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Sonic the Hedgehog

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This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Sonic Adventure 3 is never going to happen! Adventure 2 sucked, get over it furfags!!1!!!!1
What? This article does not need any more Sonic porn, not at all.
You can help by not adding anything, especially not Sonic porn.
You may be looking for Sonic Youth, but that is unlikely because the 90s are over.
Voluntary exposure to this article may turn you into a furry. Please resist the temptation.
   
“ 		 
GRIFFITH
  		„
  		 

—Spax3, on Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic the Hedgehog (powerword: Olgilvie Maurice Hedgehog to Archie Fags and Chris Redfield to Voice Fags) is essentially the video game equivalent of /b/; was never good, never will be. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is either an asspie, an oldfag, a fantard or a furry. Most likely the latter.

Sonic IRL
DERP DERP DERP

Created by a trio of Japanese video game making furfags as a successor to Alex Kidd, Sonic himself is essentially like a faggot who makes claims to have once been as cool as you, but no one can remember why. He can run over 500 mph on land, 700 mph on the Autobahn, and 15 mph up Tails' ass. Sonic zipped through the semen-speckled world of the furry fandom in 1991. "The more the merrier!" laughed the furries, and since then, the pincushion has become prime rib for masturbatory fantasies, fanart and fanfiction; especially on DeviantART.

While the first few games were agreeably moderately interesting, any rational person would realize that they lost their novelty pretty fucking quick, like anything else from the 1990s. The dumbasses at SEGA obviously failed to get that through their heads, and eventually everyone on Earth could agree how much Sonic sucked after at least fucking 100 shitty rehashes of the same shit. Quite simply put, Sonic was never cool.

And he will never be.

History

 
Tails is just as confused by all the shitty Sonic games as you are. And with the fact he's a pretty shitty character.
 
Sonic fans are known to RAEG about things that everybody should know.

Sega, both realizing how shitty their current mascot at the time Alex Kidd was and just being Japanese in the first place, decided to scrape the faggot and think of something gayer in order to compete with Nintendo and its mascot, Mario. Eventually, they got three of the faggots working for them to think of something more failtastic than Alex Kidd:

  • Naoto Oshima, a Japafur that spent his days fapping to American furfaggotry such as Looney Tunes; called by Sega to design the character for the game
  • Yuji Naka, a programmer and college dropout who made Girl's Garden, and later on in his life had also claimed to have created an NES emulator for the Mega Drive / Genesis.
  • And last and seeing that nobody remembers this dude at all, certainly least, Hirokazu Yasuhara, a level designer that could only produce shitty levels that all had one notable feature in common: just hold forward on the D-pad and you fucking win the stage.

Before creating the game, however, Naoto was thinking (shocker) which animal would be unfortunate enough to be Segaraped, and let Naka and Yasahura decide the animal for him. Candidates of the "main furfag star" debate were a bulldog and a rabbit, among other rejected shit. It then finally fell down to the armadildo and hedgehog. The event settled on the hedgehog becoming victorious, and so began the epic failure, with us not being graced with a video game featuring a gay armadillo until Mega Man X.

The original idea was a character known as Mr. Needlemouse and a fatass in pajamas; it was eventually reworked into the blue furry faggot we all know and love and the fatass who loves and supports fursecution. You might think that because Naoto was the one who came up with Sonic in the first place, people would be kissing his ass. However, in a strange turn of events, Naka would be the one known as the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog, forever stealing the credit from Oshima, who responded by leaving SEGA years after. A couple years later, finally bored of trolling gamers with shitty games, Naka and Yasahura left the franchise, leaving its fate in the hands of even n00bier developers led by Takashi Iizuka.

In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head-to-head against Mario. But this lasted for only a couple years, because with every shitty commercial failure Sega released after the Genesis, everyone stopped giving a shit about them and their shitty mascot.

In 1999, however, the series blasted into 3D on the Dreamcast. The first 3D Sonic game, Sonic Adventure, dared players to "up the ante" by rendering holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary upward D-Pad holding; as well as a various gameplay styles that most people didn't give a shit about.

