Gamers

A Gamer is someone who plays tedious, Darwin amplifying, circus downfall and unnewsworthy digital games. Gamers are male portions of the population that have devoted themselves to the hobby and pasttime of playing what are known as video games. As you will read on this page, you'll realize that they are no better than any shithead loser who uses their pasttime like a drunk sloven shabby backwater dickhead abuses their wife to make themselves feel better when in reality they don't accept the fact that they are shithead losers. When their peers talk about relationships gamers will wonder "What is a "relation ship"? and start looking for it in their fantasy world. Most gamers shop at GameStop (GAME if they're Britfags) despite the fact that they complain about their butthurt from getting ripped off from trading in their used games. Brace yourselfs people, we're going in.

Analysis and Study

DISCLAIMER: Due to lack of study from other nations that aren't filled with white people/culturally assimilated peopls of color we have to leave them out of the study. For all we know at best everyone is busy working their asses off too hard to play or enjoy electronic entertainment apparatuses for lesiure as they slave away in sweatshops, barren wastelands devoid of food and karoshi corporations. Deal with it

Gamers are and have always been white people to the core of their essence. Ever since the creation of video games since the Cold War, video games have always been in the presense of the white man, and so they are a prime canidate for ED's (once secret) Gamer Study Project of 200X. The purpose of this project was to study the behavior, psychology, as well as motivations and IRL functions of the so called Gamer. And so far this is the fruits of our labor. We hope you enjoy the knowledge contained therein.

Through our Study Program, we have learned there have been many demographics and even a lifecycle to these creatures.

Predominately, Gamers are male humans of the race of homo sapiens, and are comprised mainly of those in that which are known as First World Countries - being regions and civilizations of the world that have grown into a great degree of social, cultural, and economic influence throughout the planet of Earth. It should also be noted that such regions of the world are that governed over the subspecies Caucasoid, especially in the regions of Europe and North America.

Gamers come in these varieites:

Casuals: Often regarded as "normalscum" or "fucking normalfags". Casuals are considered gamers who "betray all that is gaming" because they play cellphone games adapted to touchscreen phones around the turn of the 2010s. Another is known as "shovelware", being video games made mainly by western video game software developers that often incoroporate very lazy lackidasical and silly nonsense themes like gummy bears and children's toys to rip off ignorant parental units, or games known as the First Person Shooter, being a genre of game simulating one at the front of a gun weapon and proceeding kill one's way through to win the game. Often these sorts of games are sponsored by the militiaries of their respective countries to help bolster mindnumbing unquestionable obedience and patriotism, including instilling the want to join their ranks. IE This is propaganda. Though Casuals are the more likely to be "normal", normalcy is also a faggot term for genital lapping obedience and acting like a complete tool to be jerked around with by those higher up the social ladder of Corporatism Capitalist society.

Hardcores: A title used appropriately due to the lack of median ground in the spectrum of gamer activity. Hardcores are diehard gamers who will literally die for and fight for their video games and their liked series. This doesn’t even cover how deep this rabbit’s hole goes people.

Due to the potential of more lulz we of the study had decided to document in full the behavior of the Hardcore Gamer.

Demographics

Gamers are often males, Caucasian by race or by cultural upbringing. They come in many forms and shapes, but for the sake of rustling jimmies they are either fatasses or scrawny bitchasses. For the most part they are always ugly looking dorks who wear unimpressive clothes and can be seen in a modicum of black/dark or bland colored T shirts. Hardcores for the most part come from suburbia and the ass end of society, including shithole small towns and trailer parks. It’s not surprising to discover that for all of their school instilled genius, they come to wield the same exact inane droning fucktardery their parental units come to parade around them in their own pathetic lives. Examples include being “down to earth” and “sucking up to Caucasian Male Cultural Insecurities”, including wanting to impress losers who are busy eating shit and drinking piss at the ol watering hole down the street while watching sports endlessly in a pathetic loser fashion and singing country.

Niggamers

It is indisputable that vidya games provide much needed escapism and relief from everyday life. Since most vidya games revolve around stealing treasure, killing people, or both, it is clear why such distractions do not appeal to black person, who does all those things all day every day in real life.

