing.

If you've already mentioned the music you're listening to, update it,

as unless you're some fucktard

who listens to 84954985 minute trance sets,

it's changed songs by now.

Mention the TV show or DVD you're watching, too.

Mention what you're wearing.

You are naked, though, right?

By now you may think you're running out of things to say.

This is normal, and should be ignored.

Keep typing/talking until you want to hit yourself.

You can do no wrong.

If you can't think of anything at all, don't stop typing ....

instead, just keep hitting the full-stop key .....

and all of a sudden you'll remember

what it is you wanted to say about whatever.

Remember, these people are here to give you attention,

and the more you write, the more likely they are to respond, right?

No, you've forgotten the fundamental truth of LJ,

the shorter and stupider and less important entries

are less intimidating and require less brainpower to respond to,

and let's be honest, most of your friends are severely lacking in brainpower.

Especially the afforementioned cunt .....

Remember: KISS and tl;dr are not worth your time worrying about.

This is your LJ and you'll write/do whatever the hell you want.

So finish your rambling and wrap it up already,

you need to go take naked pictures of yourself at a flattering angle,

make them into LJ icons, and maybe pretend to have some

sexy, obscure disease

that the coolest person on your friends list

just happened to be diagnosed with.

Be sure to mention, at the very end, as if it were an afterthought,

though it's really the reason you started the entry in the first place,

the people that recently defriended you, and the people you plan to defriend.

Your syphilitic sore just started bleeding.

See also

• William Faulkner
• This crazy-assed LJ post.
• Long-winded people
• Everything2
• Chan Ho Park