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MySpace Suicide
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According to theoretical physicists, a faggy emo kid who became an hero and told the Internets about it on November 29, 2005.
What really happened
You people make me sick... suicide isn't funny, it's hilarious
On that very date, the troubled, depressed and overall having-a-shitty-life emo kid decided that life has utterly pwned him in epic proportions, so he decided to permaban himself from life. The above message has drawn attention from likewise troubled, depressed and overall having-a-shitty-life emos and people who adhere to The Internet Is Serious Business principle like religious zealots. His post, written in the totally unpredictable manner of a 16 year old girl, advised to call the police, but posting bulletins warning of your intentions isn't original because Rachele Rudd did that way back in 2004.
When the police arrived at the scene, they found him in the bathtub with a bullet hole in his head. The kid's brother apparently inherited his attention whoring, angst and emoism, as he was caught checking a dead emo's MySpace account. Isn't that a violation of the "Respect for the dead" scene? Doubtfully, because emos barely qualify as animals, much less real people.
About: The emo's bulletin
The emo sonofabitch sent out a bulletin to his friends list to alert them to his suicide just before he committed the deed. No one really cared, though, because it was just the usual faggy ass emo whining bullshit, and no one suspected (though they all hoped) he would pwn himself for real. The dumbass then pulled a Kurt Cobain by injecting a large dose of metal into his head. It is reported that after learning that their son had finally committed suicide his parents threw a big party and partied like it was 1999.
Many people believe that he was, in fact, Norwegian, shown by his lack of capitalization and grammar, but in truth he was actually just a retarded emo.
Immediate and other consequences
A YTMND has spawned on the YTMND site, informing many unsuspecting users who have a sense of humor while maintaining sadistic pleasure and sarcasm (unlike most of the internets) of the suicide. The rumor has spread across the Internets like AIDS in Africa and the emo's MySpace site has reached the peak of its views, pretty much like the olde artists of the old media.
For a week or so, the meme had not yet transcended to old meme status, which amazed the internets for its longevity (or stupidity). Linking to the "EMO SUICIDES LAWLWOLLOLOFLR" YTMNDs was still considered funny. However, the dead emo was forgotten as soon as another attention whore committed suicide and told the internets about that. All your attention are belong to another emo.
And thus, he got pwned. Again.
The emo's MySpace site got hacked and posted a link to some hackers' website. Needless to say, the kid got thoroughly pwned even after his death. A most excellent job indeed. Unfortunately, the screenshots of the hacked website have been lost in the wild jungles of the internets.
About the emo himself
He walked by the internets handle of "you BROKE my LIFE" (capitalization preserved), loved "girls who cry"; was married; was 8 feet, 11 inches tall and made $250,000 a year or more. He was a smartass. He posted self-portraits that featured him at his emo-kid best: shaggy hair, pouting lips, acne scars, intentionally blank expression. He posted an ad for a clothing company called Emo Police that featured a man hanging from the P. His last words were reported to be "I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run, the night goes on as I'm fading away, I'm sick of this life, I just want to scream, 'How could this happen to me?'"
Joshua Ballard (his real name) was also a member of secret United States intelligence agency S.A.F.E when he was alive.
External Links
- Myspacide.ytmnd.com - First of many YTMNDs, generating lulz all over the internets about one dumb shit.
- He got his attention, after all - News article about the suicide and why only people who know that The Internet Is Serious Business care about one stupid angsty teen.
- Original MySpace Page Now in the hands of some cocksucker who has made it totally unlulzworthy
- Some total faggot's gay YouTube tribute
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MySpace Suicide is part of a series on YTMND [PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE] |
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MySpace Suicide is part of a series on </3 EMO </3 [Cut] |
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