Genders

hahahah you fucking kidding me mate there are no girls who play gaems hahahaha

Baffled by their pale unfit bodies, girls shun gamers. Those who don't are either worshipped as gods or constantly have to prove themselves "real". If there are they usually don’t exist in this crowd and are way too gorgeous to even be around these asshats. If not they are usually bitter dykes and losers who go around blaming men for every problem of their life and are just as reprehensible as them. These are known as Anti Gamergateists. Who are they? They are laughably spoiled first world problem whining shitbags who complain about how every character isn’t LBQGT and how “females aren’t being presented right in entertainment” because they have no touched talent and have been wasteful cocksuckers just as bad as who they protest. Hell they even have their own page. That’s how amazing this is.

On the matter of girls, hardcores would have to be no better than Anti-Gamergateists. Hardcores would have to be the most misogynistic, relationship self righteous, potentially rapist pieces of shit you could ever date. Because they can’t ever get over being dumped over in their shitty small towns over other human beings who have the propensity of being morally reprehensible no matter how they look (gasp what a tweist), they’ll come to “hate pretty people”….. until one comes up to them, where then their sense of being deserved sex (virginity is a concept disliked by swingers and loose cheap floozies from the 1960’s picked up by rapists and those who can’t form a relationship with another human being without being a sociopath, please drop that shit fuck you very much) flares up to 11 and they attempt to bag them. Granted, this goes over as well as you’d think it would. Plus an internet if the pretty person appears to be a gamer too (lul)

Behavior

Hardcores are very peculiar in their behavior. They are best known for their amazing feature of double standards and being absolutely two faced.

Hardcores for the most part are self pitying loser douchebags who never stand up for themselves and always take it up the ass in their shit society. Rather than take notes from the aesops of their games and be someone, hardcores “face reality” and attempt to be like every other cocksucker on the street, even bullies and people who constantly harass them. Though to be fair, constantly being on your ass and playing out constant power fantasties instead of productive and constructive activities to space out being somebody isn’t surprising in this lot.

Hardcores will always try to circlejerk with others of their kind or attempt to garner sympathy from others outside their circle due to their self pitying nature. They will then attempt to forcibly put them into their mindset because that’s the only way they can make friends. Do not ever be friends with a hardcore gamer. They are just as unaccepting, intolerant, prejudiced, and closeminded as any other shit human being they laud as “being more popular and better than me on the social pecking order”. Hardcores for the most part are atheist jerkoffs with a lot of questionable logic. If they are ever presented with things of a religious or spiritual nature, they will react with revulsion and dislike for it and/or will try to change the subject because “it doesn’t interest them”. Do not attempt to engage in any meaningful banter with them, as they will often attempt to force their opinions on to you.

Speaking of forcing things down each other’s throats, let’s get to the meat of this study. Hardcores are diehard fans of whatever series they enjoy and are catered to with. Much like their shithead brethren of capitalist society, Hardcores are hiveminds of a crony capitalist reverse psychology marketing ploy of “if you buy, you rebel, and being a rebel is cool and hip, unlike being a conformist who buys other things”. This explains many things, including being walking talking and breathing billboards for console creators and game creators. This includes being dismissive opinion waiving “free speech” whoring losers who act like cliquey high schoolers towards fans of other series because they don’t know how to be a human being or know anything about human decency. No, Hardcores, you are the pushy diehard fanwhores who can’t stop praising your fucking series you enjoy to hell. And then Hardkores were the consumer zombies.

On the topic of the internet, die hardkore gamers are and will always be the bane of human communications and existence. For the most part, along with being losers who channel their powers into series and entertainment as a right to throw their own weight around as hobby abusing powerstarved shitheads, giving them a forum or other means of internet communication is actually a bad thing. Not only do they lack common sense and leave every disgusting ass word on public accessible spaces, but they will also use websites to whore out their opinions and act like if what they like is a “rebellion against an enemy who controls the system mannnn”. Look asshole just because you like the Witcher doesn’t make you a fucking “genious who will outsmart the man”, you look like a bible thumper who got lost in sticking your dick in your game’s case. Also, from the words of someone who has a life, “the internet often gets things wrong”. Just because the internet is the Super Information Highway doesn’t mean the reverse can happen by people who think opinions and personal perspective equal fact and information. This won’t get these asshats from stopping posting on the net, but hey, at least this is truthful to an extent.

