Latvia

Latvia's claim to fame, the gayest flag on Earth

Fact: This is the only food source in Latvia

Latvian Mickey Mouse, said to eat the souls of homosexual children

Latvian Gay Pride Parade: Every Tuesday & Thursday

Latvians, like most citizens of ex-Soviet satellite nations (Lithuania, Kyrgyzstan) lack economic attention from richer countries and make up for this fact by claiming to have invented fucking absolutely everything under the sun including television, alcohol, fire, and AIDS. The truth of the matter however is that Latvians had no hand in inventing any of these things with the possible exception of AIDS. What they did do though was launch a distributed denial of service attack against Idlenet; thusly all botnets that are complete and utter failures are referred to as Latvian botnets.

PotatoLand: A History Of

Since the beginning of time Latvia has been all about serious business. Once a great power, rulers of the Baltic region, they quickly lost their status as a bad ass European state due to their military being smaller than an Asian man's penis. With an active duty roster of roughly 4,000 soldiers other nations in the area soon realized that picking on the Latvians was pretty fucking easy. Soon everyone on the continent was playing kick the potato and wiping their ass with the world's ugliest flag.

While things went badly for Latvia in the 1800's it wasn't until the 20th century that shit really hit the fan for them. While the real super powers in the world were doing shit of relevance the Latvians were busy cowering in Lithuania as the Russians raped their women and fucked their cattle. At the close of the first world war Latvia breathed a collective sigh of relief believing that the worst was finally over and that they could go back to the status quo of talking shit about Estonia and contributing nothing to world culture. They were, of course, completely wrong as usual.

Once Adolf began his campaign of bathing every Jew in Germany things went from bad to worse. Happy camps were set up in the capital of Riga to try and help clean the filthy potato farming vermin of their nation. The results were less then stellar and the Germans withdrew once they realized that the smell just wouldn't wash off. The Russians on the other hand, after having lived in conditions which rivaled that of Oscar The Grouch, didn't seem to mind so much and absorbed the small nation into the greater USSR.

For decades Latvia was occupied by the Reds as they stole anything that wasn't nailed down until finally nothing was left to take. In the early 90's the Latvians finally had enough and made a dramatic stand in the heart of Riga to demand their freedom and independence. It's just too bad no one called ahead to tell the Russians about it since none of them showed up. Unbeknownst to the Latvians the USSR had already collapsed about three years prior and so their show of force was for nothing. As usual, Latvia completely fucked it up.

PotatoLand: Today

Nowadays Latvia mostly sits around and complains about how bad things are and how much better it used to be when they were taking it up the ass from the Russians. While their fathers and grandfathers had bleed and died to guarantee the children of Latvia their freedom it seems as if those children could really give a shit as they are more interested in speaking in Russian slang and dressing like Russian whores. Their culture is divided into three major sections: Latvians, Latvians who wished they were Russians, Estonia's who took a wrong turn at the middle of nowhere. Truly a nation of greats.

While many nations typically have an industry or trade that they can claim as a strong point the Latvians have neither. Possessing no actually intelligence or abilities beyond using their hands to manually move dirt so they can reach their precious, life giving potatoes Latvian citizens usually do nothing all day long. The only possible exception being the making of babies; gay ass babies. While it is commonly known that Latvia is an extemely homophobic country what isn't so well known is that that homophobia is really a cover for the massive faggotry that goes on behind the scenes.

Economically speaking Latvia is poor; dirt fucking poor. Most jobs pay roughly 6 lats a day which is the equivalent of 7 cents US. What this means is that most Latvians have to work extra jobs to pay the rent. Those jobs include such tasks as sucking cocks, wiping the asses of Russians tourists, strangling Estonian children for hardcore underground child porn videos, and digging potato fields by the hundreds. In general the country is a hellscape and foreigners are advised to stay as far away as humanly possible.

PotatoLand: The People

Latvia is comprised of four distinct population groupings: Russians, Russians, Russians, and Russians. While the country once had pure Latvian blood coursing through its veins the Reds showed up and fucked that straight out of them. Now all that's left is a broken shell of a people who are so Russian they mind as well rename their children Lenin and Stalin and shove a hammer and sickle up their asses. A typical Latvian can usually be found drunkenly staggering down the street crying about how terrible his homeland is.

Typical Latvian

While most Latvians prefer to hate the gays they will on occasion take a moment out of their drunken stupors to lynch a nigger in the street. This of course is the only redeemable quality about the country as whole as most of Europe is scared shitless of the jungle tribes from the dark continent just below them. With their hatred of all things gay and black it's no wonder why Latvia and the United States are such great allies. Beats being friends with the French.

A common misconception about Latvia's people is that there are women among them. This is an understandable mistake given how effeminate their males are. Dressing mostly in skirts and high heels the men of Latvia apply large quantities of make up to their faces to help attract Russian suitors. All in the hopes of having precious communist ass babies with their new Red sugar daddies. This also helps to explain why sex tourism is so big over there as most Latvian teenagers are the gayest little fucks you ever did see.

Gallery

Pictures Of PotatoLand About missing Pics

• 
  Latvian citizens
• 
  Latvian idols
• 
  Comrades
• 
  Our country has a problem...

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Apparently disabled persons do not have this problem.
• 
  Looks like police is disabled, too.
• 
  Latvia still uses woman powered ploughs.
• 
  The leader
• 
  Political affairs
• 
  The man
• 
  Typical woman driver in Latvia
• 
  Latvian Internets

External links

• Latvian Tourism Site
• Million Reasons Why
• MySpace for Latvians
• Latvian Politics

Featured article September 30, 2005
Preceded by Ohnotheydidnt	Latvia	Succeeded by IBM