Montenegro

It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Serbia. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page.

Montenegro is not a mountain-nigger-colony, in spite of the name. It's a little Balkan shithole full of loose Greeks, Slavs and Albanians. They speak/argue in a mishmash of Serbo-Croatian (don't call it that or someone will shoot you in the ass!) and Albanian. They want to join the EU and NATO which is a rich source of comedy.

It has dirty beaches and looks like Game of Thrones

You name the empire, and they all fucked Montenegro at one time or another. First the Greeks, then the Romans, then the Slavs from Serbia, then the Ottomans, then the Austrians, then it was semi-independent for a while, then the Austro-Hungarians told them what to do during WWI, then the Serbs again, then the Italians and the Germans during World War II, then the Serb Communists. It didn't become an actual "country" with a constitution until 1905. And it wasn't actually "free" until 2006 when it finally split off from Serbia after much warfare and stupid shit (plus Milosevic finally died, causing the Serb government to fall apart). Lots of Montenegroes still have a soft spot for the Serbs, which is really fucked up. Yes it's basically a nation of ignorant goat-fucking hillbillies, just like their Albanian neighbors.

Its capital city is currently called Podgorica, and has been called a shitload of names in the last 2500 years: Doclea, Duklja, Birziminium, Ribnica, Zeta, or Titograd (that last one was just to piss off the locals during the Yugoslavian era). Take your choice. Podgorica would be full of ancient and picturesque buildings except that the city was bombed to shit during WWII by the Americans after they let the Germans sodomize their sisters.

How to troll Montenegrans

• Military people from Montenegro had assisted the Serbs in committing atrocities in Bosnia and Croatia in the 1990s and they don't like to talk about that.
• Tell them how ugly the prostitutes are. Even uglier than the ones in Belgrade. (And damn, Serb whores are ugly.)
• Talk about how Tito fucked them over and they sat around like cunts and took it.
• Ask them about what the Chetniks did to Croats and Muslims in the 1940s.
• best one: ask them why their fucking country has been invaded scores of times since the Romans came through.

There's a "national airline" with all of 6 aircraft, mostly cheap Brazilian Embraer jets. Sounds a bit like The Mouse That Roared, doesn't it? Think of Peter Sellers in drag, and you have the idea.

This is either the president of Montenegro or your mom

And we can't think of anything else to say about Montenegro. Blah. The Balkans really suck.

Links

• Tourism site, not kidding!
• Don't bother with the TOW article, it's being written by Montenegran partisans and is bullshit.
• There's a 1981 Swedish comedy about it.