Unfortunately, the classic console stood no chance against Sony's Playstation 2, which put Sega out of the hardware business, leading to Sega develop games for their former enemies, exposing everyone to how shitty they were. The games got worse and worse, and then came what most people would agree to be the big blow to the franchise: Sonic 2006. With the release of that infamously terrible game, the general consensus finally became that Sonic sucked loads. But the hard truth is that in reality, Sonic was never good. The fact of the matter is that Sonic was no different than anything else from the 1990s: amusing at first, but embarrassingly retarded after a few years. And like any other thing from the 1990s, hordes of people have deluded themselves of this and continue to support it.

 
Demonstrating Sonic's amazing physics.

Game Play

Literally every Sonic game minus a lot of flashy shit.

The objective of the first every Sonic the Hedgehog video game is very different to what it is in Mario: to hold the D-Pad right/analog stick up for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, occasionally pressing a button to make him jump. The gimmick, you see, is that you can go fast. Collect kaos emeraldos. The idea behind those was to make collecting them look like a drug fantasy, with levels consisting of surreal acid-nightmares inhabited by strangely phallic robots and a fat man with a mustache.

The Games

 
Card Crusher demonstrates the premise of every Sonic game, evar.
 
Some say the games became edgier over time.
 
This actually applies to some autists... ok, fine. All of them.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog: The game that started it all. This game admittedly was cool, but only for the first 15 minutes or some shit, just like most other bullshit from the 90s. Essentially, if Vanilla Ice had his own videogame.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2: More or less the same shit, except now with a shitty sidekick that does nothing but follow you around and steal your air bubbles in the water levels. It had co-op though, which was cool... again, for the first 15 minutes or some shit.
  • Sonic CD: More or less the same shit ... except on a shitty CD add-on that nobody bought. (That's okay, it was released moar times than anyone gives a shit about years later.) Considered by many Sonic fans to be the best in the series, which is literally no different than trying to compare shit with shit to see which is better. Quite simply put, it's all shit. It also introduced an underage pink female hedgehog whose underwear would be of considerable focus to the developers of the later games so they could cater more to the many furfag pedophiles that make up the series' fanbase.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 3: More or less the same shit, except now with a nigger echidna.
  • Sonic & Knuckles: More or less the same shit, except now you can PLAY as the nigger echidna.
  • Knuckles Chaotix: More or less the same shit, except now STARRING the nigger echidna. (Fun fact: it was originally going to be called Sonic Crackers).
  • Sonic R: More or less the same shit, except in actual 3D. You'd think people would actually give a shit about it considering that, but there were two problems: it was a shitty racing game and on the Sega Saturn, a console nobody but old ass Sega fanboys bought and remembers it. It is, however, known for its lulzy soundtrack and Tails Doll.
  • Sonic Adventure: More or less the same shit, except both in actual 3D and not a spinoff. Forever revolutionized the series as instead of holding right to win ... you would now hold up while falling through floors for no apparent reason and trying to master a remarkably terrible camera system. Oh, and you can play as 6 characters, including a retarded fat cat who rapes hangs out with a frog (it's like Sega put one of their own fans in a videogame). The game was also notorious for its laughably bad voice acting and dialogue and lib-sync character animations that gave players nightmares. For some strange reason, people consider this game to be an all-time classic, when in reality, it's a pretty shitty game.
  • Sonic Adventure 2: More or less the same shit, except with a black emo hedgehog and a bat with tits. Yes, a bat with tits. With the latter, it became clear Sega was trying to expose the franchise more to furry porn. Sonic fans bitch and moan every day about how there "hasn't" (only technically) been a sequel to this game, when in reality, every game that followed (and preceded) it is all more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Advance: More or less the same shit, except on the Gameboy Advance. Not much else to note, other than the fact it had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Heroes: More or less the same shit, except you can now play as three characters at once. Essentially, three times the gay characters, three times the holding up to win and three times the horrible camera. But just about ten times the terrible voice acting, dialogue and script ("DA REAL SUPAH POWAH OF TEAMWORKZ").
