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December 21, 2012
2012 - 2024 = REMAINING YEARS
5 - 11 = REMAINING MONTHS
21 - 8 = REMAINING DAYS
2012 is a shitty amateur movie created by a black person with a stolen camcorder, and his butt buddy, this guy, also a nigger, who stole a copy of 3ds max from a torrent site. The general idea of this piece of shit is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily Hollywood region) goatse's itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a bible, but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that niggers wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for some reason, but niggers' deaths are only worth a good laugh). So really, we all should be looking forward to 2012, especially December 21st, since 15th century Mexicans, being as lazy as they are now, suddenly decided to bring lulz on 12/21/12, instead of continuing to work on their stone-age calendars.
Ideas relating to the 21st of December 2012 have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart for decades now. It seems that the current ideas relating to the Mayan/old Mexican Calendar system, known as the Long Count, began becoming popular with the emergence of Eastern Philosophy and Thought in Western Culture in the 1960's. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks the days in a very similar way to our current calendar system. This calendar system comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a mystery. Ignoring the fact the the Mayans were a lazy people and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern anthropologists can do is to theorize what this all means. Some say it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Bawww throughout the smelly bean filled land. Humans have a tendency to believe strange things, and as history has shown us are willing to embrace seemingly crazy ideas. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz." Unless 12-21-2012 is only the first day of the beginning of the end (which may take several decades). Regardless, there will be a spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin will be sacrificed, if one even exists in Mexico. (I doubt it, since all beaners rape anything with a hole no matter what their age is.) Oh, and some Gay Eurofag is making a movie about the end of the world, cleverly named 2012. The trailers tell everyone who watches to Google search 2012 to "learn the truth" which will result in more idiots and 13 year old boys to get caught up in the hype and believe in all this bullshit.
2012: We are all going to die?
Some people would say that 2012 is Y2K with Mexicans. Others say it's a Masonic Conspiracy created by L. Ron Hubbard and a horde of evil robots to make us not give a shit and buy more McDonald's and Playstations before WE ALL DIE IN A HORRIBLE RAPTURE!!!
It seems to be to an excuse used by losers to not take any responsibility for their actions, the 2012 theory seems to have allowed many intelligent genius' to write books on it and earn hookers and blow by selling them to well informed members of the body politic, and new age hippy bozos.
Valiant people like David Icke have tried to use the forthcoming date as a means to open cosmic consciousness (while actually looking like a paranoid freak) but many believe that it is just an excuse to offload a million awful reality TV shows on us. What most of the fanboy crowd for the 2012 apocalypse fail to realize is that the entire notion of that year heralding a cataclysmic event was first popularized by Terence McKenna, who was also notable for constantly smoking DMT and hearing the voice of some sort of cosmic consciousness named Logos. This sort of shit you cannot make up.
Srsly are we all going to die?
Events like the forthcoming apocalypse of human civilization have been challenged by top historians who believe otherwise. When the Mayan calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, it will restart back to the original date, and the next day will prolly be a normal one without any sign of The Rapture. The reason being is because true to modern Mexicans, Mayans were too damn lazy to finish making all the dates for the calendar.
But who knows, because the imminent threat of apocalyptic cataclysm like this has never happened before. Ever.
So what do we do?
- Die
- Move to the moon
- Convert to Raelianism
- Buy a dog
- A cat is fine too
- Cry
- Party Hard
- Build a bunker under your house after trolling the world with a hoax involving your six-year-old kid
- Move to Utah
- Ask that one girl out on a date. Get rejected just in time to die
- Apply two heaping spoonfuls crushed Phenobarbitol to one cup applesauce with a large side of vodka, eat with family and friends
- Troll the /b/ and fap one last time, then die
Who is Responsible?
The Mayans
In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when New Years was and what days you got off of work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/2012, because they already knew the Spanish would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for jews getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to English means "great sheep fucking cycle".
Contrary to what various new-age "experts" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.
There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans besides:
- Building a border fence.
- Being immune to small pox.
- Bringing guns to a spear fight.
Aliens from the Planet Nibiru
According to Truthism.com and Gorilla199, Planet X was first observed by cavemen using the reflections on a lot of puddles stacked on top of each other. It is believed to be a black dwarf planet on a crash course with Earth's orbit.
When Planet X (Nibiru) hits Earth, the race of ancient Sumerian aliens who live on it will invade, using our bodies as nourishment for unknown purposes.
But why doesn't NASA admit it exists?
Simple.
- There is a global conspiracy of international governments hiding the facts from us. NASA is involved in the cover-up, and are actually controlled by aliens.
- To avoid mass panic.
- Pursue their own, greedy agendas.
- NASA hates people from England and thinks it's funny to let them set up an Olympic game then all die.
There has also recently been a classified NASA leak showing planet Nibiru.
Others Responsible for 2012
- Jews, as is with every disaster man-made and natural.
- Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck
- Reptoids
- Scientologists
- Large Hadron Collider
- Al Gore
- Justin Bieber
- Tacgnol
- You
Death of the Internets
A bunch of unlulzy, internet-ignorant fags from IRL have decided that the internet would be better as a corporate profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. Comcast therefore decided to put an evil plan into action to end the internet and delete fucking everything by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most IRL money and internet money. Fortunately, some hipster eurofags caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state, so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their website.
December212012.com
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Linux Guy breaks peoples brains on december212012.com. -
Survival 2012 Forum
This is a magical place for wizards and faeries to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many Lulz can be found through important discussions on topics such as "Are We A Cult?"
—SgtStedanko. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
2012, The End Of The World, And Your CREDIT
Thankfully, it's not all bad news. Despite the forthcoming Rapture you can take advantage of a loophole that the banks haven't thought of yet.
2+0+1+2=3?
For those of you too retarded to know, 2+0+1+2=5. Not 3.
However Godrealized really does make us realize that the world really will end on 21st December 2012, thus proving even simple mathematics is completely wrong.
—Vijay Kumar - The Man Who Realized God. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
"Science"
The little known group called NASA seem to think that a massive Solar Storm is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.
Apocalypse mongers Survive2012 seem to have all the answers. I'm not sure if they are Jehovah's Witnesses or are just suckers for end time theories but they are pretty certain that...
Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.
Proof Once and For All that We're Gonna Die
Previous Video | Next Video
A Brief List of those who are Royally Screwed
London
Judging by the logo they already know they're fucked.
America - Thanks to Obama
As we all know 2012 is the presidential re-election year. As we also all know our current black person president only won the electoral vote because lazy apes want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of hell followed up by the re-election of Obama. After that Raptor Jesus will RAGE and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.
It is somewhat apt that America's last president should be black - as though Africa being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the rednecks were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.
TL;DR
Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.
External Links
- A group of intelligent and rational people BAWWWWWing over the fact that, due to the world ending, they may in fact miss the 2012 London Olympics.
- Typical anal retentive site with events for every date in 2012.
- Better, more believable page, mainly due to its use of Comic Sans.
- Doomsday Faggotry Movements Analysis from Canadian Intelligence Community
- It's true because its on YouTube
- It's true because you're gay.
2_0_1_2 The LJ community for 2012, populated by college dropouts on acid trips.- D'oh! Looks like that Nazi faggot Roland Emmerich was wrong.
See Also
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December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
