Farm Town

If only this really happened.

Farm Town mirrors the real life struggle of the working man. Capitalist Pigs!!!

This guy is growing shrooms on his farm.

At some point, you have to realize you are taking things too far.

Unoriginally designed as a rip-off of Harvest Moon by online gaming company Slashkey to entertain elementary school age children, Farm Town is a favorite of college students who should be doing their homework, Jesus freaks, fatties, gun toting red necks, vain internet "artists", and housewives loaded on valium. Part of the social network behemoth, Facebook, Farm Town is a Flash MMORPG that allows you to…get this…run a farm.

History

If only this were really true.

Farm Town was initially sent out in February of 2009 to a few select members of the Facebook community in order to “iron out the bugs.” The bugs were never ironed out as the game is horribly set up and it will often crash or forget to save your settings. Yet the game exploded in popularity, gaining over 3 million users within its first two full months of release. Seeing a massive cash cow waiting to be led to market, the powers that be at Facebook added the game to the Facebook “Apps” tab for mass consumption in June of 2009 and today the game enjoys the status of having killed brain cells in over 15 million registered users.

To add insult to that injury, MySpace has now added the game to its own list of crap you can do while you waste your life away in front of a radioactive computer screen.

Gameplay

Farm Town attracts who? Welcome to the internet, honey.

Farm Town is an incredibly complicated game of strategy, cunning, and skill. When first starting a new game, the registered user is first given an “avatar” which is really just a big headed version of what the player thinks they themselves look like. This is one of the fun parts of the game unless you happen to be black, in which case you will have to settle for a dark-skinned white person as your avatar. There are no Chinese Farm Town farmers.

An avatar can take literally any form, as long as that form is one of about 15 interestingly large headed people who wear “farmer garb.” Next, the player is given some land and a set of tools. Finally, in a shocking, yet exhilarating turn of events, the player uses those tools to work the soil.

What Goes On

GOOD GOD HIS MANTION IS GONE!!!

Some startling plot complications arise while the player farms his land. First, they must gain the mastery of the plow tool. Next, they must become proficient in buying seeds and then cleverly planting those same seeds on the plowed sections of their land. This may sound bewildering, and the game has often been called exceedingly complex, however if the user sticks with their game, they are rewarded with many things. Cash can be used to purchase items, experience points are used to proceed to the next skill level, and finally, coins can be used to…buy more seeds! This roller-coaster of exhilaration is only surpassed by the non-stop excitement of the Store, where players take the coins they have gained and use them to perform a multitude of fascinating things such as:

• Hire farm helpers
• Buy a chicken
• Put up a fence

Cooperation

Extending Facebook’s attempts at social interaction, the game encourages cooperation and friendship between players. It also encourages players to sneak on to other people's farms and rape their crops.

Gifts

Gifts do not cost anybody anything, yet they annoy the hell out of whoever you give them to. For example, if you wish to piss somebody off, send them a topiary elephant. Since this elephant bush is large and ugly, it will dominate the gift receiver’s farm and cause rage as he or she attempts to move it to some place where it will be out of the way. Since these items are gifts, the receiver is almost always going to keep them, even though they suck to have them around, because they don’t want to lose friends.

Hiring Help

Who the hell uses the word "daren't?"

	“	Because people think they are too good for trees and only want to plow. I never hire those people.	„
	—Tyler, who spends too much time on Farm Town.

Take a trip to the Market Place or to the Inn. Within those areas of game play, there are several Farm Town addicts standing around waiting for some sucker to come along. They will attempt to get you to hire them so that they can make money and gain experience while working on your farm. To do this, begging is often used, but not the only way people can make money off of you. Sometimes these players will follow you home and stand around, attempting to make you feel guilty because you didn’t hire them, or waiting for you to log out so that they can steal your crops and take them for themselves.

Other Areas

<video type="youtube" id="q22dbQ6a3pc" width="200" height="200" desc="HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME!" frame="true" position="right"/>

Farm Town users mostly shouldn't use the internet.

Besides your own farm, you are required to go to other areas of the game in order to do certain things with your farm.

The Store

If you want to plant seeds or have buildings, you have to go here. This area of the game is basically where you trade your coins in for trash.

The Inn

In real life, you would never go to a bar to hire workers. On Farm Town, you do. Because of this, you are going to get what you deserve. You can also chat with all the other sad, fat, loser housewives who hang out here with the 51 year old pedophiles. The Inn does not serve alcoholic drinks, and is perpetually waiting for Farm Town to give them their liquor license. This is in direct opposition to the state most of the players are in who hang out here. Long boring days doing laundry, ironing shirts, and watching soap operas are so much more exciting when you have had four dry martinis.

