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Animal

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Animals are the thing furries and PETA drool over. Animals are best known for pissing and shitting everywhere and anywhere, whether it be the grass, the pool, or even on your bed. Many animals communicate with each other by sniffing each others piss, shit and assholes, and many other animals are known to regularly eat their own shit. Also, as to why the fuck PETA and other animal rights activists love animals so much, we have concluded this to be the result of sexual fetishes involving piss and shit. The flesh of animals are also delicious and have been consumed and sought after by Humans for our entire existence. Some humans abstain from eating meat, or even eggs and cheese, as they are infected with a severe brain disorder called Veganism. Hey, more food for us normal people!

Biology

The first animal ever invented by Teh Lord was Adam your mom. After a couple of years, God realized he made a mistake, and transformed your mom into a Baboon. Thousands of generations later (6,000 years to be exact) Needless to say, he still failed, and that is why your mom is so ugly. Animals usually come with a mouth, ass, and sometimes even tits. The only thing an animal can do is sleep, drink, eat, fuck and make the most irritating sounds known to Man Kind.

Scientists agree that life on earth developed through Abiogenesis, a process in which inert chemicals slowly developed properties that allowed complex interaction, and throughout millions, if not billions of years, eventually evolved into simple life forms. After another billion years, these life forms began to reach advanced stages, resulting in sea creatures. After a while, offshoots of said creatures started to walk on land. Eventually, humanoid species were around, killing each other off until only homo-sapiens survived.

This video sums it up;

However, this is all bullshit. The world is only 6,000 years old (Exactly) and has been that way for eons.

Furries

Furries and 4chan have come up with a revolutionary idea that there are some things which are alive and some things are dead.

The things which are alive are either Flora or Fauna. These are fancy names for Plants, Animals, Zombies (see: Republican Voters), and Humans. Some humans are actually Niggers, an ancient humanoid race that is said to have evolved from chimps (but never lost the behavior, or Intelligence Quota of said chimps). If you disagree with this bullshit, you are committing fursecution SO GO DINE IN HELL.

All furries try to have sex with animals. When they can't find an animal they want, they buy a plushie, cut a hole in its crotch, and insert a fleshlight. This technique is called the strategically placed hole.

Interactions with Humans

All life exists to reproduce and manipulate the environment for resources necessary for said reproduction.

Humanity has overcome near-extinction, mass genocide, starvation, disease, famine, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, and other horrific tragedies for thousands of generations. We owe our survival to hunting, fighting and eating animals.

Humans are the only species on the planet with an IQ higher than that of a 5 year old.

Many edgy 13 year olds like to say humanity is overrated and that we're all a bunch of useless fat retards, but this only applies to americans, namely those who live in The South. Humanity is a killing machine, and we have brought to extinction many rival animals. You owe your very existence to your ancestors who pwn'd the living shit out of giant beasts. Be grateful that you don't have to fight and skin that animal you're eating; machines and underpaid workers did that for you, you privileged fuck.

Some humans are known to have a love for animals. These people are fat, ugly, have no friends, and are just looking for something to own; You are one of them. Your pet cat wont defend you if some intruder breaks into your house. Your cat will probably feast off your corpse should you die, like what happened to this lady.

Headlines

The World Health Organization warn of transsexual repercussions from furplay (not to be confused with yiff).

Mothers secret shame leaves daughter disfigured. Doctors say she is beyond medical help and suggested that perhaps Disney (could help)/(have helped). Disney claim copyright infringement and phile for damages claiming that this is just a smear campaign by the Fursecutionists.

Mother's furry shame as first genetic furry is exposed after 20 years of hiding.

Head of the ‘furrys on line’ asked that the furry hybrid be brought to Stickam where 4chan members would treat her good, claiming that they will always stand by their manifesto of ‘TITS OR GTFO’ and bring the helpless happiness.

Videos

Typical animal behavior; also, typical furfag behavior.

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Galleries

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  • You'd hit it.
    You'd hit it.


List of Famous Animals

See Also


 Animal
is part of a series on
Food and Drink

[BleurghOm Nom Nom]
Animal
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves

Animal is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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