Racist double standards? In my fandom? It’s more likely than you expect

It should be noted Hardkores have an undocumented but prevalent hardon hatred for Japanese people in general. A true reason to show why Gamers will not be your friends and are territorialistic suck ups who will exploit you for all you’re worth, Hardcores hate the Japanese with a passion. They will often complain about how “unwhite” they are and how if their games don’t suck up to their standards of cool, japs deserve to burn in another atomic holocaust. For some reason, Hardkores love to think that Japan hates them. This is only partially true. While there are racist shitheads in every nation, well, that only comprises a less than sizable amount. Other human beings learn what is known as “compassion and decency”. Hardkores for the most part do not have this word in their vocabulary. This especially goes hard for Americans, as such a nation where it praises shit like civil rights and racial equality, it appears that only goes for those who follow the White Man’s ways, which many a Hardkore loves to follow. Cultural understanding is also not a word that is in their vocabulary and this nails the coffin further. All hardkores enjoy thinking “Japland” is a place where “conformity is everywhere and it’s a dictator like nation where animu and moeshit is the standard”, and they get this way when daddy lambasts them when they play this in their basements. This is actually fact and do not disregard this. Even weebs of hardcore standards do this shit.

Other than that, hardcores should be taken with caution. They have strong ties to alt right movements and sucking the dicks of white supremacists. If not they are crony democrat Men’s Rights Activists who enjoy stating “openmindness and equality” while in turn spreading the progressive White man’s first world standards onto other peoples of the world. See this and expect this in a lot of PC gamers, as well as hardcore console gamers of any maker no exceptions. This will even go far in the video game journalism industry. PC whores you are not exempt.

The topic of weird

Normalcy is a very flexible yet very multifaceted concept. To hardcores however normalcy is their world and their world alone. This is also garnered from being conditioned in backwater stagnating small closeminded dying small towns by their mindsets. Weird is mainly bad to them, and it’s also in use by Early 21st Century society because apparently “mankind has cracked the code of the universe with science” or some other flatearther level fucktardery. Weird is a key word for unlikable faggots like these. Walk away immediately if this word is ever used. Hardkores will use weird to describe things that are unfamiliar with them, like a black person and a genre of music that they don’t listen to often. It’s also a universal trigger no matter who the person, signifying the punchability and loathingly unlikable annoyingness of that individual. Weird is a bad word, especially by hardcores. Hardcores are two faced assholes. You know what to do. That is all.

The library of the Hardcore

Hardcores enjoy “manly shit”, and by that we mean the kind of garbage any tween looks up to when they feel they want to grow their hormone frustrated dicks into a complete faggot “superior person.” Hardcores will often enjoy “realistic” games but “nothing like Call of Duty”, which they ironically hate completely. Hardcores instead will like things that will make them feel “cool and special”. Here’s a library of games you should take note of when you don’t want to be around them:

The Witcher
Anything made by Valve
”Non Call of Duty” FPSes
PC Games
Anything brown in color scheme with bloom
Retro games
Roguelikes (ie mindnumbing gambling in the form of a storyless RPG)

Interview with Doctorate Professor PHD V - Debunking the myths of the Gamer

Welcome Professor V.

Thank you. Nice to meet you.

So we here of ED have questions we'd love to ask you.

Sure, what would you like to know?

Well we here of ED need to update our Gamers page because it sucked a fat dick and because the content was barebones and horrible as fuck. So we'd love to know about Gamers, especially the Hardkore Gamer.

Ah, glad you know about them! So, what would you like to further know?

How do Gamers, especially Hardkores survive? Like we mean sustenance; food. We could say they eat shit but that's being kind. So, how do gamers live?

Ah, the sustenance of the Hardkore. As we all know, the Hardkore is a Caucasoid creature of Homo Sapiens. As we've studied in captivity, they enjoy eating anything that comes at them. Unfortunately, this mainly includes thinks like junk foods like Doritos and Mountain Dew and fast foods like burgers and sandwiches. Nothing homemade or nutritious.

Is it true they pick crumbs and morsels out of their own orifices if they are ever confronted with cravings?

Why yes, they do.

Is it true that gamers attend conventions constantly?

HAHAHAHAH

Are you seriously that fucking retarded? Of course not! Hardcores never do that. Often they attend a convention only once, and due to their self hate and lack of social skills they judge other congoers as "cringe". Ironically you can tell those kinds from afar by them looking like complete nerds and visually underwhelming (as well as tasteless) fucking dorks and tight wads. Seriously, if there's anything to cringe about, it would have to be them. Some of them even go to take photos of hot cosplayers and then save them in their phone to jerk off to them. They are all uptight unsociable losers who don’t have fun and kill any good atmosphere you have by being smartaleckly shitfaces who blame being made fun of by congoers instead of, you know, society.