  • Sonic Battle: More or less the same shit, except now you can get the characters to beat the crap out of each other. You would think that would make this game slightly more interesting than the rest, but it's actually pretty fucking boring. Most people only know of this game's existence thanks to a metric fuckton of webcomics and flash animations made by 13 year olds who stole the sprites from it.
  • Sonic Rush: More or less the same shit, except with characters repeatedly making obnoxious noises and on the Nintendo DS. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but with pirates. "Argh! This game sucks cock!"
  • Shadow the Hedgehog: More or less the same shit, except now starring the previously mentioned black emo hedgehog. Oh, and you can use guns and hear characters cuss. All while cutting yourself at the same time. Basically, a shitty Ratchet & Clank ripoff that blew chunks upon release. Also known for starting some terribly unfunny and forced memes.
  • Sonic Riders: More or less the same shit, except now ripping off Tony Hawk with hoverboards. Had two sequels that were both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic 2006: More or less the same shit, except on a level of ass-suckery previously unknown to man. This is the one game that everyone (literally, everyone) knows sucked. Known for its amazingly horrendous glitches, loading screens and plot: Sonic's love interest is now a human girl. Sega had already been trying to convert their fans into furries for years, but one would think they would at least be more subtle than this.
  • Sonic & the Secret Rings: More or less the same shit, except, in an attempt to revolutionize the franchise's infamous "hold up to win" gameplay, on rails. Now, it's "do nothing and occasionally turn left and right to win"! Takes place in the Arabian Nights book. It sucked, but served as the "inspiration" (ironic considering how much Sonic stole from Mario) to the ever-so-great Temple Run.
  • Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games: Finally, a game that was not more or less the same shit, but only because it had Mario. That's right; Sonic finally teamed up with his old nemesis from the 1990s and became butt-buddies! Amazing, right? Too bad the game sucked horse dick. Has had multiple sequels that are all more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood: Also wasn't more or less the same shit, but that's only because it was made by BioWare, the same Canadian nerds who made Mass Effect and a couple of shitty Star Wars games. For some reason people thought that would make this game tolerable, but it sucked and is proof no developer can make a good Sonic game.
  • Sonic Unleashed: More or less the same shit, except now Sega decided it would be a good idea to rip off Nintendo further and turn Sonic into a wolf or some shit in a plot that's so utterly fucking stupid it's not even worth getting into. We will anyway: Dr. Eggman fires a lazer and breaks the world into many different pieces. Sonic saves all the people of the world, including dirty stinkin' Arabs. Then, Sonic causes the conflict in the Middle East that dates to this day. The End. Another failure.
  • Sonic and the Black Knight: More or less the same shit, except now Sonic has a sword. Some argue that this title inspired numerous aspies to kill themselves as they LARP'd as retarded furries with swords. If this were true, then Sega would have lost a huge market share from this shitty game alone.
  • Sonic & Sega All Star Racing: More or less the same shit: Sonic ripping off Mario, this time now it's Mario Kart. Had a sequel that was more or less the same shit, but caused fanboys to orgasm with Wreck-it-Ralph to give them cock-crushing handjobs.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 4: More or less the same shit, except in a move of desperation to get people to like Sonic again, is a "direct sequel" to the original games. After hordes of games that were all more or less the same shit. Nonetheless, the game was hyped by retrofags everywhere and it was heralded as Sonic's big comeback, much like several of the games that came before it. Controversy still surrounded the game, however, on pointless issues that only rule 34 artists would care about, like Sonic's eye color or some shit. Finally, the game came out, and unsurprisingly (yet surprisingly to retrofags), it sucked. What so many fail to realize is that Sonic was never good, even in 2D. Is in two "episodes" that are both more or less the same shit.
  • Sonic Colors: More or less the same shit, except now rips off Super Mario Galaxy while disguising itself as an acid trip. Considered by some to be Sonic's comeback, when in reality it sucks just as much as ever. (Fun fact: It was written by the same people who wrote Happy Tree Friends. I shit you not)
   
“ 		 
THE COLORS FEEL SO RIGHT!

JUST TAKE MY HAND, WE'RE GONNA REEEEEACH FOR THE STARS TONIGHT!!
 

„
  		 

—Sonic Colors opening theme. Totally not gay.