The Market Place

Here is where you sell your harvested crops and fruit to some fruitcake named Tom. Also, you are harassed by several thousand other users who are begging for work so that they can "Level UP!!!" Chatting is available in in this portion of the game. Most of the time it involves retards grubbing for work or trying to get help in figuring out why their barn disappeared.

The Real Estate Office

Here is where you can purchase more land for your farm. You have to be of a certain level before you can do this, but it doesn't stop several hundred people from milling around the office like bored homeless drunks. James, the proprietor of the office, should really do something about this problem.

Farm Town Forums and Blogs

There are rude people on the internet...

There are several popular forums on the subject of Farm Town. Most of these forums are full of people bitching about glitches within the game or crying about how there are no cheat codes. Some farmers have taken to blogging about their exploits and their accomplishments, these people usually have around 3 million coins and have played so many 16 hour Farm Town sessions, that their eyes are bleeding…but they still have managed to create a 3D tiered farm and a beach.

Slashkey Forums

The Slashkey forums are basically around so that users of Farm Town can complain about the total lack of features which they think the game should have. These forums have two main posting areas which are populated by the usual pack of whining losers that most internet forums seem to attract. These areas are the “Feedback & Suggestions” forum and the “Farm Town Social” forum…and reading both is like experiencing a bowel obstruction.

Common posts on the Feedback & Suggestions forum involve players bawling about hired help, lack of religious items to be placed on farms, and players threatening to “report” each other for stupid and minor infractions that occur in other places on the forum. The Farm Town Social forum is all about introducing yourself and making friends, at least that is what it seems like at first. Digging deeper into this forum will reveal that it is mostly moderators exerting “internet power” on the lowly noobs and making posts stating, in no uncertain terms, that macros, bots, and cheats will get you banned. Everybody then sits around and waits for their “friends” to fuck up and mention some hack they have discovered.

Some notable posts on the Slashkey forums:

• I’m Quitting. A thread where some internet ass kisser attempts to shame other users into shutting up.
  

• want to fire farmhands A thread where some crybaby named Fitob complains about being used like the whore she is. Oh yeah, and she only has two posts.
  

They should probably add a "suicide option" as well, because with all the tears being shed, most of these people are better off in the ground.

The Farm Town Lefora Forum

Lefora - full of stay at home housewives and Jesus freaks.

	“	For those addicted to Facebook's Farm Town game. This is a private forum that you must be approved to join. It's set up this way to develop a network of respectful people to hire for harvesters and/or to cultivate friendships with.	„
	—OOOOOH SEKRITZ!!!!

The Lefora Farm Town forums are a place for users of the game to meet and to perhaps strike deals on harvesting crops. There are other sections involving buddies, introductions, and socializing, but the main portion of the forums seems to focus on telling people what not to harvest even though the players have been asked to harvest.

The very fact that people are using this game and this forum to network and create "friends" astounds the average net user. It is as if Facebook has completely destroyed common interaction and intercourse and substituted mindless "avatars" that wander around begging.

Also, they can give you some tips on how to cheat:

But quickly wish to express a disclaimer in case
somebody from Slashkey is around and happens
to be actually reading this crap:

Artwork

Snobs and people with no life spend hours and hours on their Farm Town farm... building it up and adding useless things like beaches and silos.

• 
  Elvis has been spotted on Farm Town.
• 
  It's your Farm Town, you can do whatever you wanna do-
• 
  Probably the best farm on all of Farm Town.
• 
  There are a lot of Jesus freaks on Farm Town.
• 
  And probably a lot of gun toting rednecks too.
• 
  Total hours spent working: 3,451
• 
  Make him a Farm Town he can't refuse.
• 
  Egyptians are especially fond of Farm Town.

Housewives

You can't tell, but she's a fatty.

Can I harvest my crops from prison?

There is a curiously large amount of housewives who home school their children and are religious that like to play Farm Town. Most of them appear to be older than the age of 30 and to be very overweight. That is all.

	“	Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML	„
	—Failure of a mother from FML

Some moms, when interrupted, will get slightly irritated and react harshly.