Doctor V, what is their propensity for knowledge and understanding?

Well, I would have to give it a very low rating. Many of them gain merely what they know from typical school education centers, and from forums on the internet. When it comes to college, it's pretty much the same except for the fact that they are preparing for adult life. Of course they are fundamentalist and parading athiests who have gathered mainly around the dicklapping of science since the mid 2000s when America was getting its fundamentalist Christian ass kicked. Even for a scientist I have my own beliefs but keep them separate. These guys are complete fucking morons and dipshits.

TO BE CONTINUED

Kinds of Hardkore Gamers

Fanboys: Spends a very long time drooling over blockbuster games no one will care about in three years. They will also engage in Internet debates defending "their" console like a person who does not get laid arguieng over condoms (Then again, this analogy can describe 99% of all forum discussions).
Video Game Critic: Gamers who have refused to leave their basement of dwelling, nor have they developed a decent enough skill for competition. So instead they post videos of themselves swearing at 20 year old games in a desperate attempt to be accepted by their other equally socially-retarded peers. They also mainly rip off AVGN and do not donate to them, they are hack frauds.
TourneyFag: A basement-dweller who has somehow managed to lose enough weight to leave their parents house and turn up at professional video game tournaments. They are commonly noticeable by their ill concealed lack of conversation skills and aspie-like BAWLing at anything they consider unbalanced or unfair in a video game, and won't stop bitching until they get their own way, or their parents pick them up to go home.

"True Gamer": A term for a faux inclusive shitbag who puts his hobby and ego on an artificial shelf of self worth, True Gamers are shitbags to be avoided like the plague. True Gamers are self entitled ego inflated cockasses who love to judge and will judge based on what you play and what you do as a human being. If you are ever confronted with one, beat them up and tell them to fuck off. Bonus points if they enjoy The Spoony One.
Video Game Webcomic Makers: A dying breed, these assholes used to plague the internets before the reckoning of the 4chans. More often than not they are fanwhores with access to a pencil and scanner and use their art skills to whore out their opinions in unfunny unclever ways on the "video game industry". Thankfully ded.
"Smart" Final Fantasy Fans: Don't think that the otherside is any better. Final Fantasy Fans suffer from a huge ego and what is known as Final Fantasy Disease. This can be signified if one remarks that "VI & IX were the only good ones" and being unfunny self aware dysphoric shitheads who constantly treat themselves as a living joke.

Pseudo Adult Gamer

If you don't get this comic, you are a casualfag.

Popular Games

For full coverage, see the gaming category.

• BioShock: A fucking awful FPS series that involves a pedophilic main character named "Jack", crashing his plane into the Atlantic Ocean and locating an underwater city named "Rapture", which is full of weird shit.

• Call of Duty: A shitty FPS series that caters to every known 13-year-old faggot alive. Also that one video game series that everybody claims to cause violence as soon as a school shooting happens.

• Fallout: An incredibly over-hyped series that started off shit, and morphed into an even bigger shit following the development of Fallout 3.

• Final Fantasy: The RPG series that has way too many fucking sequels.

• Grand Theft Auto: You play as a badass muthafuckin' gangsta in a 3D open-world Ghetto. There's no limit to what you can do in this game: mass murder, car hijacking, druhgz, arson, burglary, possession of illegal firearms, and moar. Thanks to San Andreas' "Hot Coffee Mod", this game officially allows you to tackle dat pusi with your very own PS2/XBox 360 controller. Go crazy, virgins!

• League of Legends: An online game which rewards the player with anthropomorphic animals for showing up as scheduled and not being a leaver. This proves what everyone suspected: Gamers are as trustworthy as a goblin masturbating in a D&D dungeon.

• Minecraft: The Twitter of games. Everyone seem to be into it but no one can explain what it's good for.

• Pac-Man: Play as a yellow circle and eat all the pellets, and don't get ræped by the Ghosts. Eat a Power Pellet and the Ghosts will turn blue, which means you get to ræp them for bonus points instead.

• Pokémon: Every autist's wet dream. Spawning from the gaping asshole of Japan, "Pokémon" is a Godawful series that revolves around collecting wild, retarded creatures and training them to fuck each other in combat to gain Experience Points. For some reason, this series excelled in the video-game industry, despite the gameplay mostly consisting of mashing the A button to defeat your opponent. This series is played by anyone who has contemplated suicide at least once in their lives.

