Latvia

Latvians, like citizens of many tiny ex-Soviet nations (Lithuania, Kyrgyzstan) lack economic attention from richer countries and make up for this by claiming to have invented absolutely everything under the sun, including the television, alcohol, fire, and AIDS. The fact is, Latvians did NOT invent the television, alcohol, or fire. Sorry. They did, however, launch a distributed denial of service attack against Idlenet; thusly all botnets that are complete failures are referred to as Latvian botnets.

This is a picture of Russians looting in Estonia, lol wut

The primary export of Latvia is Russians.

One of the more unique customs of Latvia is the Feast of Count Blacula, a local holiday during which Latvians cremate a goat and hurl the ashes at the "cretinous Jew".

Latvia's current president is Andrejs Bērziņš. Much like Gadaffi, everyone hates him. Everyone.

History of Latvia

Since the beginning of time, Latvia has been serious business. They were once a great power, the rulers of the Baltics, until Last Thursday, when over 9000 minions of Tacgnol came to bother Longcat, who was slumbering under the Baltic Sea. Longcat was all "Tacgnol doesn't know about my powers" and kicked his ass so that he could go back to sleep. All this happened on Latvia. It was like two sumo wrestlers fighting on a dime. Latvia got pwned, but then went back to looking at Pokérotica out of Penthouse.

After this tragedy, they claim to have founded the Silver Circle. They also claim to have invented Politcasm and ground meats, the only things they actually did do, but, as always, they did it wrong.

The national sport of Latvia is Wayfinder, as it has been ever since last Thursday.

Latvia Today

Latvia suffers an infestation of its Russian enemies, after they realized how shitty Russia was and snuck into the nearest country to give AIDS.

Most Latvians are Satanist, because after they got raped by Stalin last Thursday, they're still butthurt. The others just don't give a shit.

Everyone in Latvia watches Television, because it mainly consists of weekend cooking shows, Indiana Jones movies and constant broadcast of news reports, that only tell how shitty the economy is. One Latvian TV station, Howiereportinglive, won the THRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLS from Scotty Vanity. Latvia is also unfortunate enough to have MTV Latvija, which continuously broadcasts shitty emo wigger music and reality shows. UPDATE: The economy is so bad that they don't even have that any more. Their economy is better now, but it's still shit.

National Anthem of Latvia

Now this is a story all about how my

Country got flipped turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there

I'll tell you how I become a boring country called Latvia.

In the west Soviet Union born and raised

On the Baltics is where I spent most of my days

Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool

And all shootin' some homosexuals outside of the school

When a couple of Commies that were up to no good

Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood

I got in one little fight and the Saeima got scared

And said, "You're leaving the Soviet Union and changing your name back to Latvia"

I whistled for a flag and when it came near

The plating was burgundy and white and it had a 2:1 ratio

If anything I could say that this flag was rare

But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up some shit around 2004

And I yelled to NATO "Hey, lemme join!"

Looked at the EU I was finally there

To sit on my ass as the boring country of Latvia

Latvia (Eurovision 2008)

EPIC!!! FUCKING SHIT THEY DIDNT WIN!

HA HA, THE RUSSIANS KICKED THEIR ASSES. (Recent research suggests NINJA INVOLVEMENT!)

Latvians

Latvians are strange folk. Made of 2 parts Latgall, 1 part Russian and another part Jew, the greatest aspirations they have in life is to become an folk hero, the ballad of their deeds being spread across the land.

What makes Latvia slightly less fail is the lack of black people. Roughly there's about 20 of them. Only niggers have made a club which is now about 2 years old (srsly). Any nigger who dares wander the dark corners of Latvia gets instant punch to the face by citizens. Any actual nigger children get beat up at schools etc.

Every year faggots and lesbos do their pride parade faggotry festival festivity or shit. Most of the time it get's lulzy. The only people who go watch these ass parades are only those who are there to bash the ever loving shit out of homos. Usually it ends with people shouting at fags and throwing (human) shit at them both figuratively and literally, because unlike Russia, they can't get their gay asses pwned by everyone, like they can in Russia. Makes you wonder why the fuck these ass-pirates even make such festivals.

To put it simply if you are a nigger it's tough shit for you. If you are gay it's even tougher shit for you. Gay niggers are natural enemies of Latvians so you can make the job easier for them by becoming an hero.

Children

Latvian children are immoral monsters that vandalize everything they see. Most of Latvian children dream of becoming an folk hero since they become like 4 years old. Every third Latvian child is Jewish or Russian.

Women

There are no women in Latvia (except Mikhail Zadornov). There are only men dressed as women, because the Ruskys went in and took their women back from Latvia after they ran away from home. The closest thing they have is prostitutes. You can find many cheap prostitutes and brides in Latvia.

Gallery

• 
  Latvian citizens
• 
  Latvian idols
• 
  Comrades
• 
  Our country has a problem...
• 
  Apparently disabled persons do not have this problem.
• 
  Looks like police is disabled, too.
• 
  Latvia still uses woman powered ploughs.
• 
  The leader
• A typical Latvian breakfast.
  A typical Latvian breakfast.
• 
  Political affairs
• 
  The man
• 
  Typical woman driver in Latvia
• 
  Latvian Internets

External links

• Million reasons why Latvia is the best country in the world
• MySpace for Latvians. Notice the orange color sponsored by Tautas Partija
• Political discussions about latvian issues
• Celebrations in Latvia

Featured article September 30, 2005
Preceded by Ohnotheydidnt	Latvia	Succeeded by IBM