  • Sonic Generations: To celebrate 20 years of the same shit, Sega gave us more or less the same shit once again. Two Sonics. 1 Game.. Several times more copypasta. Furfags all had a massive orgy when they realized that they would be going back to Green Hill Zone for the 30th time. The game is also notable for its amazing mods:

  • Sonic Lost World: More or less the same shit, except rips off Super Mario Galaxy further and is on the Wii U, a console that nobody will ever buy. It's worth noting that the last two games were actually well received, but with this one, people have once again opened their eyes to how bad Sonic is.
  • Sonic Boom: With this game, it appears Sega has stopped giving a shit altogether, being developed by Naughty Dog rejects and ripping off Crash Bandicoot or some shit with generic platforming, tedious brawling and laughably bad redesigns made to make the series ... more "American" (the previously mentioned nigger echidna is now a member of the Battletoads). This is the final product. The game went on to be universally agreed as the worst Sonic game ever made, which isn't saying much considering Sonic was always terrible. Hilariously, some reactions to the game have been no less than stellar.

Sonic also has a number of other games, but nobody cares about those because they're shit, just like the rest of the series but unfortunately didn't include a pack of raving furfags to cram them down our throats.

Like this bullshit: **FANGAME ALERT**

The trainwreck that never was

 
Sonic Fans proving yet again they are more capable of making better Sonic games than Sega ever could.
  • Sonic X-Treme: Probably would have been more or less the same shit, except this game was so awful it gave one guy who was making it pneumonia, and so it was cancelled. It should be noted that you get cardiac arrest if you play what was left of the game, which is why it hasn't been released in any way possible publicly. Spawned numerous shitty fangames because the developers didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

Animated

PROTIP: If your autismally induced thought processes ever do decide that watching any of the fore-mentioned garbage would be a good idea, extra lulz can be had from playing the videos at -50% speed. Incidentally, it turns the shit-tastic cocaine fuelled adrenaline rush that is the "Sonic X" theme into a kewl ambient dub track.

The TV Shows

 
Sonic and Sally hard at work to free the world
 
Sonic X(XX)
  • Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Some argue that this is the best Sonic show, and even though they're all retrofags, they're right anyway since all the other shows are even worse. Basically Sonic and Tails run around talking about stupid bullshit while Robotnik and his three moronic sex slaves plot to kill them. Said love-squad is composed of Scratch (an anthro-chicken-robot), Grounder (a dick-nosed-lummox on tank treads with dicks for hands), and Coconuts (a monkey robot that is even more incompetent than the first two), all of whom try to catch Sonic. At the end of every episode, Sonic tells us all what we learned today, especially about booze and pedophilia. Seriously. These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. As of late, this show has become a prime source of material for YouTube Poop, especially Robotnik's PINGAS. One might not be surprised to hear that Robotnik's voice actor was openly gay.
  • SatAM: This show is darker and more sinister than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, but at least this one doesn't have the retarded Sonic Sez segments. In this show, Sonic, Tails, and a bunch of other furries are hiding in a forest from a more evil Robotnik (who is now a HUGE fatass with a creepy and sinister voice provided by Winnie the Pooh. No joke), his midget Jew nephew Snively (note the massive nose), and his army of robots (that look like recolors of the Horde Troopers from She-Ra). It also features the catchphrase "Let's do it to it!", thereby making it ALMOST as gay as Sonic Heroes, though admittedly more badass. The vile Archie Comics version of Sonic spawned from this show, as well as Princess Sally Acorn, a chipmunk who is even MORE annoying than Amy Rose; Bunnie Rabbot, a cyborg rabbit with a metal crotch (ouch) and a Texas accent; Antoine, a cowardly coyote (who is also French); and a whole bunch of other characters no one cares about. This show is gay, avoid at all costs.
  • Sonic Underground: This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two pallete swaps, Sonia and Manic, all three of whom were voiced by Steve Urkel. You can imagine how confusing it must've been for the three hedgehogs, all having the same voice. They also get musical instruments to fight Robotnik this time, even though it was already established early in the franchise that hedgehogs can rip through a steel tank by spinning. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, as do a couple of the Chaos Emeralds. Other than that, it's pretty much the same as SATAM, except with FUCKING SONGS and Sonic's mom.
  • Sonic X: This show is the one that all of the Sonic weeaboos watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named Chris Thorndyke (moar like Chris Prondyke amirite?), whom everyone hates. Thanks to the presence of Shadow, it is over 9000 times more emo than the above shows. It is also that much more annoying, and the voice acting is some of the worst ever recorded thanks to 4kidz. SEGA decided to replace the game voice artists with those, causing an on-going war of furfags. But Sonic was never cool, as was his voice. In short, this show sucked, brought in a bunch of n00bs to the franchise, and anybody that got into the franchise anytime before it should NOT watch it. It sucks even more than the games, especially so seeing as episodes 2 through 27 of the first series could be cut and it wouldn't affect the story at all. This just proves that GAYGA and 4jews and hungry for that tasty, tasty TV producer money
  • Sonic Boom: The show the game of the same name is based on. Anyone over the age of 12 who watches it is either a basement dweller or a furfag. Most likely both.