• The Sims: A life simulator that boasts all dynamics of everything and anything that you will never have in your life. There's no defined goal, yet everybody seems to play it as their guilty-pleasure.

• Sonic the Hedgehog: A severely retarded abomination of a platformer video game, and a main contributor to the furry fandom. One must ask themselves how such a simplistic video-game could spawn so much cancer in today's society. "Sonic the Hedgehog" is SEGA's equivalent to Mario, and involves a blue, drug-induced, batshit insane "hedgehog" named Sonic, and his shota-fuckbuddy, "Tails". Together, they travel the land to put a halt to Dr. Ivo Robotnik's (Eggman for newfags) diabolical scheme to turn all of ~~nature's~~ God's creatures into robot-controlling monsters. The twist to this game is that you get to travel at "SUPERSONIC SPEEEED!!!1one!", but that factor actually makes the quality of the game worse, especially in the later stages, because Sonic won't stand the fuck still when he's trying to navigate through tedious obstacle courses. In the later games (post-2000), everything is 3D and completely broken. If you have ever played a Sonic video game, we highly suggest that you kill yourself, the sooner the better.

• Super Mario Bros.: This game tells the story of a fat Italian plumber, who collects Shrooms, jumps on Goombas and Turtles, rescues a cake-obsessed bitch from a giant rapist dinosaur, then fucks her hard. This game spawned hundreds of other sequels, spin-offs, and sub-series, most of them being the exact same thing every damn time.

• Super Smash Bros.: A "fighting" game where players can choose from any of their favorite Nintendo characters and use them to battle against each other. Very popular with Tourneyfags, and usually causes a fuck-ton of nerd rage over how each game in the series should be played.

• Team Fortress 2: Steam's most notorious video game, and that's not saying much. "TF2" is an online FPS that comprises nine character classes shared between two teams, "RED" and "BLU" respectively. The game is the sequel to a Quake mod that nobody could give a fuck about, and is playable on PC, Linux (as of 2013), Mac, and PlayStation 3. The game's "humor" is quite literally the only reason why this hunk of shit gained it's notoriety among the gaming community. Not to mention that anybody who has played in an online server for longer than an hour would become oblivious to TF2's basic, uncreative gameplay, shitty 3D "realistic" character models, and all-round lack of intelligence in the minds of those fuckwits who play it in their mom's basement all day every day. Some fanfags use TF2 character models in their GMod YouTube videos to boost their popularity.

• Tetris: Eliminate the falling blocks by filling up the available space to form "rows" For every "row" you make, the blocks fall faster. If you suck at this game, the blocks will tower on top of each other until they reach the top of the scr- GAME OVER.

• The Elder Scrolls: An RPG series notable for it's horrible AI, buggy graphics, and an awful physics engine.

• The Legend of Zelda: This game tells the story of a wimpy little shotacon with huge ears and green clothing, named "Link", and his quest to save the land of Hyrule from the evil forces of Ganon. A typical Legend of Zelda game involves a really unnecessary storyline about some bullshit sages who can't protect their world for the life of them, and because they're too lazy/retarded to put a stop to the villain's powers, they make up a prophecy that this little autistic forest boy who nobody loves is actually going to be their savior. And, holy shit, it turns out he can pwn Ganon/Vaati/Skull Kid/Chancellor Cole in less than a minute so long as these giant hideous fairy whores keep offering him their "magic" (Hell, in one CD-i game he literally threw a book at Ganon and he was instantly defeated). Legend of Zelda is one of the most overrated series ever, and if you look at any "Top 10 video games of all time" countdown, you're definitely going to see "Ocarina of Time" somewhere on the list, because every gamer in the world treats this series like it's their fucking religion because of how "fun" it is. PROTIP: Unless you have an unusual fixation on anime/anime-esque media, don't play any of these games. ~~90%~~ All of them are completely shit.

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Gallery

Notice the lack of women About missing Pics

An accurate list of different species of gamers

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Your teammates
A typical gamer.
Lack of exercise = Death
OBJECTION!
HXC gamer at the point of no return
Women can lead to character death and should be avoided
Gamers also look at porn in their mom's basement
What every gamer wishes he were
Typical gamer activity
Gamers, fanboys, and haters will do anything to prove and defend their opinions to compensate for their small genitals
A typical gamer want-ad in Gumtree
Broom: The video game
Life: No life