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Belarus
Belarus, officially the Republic of Belarus, is a landlocked country Soviet Puppet State in Eastern Europe. It is bordered by Russia to the east and northeast, Ukraine to the south, Poland to the west, and Lithuania and Latvia to the northwest. It has the dubious distinction of being controlled by foreigners more times than Poland.
Countries that have owned Belarus include, but are not limited too; Russia, Lithuania, Poland, and even the Polotsk principality, whatever the fuck that is.
Indisputable proof Belarus is fucking awesome
Presidential hockey
Is the greatest hockey player in the east and has a team of the best trained hockeys who win Belarus workers A DAY OFF TO WATCH HIM PLAY.
This is what he pretends the presidential team of Belarus is.
Sometimes accidents happen when people block Lukashenko and his big black retard hat.
His Amatuer team consists himself and a bunch of actual fucking professional Belarussian Hockey players. All they do is win win win no matter what.
NO HOMOGAYS IN BELARUS
The great Premier decreees that he will rather be dictator than be gay. Lukashenko defended the legitimacy of his re-election and vowed that Belarus would never have its own version of the Orange Revolution, in which every well built man must report in private to Lukashenko to prove his manhood.
He can forgive Lesbians, but not gays, you must require the presidential penal penalty.
Belarusian Economy
Some argue that potatoes and Tractors are the only resource available to Belarus. However the average Belarussian citizen would retort that Victor just eats every thing.
Oh Viktor you just can't put your hand from those moonpies can you you silly butterball. HEy now that big bowl of fancy swiss pudding was a big handfull of roubles be careful, youl gobble the enitre GDP at this rate. You are a real porker there arent you ;)
Crime and Punishment in Belarus
Quite fortunate for you stupid barbaric Americans, there is only one crime in Belarus. Perhaps Belarussians are just better behaved than the pathetic western parasite. Or it could be that all the unemployed are paying government 200 dollars a month, you American welfare queens. The next protest will be centered on breathing heavily 5 times to indicate discontent for government. Participants expect to face life in prison or service in Lukashenko's private potatoe garden for Victor. Also, Belarus is the last European nation to practice the death penalty, as they are badasses and don't give a fuck about what the rest of Europe says.
2021 Hijacking Saving Plane from Bomb
On 23 May 2021, The Emperor of Belarus received a vision that a plane was in danger of being bombed. So he sent a MiG to "escort" the wayward craft to Minsk, the capital. No bomb was found. As it turns out, the bomb decided to diffuse itself before suffering the wrath of the glorious Emperor of Belarus. However, as it so happens a reporter who was critical of the Emperor was on board. This dangerous fugitive was arrested and sent to be immediately tortured given hospital care. Roman Protasevich's arrest had nothing to do with bomb threat, he just happened to be on the plane in question. The EU then got butthurt and sent a very stern letter to Belarus crying like a little bitch. According to the EU, Belarus made up the bomb threat in order to have the plane land for the sole purpose of arresting this reporter, thereby putting their citizens in danger. But we know the truth.
| Featured article May 24, 25 and 26, 2021 | ||
| Preceded by Goth |
Belarus | Succeeded by TBD |