The Movies

 
FIGHT THE FURRY MENACE!
  • Sonic the Hedgehog OVA: Sometime last Thursday there was a badly dubbed, shitty animu about Sonic. It can be easily found on JewTube. It featured Princess Sara, who has an astonishing resemblance to the bestiality-obsessed Princess Elise. She also has a monkey tail, thereby further clarifying this series' source material. Tails is also present here, and Sega somehow managed to make his voice even gayer. Sara gets bound and gagged in this movie.
  • Sonic: Night of the Werehog: SEGA making a good turn towards advertising Sonic? Ha, ha, no! It's a pretty shitty Sonic Halloween movie that came out a couple years ago about furries, chihuahuas, and gay. Think of a combination between Sonic X and The Nightmare Before Christmas. You probably won't like it.

This short film also features Casper the Friendly Ghost's fat and fapping brothers


Sonic and Friends

Character Evolution

 
Sonic and Tails on Sega's creativity, when it comes to clothing the characters furry bodies.

At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of crabs and other tentacle monsters, which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-Pad as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik. Robotnik is the boss on every level and is defeated by pressing the A button an astounding eight times.

The usual plot contains seven mystical objects that always scatter everywhere, searched for by two similar characters with spiky hair.

Scrambling for a new gimmick, Sega decided to bring a new character into the mix. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! Not being able to settle for just a retarded Cat/Fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" — very creative. Sega, being the creative geniuses they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old's voice, enabling them to expand their market from vanilla furries to pedophile furries.

Not content with a spandex wearing fatass, a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further. With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue faggot what's up. Sega decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their furry fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the white gloves that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" — isn't Sega's originality just amazing? These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token black person of the series.

Other Characters

 
NEEDS LOTS MOAR CHARACTERS
 
Knuckles is the token nigger in the series.
 
Ever wondered how Sonic and his pals were named? Epic Lulz and Truth detected.

Aside from the aforementioned characters, Sonic features a variety of characters, all equally attractive to furry faggots:

