Capitalism

Capitalism in a nutshell

An artist's rendition of The Man, owner of your ass and every company that makes everything you buy ever.

Cradle to the Grave.

At its most basic, capitalism, or jewocracy is an economic system invented by greedy bastards which permits the exchange of paper with no physical worth for sex with relatively little interference from a centralized government, and in turn does not guarantee that the whore puts out. In practice, capitalism means The Man is allowed to keep down the bruthaman. The ultimate goal of any person under this system is to make as much money as possible while making everyone else as poor as dirt. It was invented by Ayn Rand in the November 1959 edition of The Objectivist.

Capitalists generally explain that through hard work, the Invisible Hand of the Market will eventually lead anyone to luxury and wealth like themselves, but this never actually happens. Capitalism is often the basis for much drama in LiveJournal political communities. Jews (except Noam Chomsky) and conservative types argue that capitalism is the best way for the United States, and thus the world. Liberal Communists (azad_slide and pirat_ponton, for example) think that it does nothing but fuck the poor. Capitalism was and is the driving force behind the colonization and murder of non-Western peoples, but it has been said they are now better off for it. Capitalism has spawned such places as United States and Good Korea.

In reality, the correct form of economic policy involves ePoints.

And, no, idiot. Capitalism doesn't have anything to do with typing in ALL CAPS.

Theory

Capitalism occording to OWS marxists.

At least 100 years ago a man named Adam Smith was living in a shack in Scotland making a living trolling Presbyterians. He suddenly had the idea that if people owned private businesses instead of working for feudal lords, a force called the "Invisible Hand" would guide people in the market to make decisions that would eventually lead to everybody's benefit, faggotry and butthurt. He concluded that without a centralized government interfering in a perfect market and with good conditions between buyers and sellers, people would be unable to exploit each other and would be motivated to provide good products and services in spite of exploiting each other. He ran off into the city and found a life-partner named David Ricardo who added to his theory later.

To have a "free market" there must be (1) "perfect competition" (no buyer or seller can unilaterally influence the market); (2) "perfect knowledge" (all buyers and sellers have and provide the same information); and (3) "perfect mobility" (all buyers and sellers can move to where they have the greatest competitive advantage). Since this does not exist in the US or any other country, no country truly has a capitalist society or ever will. Instead we have Corporations that want to buy and sell your life like a cheap piece of crap from Walmart.

Although people claim that there is no alternative to capitalism today, that's total bullshit since, as we've already pointed out, Capitalism is a fairytale, and, unlike the theory, in reality most capitalist countries are full of shitty service-sector jobs and low wages. But that's okay... because most people would just squander their money on hookers and blow anyway...

Capitalism and all its flaws, in a short video.

History

exploitable

File:Anonymous Anacap.png

exploitable

Capitalism was popular among intellectual circles but nobles and kings hated it. Eventually people got sick of feudalism and overthrew it with the French Revolution and the war between generally educated middle class craftsmen against the vested interest of the ruling landlords and nobility. Then everyone was happy and celebrated in the streets as businessmen hatched out of eagle eggs to swoop in and piss down wealth on the proletariat. Everybody lived in paradise (except for the poor) buying Microsoft computers and selling Abercrombie until the dark rise of Capitalism's nemesis: Socialism.

The two ideologies fought each other across parallel dimensions for at least 100 years, eventually (after the epic battle of Mecha-Hitler and Robo-Stalin at Mount Olympus,) earning the epithet, the Cold War. This was cause for a lot of drama and lulz throughout much of the 20th century and still to this day as, even with the end of the war, the two philosophies continue to fling shit at each other. Especially in online journals on teh Internets.

Neither ideology is dead yet, (since neither ideology has actually been implemented yet,) but every now and then one will claim the other is dead and buried as a cheap way to claim victory. Some people think socialism died with the fall of "Communism" last Thursday (it didn't,) but these days capitalism is looking increasingly screwed as more poors protest against it every year. The heathens. Indeed, there are an unfortunate number of pesky proletarians who still don't know what's good for them. If only the Indian sweatshop worker could get off his/her lazy socialist ass and read a book by Jeffrey Sachs, he/she would know eventually capitalism will create a utopia, as has been prophesied.

Modern Capitalism

Modern corporate logos aren't retarded at all.

The advent of robotics has greatly aided the cause of of capitalism. Advanced collection droids called the IRS(Invasive Rape Service)now patrol capitalist cities and outlying areas. These robotic rapists peer inside a civilian's house during the late hours of the night, to detect a an income of less than $100,000 a year. If such is detected, the IRS agent breaks in and then ransacks the place. Once all of the victim's possessions have been stolen, eaten, and digested into money, the robot begins raping the home owner, killing their soul with every robotic thrust. This metallic phallus is actually a "soul vacuum", which is used to suck up the rapee's soul for sale to Satan. Once their task has been completed, the IRS agent returns to it's masters (the Government and Capitalists) and cums a bounty of wet, green capital in a disgusting bukkake of horror, delighting in the reality that no one cares about you in any system, except Communism, and that life is really just a descent into a fresh hell every day.

How To Get Ahead In Capitalism

Notice how the alpha males dominate their inferiors

Other Terms For Capitalism

• Rape
• Getting fucked
• Judaism
• Microsoft
• Corporate Cunts
• Freedom

Infamous Capitalists

Calvin owns j00.

• God - Yes, God. God wants your money.
• Benito Mussolini
• The Man - He's the one that's keepin' you down, brutha.
• Ronald Reagan
• W
• Adolf Hitler The socialist in his party name is a misnomer. Read a fucking book. Because massive state spending on inter-structure, the armed forces, and the shutting down and nationalization of private companies is capitalism, amirite? Because Kenyesianism isn't a form of Capitalism, amirite?
• Ayn Rand
• Ron Paul
• Bill Gates
• Steve Jobs
• Augusto Pinochet

External Links

• Capitalism
• Moar Capitalism
• Communism vs. Capitalism by Russia

Capitalism is part of a series on Politics.

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