	“	She told investigators she became angry because the baby was crying while she was playing a computer game called FarmVille on the Facebook social-networking website. [S]he shook the baby, smoked a cigarette to compose herself and then shook him again.	„
	—SHUT UP

Money

<video type="youtube" id="rZTAbbiuXRg" width="200" height="200" desc="Sure, you can cheat at Farm Town, but you still have the gayest desktop wallpaper of all time." frame="true" position="right"/>

Money in Farm Town is a curious thing. There are three types of money, coins, cash, and IRL money. Depending upon your status, you can use the first two to purchase just about anything at the Store or the Real Estate Office. Later on in the game, there are locked items that will become unlocked depending on whether you have made some achievement, or if you have used your credit card to actually buy little unlockable items. The practice of using IRL money to purchase green houses, wind mills, and mansions is absolutely retarded, yet fools are actually lining up to buy this trash so that they can "one-up" their neighbors.

Another situation concerning money that mirrors IRL drama is the fact that most people are absolute idiots when it comes to handling their finances. Take a look at the Market Place, the Inn, and the Real Estate Office, chances are you will see at least 50 Farm Town morons (called beggars) wandering around looking for somebody to hire them. This general lack of money handling skills is just like real life. When a person has no cash to buy the crap they want, they just go to another farm and steal the crops and sell them. It's quite a problem within Farm Town, and the over-all demeanor on many of the messageboards is that they are being "discriminated against."

“	The job situation in the market place continues to look bleak. Closed hiring practices by many middle class and rich farmers have left many new farmers and beggars out of the loop. In response, many beggers have begun to talk about a petition for a FarmTown Economic Stimulus Package, to assist beggars who they believe have been unfairly discriminated against. Here is the plan: all farmers level 20 or above will have all coin profits above 150,000 coins redistributed to all farmers level 19 or below.	„
—Yes, make Obama redistribute wealth online...just like IRL!

For players that really suck at the game, cash can be purchased via credit card transaction as well, just so they do not feel left out.

Cheats

<video type="youtube" id="gtX22r_UbIU" width="200" height="200" desc="Somebody managed to get a tractor into Farm Town." frame="true" position="right"/> <video type="youtube" id="I_XToqtabus" width="200" height="200" desc="Can't you just tell us how to cheat instead of fucking around in notepad?" frame="true" position="right"/> Whenever a game becomes popular and people start devoting ungodly amounts of time on the game, exploits and cheats will become available. Farm Town is no different.

“	Hi, I have a technique for gaining a lot of experience points in Farm Town. I use a program called RemoteKeys to automate the buying of hay bales, which have the highest point/coins ratio (1:10). Using it, I recorded a sequence for buying 12 bales of hay, then selling them. The script repeats 50 times, so it generates 3000 points each time it is run. I've used it to gain about 60,000 points.	„
—Some mindless blogger

“	I'd love to try this in my farm but I am hesitant to download Remotekeys for fear that I might get a virus or some malicious codes.	„
—Another mindless blogger who is a pussy

While using RemoteKeys or by creating your own macro by repeating mouse gestures, you can rack up experience points within Farm Town quickly enough to take a first time farmer and make them a level 20 farmer overnight. This is about the only realistic cheat available to the game since the developers have pretty much fixed all of the original hacks that were found and exploited early in the game's run. This fact makes no difference within the Farm Town community, and several people fall victim daily to "How To" guides that can be found all over Google. The best part about this is, when a cheater is found out, they have their farm deleted by the administrators and some have even had their Facebook pages turned off.

	“	Look, I'm just trying to warn you people. The seed hack no longer works and when you try it, they delete your farm.	„
	—One very butthurt customer.

Quotes

Drama often occurs due to Farmville

<video type="youtube" id="X8IcHzZLpwg" width="200" height="200" desc="Farm Town rage from fatty." frame="true" position="right"/> <video type="youtube" id="XO-oCFsRSiU" width="200" height="200" desc="Listen to this loser." frame="true" position="right"/>

“   I have been playing this game since February. Soon after I started coming on to these discussion threads to learn more about the game and I also started helping other people out if I knew the answer to their questions. After a while you start to see a pattern. Belligerent, demanding people coming on these threads and hurling verbal abuse at the ones who are trying to help. People who refuse to look at the FAQ threads that have been compiled by the same people who are trying to help. You see people who offer nothing and are only on here to moan and complain. I and others over the months have helped more people on this board than I would care to count and for that I get called childish and lacking in social skills.   „     —Grown ups playing a game and arguing like retarded kids.     “   Farmville is the pinnacle of game design, clearly.   „     —Fact     “   If you think Farmtown truly sucks, then go play FarmVille and stop coming on here to deliberately annoy the people who love this game.   „     —FarmVille is another horrid, psycho Facebook/Myspace creation.     “   OMG did you guys see susans hair, its like HUGE   „     —When you can't knock a person's farm, belittle their hair.     “   Has anyone had problems getting on to Farm Town today? As soon as I get onto it, it closes and takes me to some anti virus page wanting to check my computer. I don't have this problem with any other app on FB. Just Farm Town.   „     —This is because Farm Town IS a virus.     “   i dont care that you found a freaking lonley black sheep or you harvested corn   „     —WHAT???     “   I get banned in the internet by my family everytime I say "FARMVILLE sucks"   „     —The MANSON family...     “   Im sorry, did a lost sheep just wander onto your farm? SHOVE IT UP YA ASS! haha farmville sucks   „     —They have something against sheep!     “   How can I make it stop going ''''''''as if I'm holding the button down? I unistalled and reinstalled, and updated the adobe program.   „     —That is why they call it a "Beta"     “   There are always people that beg constantly like it's real & some are annoying.   „     —They can be clicked on and you can hit the ignore button. That is a nice feature. Previous Quote | Next Quote