  • Cream: Everyone loves Cream (except for these fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her Cream was a very, very bad idea considering the series' fanbase.
  • Silver: Whiny drama queen from the future, and living proof that Sega ran out of ideas years ago. His powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggy as Tails'. Silver is commonly seen reciting gay, dramatic lines taken straight out of Lifetime movies. His head is shaped like a marihuana leaf, wears eyeliner, and has sick hand tattoos.
  • Princess Elise: Some whore from the uncanny valley that Sonic screwed around with in the PS3/360 game, and is an open furry. The blatant cross-species grab-ass that takes place between her and Sonic is an obvious plot to turn children into furries and may be the worst yet of Sega's many crimes against humanity. The kiss between her and Sonic has to be the biggest piss-take in a video game ever. She has fucked many animals, even a couple of 13 year old boys that just wanted pussy from Rouge or Amy, but when they got a sexy bitch like Elise they cried RAEP and Sega denies her existence.
  • Julie-Su: Julie-Su the Echidna is Knuckles' and every Sonic fag's current wet dream, because she doesn't wear panties. In Mobius: X Years Later she becomes a true furfag, and becomes as much a prostitute as Rouge.
  • Marine: Loli newcomer that already has at least 100 hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She talks in such a thick Australian accent that even Steve Irwin would tell her to shut the fuck up, if he wasn't dead. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "strewth" anymore?
  • Chaos: An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of LiveJournal who goes SUPER SAIYA-JIN assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's Sonic tentacle porn, this thing is involved.
  • Vanilla: Cream's mom, who is raising her daughter by herself because the father didn't want to pay for child support and left. While Rouge's voice actor on Sonic X makes her sound like a 50-year-old-whore, Vanilla's makes her sound like she's at least 100 years old and on various illegal substances.
  • Chris Thorndyke: Some gay rich kid from Sonic X who nobody likes. He is introduced in the pilot episode right after he saves Sonic from drowning in his pool. Right then, he makes a vow to have buttsex with Sonic. It is never revealed that they indeed have buttsex. However, there is a six-month gap between the end of the 1st season and the 2nd season, so it's anybody's guess what happened. An effective method of trolling the Sonic X fanbase is to claim that you actually LIKE Chris and state reasons why.
  • Cosmo: A character from the cartoon "Fairly Oddparents" who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of Sonic X as a female plant. She and Tails have a relationship until Tails kills her to save the universe, much like Aeris in Final Fantasy VII, except with a big fucking laser beam. Her death was prime material for shitty AMVs and constituted the single most emo scene in Sonic history. Shadow also dies but knowing SEGA they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season.
  • Dark Oak: Main villain of Sonic X and shameless ripoff of Frieza from some other shitty animu. He comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show, which by rights makes it as bad as the first season.
  • Nazo: A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the Sonic X pilot. 13 year old Sonic fans went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of the fandom than Sega or 4Kids.
  • Mushroom Kingdom Characters: These barhopping retards crossed paths with our furry crew to compete in Olympic Events, without the aid of Michael Phelps. Their group consists of four stereotypical Italian plumbers, two princesses, a dinosaur, a monkey, an evil koopa and his son, and a midget couple with mushrooms for heads.

There are also a host of other characters who are never used anymore. We wouldn't want to have to expose you to them, but seeing as how this is an informational article, we have to. You see, SEGA has a history of using their characters once or twice and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. Retrofags hate them for this. Among these trashed characters include a Jew with guns, a fatass polar bear, robot versions of Knuckles and Tails, a rodent prick named Antoine, a walrus, oh, and Sonic's long lost musically inclined siblings, among others. There was also the return of the previously mentioned armadillo but since SEGA didn't pick him, he sucks. Fantards constantly call for their return. Thankfully, it'll never happen.

For those who are waiting for this to get lulzy, just turn your computers off now.

Actor portrayal

While most people would think whoever voiced who wasn't anything worth giving two fucks about, some people actually do. Sonic's first voice in the older animated TV shows was done by a black person, a retrofag favorite. In the animated movie, he went from nigger to British with Martin Burke taking over. His first voice actor for the video games was Ryan Drummond, the man who made fame by saying some of the most campiest lines in video game history. Admittedly, it did match with the faggot character. Surprisingly, people actually liked this jackass, and went apeshit when he was replaced by Jason Griffith, the voice for Sonic in Sonic X. More recently, though, it's been confirmed that Sonic will be voiced by Roger Craig Smith aka Chris Boulder Punching Redfield, which SEGA actually saw as franchise changing news. There's also that Junichi Kanemaru guy, but nobody cares about him. When the news was spread that Roger Craig Smith was going to portray Sonic, fanboys raged about this even though 10 minutes earlier they were complaining about how much Jason Griffith needs to be kicked off. And note, these are the same fags that didn't even like the Adventure games or Ryan Drummond.

The Fanbase

The Sonic fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry and autism. For some reason, a fuckton of fetishists involve Sonic characters into their fucked up fap-fests, as can be noticed easily by the extreme number of "art" websites such as deviantART containing enough Sonic fetishist fanart to make even Mary fucking Poppins lose all faith in humanity and turn into an alcoholic. Macrophiliacs, scatophiliacs, voraphiliacs, eproctophiliacs, fucking furfags, everyone gets in on the mental illness induced fun. The fandom is also filled with drama, the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "new" and "old" Sonic fans. It is split into six distinctive parts:

  1. Furry smuts from the "old" part of the fandom are those who do nothing but bitch about how much recent Sonic games suck. Nobody, not even SEGA, gives two fucks about them.
  2. Fans of the Adventure Duo that think that the series could be "saved" if it regressed to the style of their favorite two games that they never played for ten years. Usually said fans ask for a game that features multiple stories, multiple styles of play based on the character controlled, momentum-based platforming, integration of a "mature" story, a hub world, and a chao garden. The hilarious kicker to their blight? Sega already released a game with every one of these gameplay features (minus the shitty pet simulator) in 2006, which everyone knows is the best game evaarr!! Adventards try to ignore this because "itz not the same stowie!" and "it haz gwitches!" despite the facts that story means jack shit to gameplay and that the original Adventure was about as stable as WTC (after the planes hit it).
  3. The typical kind of fan. They just buy the games and play them. And actually enjoy them. How they do it is anybody's guess.
  4. The general faggots that watched Sonic X and probably don't know what a Sega Genesis is. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which are arguably the most plentiful, but least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. It is an unwritten, but strictly enforced law that all fan-characters can go super without using the Chaos Emeralds. Most of them are Recolored Sonic or Shadow clones wearing trenchcoats, those stupid goth boots, equipped with swords (which in most cases are katanas, are able to go Super at any time, and are most likely evil. This part also produces the worst of the Sonic porn due to it being drawn by people who either don't know what a vagina actually looks like, or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in some bushes their dad's drawer.
  5. 1337 haxxors at Sonic Retro who do important tasks such as looking for canon loli in the games.
  6. Chris Chan.

--> 'Assorted Fucktards

The fanbase in a single video

DO NOT STEAL!!!

A venture into the minds of Sonic fans.

A Sonic fan masturbating while having a seizure.

Typical fantard having furgasms over Sonic characters

This video explains the Sonic content on deviantART

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Every Sonic game EVER.

Your typical 12 year old Sonic fag trying to voice act.

The best movie trailer we have seen in ages.

Typical Sonic fan character.

Typical Sonic cosplayer.

How to troll that kid who is vewy angwy over people hating sonic.

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Some Sonic fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by science, to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the IRL world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or abnormally high power levels. They then proceed to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, and sexually abuse it.

A representation of every Sonic fanfic, EVER.

Sonic the Hedgehog ran very quickly down the hall to where the fire was coming from. While running he ducked into a rolling spin and made a sound like "@@@@@@@!" so he could dodge the fireball lasers.

At the top of the staircase he stood up and shouted at the top of the staircase "Sephiroth!" The man with long hair turned slowly and with a flash of his sword removed Sonic's nipples from his body.

"OUCH that hurts1" cried Sonic, hurting. "Looks like I will need the power of the CHAOS CRYSTAL for this opponent!" and he raised up a handful of glowing gems.

The light from the jewels summoned all the legendary pokemon in the world together and they fused together into a Pyschic Ghost Dragon Pokemon. "LEAVE THIS TO ME, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" it said in the voice a thousand monsters, and shot a giant Hadouken at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth bounced it back with a spin of his blade, and it hit the Psy-Gho-Dra-Mon in the face, crashing him to the floor and half-crushing No-Nipples Sonic. "This is bad!" said Half-Dead No-Nipples the Hedgehog. "It looks like we will need to call for that man, Psyghodramon!"

"YES" he agreed, and used his 7 physic goat dragon balls to make a wish "SEND US THE CHOSEN HERO OF PROPHECY!" as Sephiroth slowly descended to finish them off.

Just then a bright light from the sky shone, and the Grand Master John Su descended from the moon on rocket powered rocket boots, with a beautiful woman on each arm. When he landed, there was a chorus and fanfare of trumpets, and he lowered his sunglasses and said "Yo."

"Who are you" said Sephiroth as he threw a ninja star at light speed at John Su. John Su turned and winked at the star, and the bright light instantly dissolved it into space dust. "Pretty good," said Sephiroth, "but your still gonna loose!" and he transformed into Super Saiyan 4 Sephiroth.

"Take this!" he screamed as he flew towards John Su. John Su flexed a single muscle, generating an awesome MANWAVE that overpowered Super Sephiroth and sent him flying into space, frozen forever in defeat.

"Thank you for saving us, John Su" said the world. "You are so strong and cool"

"I know," he replied, and jumped back up to the moon after resurrecting the 4th Hokage.


Haters

As with any overrated game series, movie, pop singer, or overrated anything really, an autistic fanbase will form. Feeling the need to be special snowflakes, however, a counterculture will usually form to try to beat whatever fanbase in question into a puddle of goop. This happens all the time irl, in the form of goth losers (or homosex feminists who can't get any). What these assorted subjects fail to realize is that the absolute value of -1 and 1 are both 1, meaning autism can (and will) originate from exposure to Sonic, regardless of the view on the series. This is a proven fact. We at ED would like a sincere "Thank you" for our sacrifice to bring you lulz.

Usually, the Sonic garden variety will either bitch about "iz not muh Genesis," claim that they hate main stream games in general (before hating Sonic was cool) or fucking WORSHIP the Adventure series as TeH BEST GAMEZ EVAR. Science proves what the last group of the sick fucks are really after:

  1. Amy pantyshots are readily available in Adventure. After all, we are talking about loli (albeit furry loli) from Japan.
  2. Amy pantyshots are not readily available after Sad-dow the Edgehog.
  3. Therefore, the Adventure series were the last "great" Sonic games.

Does this all matter though? Does this mean that the hate is unjustified, and that the series is good? Simply put: no. The games are the same shit over and over again made to give furfags fap fodder, but that doesn't stop many people from trying too hard to think of an original insult about a series that's been the butt end of gaming since two-thousand-pissing-five, when it's much better to just go for the obvious flaws.

Gallery of shit provided by the web to exploit this counter-fandom:


Film critics complain about difficulty in a platforming game made for and adored by 10 year olds.
Ask for Jew golds.


Game Theory "enlightens" us with a "theory" pulled from his asshole.
Uses controversy to obtain Jew golds. Notice a pattern yet?


IGN provides a standard IGN review of a game
that they haven't been bribed to praise.

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When viewing Sonic hate, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does the author ever try to point out that there was a period when Sonic was "good?"
  • Does the author say that the Hedgehog Engine is part of/the main reason why the series "turned to" shit?
  • Does the author think that this sub-series was the "high point" of the franchise?
  • Does the author bitch about redesigns, but shows no objection to turning Amy into slutty loli furbait (previously was schoolgirl loli furbait)?
  • Does the author ever complain that Sonic isn't a pure running simulator, because you occasionally have to press the down or jump buttons?
  • Does mentioning the "Barrel of Doom" trigger the author?
  • If in video form, does the performer need to validate that he is a gamer by keeping as much plastic crap cropped into the camera as possible?

If you answered "yes" to at least two of these question, then congratulations, you might just be looking at shit!

Simply to sum it up; Sonic is the Family Guy of the gaming world. In other words, it's complete shit!

Anti-Pedophilia

 
Even Michael was a furfag.

Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against sexual predators. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible. This is also ironic since Sonic and Michael Jackson are actually BFF which questions the true intentions of Sonic. In the debate of Sonic actually being a pedophile, many Sonic fans, much like the fans of Micheal Jackson, will quickly deny him of ever being one and start a petition in closing down websites dedicated to proving he actually is one. Even if Sonic really isn't a pedophile, at least the similarities he has with Mr. Jackson is that they look even gayer after receiving their plastic surgery, they have the most retarded fanbase and were always "no good".

In the early 90s, Sonic broadcast a public service announcement in which he taught kids that pedophilia was no good.

Naturally, it wasn't long before Sonic was whistling a different tune.

Galleries

  Notice how all Google results for anything Sonic related are galleries of furry porn?
This is due to the fact that furries are ruining the internet.
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Reasons To Support Abortion About missing Pics
  •  
    Sonicfags are among the biggest failures at life to ever exist on earth.
  •  
    Typical Sonicfag recreating his fantasies.
  •  
    Oy gevalt!
  •  
    What fills petabytes of disk space on DeviantART, Furaffinity and the like
  •  
    Guess which one is a male. That's right! Both of them!
  •  
    Girl Sonicfags are even worse
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

External links

 
It's Pikachu in a sombrero!
 
"Still Unstoppable After 20 Years!"

Websites

Videos

Sonic sez DO NOT WANT!

Sanic had too many chili dogs

Aspie Sonicfags have srs debate about Pacman

What

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Sick fucks

Examples of Sonicfags

Related Articles

 

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Furfaggotry

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