Ode to Farm Town

What happens if you leave your Farm Town farm alone for a few days.

Holy shit! Is that Morrissey?

You plow a little square
plant a little there
organize the area
buy flowers if you care

Picking harvesters at random
growing plants with wild abandon
how does stuff like this happen
on the Farm Town bandwagon

Got the tattoo of a dragon
Clicking peas into plowed spaces
I’m gangster with my mind
And a samurai with a spade

Oh I would be a goner
If they let you grow the marijuaner
It’s just digital not gonja
Let me click on what I want to

Images

• 
  Homeschooler
• 
  Everybody ignore Steve Nutter! He's bad!
• 
  Perfect example of somebody showing off their farm...and their ability to waste days at a time on the game.
• 
  Too much time...
• 
  Communists in Farmville??
• 
  It's hard to be kind when some fuckstick from the Inn rips off your fucking banana trees and then refuses to plow...
• 
  Agreed.
• 
  This guy built a moat in case the plantation slaves revolt and try to rape him.
• 
  See those wind mill power generators? Those cost 5 bucks each on your credit card.
• 
  Totally asking for it!
• 
  How Farmville nerds ask for help. Note: Email or phones are easier dumb asses.
• 
  Doing it wrong...this farm actually looks normal.

Similar Games

Obviously, Farm Town is not the only game of its type around. The biggest rip-off is FarmVille, which is almost identical minus slightly more polished graphics and you do not interact with others as much in an open world. It could be said that Farm Town is EverQuest and FarmVille is World of Warcraft.

There is also Country Story, a weeaboo version, along with Island Paradise, which is FarmVille in Hawaii or some shit.

• 
  Country Story ^_^
• 
  Island Paradise
• 
  FarmVille o/
• 
  Nazi Farm

External Farms

• Farm Town

• Uncle Joe's Farm Town Addict Page

• Lefora

• The Suck Report on Farm Town

• A catalog of Farm Town snobbery

• For ten bucks, you can buy MOUSETRACTOR!!!

• Farm Town Guru - the theory of Farm Town. Christ, who comes up with this bullshit?

• FarmVille (the exact same shit except it looks less shitty and has less multilayer interaction.

Farm Town is part of a series on MMORPGs.

[Gratz!Ding!]

Forerunners: Angband• Diablo• Dungeons & Dragons• FATAL• Ragnarok• Rogue• Warhammer 40,000 MMORPGs: Age of Conan • Anarchy Online • City of Heroes • Conquer Online • Dark Age of Camelot • Darkfall • Earth Eternal • EVE Online • EverQuest • EverQuest II • Final Fantasy XI • Final Fantasy XIV • Free Realms • Hero Online • Life • MapleStory • Minecraft • Pangya • Ragnarok Online • RuneScape • Ruby Dragon Entertainment • Silkroad Online • Star Wars: The Old Republic • Tabula Rasa • Toontown • Ultima Online • Wikipedia • World of Warcraft • WWII Online Semi-MMORPGs: Diablo II • Diablo III • Endless Online • Furcadia • Gaia Online • Graal • Guild Wars • Kingdom of Loathing • Progress Quest • Second Life • Space Station 13 • Tibia • War Thunder Developers: Blizzard Entertainment • Jagex • Sony Online Entertainment Related Drama: Athene • Baby Grace • Battle.net Forums • Bloodraptor • Cloudsong • Darknest • Durthas • EQ2Flames • Goon Squad • Helm • Jammno • Jennichelle • JRanger • Leeroy Jenkins • Maarten • Murloc • Owlsamantha • Poopsock • Rick Astley Forum • Shawn Woolley • Silver Circle • Zezima

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